Recent Stories


A Most Unusual Saint Patrick’s Day

Top o’ the morning to you on this most lucky of Saint Patrick’s Days. Naturally, I started off the day with a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal drenched in green milk. I added the dye myself! After breakfast, we gathered around the Shamrock Tree. More or less it’s real shamrock and four leaf clover sewn together by fine Irish artisans. Atop lies a little Saint Patrick adorned in glittering green and gold attire. Beneath the tree of good fortune lies gifts of luck. I got a gold platted horseshoe! Then there was a gold coin in my green stocking hanging by the hearth. Of course, Saint Patrick, aka Santa Patrick, and his Leprechaun helpers delivered the gifts on Saint Patrick’s Eve! Santa Patrick delivers them in his glorious green sleigh pulled by seven flying unicorns. The lead unicorn is named Rory and he has a green glowing nose. Indeed Patrickmas is a magical time of year amid the lucktide! ☘

Later I went for a stroll in a convenient nearby field of light and dark green clover as I sipped my scrumptious Shamrock Shake from McDonald’s. I spotted a four leaf clover on my last minty sip! In the distance, I saw Leprechauns dancing about as a rainbow formed in the skies and the gleam of glittering gold on the horizon. Some have suggested I was hallucinating from all the sugar ingested over the last 24 hours. This included at least 17 Shamrock Shakes! I suppose the gold aura could have been the sun and the Leprechauns were actually rabbits. Ah, who knows! It’s the thought that counts! 😮

Afterward, we attended the Saint Patty’s Day Parade full of fantastical floats dedicated to the Emerald Isle and all its mysteries! Near the end, I gazed in a tavern window to see drunken blokes drinking green beer and getting into fist fights while laughing heartily. Soon it was time to prepare for the Lucky Charm O’ Treaters. Little kids dressed as Leprechauns, Saint Patrick, or anything related to the season of luck. They go door to door begging for lucky charms or various treats such as round chocolates wrapped in golden foil made to resemble Leprechauns gold coins. My house is decorated in green and gold light with Leprechaun lawn gnomes ready for action! The giant green genetically engineered Potato Lanterns have been lit with great care ready to greet the greedy little Irishmen as we enter nightfall! Again I swear some of the kids were actually real Leprechauns but these days they make really intricate costumes. Also, a few might have been vertically challenged adults. ☘

The evening ended with a delicious Saint Patrick’s Day dinner. It consisted of glowing green potato stew, mashed potatoes from the giant GMO potato lanterns, shamrock salad, mint dressing, and of course Shamrock Shakes and Mint Nog all around! Afterward, I passed out on the couch watching the Saint Patrick’s Classic “It’s A Lucky Leprechaun Life”. The story of the first Leprechaun who feels sorrow for his existence. He then witnesses a world without the existence of Leprechauns spreading luck at various moments in time. He is guided on his temporal journey by Patrick. A time-traveling hologram from the future only he can see and hear. The Leprechaun leaps from life to life striving to put right what once went wrong until he makes the lucky leap home. One wonders if some or all of this might have been the massive sugar intake or some inadvertent booze making its way into my beverages? Of course, there’s the fact I may be in a Parallel Universe? This could all be blamed on the Mandela Effect! Either way, we celebrate Saint Paddy’s Day differently here in Woodland Springs. A way prescribed by the holy Leprechaun King Lochlann. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day To All And To All A Lucky Night! :mrgreen:

P.S: I’m not nuts…Xavier Remington, President Of Mystic Investigations

The Devil vs Zeus

The Third Battle took place on the Super Blood Moon Night Of September 27th, 2015 In The Mystical Forest Of Woodland Springs, Colorado. However as a favor to the Greek God Zeus we here at Mystic Investigations, along with others in the supernatural know, promised not to reveal what happened until now. He feared his defeat at the hands of the Devil would not only represent a personal embarrassment but would destroy morale for all the Earthly Gods and Goddesses pledging to fight in his armies. Not to mention the ones he’s still negotiating with to join him in the future when large scale battles start to spill into the mainstream populace. Although it is said a number of these battles will be amid the chaos of standard human wars so they won’t be noticed as being paranormal. Interestingly enough The Supernatural Secrecy Pact makes an exception for Armageddon revealing elements of the supernatural world to humankind. Read The Rest Of The Story On Our Ask Mystic Blog…

A Most Sweetly Hectic Halloween Eve

Xavier Remington President Of Mystic Investigations here! On this most spooky National Candy Corn Day, and of course Halloween Eve, Mystic Investigations finds itself at a spine-chilling Orange Alert! The Condition Orange light strips on our walls flash orange all about our building while giving us an hourly voice warning. There is also an update on current paranormal activity status. Throughout our offices, there is a constant chaotic workflow as people rush about relaying reports of paranormal activity amid doing research in our secret archives. Some of us supernatural warriors whisk away out the doors to face down denizens of darkness with valor! It is our mission to keep the horrors of Halloween hidden from those who could not bear to know the true depth of its titanic terror!

Spooky decor is sprawled everywhere complete with lit Jack-O-Lanterns and cobwebs. Some of us are even wearing costumes to keep the atmosphere as joyous as possible. Generously filled dishes of candy corn, candy pumpkins, chocolates, and other assorted treats rest upon everyone’s desk for all to partake of. The sweet sugar keeps us awake as we try to catch naps here and there. One of our hard-working support staff is passed out peacefully behind a potted plant with chocolate all over her face! No doubt she is dreaming of ghosts and dark fairies fluttering about sainted cemeteries with ghoulish glee. In The Spirit Of Halloween, I just polished off a gallon bucket of candy corn and a few cases of chocolates! Then there was that quart of creamy eggnog that fell prey to my thirst as I felt a bit of the Christmas Spirit flirt with that of Halloween. Oh, I forgot the big bag of Hershey’s Pumpkin Spice Kisses I found behind the couch in my office from years ago. Ah yes never felt better! Picture of health for sure!

The Halloween season serves up a sinister super sized supernatural soup whose sour taste can spell death of a non-pleasant sort! Despite the lack of a full Moon Werewolves can transform on Halloween! Then we have all manner of other malevolent monsters darting from the dark shadows ready to pounce upon the blissfully innocent we strive to protect! Certainly, Zombies are always a constant issue on All Hallows Eve. They just love rising from their graves all the way through The Day Of The Dead! All of us here at Mystic Investigations will contend with perplexing peril between the Witching and Devil’s Hours of Halloween morning! Thankfully the celebration of Halloween and the later activity of Trick-O-Treating stokes the Spirit Of Halloween thereby driving away much metaphysical madness. We implore you to remember the sacrifices of the unsung supernatural heroes who made your frightfully fun Halloween a safe one! You may very well see some of us volunteering at the Autumn Harvest Halloween Festival or the Haunted House! Happy Halloween To All And To All A Spooky Sweet Night!

#Halloween #NationalCandyCornDay #HalloweenEve