We got back from Ireland on Sunday. We were there helping our little Leprechaun friend, Leachlainn, and now we have to hurriedly put together our Annual Spring Saturnalia at the Offices Of Mystic Investigations hosted by none other than our resident witch Rebecca Abernathy. This is our celebration of the Spring Equinox. In fact, the minute we got home yesterday she had to race off into the Enchanted Woodland for her Wicca covens Ostara ritual at 5:21 PM which is the exact start to Spring. She’s a card-carrying member of the Comanche Coven which is a group of witches from the Comanche County area who meet every so often to practice their craft.
This event is open to the public including all our clients although it is strictly a black-tie affair so please dress accordingly. Those who received invitations have priority and once our building is at capacity we regret we must turn away people. It begins at 6:00 PM tonight so plan to get here early as the party tends to get crowded really fast. We will be serving an extensive variety of food and beverages that caters to everyone’s tastes. This includes a full bar serving any drink you’d like made. The entire team here at Mystic Investigations hopes to see you there!
UPDATE: Apparently a trio of fools saw all the fancy-dressed people attending our soiree and decided it was a great place to rob. At about 7:14 PM three men dressed in black jumpsuits and ski masks entered our offices and opened fire in the air with machine guns. This caused plaster to reign down from the ceiling. Everyone began to scream and hit the floor. A few tried to run but more gunfire along with the thugs screaming “get on the ground” ended that. Our resident vampire, Drake Alexander, happened to be in his office above and a few bullets hit him but bounced off. He crashed out his window on the second floor down to the front of the building to peer into the windows to see what was going on.
The armed thugs passed bags around and demanded everyone hand over their money, credit cards, jewelry, and anything else of value. Ex-Navy Seal Hunter Jackson inched away from the crowd toward a certain section of wall that opened up to a secret passage. The hidden corridor leads to various places including the Mystic Armory where a cache of weapons is kept. Unfortunately, one of the filthy fiends spotted him and yelled for him to get back over to the crowd and stay on the ground. As he put the gun in Hunter’s face the trained soldier grabbed it and punched the man in the groin. He acquired the weapon and was about to open fire when one of the other robbers took our employee Elizabeth Weatherly hostage while the other one pointed a gun at Receptionist Carrie Benjamin who trembled in terror. Hunter had no choice but to relinquish the weapon and once the thug had it he belted Hunter in the head knocking him out cold.
Our holy associate Father Tom Davis walked over and pleaded with them to let the women go but they screamed at him to get down as they shot the Father in the leg. He fell to the ground in pain while the man let out a pathetic laugh. I then came over and demanded they take their bags of stolen goods and leave as they were only making matters worse for themselves. One of them then screamed, “Die you son of a bitch!” and let loose gunfire upon me. Rebecca Abernathy was nearby and screamed, “MYSTIC SPHERE!” A clear pink bubble of enchanted energy formed around her but it just barely missed me. Thankfully, our Psychic Julia Hathaway was simultaneous waving her hand utilizing her telekinetic powers which caused the bullets to bend around me and hit the wall. A few also hit the Mystic Sphere and bounced off it. I dropped to the floor at the same time as well.
At that same moment, Drake Alexander crashed through the window roaring like a lion with eyes glowing an angry crimson as he tackled one of the thugs. Bionic boy wonder Zack Powers raced at another and picked him up with his cyborg arm while grabbing the gun away with the other. He then threw the man across the room while squeezing the gun into a mangled mass of metal. Drake ultimately threw his adversary through the wall. Rebecca then bellowed, “navitas flatus!” and a blue energy ball flew from her hands hitting the third thug just as he opened fire. Julia stopped all except one bullet that hit Rebecca whose Mystic Sphere had to end in order to launch her witchcraft volley. The bullet only partially entered her arm and she easily pulled it out as her wound began to rapidly heal!
I got up and reassured the crowd that we had everything under control while the robbers were taken to a holding room. Although some in the room were aware of our supernatural powers most were members of the general public and a few recorded what happened on their cell phones. I was aware of the ramifications of the general public believing in the paranormal so I acted quickly to spin what had happened. I immediately told everyone that this had been an elaborate show for their entertainment. I gave Zack Powers the emergency hand sign and he activated an electromagnetic device that erased everyone’s phone data and seriously jacked them up as well. It also screwed up a variety of our own computer equipment but it had to be done as per The Supernatural Secrecy Pact. Drake is an extremely wealthy vampire due to living for so many centuries. He sent some assistants out with a giant wad of cash to buy everyone new iPhones that we gave out as prizes!
Despite the electromagnetic countermeasure one enthusiastic party goer managed to upload a video to Youtube. Zack was able to hack the account and deleted it instantly. Unfortunately, some people called the police and Sheriff’s department. Luckily our good friend Sheriff Blake Maverick was in attendance with his girlfriend Tiffany Sanders so he was able to dismiss his men and tell the annoying Police Chief Spencer Cantrell where to shove it. During the fight, the Sheriff had been enjoying the view from our roof with his girlfriend. He heard the commotion and by the time he got down to the ground floor we had ended the robbery.
Since we had just told everyone this was all fake we couldn’t hand over the robbers for prosecution. We did a background check with the help of the Sheriff and figured out they were the ones responsible for a string of robberies and murders across the country. We thought about turning them into the FBI but there was a chance the government might believe what they’d say about us. Then they’d find the witnesses who would then know the robbery wasn’t faked. We also considered taking them to the hidden tribe of Amazon women in South America where we had sent other evil men to spend the rest of their days as slaves to the women. All of us agreed we couldn’t keep asking the Amazons to take out our trash. Then it occurred to me that my time traveling brother Michael Remington could help us but I had no way to contact him. Although Julia sensed he was somewhere in 1600’s Europe.
Rebecca said that maybe she could help. She gathered the Comanche Coven to conjure up a powerful temporal spell. At midnight in the middle of the Mystical Forest, we all gathered with the thugs in shackles. Rebecca and the witches gathered around a circle of white crystals with a large leather bag in the center of the circle containing various magical herbs and other items. The robbers, me, Drake, and the Sheriff stood in the center of the circle as the witches recited various incantations from their large old looking books. Within minutes a yellow sphere of energy formed from the center of the circle and grew to the edge of the crystals. We then vanished and re-appeared in 1888 at 8:00 AM.
The sudden sunlight shocked us but we got used to the light. Drake was happy to bask in the warm glow of the sun free of any vampire ramifications. This was thanks to a magical Wicca amulet he wore around his neck. Although its protective effects only lasted for three hours and it robbed him of all his supernatural abilities during the time he wore it. In addition, it only works once every 13 years until it recharges again. Apparently, one of the witches in the coven found it in their attic, and never had any use for it until now. The temporal jump made us dizzy so we all sat down for a while. Within minutes we trekked out of the forest with Drake as our guide. Since the trail we took here didn’t exist yet it would have been easy to get lost forever in the perplexing Mystical Forest.
Before traveling through time we dressed in the appropriate costumes for the era so we could blend in. Within an hour we walked to the newly built Woodland Springs Lunatic Asylum which is abandoned in our time. The Sheriff easily posed as a US Marshall and we were able to get the three men committed. The fools made it easy by ranting about the tales of magical powers, time travel, and the future they came from. One of the men, however, looked like he was in a shocked trance and never said a word. We knew leaving them here was the right move because according to the records we checked before we left 2011 it seems these men had been admitted to the asylum on this date so this was meant to be. The records indicated that all three men died in the asylum and were never able to harm another living soul ever again.
We had an hour to kill before the temporal spell wore off and thrust us back in time to 2011 so we went to Doc Emory’s Drugstore. We indulged in the soda fountain treats before heading to the Enchanted Saloon for some more drinks. We were walking back to the Mystical Forest when a guy on a horse rode past us and said “howdy”. We replied in kind and once he had passed I said, “Holy crap was that Mortimer Griggs?!” Drake confirmed it was indeed the founder and first Mayor of Woodland Springs. Although Drake didn’t move to town until 1949 he had traveled to Woodland Springs numerous times in the past and met Mortimer once before he died. Sheriff Maverick and I got a kick out of meeting the historical icon of our town and would remember it forever. We thought about telling him he would die next year at the hands of the Comanche Indians but he wouldn’t have believed us anyway.
Once within the forest we literally had minutes before the temporal spell and Drakes amulet wore off. Just then by coincidence, a large number of Comanche Indians sprung from the brush all around us with arrows pointed with serious intent. Drake spoke their native tongue and inquired what their issue was. Apparently, we were treading upon sacred burial grounds and now we must die to keep the sanctity of the land intact. Blake gripped his gun but there were too many of them. Drake had no powers and my ninja throwing stars wouldn’t do any good against such a large number. We could feel ourselves getting dizzy and knew the spell was wearing off. Drake began to smoke as the sun affected him and he made himself look menacing with eyes glowing and fangs extended as he roared. It was enough to distract them until we faded from their time in a ball of yellow energy. We reappeared at 3:16 AM on March 22, 2011, in the circle of crystals surrounded by the Comanche Coven. All of us went home and I fell fast asleep from my day of adventures.
1 thought on “Supernatural Spring Saturnalia”