Xavier Remington 
The most diabolical days of drunkenness include New Year’s Eve, Saint Patrick’s Day, and Blackout Wednesday, aka Thanksgiving Eve. These are the paramount party times of idiotic inebriation that often take place at various social sustenance centers. When the party’s over the despicable drunk drivers race onto the roadway to initiate injury and drive the innocent to death! Some of these fools filling up on fermented fluids will face the frightening consequences of their asinine actions! Either through accidents or supernatural intervention. Interestingly enough, there are Gods and Goddesses of drunkenness. The most notorious is the Aztec God Ometochtli who is actually a collective of alcohol-related Gods. As they saw their power wane amid a lack of worship within modern times they melded into a collective consciousness that focused on siphoning the metaphysical energy of the morally corrupt human soul. Specifically, those who get tanked up on booze. They also have a nasty knack for punishing especially reprehensible drunkards by bringing bad luck down upon them! More often than not the elevated entity goes after those whose reckless behavior causes the death of innocent individuals. In those cases, Ometochtli is exacting sweet vengeance for the fallen who wisely abstained from ingesting intoxicants. If the human legal system doesn’t get the OWI offender then the wrath of an alarming Aztec God will!
The Rabbit Representation Of The Aztec God Ometochtli
Ometochtli actually means “Two Rabbit” and was represented as being a rabbit by ancient Aztecs. Often alcohol was consumed sensibly from clay rabbit-shaped vessels to appease Ometochtli. Sometimes the God would appear as one or more horrifying humanoid rabbits to those it offended. In most cultures, rabbits symbolize good luck, fertility, spring renewal, and other positive things. However, within the Aztec culture, the rabbit represents drunkenness and promiscuity. It’s thought that the ancients observed the usual notorious mating behavior of rabbits amid them eating fallen fermented fruits causing intoxication in the animals. This is most likely where the “Two Rabbit” came from. Not to mention the dual nature of alcoholic moderation and proper procreation versus falling prey to dangerous drunkenness and the blasphemous bedding of anything that moves!
If you’re a wanton drunk who starts seeing the quintessential pink elephants then you have nothing to worry about. However, if you have vivid visions of random rabbits hopping everywhere then it’s only a matter of time before the big bunny Ometochtli appears! We recommend sobering up as quickly as you can and then head to the nearest church or other holy ground ASAP! Some say your only hope in such a situation is to pray to the Easter Bunny to intervene on your behalf! They have respect for the bunny man and tend to leave drunks alone upon his wishes. It wouldn’t hurt to celebrate Easter to the fullest if you have a tendency to languish in lousy liquor!🐇
The Cult Of Ometochtli
Naturally, there is a small group that still worships Ometochtli known as The Ometochtli Cuāuhocēlōtl or The Warriors Of Ometochtli. The ancient cult supporting the God Of Drunks survives to this day in Mexico and Central America. They are known to attack or kidnap drunks. Especially those who engage in wanton physical behavior. If they can’t get them in tavern parking lots then they follow them driving in their drunken stupor. Once in a secluded spot, they’ll run them off the road! If you have a drunk accident look upon those who provide aid with a suspicious eye. The unfortunate kidnapped individuals then become a blatant blood sacrifice to their God Ometochtli! It’s said the victims are literally drowned in the alcohol they so love as cultists drink from the vile mix. It’s usually the Aztec beverage Pulque made from Agave Americana.
Apparently racking up enough righteous sacrifices grants cult members an eternal afterlife where their soul becomes intertwined with Ometochtli. This would command override the normal Heavenly ascension of the human soul. Those who are sacrificed would spend some time in Mictlan, aka the Aztec Underworld, before Angels claimed the souls and sent them to Purgatory for further cleansing. Take care to avoid getting hopped up on liquor or even various drugs when traveling within Latin American countries. Of course, nothing stops the Cult or Ometochtli from going international. They have been reported sparsely all over the world on occasion. Especially in nations celebrating holidays ripe with alcoholic consumption. Keep that in mind when the party-time addiction hits and the odd need to ingest mind-altering substances takes hold!🐇
🌎 Mystic Investigations hasn’t had the pleasure of dealing with Ometochtli or the Cult that follows the God. That being said it is doubtful we would intervene as the drunks brought their ordeal upon themselves. Although we would save the individual if this was isolated behavior and the scare alone would keep them away from the silly sauce.🍺
Also See: The Myth Of The 440 Drunken Aztec Rabbits
The Top Ten Holidays For The Hated Drunkard
Fear for your life if you venture onto the roadways from dusk to dawn on these days! You may have a better chance of surviving a Werewolf attack! Not surprisingly the apex hours of deadly drunk driving fall within The Witching and Devil’s Hours!😈
- New Year’s Day [January 1st] – These are the notorious nincompoops of New Year’s Eve leaving the party past Midnight on New Year’s Day. Nothing like causing deformities and death to start the year off right! Resolve to abstain from alcohol and your liver will love you!
- Independence Day [July 4th] – The infamous inebriated idiots of United States Independence not only mame and murder people with their insanely huge trucks but also the personal fireworks they set off while intoxicated! Since most people have off from work on July 4th they technically get the party started on the evening of July 3rd. And don’t forget the moonshine morons moving madly toward you on the morning of July 5th!
- Saint Patrick’s Day [March 17th] – Technically the top time of terror is the morning of March 18th as the St Patty’s partiers part ways and head home hopped up on their glorious green beer. The luck of the Leprechaun is rarely with them as they violently ram into someone. Hopefully another drunk for optimal justice! Remember that only Leprechauns can drink unlimited intoxicants without ever getting drunk.
- Spring Break [March 25th] – The various days of Mid-March to April Fool’s Day get the hormonal college kiddies out on the once safe streets to get down with their bad selves after all those months of hitting the books hard. March 25th appears to be the biggest day for these dim dufuses. They probably add to the Saint Patrick’s Day death count as well! Nothing makes a parent prouder than an honor student with a drunk driving record! It’s a great conversation piece for future job interviews.
- Cinco De Mayo [May 5th] – It’s often time to break out the cerverza and other festive fluids of the languishing lush to celebrate Mexican heritage and culture. Oh, you can bet Ometochtli loves the alarming alcoholics on that delightful day into the morning of May 6th.
- Christmas Day [December 25th] – The most blasphemous boozers barreling down the boulevard are most certainly those who violate the sacred Spirit Of Christmas by drunk driving on Christmas Eve and plowing into some sad sap on Chrismas Morning. What a wonderful gift that keeps on giving to the kids. A dead, deformed, or DUI-jailed family member! The Anti-Claus would be proud as Santa puts them on the Naughty List!
- Blackout Wednesday [Drinksgiving Day] – Depending on your community this could be the deadliest night of the year second only to New Year’s Eve! The thankful fools hitting the sauce because they have off the next day on Thanksgiving. Watch out for Thanksgiving Morning as these dunces know they can sleep in late before heading off for their afternoon Turkey stuffing session. Most likely they’ll die of a heart attack as they lie passed out in the recliner tanked up on tryptophan!
- Labor Day – For some a day off means speeding down to the local watering hole to act like a big shot as they take out their giant wad of $1 bills and bet on a game of darts! Screw the designated driver! You’re a tough guy! You can make it home. Oh crap, there are those red and blue lights in the rear view mirror! You’re toast you titanic twit! Look on the bright side! You won’t be going to work as you sit in jail!
- Memorial Day – Another day off for many so you just know it’s time to get hopped up on the hallowed hooch hanging you out to dry in Hell!
- Veterans Day [November 11th] – November 10th appears to be a big day for hitting the hard sauce. Plausibly traumatized Veterans and the family members they affected with their PTSD guzzling up the liquid courage to drown their war-ridden sorrows. Naturally, they sober up and get home to bed early for the Veterans Day festivities. It’s unpatriotic to appear in a parade drunk while staggering about the streets with shocked onlookers!
April 9th and 14th are notable days for DUI’s as well. Perhaps some big baby boys lost an Easter Egg Hunt? Interestingly enough there are no dire dates near Halloween since the carousing kooks might be binging on candy. Also, the closest date of drunk driving to Valentine’s Day is February 28th. Clearly, the dirty drunks love their booze above all else and their drinking activity doesn’t change just because there’s no significant other. In fact, anyone getting in between them and their loving liquids is a liability they can do without!
