A Vampire’s Funeral

Continued From Alarming Alien Abduction Attack Part II.

With Easter soon upon us, we at Mystic Investigations gave thanks for the miraculous resurrection of Rebecca Abernathy, our beloved good witch. Unfortunately, the mood at Mystic was anything but joyous for we were mourning a fallen soldier among us. The tragic death of our Executive Vice-President and friend Drake Alexander, by the hand of an extraterrestrial vessel explosion. Julia was closest to him, and she was in charge of planning his funeral. Although we were all involved as it was quite a task to track down everyone who might have known him and it wasn’t like he kept a big address book with everyone’s name in it. We tried to put the word out worldwide in an effort to contact anyone he might have known over his 700 plus years on this Earth. Frankly, he was the last person we ever expected to die. As a vampire he was expected to live for eternity. Sure there’s the sun and stakes to the heart, but who could ever imagine that the explosion of an alien matter/anti-matter annihilation energy engine would do anyone in? It’s just not that common a death, but I guess someone had to die from that eventually.

We closed our office doors for over a week to mourn and recover from our battles with the two extraterrestrial space crafts full of little gray monsters. We were triumphant in destroying both of them thus saving countless innocent people from abductions and horrifying experimentation. At least Drake’s death had purpose and his sacrifice would be remembered for some time to come. The funeral should have a good turnout since we confirmed the arrival of about 200 of Drakes past acquaintances. A good number of them are vampires or other supernatural beings so we’ll have to be on our toes due to the fact that many of these beings may be evil. Drake was a rare ray of goodness in a world of demonic-based living dead forms. Naturally, it would be quite impossible to have the funeral at a church due to it being hallowed grounds which can be deadly for such dark beings.

Father Tom Davis, our go-to guy for exorcisms, and holy water doesn’t seem to understand why we won’t have the funeral at his sainted Holy Church Of Light. The Father is kind of rigid in his Catholic beliefs so we never told him Drake was a vampire.  It’s odd he never suspected anything that time the Father gave Drake a holy cross as a present and Drake’s hand started smoking.  The Father is also deeply concerned about Rebecca practicing witchcraft. I know it’s not nice but we kind of laugh at him when he gets all serious about such things. So we’ve decided to hold the funeral at Drake’s home which we affectionately call “Drakes Lair“. Although the official name is “Alexander Manor”. After the service, there will be a reception, and then a private reading of the will by myself since I’m the executor of his estate. There’s also the matter of many guests who don’t exactly enjoy the sunlight. We decided a Midnight service on Monday, April 18th, the day of the Full Moon, would be appropriate for a vampire, and those mourning his untimely passing. Julia was hard at work preparing a eulogy while Rebecca, Hunter, and I planned security. We had to be ready for anything just in case the crowd got out of hand. Luckily our witch Rebecca, had some magical Kryptonite up her sleeve to deal with any paranormal menaces.

Finally, the night of the funeral came. It was an unusually warm breezy spring night, and the entire Mystical Forest was brightly illuminated by the full moon. In fact, it was the Pink Moon, the moon of Easter, which is known to cause less aggression in werewolves so at least we shouldn’t have those hairy horrors to worry about. Although I doubt any werewolf would have the guts to crash a vampire funeral where dozens of blood-suckers will be in attendance. Drake’s Lair is located deep within the magical Mystical Forest which is teeming with tons of paranormal life for reasons not fully understood. It’s for this reason Drake felt so at home in his fortress of solitude nestled within the majestic pines. The very trees that also shaded him from the suns incinerating rays. Our entire gang was inside the mansion preparing for the guests which would start arriving soon as the witching hour approached. Rebecca and Elizabeth were preparing refreshments for the funeral reception. Call me crazy but I had no interest in partaking of the cow blood punch. Rebecca magically altered it to supposedly taste like human blood so as not to offend the vampire guests who consider cow blood to be for low-level sub-vampires. Certainly, the few drops of fairy and woodland nymph blood should make them happy. Luckily Rebecca has some magical friends who were willing to donate to Drake’s funeral.

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Dark limos and other vehicles began filing into the long cobblestone driveway which wound around an illuminated water fountain at the front entrance to the stately forest manor. Our bionic boy wonder Zack Powers would not be attending high school the next day due to being up all night for the service. Since he was just learning how to drive, we thought having him be the parking attendant was a good idea. Many of the guests had drivers so he merely directed them where to go, but Zack was able to park a few cars himself. We greeted the guests at the door because it was polite, and of course we had to invite them in. As you may already know there’s an ancient global curse in place that prevents vampires from entering a home unless invited. Since I now own the house, as per Drake’s Will, I had to do the inviting. Rebecca stood nearby glaring at the guests as Julia used her psychic powers to inform her of the evil she felt from many of the mourners. Hunter stood in the shadows with his machine gun loaded with silver bullets, while Elizabeth marveled at the spectacle. Ashley, our Cryptozoologist, was also enamored by the plethora of paranormal beings gliding through the doorway. Rob stood nearby wondering if any of the guests would be ghosts.  Then all the sudden it seemed as if time stood still as one guest stood out from all the rest. I must admit I felt guilty when I lost all sense of my reality and forgot about Rebecca as I gazed upon one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.

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Her exotic beauty was beguiling, or maybe it was her vampirical hypnotic stare. She was clearly of middle eastern descent with tanned skin, shoulder length black hair, and dark sapphire blue eyes. Her sensual stare was intense as she smiled seductively, and held out her hand to be kissed as she said,”Good Midnight sir, I am Princess Duanna Sargon of The Akkadian Empire and High Priestess of the Moon God Nanna.” I kissed her hand as I barely heard Rebecca gasp in the background most assuredly with a scowl on her jealous face. I even felt like I had to bow a little since her royal presence was quite intimidating. Especially in the revealing flowing low neckline black satin gown she wore. I then replied,”Pleased to meet you. I’m Xavier Remington, President of Mystic Investigations, and Executor of Drake’s Estate. May I ask how you knew Drake?” She continued to smile and answered,”Yes my dear, You see I’m Drake’s vampirical mother. I brought him across the great expanse of mortal death, and secured him into his immortal life” I then said,”Interesting. He was always secretive about certain things, and never spoke of how he became a vampire. So I guess I should officially invite you in Princess.” She giggled sweetly, and said,”Oh my dear I must insist you call me Duanna” Before I could reply Rebecca pushes her way past me, and walks right up to Duanna to exclaim,”Excuse me Miss Princess but Xavier’s taken so paws off Vampira!” Duanna’s smile turned to a serious stare instantly and she replied,”My my little girl I hope for your sake you can back those words up with something substantial.” Rebecca angrily responded,” Listen bitch I got more power than you could ever imagine, and….” I interrupted,”For the love of God Rebecca this is Drake’s funeral! Show some respect!” Rebecca looked hurt, and said,”Sorry!” as she strode away quickly into the kitchen. I apologized to Duanna because despite Rebecca’s spirited personality, that outburst in this setting was unlike her. Duanna was smiling again, and took my arm insisting I show her to her seat in the grand ballroom. She sat down, and lit up a cigarette. I was surprised because I’d never seen a vampire smoke before but she reminded me that vampires can’t get lung cancer. Although it had a very pleasant almost soothing aroma. I can’t imagine what it’s made of. As I got up to attend to the other guests she grabbed my hand, and looked up at me while softly saying,”Any time you’re ready for a real woman just let me know honey. A lady learns a lot after living over 4000 years.” She then winked at me, and I replied nervously,”Ahhh yes I’ll keep that in mind. Now please excuse me Princess…..I mean Duanna.” I felt like I was under a spell of some type. Clearly she was using her vampirical hypnotic powers on me or perhaps she was just naturally enchanting.  It’s hard to say since I never met a 4000 year old woman before.

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To Be Continued…


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