The Devil And Joel Osteen?

The top-flight psychics, seers, and mystics of The Reality Recognition Guild gleaned a new revelation after being asked for any supernatural information on Joel Osteen. Osteen is a world-famous televangelist pastor who garners some controversy due to his $100 million dollar net worth and lavish lifestyle. Some believe he should be giving most of his wealth to the poor and charities that support the less fortunate. However, Joel believes prosperity is a blessing from the Holy Lord and should be enjoyed to the fullest by those lucky enough to achieve success in life. Plausibly those rewarded for having faith in the Lord as they live a righteous life. That being said Osteen does perform on stage and television like a celebrity along with producing various media productions. Should someone who utilizes religion in entertainment while acting somewhat like a motivational speaker be set to a different standard than others of his non-spiritual kind?

Members of The Reality Recognition Guild had visions of the Devil being bored in 2017 for some reason. He had previously taken notice of Joel Osteen but was busy with the affairs of Hell and beyond. Satan inquired if any of his demons had made a deal with him. Particularly one involving the selling of Joel’s immortal holy soul. Some of his minions indicated they approached Osteen but were quickly rejected. A few even felt a higher power drive them off. They assumed it was God himself protecting Joel. The Devil got excited about pulling another “Book Of Job” as it had been so many thousands of years since the last one. This time he wanted to finally win one over on God!

Back in Old Testament times, Job was one of God’s most faithful Earthly servants who enjoyed his protection, good luck, and wealth. Satan challenged God to a bet. He said Job would hate God and abandon him if he didn’t have such a blessed life. God gave the Devil permission to curse Job. This included losing his wealth, the death of his children, and a despicable disease cast upon him. Even among all the suffering of Satan’s Curse Job did not renounce his faith and loyalty to the Holy Lord. Once the Devil was embarrassed by Job not cursing God’s name he left in a fury of flames as God restored Job’s former life of prosperity and love to the fullest. Incidentally, the stakes of the bet were If the Devil won he would have had his Archangel powers restored but not his place in Heaven. If God won the Devil had to give back 100 human souls he had bought. Indeed he returned the souls of the ones who didn’t show much dark promise.

Believe it or not, Satan has a direct line to God as a former Archangel despite now being an Archdemon. The Devil dialed up God, aka The Omniverse Lord, and asked if he’d like to test the faith of Joel Osteen. God indicated Joel wasn’t directly worshipping him but rather the Greek God Of Wealth Plutus. Plutus was the real power behind Osteen’s prosperity. The Devil more or less said “CRAP!” and hung up the metaphysical phone. Satan would have normally negotiated with a dark deity for Osteen’s soul. Unfortunately for him, Plutus is a neutral God who doesn’t discriminate between good and evil. He doles out wealth equally to those who respectfully worship him and supply the necessary metaphysical energy reserves.

In addition, most Earthy deities are desperate for worshippers as their power seriously waned since monotheism took hold. Plutus would have no interest in any bets that would risk his power base and in turn, the paranormal power he passes on as tribute to his King God Zeus. In the meantime, it seems that Satan is still looking for a way to bring down Joel Osteen or turn him to the demonic dark side! Osteen not only enjoys the protection of Plutus but also the entire Greek God Pantheon along with all their nature deity allies under the leadership of the mighty Zeus. It’s not worth Satans trouble to get Joel when the battles of Armageddon are at hand.

Joel Osteen is quite shrewd as he knows the Omniverse God is mostly neutral himself in modern times and wouldn’t grant him prosperity no matter what he did. So he went with Plutus who only wanted to feed off the enchanted energy of the millions of souls who look to Osteen for spiritual guidance, life motivation, and even entertainment. A harmless paranormal process that doesn’t damage souls in any fashion. Joel indeed helps people with his positive message of hope within the holy scripture and never had to sell his soul to Plutus. This means Joel will still go to Heaven as he’s technically not hurting anyone while still owning his own human soul. If nothing else the guy really knows how to work the supernatural system of life and the afterlife!

It appears just after his dad’s death Joel was contemplating if he wanted to continue preaching the gospel. He had only begun days earlier as his father repeatedly wished for him to take over for him at their church. His father John Osteen had started the Lakewood Church in 1959 and eventually had his own religious television show for 16 years until his death. Joel had been in deep thought as he strolled through the woods. A gleaming gold coin caught his eye. It was the sacred medallion of Plutus. Most likely Plutus placed the coin in his path.

Osteen’s wish for prosperity activated it and Plutus appeared in person to make him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Although he had to repeatedly convince Joel that he wasn’t a demon nor affiliated with Satan in any way. Plutus maintained he was a god of nature in tune with Mother Earth. He would aid Osteen in growing his ministry and media empire so as long as he pledged allegiance to him. Through Joel, he is able to access the souls of all the Lakewood Church’s members and those watching the TV broadcasts around the world. Despite Plutus being a Greek God under the command of Zeus Joel doesn’t have to enter their afterlife. Although he could choose to do so if he wished. In that case, he would have to sign his soul over to Zeus with Plutus as the proxy.

It is said that anyone who manages to find Joel Osteen’s hidden temple and altar to Plutus could end his successful streak of wondrous wealth. Destruction of the hidden chamber and melting of the mystical gold medallion would curse him to poverty! Most likely this sacred place is located underground. Plausibly a sub-basement under his home. Keep in mind Joel must have the medallion with him as he preaches in order for Plutus to siphon the spiritual energy of the human souls. The medallion also protects him from harm and grants him good luck much like Leprechaun gold!

Can You Hop A Ride On The Plutus Prosperity Train?

Probably not as there is only so much supernatural sway that Plutus or any given Earthly deity has. Also, he needs serious true-believing worshippers who preferably have masses of people captivated by them in some way. Not to mention that his medallion is key to obtaining high levels of wealth. Interestingly enough, there are said to be at least 13 gold coins that grant you direct access to Plutus. With Joel holding one there are 12 more out there somewhere? Plausibly lying in attics, museums, antique stores, ancient tombs, or in a hidden temple of a filthy rich individual.

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If you happen to follow Joel Osteen then Plutus isn’t taking some of your soul’s enchanted energy and giving you nothing in return. Under the Deity Directives Of Zeus and various Universal Laws pertaining to eternal souls, one must give something back in return. You are getting a small measure of prosperity power but it is based on your willingness and talent to attain said wealth. It grants an extra push toward your goals and will ever-increasingly work as more wealth is obtained. Although, it is unlikely you will get anywhere near Osteen-level success. Ironically, any prosperity obtained will be attributed to faith in the Holy Lord of the Bible.

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