Xavier Remington 
The top-flight psychics, seers, and mystics of The Reality Recognition Guild gleaned a new revelation after being asked for some supernatural information on Joel Osteen. He’s a world-famous televangelist pastor who garners some controversy due to his $100 million dollar net worth and lavish lifestyle. This has sparked some to say that churches should be taxed. However, like most churches, Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church is a charity that accepts donations rather than a for-profit business. Osteen’s wealth isn’t directly derived from the church and he doesn’t get paid an income from it.
Some believe he should be giving most of his wealth to charities that support the less fortunate. However, Joel believes prosperity is a blessing from the Holy Lord which should be enjoyed to the fullest by those lucky enough to achieve success in life. Plausibly those rewarded for having faith in the loving Lord as they live a righteous life. That being said, the bulk of his income is from writing books[Ad], speaking engagements, and other entertainment-related ventures. Most of these are centered around religion and what he preaches at his church. Should someone who utilizes religion in entertainment while acting somewhat like a motivational speaker be set to a different standard than others of his non-spiritual kind?
The Devil Targets Pastor Osteen
Members of The Reality Recognition Guild had visions of the Devil being bored in 2018 for some reason. Plausibly due to the Civil War in Hell ending that year. He had previously taken notice of Joel Osteen but was busy with the internal affairs of Hell, buying human souls, and preparations for Armageddon. Satan inquired if any of his demons had made a dark deal with him. Particularly one involving the selling of Joel’s immortal holy soul. Some of his minions indicated they approached Osteen in various deceptive forms but were quickly rejected. A few even felt a higher power drive them off. They assumed it was God himself protecting Joel. The Devil got excited about pulling another “Book Of Job” as it had been so many thousands of years since the last one. This time he wanted to finally win one over on God!
The Book Of Job Test
Back in Old Testament times, Job was one of God’s most faithful Earthly servants who enjoyed his protection, good luck, and wealth. Satan challenged God to a bet. He said Job would hate God and abandon him if he didn’t have such a blessed life. God gave the Devil permission to curse Job. This included losing his wealth, the death of his children, and a despicable disease cast upon him. Even among all the suffering of Satan’s Curse, Job did not renounce his faith and loyalty to the Holy Lord. Once the Devil was embarrassed by Job not cursing God’s name he left in a fury of flames as God restored Job’s former life of prosperity and love to the fullest.
Incidentally, the stakes of the bet were If the Devil won, he would have had his Archangel powers restored but not his place in Heaven. This means we would have had the Dark Lucifer ruling over Hell with perplexing powers exponentially greater than his current Satanic Archdemon status! If God won the Devil had to give back 1000 human souls he had legally bought from their foolish hosts. Supernaturally speaking 1000 souls at the fourth-dimensional level contain the same enchanted energy as a top-level Archangel.
After losing the bet Satan indeed returned the souls of 1000 humans as he is a demon of his word. However, most of them were the ones who didn’t show much dark promise in the bowels of his heinous hell. The Devil handed the souls over to the intermediary Ice Demons of Purgatory to be cleansed before ascending to Heaven. Ice Demons were a part of the original rebellion led by the Archangel Lucifer. However, they soon regretted it and broke up with the Satanic Fire Demons of Hell. Now they languish in Purgatory aiding tarnished souls into redemption while doing the same for themselves. All in the hope of earning their way back into Heaven as reinstated Angels someday.
The Book Of Joel?
Believe it or not, Satan has a direct line to God as the former Archangel Lucifer despite now being an Archdemon. Lucifer is more or less The Black Sheep of the Heavenly Family. The Devil dialed up God, aka The Omniverse Lord, and asked if he’d like to test the faith of Joel Osteen. God indicated that although Joel did pray to him regularly he also worshipped the Greek God Of Wealth Plutus. Plutus was the real power behind Osteen’s prosperity. There was no way to have a real contest of faith with a third party involved who would have no interest in such a thing. Plutus could care less about faith and more about beneficial action.
The Devil more or less said “CRAP!” and hung up the metaphysical phone. Satan would have normally negotiated with a dark deity for Osteen’s soul. Unfortunately for him, Plutus is a neutral God who doesn’t discriminate between good and evil. He doles out wealth equally to those who respectfully worship him and supply the necessary metaphysical energy reserves. The Devil was frustrated and approached Osteen directly offering everything he could in the most charming way possible. Joel wasn’t having any of it and utilized the word of God to cast Satan back to hell! Interestingly enough he didn’t call upon Plutus. Clearly, Joel knows where the true power in our reality lies yet he realizes astronomical wealth must be sought elsewhere.
More than likely had God been responsible for Osteen’s wealth he would have taken it away at some point when Joel didn’t donate the majority of it to charity. The Reality Recognition Guild did look for a “Book Of Joel” scenario within Parallel Universes. They found one where Osteen’s life was deeply blessed and he enjoyed overabundant wealth courtesy of his complete worship of the Holy Lord. Despite The Omniverse God being known for his neutrality in modern times, there are Universes where he intervenes to play out various mathematical probabilities. Ultimately Gods are curious creatures who want to see every scenario within reason take place within their minds aka the world we live in.
In that particular reality, Osteen’s religious fame was mainly in Texas rather than being global. The Devil placed his bet with God that he could turn Joel to the dark side. Satan then made Joel’s life a living Hell for a solid year. Osteen lost everything including The Lakewood Church! His wife divorced him due to the Devil’s deceptions. Also, he lost some of his beloved family members! The Devil could taste the sweet flavor of victory as it appeared Joel was about to take his own life. However, the flicker of faith in his heart roared into a fantastic flame and he doubled down on his belief that God would not abandon him. Osteen truly believed something greater was waiting for him despite all the tragedy he suffered!
Satan Pleads With Joel Osteen To Join Him On The Dark Side
Satan personally visited Osteen in physical form within that alternate reality. The Dark Prince did everything he could to convince him that God didn’t give a damn. He promised Joel he would completely restore his life if he would only bend the knee and pledge allegiance to Satan. The Devil even added he didn’t have to sell his soul. Without hesitation, Joel rebuked him completely and even punched the Devil in the face! The Devil was seriously angered and about to annihilate Osteen when he was forcibly teleported back to Hell by God. The Holy Lord appeared as a bright loving light to directly bless Joel for his unwavering faith and reassured him all would be well. God utilized his reality-warping powers to reverse everything that happened. Basically, like traveling back in time to put right what once went wrong. However, Joel would be the only one on Earth to remember the alternate history so he could grow even more as an enlightened being.
Within a year Joel’s life was three times better than it was before! He soared to the level he’s at in our reality. However, he donates a great deal of his wealth to the less fortunate. He, his wife, and two kids live off $300,000 a year with a net worth of about seven million dollars. Some of that is simply for the security of their family since there are hazards with being famous. He also started something called The Lakewood Lottery where churchgoers reach under their seats and a handful of lucky individuals find a bundle of cash to keep! On a final note, one wonders why the Devil would think he could ever win a bet with the Omniverse God who can see the outcome of every Parallel Universe and Multiverse for that matter? Perhaps Satan is a glutton for punishment?😈
The God Of Wealth Plutus
Most Earthy deities are desperate for worshippers as their power seriously waned since monotheism took hold. Plutus would have no interest in any bets that would risk his power base and in turn, the paranormal power he passes on as a tribute to his King God Zeus. In the meantime, it seems that Satan is still looking for a way to bring down Joel Osteen or turn him to the demonic dark side! Osteen not only enjoys the protection of Plutus but also the entire Greek God Pantheon along with all their nature deity allies under the leadership of the mighty Zeus. It’s not worth Satan’s trouble to get Joel when the battles of Armageddon are at hand.
Joel Osteen is quite supernaturally shrewd as he knows the Omniverse God is mostly neutral in modern times and wouldn’t grant him prosperity no matter what he did. At least in this particular Parallel Universe. He’s also aware that the Bible was written by men even if there was some inspiration from God and more directly Jesus Christ his Demigod Son. They never asked for a religion in their name and don’t require worship. They’re quite secure in their own godhood and don’t need anyone fawning all over them. The Book Of Exodus states, “You must not worship any other gods except me. “You must not make any idols. Don’t make any statues or pictures of anything up in the sky or of anything on the earth or of anything down in the water.” However, the Omniverse God never said that along with being the one who indirectly created the nature gods of our planet. Despite the Archangel hierarchy of Heaven being at odds with the Earthly deities, God himself only takes issue if a dark deity is worshipped.
Joel went with Plutus only to obtain wealth. Plutus only wanted to feed off the enchanted energy of the millions of souls who look to Osteen for spiritual guidance, life motivation, and even entertainment. A harmless paranormal process that doesn’t damage souls in any fashion. Joel indeed helps people with his positive message of hope within the holy scripture and never had to sell his soul to Plutus. This means Joel will still go to Heaven as he’s technically not hurting anyone while still owning his own human soul. He also has the second option of opting into the Nature Deities afterlife. However, before doing so, he would have to sign his soul over to Zeus through the proxy Plutus. If nothing else, the guy really knows how to work the supernatural system of life and the afterlife!
A Chance Meeting With Plutus
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It appears just after his dad’s death Joel was contemplating if he wanted to continue preaching the gospel. He had only begun days earlier as his father repeatedly wished for him to take over for him at their church. His father John Osteen had started the Lakewood Church in 1959 and eventually ran his own religious television show for 16 years until his death. Joel had been in deep thought about his future as he strolled through the woods. A gleaming gold coin caught his eye. It was the sacred medallion of Plutus. Most likely Plutus placed the coin in his path as he saw great potential in Joel.
Osteen’s wish for prosperity activated it and Plutus appeared in person to make him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Although he had to repeatedly convince Joel that he wasn’t a demon nor affiliated with Satan in any way. Plutus maintained he was a god of nature in tune with Mother Earth. Ultimately, Mother Nature is a child of the very God he believed in thus compelling him to trust in Plutus. This is why people who worship benevolent Nature Deities still go to Heaven. Even if the Archangels of Heaven don’t like it. Certainly, before Christianity & related monotheistic religions took hold there were thousands of years when people indeed only worshipped the Gods of Earth. Plutus aided Osteen in growing his ministry and media empire so as long as he pledged allegiance to him. Through Joel, he is able to access the souls of all the Lakewood Church’s members and those watching the TV and internet broadcasts around the world.
It is said that anyone who manages to find Joel Osteen’s hidden temple and altar to Plutus could end his successful streak of wondrous wealth. Destruction of the hidden chamber and melting of the mystical gold medallion would curse him to poverty! The medallion is a mystical tool to anchor Plutus to any given person in this reality. Something required since the time of monotheism weakened the once exponential power of the Nature Gods and Goddesses. Most likely this sacred place is located underground. Plausibly a sub-basement under Osteen’s home. Keep in mind Joel must have the medallion with him as he preaches in order for Plutus to siphon the spiritual energy of the human souls. The medallion also protects him from harm and grants him good luck much like Leprechaun gold!💸
Can You Hop A Ride On The Plutus Prosperity Train?
Probably not as there is only so much supernatural sway that Plutus or any given Earthly deity has. Also, he needs serious true-believing worshipper who preferably have masses of people captivated by them in some way. Not to mention that his medallion is key to obtaining high levels of wealth. Interestingly enough, there are said to be at least 13 gold coins that grant you direct access to Plutus. With Joel holding one there are 12 more out there somewhere? Plausibly lying in attics, museums, antique stores, ancient tombs, or in a hidden temple of a filthy rich individual. It’s thought at least one member of The Illuminati has one! The coins themselves were fashioned from Zeus blessed gold Plutus directly handed to his High Priests thousands of years ago during the peak of his power. It’s been said that Plutus personally mined the gold from Leprechaun lands in Ireland with their blessing.
If you happen to follow Joel Osteen then Plutus isn’t taking some of your soul’s enchanted energy and giving you nothing in return. Under the Deity Directives Of Zeus and various Universal Laws pertaining to eternal souls, one must give something back in return. You are getting a small measure of prosperity power but it is based on your willingness and talent to attain said wealth. It grants an extra push toward your goals and will ever-increasingly work as more wealth is obtained. Although it is unlikely you will get anywhere near Osteen-level success unless you have amazing natural talents or happen upon some glorious good luck. Ironically, any prosperity obtained will be attributed to faith in the Holy Lord of the Bible. Fear not for Plutus has no need for credit. Ultimately our reality is within the mind of the Omniverse God so you could technically say he had a hand in it.💰
Final Analysis
Ultimately Joel Osteen is delivering a positive uplifting message that is helping millions of people around the world cope with the hardships of life. The Lakewood Church is being properly run like other charitable religious entities and Joel’s income is not from any donations. He has utilized his natural talents and education to earn immense wealth thus achieving the quintessential American Dream. Based on our findings in Parallel Universes Joel achieved varying levels of success even without higher dimensional intervention. Osteen has been known to give generous donations to charity but nowhere near his net worth. Naturally, a person’s net worth is never close to what they have in liquid assets. At the end of the day, it’s up to each individual to decide what they will do with their wealth despite what others might think. It’s not our place to judge what someone else should do with their money. Especially when it is earned through positive ventures. 🤔
Joel Osteen News
Lakewood Church Invaded By Insane Gun-Toting Woman!
February 11, 2024
On Super Bowl Sunday at about 2 PM an armed 36-year-old woman entered Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church with her 7-year-old son. She then proceeded to open fire with her AR-style rifle. She screamed about how she had a bomb but no explosives were found at the scene. Her motivations were unknown but she had a history of mental illness. Unfortunately, her son suffered a head wound while she died due to off-duty police officers being forced to open fire in the defense of innocent churchgoers. Joel Osteen may have been on the other side of the large church in deep meditation with the Holy Lord or Wealth God Plutus. Who knows?
What Happened In A Parallel Universe?
In the Parallel Universe where Joel Osteen passed “The Book Of Job” test the following occurred on the fateful day of the tragic shooting. Osteen was in meditation but suddenly received a vision of a disturbed woman entering his church. She was undergoing the terrifying transition of being possessed by a demon. She wasn’t fully under its control but it was enough to drive her crazy. More than likely she was instinctively heading to the church as a cry for help. Most of the police officers took cover as they had no idea what was going on. Only two were actively approaching the woman who opened fire amid screaming churchgoers scrambling for cover and fleeing the scene. Even the two officers were hesitant to take action. Especially with her child almost acting like a human shield! Joel came strolling out displaying his sunny trademark smile within a hail of gunfire that he refused to acknowledge.
He declared to the officers, “My law enforcement friends I implore you to have faith that God will protect you. Defend the innocent in the name of the Lord Amen!” The officers just screamed at Osteen to take cover. Osteen shook his head and said, “You disappoint me, brothers! Ye have little faith!” Joel then walked toward the slightly possessed insane woman who shot at him point blank. The bullets magically missed him as he disarmed the woman and slapped her forehead while sternly stating, “I rebuke you, Satan! Leave this woman in peace. In God’s name Amen!” She fainted onto the floor as an alarming apparition could be seen flying out of her body into the ceiling. Joel shook his head in disapproval at the evil entity as he picked up her unharmed child and took him to safety. Osteen motioned for law enforcement to take the woman into custody. He then proudly declared with a wide grin, “My work is done here, friends! God bless all of you!” Interestingly enough a bullet hole could be seen on the upper arm of his suit. Yet no blood was present. Clearly, the Lord’s Faith is a strong force in this one!
A Stash Of Money Was Found In The Walls Of The Lakewood Church!
November 10, 2021
$600,000 in donations was stolen from a safe at the Lakewood Church in 2014. In 2021 it was found hidden in the restroom walls by plumbers. Could it have been a misguided individual trying to please Plutus with a tribute when in fact this would be theft from his bounty? Perhaps someone foolishly trying to defy Plutus? Plausibly some fool who thought they’d return someday to collect the $200,000 cash? Certainly, the rest of the $400,000 in check form was useless! In the end, they would face the wrath of Plutus which is probably why they never returned!🦹
Joel Meets The Pope
June 6, 2014
The Pope invited Joel Osteen to The Vatican in 2014 for a mysterious meeting. In the mass media, it was touted as a visit to promote interfaith understanding and ecumenical prayer. Behind the scenes, Joel was being indicted into the Pope’s secret society that works to battle the forces of darkness while preparing the world for the battles of Armageddon. It’s thought Joel received a crash course in various religious arts that include exorcism! He also had his eyes opened to the complete world of the supernatural beyond the Wealth God Plutus, Nature Deities, and the entities of Heaven and Hell. It’s said Joel was shocked after learning that vampires, werewolves, and zombies were real!✝️
Related Televangelists
Crazy Kenneth Copeland
Crazy Kenny is worth $300 Million and loves his $45 Million dollar jet! Then there’s his $7 Million dollar Texas estate he lives on free of any taxes! He often declares that wealth is a gift of good faith from the Holy Lord while poverty is a curse of the Devil upon people. One wonders why he doesn’t go ahead and donate most of his wealth to fight the Devil’s Poverty Curse? Our top flight Psychics, Seers, and Mystics looked into parallel realities to see if Kenneth Copeland withstood a “Book Of Job” test. Unlike Joel Osteen, he failed miserably! In this reality, Kenneth gives off conflicted dark vibes. He may very well believe he serves God. However, he may unknowingly be serving Satan as well! Really though we think he’s just stone cold nuts!👿
Televangelist Kenneth Copeland Preaches To A Packed House…LOL!
Kenny Copeland’s Crazy Antics!
The Secret To Wealth Could Lie In Your DNA!
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