How Do You Repel A Zombie?

Zombie Protection Herbs

We’ve heard about a plethora of ways to repel vampires and werewolves. These include various herbs such as garlic, vervain, and wolfsbane. However, we’ve never heard anything about how to keep Zombies away. Naturally, since zombies are non-demonic religious artifacts have no effect on them, unlike the aforementioned vampires & werewolves. Like most metaphysical menaces Mother Nature provides a defense for humans to balance the supernatural scales. After extensive research, we are proud to present our findings that will finally protect you, and your family against the rotting corpses of the Walking Dead.  Not surprisingly both protective plants have a noxious stink just as zombies themselves smell like living hell itself!  Zombies use their sense of smell to tell the difference between tasty humans, and their animated corpse brothers since zombies ironically loathe dead flesh. Unlike living or freshly dead flesh, it doesn’t quell the hunger of the zombie virus. When the virus is well fed it rewards the zombie by delaying its inevitable decay. No longer do you have to hope you can take down every approaching zombie with a gun, a sharp implement, fire, or even strong industrial acid. Here are the plants that will save your life during a zombie apocalypse:🌺

Stinking Nightshade, also known as Henbane. (Hyoscyamus Niger).  This herb has been known for its use in magical potions over the centuries. It’s an excellent herb to grow around your home or zombie bunker.  The herb can be worn on your clothing or crushed in a satchel for personal protection.  You can also hang cut plants over your windows, and doors. Stinking Nightshade has even been used in incense form to infuse the air with its protective vapors. Just be aware it can cause hallucinations if smoked!

Purple Passion, also known as Velvet Plant. (Gynura Aurantiaca)This is an excellent house plant that can be placed near windows, and doorways for home zombie defense. You can also wear the plant leaves on your clothing to act as a personal deterrent for the dead rising from their graves. Purple Passion will easily grow outside as ground cover.  In a post-apocalyptic zombie scenario grow this around your fortified compound since it can spread all about leaving no open spots for zombies to stagger through.  In this case, you’d want to live somewhere without winter. Of course, thankfully zombies will literally freeze in place when the temperature drops to below freezing.  This is due to the fact that they have zero body heat so the water in their tissues freezes solid. Unfortunately, arid desert regions give us desiccated zombies without any moisture. If they manage to wander into a below-freezing zone they won’t freeze in such cases!

Keeping The Walking Dead At Arms Length

When using these plants on yourself prepare to smell and repel both zombies, and humans. The point is to stay alive and worry about your social life later on.  Odds are you will have none in the midst of a zombie virus pandemic!  All the plants listed above are poisonous to humans and shouldn’t be ingested or placed directly on skin unless magically prepared by a certified witch, wizard, warlock, or sorcerer.  The only way to know if they’re for real is to watch them prepare the potion and witness an inexplicable shimmering luminescence take place in the solution for at least a few seconds. This is evidence of a metaphysical energy exchange that is the heart of magic. Naturally to be safe have them drink a sample first!🧪

Now you can enter a well-deserved slumber after a day of slaying living dead drones with your Purple Passion plant on your nightstand, and a bunch of Stinking Nightshade tied together hanging over your windows, and doors.  This is a lot more pleasant than smearing yourself with rotted zombie parts, or weeks old human corpse remains.  Yes if you have nothing else this works as well, and will allow you to walk among the walking dead without the worry of being eaten alive! Of course, there’s a chance the zombie virus might be passed on to you!🧟‍♂️

Crystals & Gemstones That Protect Against Living Dead Zombies!

Besides plants Mother Earth often provides us with crystals and gemstones for use as paranormal protection.  These are generally not as potent as herbal solutions but can get the job done under the right circumstances. Even if that means a combination of stones used in unison. Our zombie research has field-tested limited success with wearing a combination of Granite (From A Gravestone Only!), Apatite, and Malachite. Most likely worn as a necklace or bracelet.  The more you can wear the better! Each must be in equal proportions to work. Granite is the bedrock of Mother Earth, and stuff that mighty mountains are made of. When made into gravestones, and planted at the site of a deceased person it acquires mystical properties related to the dead. Apatite has properties related to the mind, and ironically weight loss since zombies are all about gorging on humans! Malachite is a stone known to ease the transition between life, and death. Especially if a person has had a hellish life, and ghost formation is a real possibility.💎

When placed together these three stones create an anti-zombie trinity!  It’s not as potent as the plants mentioned above but it can be good enough to delay the zombies so you can make your escape!  Certainly adding these stones to your other zombie countermeasures will amplify your efforts, and support your survival in a dark damned apocalyptic world of zombie despair! Feel free to reply to this article with a comment if you know of any other zombie repellents!🧟‍♀️

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Do Vampires Use The Toilet?

vampire-toiletNovember 19th is World Toilet Day! Naturally, the first thought that comes to mind is do Vampires need to use the crapper? No vampires do not have to go to the bathroom even when they drink too much.  Whether that be blood, alcohol, or water which are the three things they can consume. This includes times when they might eat a small amount of food to blend in with humans despite it being like poison to them. They neither urinate nor defecate since their human organs are in a living dead dormant state.

The Vampire Virus Eradicates All Waste

Instead, the lively vampire virus that resides within their demonic DNA voraciously ravages anything other than blood that they may ingest. Blood is transformed into sanguine energy that grants the vampire his or her paranormal powers.  Anything the virus can’t metaphysically ingest itself is bombarded with some type of radical demonic radiation that disintegrates the substance into nothingness. Under a microscope, it looks like a flash of violet light similar to that of a UV black light.

Vampires Have No Need For Toilets

So ladies please rest assured that your special vampire friend will not leave the toilet seat up because he won’t be going anywhere near the restroom. Especially since they don’t usually need to take a shower along with not seeing their reflections in silver based mirrors. Same for female vampires so you guys can leave the crapper cover securely in the upright position. Toilets in vampire homes often go neglected unless a human servant lives in residence. Surely you are dealing with a vampire or some manner of supernatural being if you find the toilets in a stately manor have been removed or have little to no water in the bowl! We hope you appreciate another classy supernatural article from the good folks here at Mystic Investigations!  #WorldToiletDay


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Vampire Royalty Rank Titles

Royal VampireVampires are the only supernatural beings to have a true global government. Although, Lycan Werewolves are working on forming their own. The Vampire Kingdom rules out of their Royal Capital hidden in Transylvania. It is called Diavol City. Every single place on Earth has an official vampire in charge of a given territory. Yes at this moment you are technically living under the rule of a royal vampire without even knowing it!  Not all vampires and other Supernaturals recognize their authority. However, they have no problem enforcing their living dead laws to keep their supernatural species a secret along with marshaling their kind in preparation for Armageddon.

Vampires Connection To The Devil

In this great paranormal war for the final fate of Earth & Humanity, the vampires will fight under the banner of the Archdemon & Emperor Of Hell known as The Devil. The vampires consider him to be their Unholy Lord Master and Dark God that they actually pray to. This is the case since vampires are ultimately derived from demonic lineage. The current King Of Hell Human Sorcerer Dimitri Diablo wasn’t originally recognized by the Vampires in any way, shape, or form! Now that he has allied with the Devil vampires reluctantly recognize his unholy authority. On Earth, it’s said that the Devil’s son, the Anti-Christ, will be their final Vampire Emperor along with his wife the Dark Empress. Until installed the Demi-Demon Darktanian, a Demon-Human Hybrid, is the current Vampire Emperor & Devil’s direct Emissary of evil. Upon the Anti-Christ claiming the title this Demi-Demon will then be the Vice-Emperor.

The Royal Titles Of Vampire Peerage

Below are the royal titles bestowed upon each generation of vampire’s who recognizes the royal hierarchy. Generally, only the first 13 Vampire Generations are considered royalty. In some cases, special vampires of later generations may be recognized by the Transylvanian King & Queen as deserving a higher title outside their generation. Most often brave vampires can become Dark Knights. When vampires enter into dark marriage the couple must adhere to the male and female forms of their given rank. Otherwise, a single female can hold a male title. Higher generational vampires may hold a variety of lower titles in addition to their official title. The larger the collection of royal ranks the more prestigious one is considered in the dark kingdom. Any offenses against superior royals may result in demotion and even punishment!

First Generation
Those considered First Generation can have one of two origins. The first is the result of a demon completely possessing a human to the point of altering their DNA, and then mating with a human. These pure blood beasts are known as the First Vampires. Those upper echelon royals of direct demonic descent include King Dagan and Queen Gula along with the various Grand Princes & Princesses. The First Generation are the only ones who can give birth like humans can.  Although they can only give birth once in their immortal lives. Those born vampires are Princes & Princesses. The only exception is the King, and Queens twin son & daughter who are titled the Crown Grand Prince & Crown Grand Princess. Each successive generation below is the result of the generation above transforming a human into a vampire. This is accomplished by nearly draining a human of blood to the brink of death, and then introducing paranormal vampire blood into the pre-vampires body to complete the process.

Second Generation
Archdukes, Archduchesses, Grand Dukes, and Grand Duchesses brought into the dark immortal shadows by elite First Generation Royalty. The infamous Vampire Dracula is 2nd Generation yet holds the title of Prince since King Dagan turned him into a vampire. One may become a Prince or Princess by direct bestowment from the King Or Queen. Dark unholy matrimony is another way to gain princely peerage.

Third Generation
Dukes, and Duchesses

Fourth Generation
Marquess’s, and Marchioness’s

Fifth Generation
Counts & Countesses. Theoretically, if Mystic Investigations very own Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander recognized vampire authority he would be a Count. Most likely with ruling authority over his birthplace in Scotland. Place of human birth or region where one became a vampire is a measure for rule over a territory. Although vampires can challenge another for authority in royal sanctioned battle whether directly or via a chosen champion. Anything outside the official claim process can be grounds for execution as an escalated war could expose the secret of vampires to the world!

Sixth Generation
Earls & Earlchess (a term created solely by vampire royals. In the human world there is no female equivalent to Earl.)

Seventh Generation
Viscounts & Viscountesses

Eighth Generation
Baron’s, and Baronesses

Ninth Generation
Lord, and Lordess

Tenth Generation
Knights (Both Male & Female). However males can be called Sir, and females Dame.  Knight is the most common secondary title held by the other generations of vampires. Often used as enforcers against those violating vampire law. However higher generations come into play if dealing with a powerful vampire fugitive, or a large group of law breakers. Those with special abilities and an impressive record are called Dark Knights.

Eleventh Generation
Esquire (Both Male & Female). Often high paid professionals who hold prestigious jobs at human corporations. They usually live in affluent gated communities among humans who haven’t a clue who their seemingly normal neighbors are.

Twelfth Generation
Gentleman & Lady. Some temporarily serve as Pages, aka servants, to currying favor, and gain higher ranking. Sometimes it’s just something to show loyalty early on in their immortal lives. They may also train with an Esquire and join them in their corporate job.

Thirteenth Generation
The Thirteenth Generation holds the simple title of Vampire. All generations after this are considered too impure for royalty, and the bloodline is too diluted with humanity. In fact, 13th Generation vampires are deeply discouraged from transforming humans into vampires.  Fourteenth Generation and lower can usually beg their way into being Pages or servants of the minor royals. That is if they’re even deemed worthy! In that respect, they can attain higher titles of servitude in any given Vampire House. Those who prove themselves worthy may be able to attain a royal title after hundreds of years. Length of life brings ever-increasing powers and more probability of performing deeds that will impress the royals.

If a 13th Generation senses a special human they deem worthy to bring across the demarcation of death into the dark eternal shadows then they are urged to contact higher royals to do this. The same goes for human royals, billionaires, and upper echelon government officials who cooperate with the vampires. Such humans are essential for vampires to infiltrate the governments of the world! Those human royals who become vampires usually gain equivalent titles in the Vampire Kingdom as a reward for their loyalty.

Complete Example Of Vampire Royal Hierarchy
– Emperor Of Hell ArchDemon Devil😈
– ArchDemon Counsel Of Vampires (All ArchDemon’s who created vampires lines, including the Devil. All such ArchVampires have been wiped out furiously by Angelic forces as they posed an insanely monstrous threat to humankind! They are too wild to ever be a true royal!)
– King Of Hell Dimitri Diablo
– Demon Counsel Of Vampires (All Demons who created vampires lines.)
– Emperor Of The Vampires & Grand Emissary Of Hell – Demi-Demon Darktanian (Anti-Christ To Be Promoted When He Comes Of Age)
– King Dagan, and Queen Gula Of The Vampire Kingdom
– Crown Grand Prince & Crown Grand Princess Of The Western And Eastern Hemisphere’s
– Grand Prince & Princess Of North America
– Prince & Princess Of The United States Of America
– Archduke Of The US West
– Grand Duke Of The US Southwest
– Duke Of California
– Marquess Of Southern California
– Countess Of Los Angeles County
– Earl Of Los Angeles
– Viscount Of Westside LA
– Baroness Of Bel-Air
– Lord Of Upper Bel-Air
– Knights Of Bel-Air (Under direct authority of the Baroness but they may take orders from the Lord as well.)
– Esquires (Knight Apprentices or those in professional trades who happen to live in the Lord Of Upper Bel-Air’s domain. Their services are at the disposal of all royals.)
– Gentlemen & Ladies are expected to show up at social engagements when invited or to supplement any missions, or battles on behalf of all royals above. They may also assist Esquires if they are training in a particular professional trade.
– 13th Generation Vampires who pledge loyalty to a particular royal are expected to always follow orders, and go where they are told.  Whether to assist royals or infiltrate corporations and human governments in key positions.

The Magic Of Marvelous Manifestation!

Interesting to note that all Princes and Princesses are expected to enter into dark unholy matrimony. Most other royals are expected to eventually tie the knot as it is thought their significant other will keep them in check and prevent any silly ideas of royal overthrow! This despite the fact that it is in a vampires nature to be free in their dark immortal trek into the never-ending threads of eternity!

All Vampires Fall Under The Rule Of Royals Whether They Like It Or Not!

All this being said a great many vampires simply choose to never enter royal circles and remain free agents. After all, they’re immortals with super powers so why be shackled? Even if brought across by a royal they can declare their intent to remain free. Yet they must submit to a rudimentary pledge or face serious repercussions! They are also expected to do occasional favors for royals if they are in the position to do so.  Those who have accepted full titles can never leave under any circumstance. Their pledge of loyal service is eternal! All who incur the wrath of any royal faces execution from said royals, or their Knights! Vampires who have previously never touched royal circles who finally come into contact with one often end up dead since they have no knowledge of this. They tend to defy the royal who they simply see as just another vampire adversary. Quite a few low generation vampires think that the Transylvanian royals are a myth. Unfortunately, if they live long enough they will realize the dangerous reality of the secret world of the royal vampires!

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Additional Note: Woodland Springs, Colorado…home of Mystic Investigations Headquarters & Employees….is supposedly under the rule of the Vampire Countess of Comanche County named Saphiranza.  However, we’ve never seen her nor had anyone enforcing her rule thus far.  Certainly, our vampire Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander would have been contacted by now.  Although he’s made it clear to the world he doesn’t recognize the royals, and has said Woodland Springs is “his town”!