What Are The Bigfoot Sasquatch?

The Sasquatch, otherwise known as Bigfoot, are bipedal hominid cryptid’s native to the dense isolated forests of the Northern United States and Southern Canada. Although the densest populations are in the Pacific Northwest. Their height can range approximately from 8-10 feet tall. Weight falls anywhere from 700-900 pounds. There appears to be no size difference between male and female Sasquatch. The noble beasts have an apish Neanderthal appearance covered in shaggy medium to long length fur that ranges in various shades of brown color. Only the face, human-like hand palms, and foot pads are mostly free of hair. The Bigfoot has thick sharp claws used to cut through dense foliage, mark tree trunks, dig into the ground, and dispatch hunters after them! It’s also said the claws have the same effect as silver on Werewolves and other monsters who call it poison! They have expressive human-like eyes that are usually burnt sienna in color. In darkness, they glow dimly amber as the Bigfoot has excellent night vision. They will glow a brighter yellow when a practitioner of magic is attacking them. This is their immunity to magic being activated! The creature generally emits a foul odor that intensifies when it feels threatened.

The Powers Of The Bigfoot

In addition to the aforementioned immunity to all magic, they are immortal. The seemingly indestructible Sasquatch also possesses super strength, speed, agility, enhanced senses, and a sixth sense that warns them of impending danger. They have strong healing factors and there is no evidence they acquire any diseases. This includes paranormal ones such as the dreaded Zombie virus. Faunapathic powers allow them to peacefully interact with all animals including grizzly bears and wild cats! Although timid gentle herbivores by nature they can be ferocious monsters when provoked or someone deeply trespasses on their territory. It’s said there isn’t a supernatural being on Earth who isn’t afraid of Bigfoot nor it’s paranormal cousin the Abominable Snowman Yeti. Even the strongest Vampires and Werewolves will turn tail and run when faced with an angry Sasquatch!

Bigfoot Culture

The Sasquatch people have a primitive intelligence and feel a wide range of emotions. There is a loose culture that chose to live completely in tune with nature. There is some evidence they practice herbal medicine, worship Gods, bury their dead, discuss the dangers human society poses, and contemplate their lives. Some may use primitive tools but they don’t build fires as they have no use for them. They communicate with each other in an indecipherable guttural grunting language. When angered they growl louder than a lion yet let loose a high pitched warning cry that travels miles. The Bigfoot has the ability to sign language with humans. Particularity the Native Americans they communed with early on and trusted to hide them from the European settlers in later centuries. The Indians looked upon the Sasquatch as holy sacred beings of Mother Nature.

Sasquatch Lifestyle

The Bigfoot enjoys roaming about the secluded woods making friends with animals and nature deities such as nymphs and Fairies while they forage for plants to eat. In particular, they love pine cones and evergreen needles. Sasquatch sometimes live in caves and will dig dens into the ground for winter or giving birth. Some who live further north will migrate south during harsh winter months. They love temperate zones with plenty of rain and don’t appreciate extreme cold or heat. More often they simply love sleeping under the stars despite only requiring a few hours of slumber per night. They prefer to be alone with nature most of the time but they do socialize with their own kind on a regular if not sparse basis. It is rare for a Bigfoot to have a dispute with another. Although they do not get along with their violent Yeti cousins. Sasquatch are masters of stealth and can move without making a sound despite their giant lumbering size. You could be within 10 feet of one and not even see them crouching behind a tree or bush waiting for you to leave the area!

The Origin Of The Supernatural Sasquatch

Despite the speculation of the Cryptozoology community, we believe that the Sasquatch was genetically created by advanced extraterrestrials of unknown origin some 1.7 million years ago. The alien DNA manipulation analysis indicates that Bigfoot has elements of our early hominid ancestors Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus. There are also unidentifiable extraterrestrial and enchanted elements within the genes of Bigfoot. There was some apparent effort to make it look like their creation was apart of Earth’s natural evolution process. However, the immortality of the Sasquatch created a low sex drive and therefore a consistently small populace that pretty much kept evolution at a minimum. If the Bigfoot couldn’t live forever the supernatural species would have died out a long time ago!

The hominid hybrid experiments took place in the American Northwest where the Bigfoot was specifically designed to survive in the lush secluded forests. It’s thought the aliens noticed the African hominids and wanted to speed up the evolution process. A process that was to produce a supernatural species to deal with paranormal threats they must have noticed while exploring our world. It’s unknown if this was a work of benevolence or mere scientific curiosity. It is also not known if the aliens continue to observe or even visit their creations as Gods. The Sasquatch are secretive about what Gods they worship. Quite a few are nature deities they discovered and Native American Gods.

Sasquatch Families

The Sasquatch mate every so often and there are a handful of baby Bigfoot born every century. It seems conception is difficult to achieve which isn’t surprising in an immortal creature. The hairy couple will stay together to raise the child for about 14 years before parting ways as they prefer to live alone. Still, the Bigfoot often gather in groups to exchange information. Especially where to avoid humans who aren’t one with Mother Nature!  It is said the original alien experiment creations, aka the Adam and Eve of the Sasquatch people, still survive and act as a pseudo King and Queen of sorts. If that is the case they would be 1.7 million years old! Although there is no official government or civilization. It’s rumored the King and Queen along with their first few generational descendants have the power to telepathically communicate with all of their kind anywhere on Earth. Perhaps influencing what they do sub-consciously or sending direct messages that might be seen as signs from Gods.

The Magic Of The Sasquatch

Native Americans trusted the sacred Sasquatch to scare off the first werewolves and Wendigo. In general, they ward off evil in all forms! They aided the first humans to cross the Bering Strait Land Bridge and cross the Pacific to North America. The Bigfoot shared the secrets of Mother Earth with the first Natives. However, they were far less trusting of settlers who got here from the Atlantic ocean such as Vikings and other Europeans. These early explorers attempted to hunt down what they saw as blasphemous beasts! Sasquatch fur is extremely valuable in the supernatural community. It brings good luck and is a powerful ingredient in magical potions, rituals, and spells. This is even more true for Bigfoot blood given willingly. The blood is a known poison for evil entities such as vampires!

The Demi-Sasquatch & Bigfoot Uprising

Despite the striking physical differences between Bigfoot and Humans, there are rare Sasquatch-Human Hybrids, aka Demi-Sasquatch, that walk among us. Clearly our DNA is compatible. The first were with Native Americans who considered it a sacred event to join with the Sasquatch as blood brothers and sisters. More recently it has been a variety of races who are in the supernatural know and have met various Bigfoot people. One Demi-Bigfoot works at our own local secret supernatural Club 13 as a Bouncer. Mr. Altec is ideally suited to his job with super strength, speed, agility, enhanced senses, immunity to magic, and most likely immortality! Although he must wax his body on a daily basis. Well, he doesn’t have to but he seems to be embarrassed by his Bigfoot heritage and doesn’t like to talk about it!

Demi-Sasquatch are usually in the 7 foot tall heavy muscular build range. Despite Bigfoot generally being peaceful the interbreeding can instill violent tendencies. Mr. Altec only seems to let it show when he is forced to fight. Quite a few Bigfoot Hybrids can be downright vile. Such is the cases when we here at Mystic Investigations dealt with one at an amusement park recently. He seemed to be ridiculously obsessed with getting his daughter a dolphin doll I won. It ended up in a big brawl!

There have also been factions of Sasquatch who have had enough of the ever-increasing intrusion into their private world. They feel the only answer is to fight back against the human invasion into their sacred forests. A Sasquatch Rebellion was quelled by government and private paranormal forces in August 2018. This has also fueled ever increasing hybrid births in an effort to “infiltrate” human society! Impregnating a human female has a greater frequency of success than in their own kind. Let us pray the Native American friends of the Sasquatch can broker peace between them and the humans they see as enemies!

Develop Super Powers!

Bigfoot Related Links…Not Missing Links…

The Original Famous Bigfoot Video. It is said the Sasquatch in the video was shunned by his people for exposing their kind to the world!

Talk Of The Hunt For Sasquatch

Sasquatch Public Service Warning Announcement

Is The Blob A Real Monster?


Amazingly, Blob Monsters sickeningly slide about our paranormal planet!  In general terms a Blob Monster is basically any mass of gelatinous goo, or similar material, that can move under its own power with some manner of consciousness. The creatures mental capacity can range from zombie like instincts or all the way to intelligent self-aware sapience. The most famous Blob is portrayed in the 1958 movie “The Blob“.  It was based on the true story of Extraterrestrial goo falling to Earth withing a meteor. It then proceeded to devour humans thereby increasing in strength and size. This Blob was driven by a primal instinct to devour all conscious life. In the end, simple cold temperatures stopped the creature as it came from an extremely hot planet.

The Radiation Ridden 20th Century Gave Us A Big Increase In Blob Monsters!

Most Blob Monsters came into existence in the post World War II era of mass chemical and radiation use. However, there are sporadic paranormal records of ancient Blobs with prehistoric origins, those created by magic, or alchemy, and the aforementioned alien Blobs. Many times in the magical realm the Blob was the culling of various metaphysical energies into a metaphysical matter form. Sometimes they were ghosts, poltergeists, demons, and other higher dimensional beings ripped away from their alternate planes of existence. Their consciousness inhabiting an ectoplasm form.  Even a live human can be cursed by a Gypsy or other powerful practitioner of magic into having their soul stolen from their body and slammed into a blasphemous Blob form!

The Quintessential Glittering Green Glowing Blob

Currently, the most common form of Blob Monsters are the green glittering glowing gelatinous type illustrated at the top of this article. The creatures can appear deceptively cute in some cases! Don’t be fooled for they are deadly! They are often the product of high levels of radiation mixing with certain chemicals. Toxic waste dumps are the most common sites of their birth.  A human, some supernatural beings, or even an animal can fall prey to chemical radioactivity thereby being reduced to a gelatinous form. Generally, though an animal doesn’t have enough spiritual juice to form a Blob or keep its form for too long. Somewhere in the mix there is a metaphysical transfer of the victim’s soul to the new gel form. It charges the goo, and utilizes the entire Blob as a consciousness matrix in place of a biological brain. Radioactive goo is then transformed into metaphysical matter rather than physical matter. Metaphysical matter reacts directly to a consciousness without the need for logical biological or mechanical parts. The outer shell is rather firm while the deepest parts of the Blob are more slimy in nature. More so when it has absorbed various people, animals, and sometimes random objects.

Radioactivity vs Metaphysical Energy

The creature glitters and glows with a mesmerizing green hue that makes it stand out in the darkness. This is often more of an indication of the metaphysical energy activity of their spirit rather than radiation. Although, the catalyst for the green color is gamma radiation. The same stuff that creates Incredible Hulks! Interestingly enough the heavy gelatinous substance locks in the radiation thereby making the Blob harmless in that respect. That is unless of course you’re sucked in and manage to escape. Then it might be cancer time! Supernatural Scientists and Cryptozoologists are studying the mystery of how the radiation is contained along with discovering what is the catalyst of this sapient Blog creation process.

The Disturbing Eyes Of The Blob Monster!

The oddest part of the modern Blob birth process is the formation of huge non-glowing googly eyes. Some say eyes are the windows of the soul and must form on all intelligent beings. A God programmed bridge between the laws of physics and metaphysics. The personality of the former human, or whatever the being was, is transformed to an almost innocent child like state within the simple mental matrix of the Blob. So they are usually not a threat for the most part.  However, people, animals, and things can get caught within their jelly like body thereby suffocating innocent victims to death rather quickly!  If they sink too deep within the Blob the pressure can crush them as well!  The digestion like assimilation of virtually any substance via a pressurized acidic breakdown increases the size and strength of the Blob. Unfortunately, since it’s a metaphysical matter being it responds to the strongest metaphysical energy organisms, aka humans, and various supernatural beings.  Although, it can exist indefinitely without consuming anything.

The Blob Speaks

Small Blob Monster Outside A City Post Office.

Communication is difficult at first as they become used to their new mind and body. Without a mouth their thoughts send out vibrations through their goo that send odd echoes forth. Eventually the sounds will evolve into a muffled voice. If the Blob lives long enough it acquires shape shifting abilities that allow it to form a mouth along with a tongue, and vocal cord equivalents to create clear complete speech. Usually the voice is rather cute, high pitched, and squeaky sounding until their shape shifting skills advance sufficiently.  A rare few may even sprout small arms and after being alive for a century or more they could very well reacquire a human like bipedal form. Despite this they will still always be a green glowing gelatinous form and the giant googly eyes seem to be unalterable for reasons unknown.

The Immortal Blob

The Blob is theoretically Immortal unless it refuses to consume anything or absorb any further radiation.  Over time sliding about surfaces causes gel to slough off, and reduce its size. This of course then reduces its mental capacity which threatens to reduce it to a zombie like form that will begin absorbing anything in sight!  In addition, radioactive decay occurs giving it a plausible life expectancy of at least several thousands of years. Periodic exposure to gamma rays will ensure immortality and maintain its strength and size.  The government has been known to capture Blob’s for use in the clean up of dangerous radiation.

Environmental Clean-Up Courtesy Of The Blob?

A Blob can actually absorb nuclear waste and help the environment!  They’re the reason our nuclear waste problems aren’t 100 times worse than they already are. Some say Mother Nature, Goddess Gaia, had a hand in these type of Blob’s creation as a countermeasure for humankind’s radioactive ravages! Unfortunately, too much nuclear waste absorption can tend to make them aggressive and alter their normally chipper demeanor.  This is just another reason to steer clear of nuclear waste dumps! The telltale signs of a dangerous Blob are specs of brown amid its green glittering body, and movement toward you at ramming speed!  The only known repellent for this Blob is Iodine. Otherwise run for your life, and pray he, or she doesn’t encase you within its slime ridden gooeyness!  Ewwwwwwww!

👻More Horror Legends…

See Also: Star Jelly | Slithersucker

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What Are Toilet Monsters?


November 19th is World Toilet Day! A time to reflect on the fact that billions of people on Earth don’t have a safe and sanitary toilet’s to use. Most of us take it for granted that we can use a modern toilet anytime we please! The goal of Toilet Day is to guarantee that everyone has a toilet to use by 2030. In the meantime, we will discuss the supernatural side of toilets. Namely the terror of Toilet Monsters! As silly as it sounds they are real yet very rare in occurrence! Still, it wouldn’t hurt to look before you crap! Better safe than sorry!

The Origin Of Toilet Monsters

The terrifying Toilet Monsters were born within the noxious fecal goo of the sinister Stool Monster that often resides in sewers sometime in the mid 20th century. Thus the Toilet Monster is temporarily a Sewer Monster who seeks out crappers as its home. Cryptozoological research indicates the mini monsters are a genetic melding of trolls, gremlins, swamp monsters, and an unknown element with hints of The Stool within. Most likely these separate monsters became stuck in The Stool creature and the high-pressure bio-chemical mix molded them into a new blasphemous being. Thankfully these despicable little creepers only reproduce when exposed to high levels of radiation for reasons unknown. This keeps their population extremely small. Upon radiation exposure, the Toilet Monster returns to the sewers to find The Stool. It insinuates itself on the outer fringes of the gelatinous goo to give birth. Promptly both monsters go their separate ways in search of new crappers above ground. All Toilet Monsters are hermaphrodites and can produce their own monster child.

Entry Of The Crapper Monster Into Your Humble Abode!

After making their way up out of the sewer into the plumbing of homes and businesses the Toilet Monster takes up residence in one or more toilets. The sick puppy subsists off of fresh human waste! The Toilet Monster can greatly compact its body so you might not even notice it while sitting on the throne. However, it will not hesitate to attack with its sharp teeth if it feels threatened. It has been known to bite rear ends and even rip private parts off! It is very strong and doesn’t go too far down when the toilet is flushed. Luckily the monster loves cold water and will rarely leave the toilet to enter your home. It also feels safe in small spaces so you won’t find these monsters in swimming pools, lakes or other bodies of water.

How To Get Rid Of A Toilet Monster

Even if you don’t spot the silent little menace in your crapper bowl there will be signs of its presence. Namely the green slime it sheds from its disgusting form. It also leaves a lingering odor described as a cross between rotted fish, seaweed, and stinky cheese. The easiest way to repel the heinous horror is to continually dump boiling hot water into the toilet. Chemical cleaners have no effect on them! Not even bleach! Most Toilet Monsters are stubborn and will keep returning to the crapper that it sees as its home. As it is not demonic in nature religious artifacts such as holy water will not work. In such cases contact your nearest paranormal professional, monster hunters, or magical practitioners to expel or capture the creature. Killing them is beyond difficult as they are extremely rubbery and tough-skinned with extreme resistance to various means of destruction! #WorldToiletDay

Also, See Do Vampires Use Toilets?