Who Is The Splinter Man?

The Splinter Man is a dangerous deformed paranormal monster that wanders the various woodlands of Europe, and Asia. He was once an evil British wizard simply named Gregor. We know very little about his elusive past. Sometime in the late 1880’s he attempted to access some deeply dark magics in his mad quest for immortal powers. Unfortunately for him, he got his wish for immortality. A prize that came with a heavy price. He performed his immortal magic ritual in the Black Forest of Germany during the Midnight Witching Hour. He traveled all the way there as the forest is known to be enchanted. These enchantments facilitated Gregor calling upon higher dimensional beings of an unknown origin. We know that they were neither demons, dark deities, or even Jinn. Some think it was the mysterious Conexsus who are a unique collective of many higher dimensional entities.

Risky Dark Magic Results In An Immortal Curse!

As Gregor chanted his sinister spell in various dead languages he performed blood sacrifices with thirteen people he had kidnapped earlier. Upon the final despicable death, a surge of dark energy shot through him with such force that it launched him into a huge tree. He had entered into uncharted mystical territory and assumed he was calling upon powerful beings for power. However, he unknowingly opened an unstable paranormal portal for these blasphemous beings to cross into our dimension. This caused the forest around him to be out of phase with our reality. When he was thrown into the tree he merged with the trunk as the portal manifested and then closed as it quickly lost supernatural steam. The unique nature of the dark metaphysical energy then caused the wood to merge with his body all the way down to the genetic level. After breaking away most of the excess trunk Gregor emerged as seen in the illustration above. A monstrous mystical wood monster-human hybrid standing at about 8 feet tall!

The Wood-Human Hybrid Of Horror!

He hobbled about wildly due to his deformed uneven heavy limbs as he screamed insanely sounding gibberish from his wooden throat! His ability to perform magic became deeply limited in this frightening form. He was so enraged that he went on a rampage in the nearest village killing everyone including a pack of wolves eating a deer nearby. Gregor seems to require a lot of energy to move about so he consumes quite a bit of protein. His reign of terror continued for several years until various farmers, and hunters realized he was vulnerable to large sharp implements, and fire due to the wood ingrained into his cells. The German people called him Splitter Mann, aka Splinter Man, because of the wood splinters he would leave behind where ever he traveled. Anyone impaled by even a small splinter would become deathly ill, and acquire what is called The Splinter Virus. A supernatural sickness that begins to transmute the entire body into wood until the victim dies within weeks. Currently, there is no known cure for the Splinter Virus.

The Eurasian Terror!

Over the many decades of his hellish existence, Splinter Man made his way around the Eurasian continent steering clear of bitterly cold regions. Since the late 1880’s he’s done nothing but terrorize innocent men, women, children, and animals. Various sightings have been recorded over the last century up to the present. US soldiers in the middle east reported seeing him during their various military objectives since the first Gulf War. He was even spotted in the Korean, and Vietnam Wars as well. Naturally, the governments of the world have suppressed this information so as not to alarm the general public. Thankfully he seems only interested in killing large adults for a quick cannibal meal. Although I guess he really isn’t human anymore so we can’t consider him a cannibal. He generally goes for large muscular men as they provide the most meat for any given kill.

The Paranormal Predator Splinter Man!

When humans aren’t easily accessible he will rabidly devour just about any animal he can get his hands on. Eye witness accounts indicate that his super strength and sharp hickory like limbs allow him to easily vanquish bears, wildcats, and even animals all the way up to Elephants. Those sharp hickory limbs have also been known to slay vampires and takedown werewolves with extreme prejudice! This big bastard will eat anything that moves! Despite his deformed limbs, and wild staggering movement he has grown quite capable of moving very fast. It’s estimated that he can run up to 35 mph as reported by horrified motorists whose vehicles he has chased. His magical powers seem to be limited to simple spells, mind control, and telekinesis. He has been known to confuse people and put delusions in their mind as a form of torture. Splinter Man can use his telekinesis to knock people down, and draw them toward him up to 15 feet away! When using his paranormal powers his eyes glow green.

Splinter Man Is A Mediocre Magician

His ability to practice magic has become beyond difficult due to his human soul being in conflict with a body ill-equipped to receive it. This causes an imbalance in metaphysical energies that interfere with magical spells. This surrounds him in an erratic aura that renders most photography and video ineffective in capturing his image. Also, his deformed limbs are unable to handle mystical texts, mix potions, and say spells properly since he’s barely able to talk. It sounds like a gravelly two-year-old learning to talk. Mostly he growls in a way that sounds like a cross between a Werewolf, and a train whistle. It’s a most unique, and spine chilling sound. If you ever hear it your first instinct is to run for your ever-loving life!

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Splinter Man’s Last Major Sighting

The Splinter Man’s last major sighting as of the original publication of this article was in the village of Chinnamanaickenpalayam in India. He was chasing innocent bystanders with elephant blood splattered all over him! Amid his growls, he repeatedly muttering in a raspy voice something that sounded like, “Me likes duh phanter!” Amazingly a paranormal investigator arrived on the scene just in time to record him saying it. The brave warrior then ran to safety near a big bonfire. Click here for the .wav file to hear the Splinter Man. He still seems to speak English and hasn’t bothered to acquire any other language skills. Probably because nobody can understand his mumbling anyway.

Splinter Man’s Reign Of Terror!

Since the incident in India, there have only been sparse unsubstantiated sightings until the updates given at the end of this article. This includes a run-in with Bigfoot! This is not unusual since he’s smart enough to know that he will be stopped if he terrorizes people non-stop. The longer he does this the more we in the paranormal community close in on him! Splinter’s only joys in life seem to be hunting down big game and tormenting innocent people! Thankfully he seems to avoid water which is why he hasn’t made it to the rest of the world. Pray he doesn’t make it on to a cargo ship!  Some evidence suggests that he heavily absorbs water, and it softens his body over time. So dousing him in water might be another potential defense along with fire, and large sharp implements such as swords, hand saws, and even chain saws. This water weakness might explain his avoidance of very cold regions. Perhaps any absorbed water would freeze thereby temporarily petrifying him. Then he can be chain sawed down for firewood!

The Wood Splinters Of This Malevolent Monster

Mystic Investigations has samples of his splinters in our laboratory for cryptid study, and use in magic that requires the presence of unique elements. They are widespread around the world and most reputable paranormal firms will have some in stock. However, they must be handled with extreme care otherwise one could acquire the Splinter Virus. If you have spotted the Splinter Man or know his current whereabouts then please contact Mystic Investigations or your nearest paranormal investigations crime-fighting firm.  Do not approach the Splinter Man as he is quite diabolical and deeply dangerous!  If he begins to chase you try to get into a building or climb a tree as fast as you can. You will need to be at least 15 feet above the ground to avoid his potential mind control and telekinetic powers. If not then the last thing you may see are his jagged wooden teeth coming at you!

Updates

  • March 20, 2016: Witnesses place him in various rural areas in Cuba. After over a century he finally had the bright idea to hitch a ride on a cargo ship or finally decided to risk the ocean waters. He did have quite a few supernatural hunters after him so perhaps he decided to hide on the other side of the world. Many from families of hunters who have tracked his routine for decades.
  • August 12, 2019: First sighting on continental North American soil in Yucatan, Mexico.
  • April 22, 2020: First sighting in the United States. Last seen in the Florida Everglades eating a large crocodile while a mostly eaten Manatee lay dead nearby. A giant Sasquatch roared onto the scene! Splinter actually hesitated as he will attack anything. For the first time, he fled the scene when faced with a one on one fight. Usually, only a mob of armed humans or magical practitioners scare him away. I guess Splinter knows not to mess with Bigfoot!

The Frightening Forked Lake Lusus Naturae

Forked Lake is a large picturesque body of water located in the Adirondack Park within the State of New York. As with many large bodies of water, there are always at least a scattering of odd supernatural sightings and paranormal phenomenon.  With each passing year, there have been more reports of the Forked Lake Monster, aka Forked Lake Lusus Naturae, as the locals call it. The creature is said to be at least 12-15 feet in length with a unique mostly crimson coloring. At night its eyes glow an ominous orange along with the azure shimmering of its tentacles. Witnesses describe the blasphemous behemoth as a giant squid with two Narwhal like horns on the top of its head. There are also some Killer Whale features such as the black dorsal fin.😈

Signs Of The Paranormal Monstrosity


The Forked Lake Lusus Naturae is notorious for capsizing boats and scaring local tourists. Especially when it scoops swimmers down into the murky depths before catapulting them back to the surface while letting out a hyena-like laugh. This suggests that the beast is sentient and toys with humans for its own personal joy. So far it hasn’t seriously injured or killed anyone that we know of. However, some blame the monstrosity for missing persons in the area. Cryptid Researchers are relatively sure the Forked Lake Monster is a vegetarian that subsists off plants growing on the lake bed, and along the shores. Various sulfurous gasses bubbling to the water’s surface every so often is suspected to be the monsters doing. This wouldn’t be that out of the ordinary for a large herbivore as they are often notorious for producing noxious gasses.💩

The Origins Of The Alarming Lake Monster

The origins of the Forked Lake Monstrosity are rumored to lie at an abandoned top-secret Adirondack Mountains facility. A place of magical experimentation run by dark wizard masters. Possibly Level 9 or greater!  The first sightings coincide with the forced closing of the facility in the late 1990s by paranormal crime fighters. These despicable masters of maligned magic were looking for ways to mystically combine, and enhance animal species. All in a misguided effort to create the perfect supernatural being for use in a monstrous army of darkness!  A deadly attack beast that would follow telepathic commands at will.

Could The Forked Lake Lusus Naturae Actually Be Human?

There were even whisperings of human brains being used in the dark enchanted experiments. It’s plausible the Forked Lake Lusus Naturae was an innocent human whose brain was transplanted into a horrifying hybrid body via supernatural surgery! Now trapped as a monster all they have to live for is tormenting people! Yet they retain enough of their humanity so as not to cause too much harm. Certainly, communication in their present form would be next to impossible! Various Practitioners Of Magic and Cryptozoologists have said they could work together to transplant the human brain back into a male or female human form. Of course, they would have to first make some kind of psychic contact to determine if the monster is actually human. If you spot the Forked Lake Fright then contact Mystic Investigations or the Adirondack Mountain Monster Society ASAP so we can help it, and remove any future potential threat it might possess!🐙

Is The Incredible Hulk Real?

Yes, Hulks are real supernatural creatures that are human most of time until triggered by anger or other heightened emotional states. The Hulks are of immense size with insanely mammoth muscles. They resemble Neanderthal’s with a more menacing monstrous appearance! And of course they’re almost always green in color. These monsters are fueled by rage that can cause them to go on damaging rampages! Thankfully, there is a glimmer of their human persona that often prevents major harm coming to innocent people. Once a rare paranormal find, the Chernobyl, and Japanese Fukushima Nuclear Disasters created an unprecedented quantity of new Hulks. Stories specific to the comic book, television, and motion picture versions of the Incredible Hulk are fictional but most likely exist in Parallel Universes.☢️

The Gamma Fueled Hulk Gene

Gamma Radiation exposure creates future Hulks!

Incredible Hulks form when a human with the Hulk Gene comes into contact with massive doses of Gamma Radiation. Obviously, most humans would get radiation sickness and die when exposed to gamma rays. The precursor to the Hulk Gene had its origin in the inter-species mating between modern humans and Neanderthals. The latent gene came to fruition when it was exposed to gamma radiation for the first time. Most likely in the 8th century when a Near Earth Supernova sent forth a massive gamma radiation burst. It’s possible someone with the precursor gene could have been exposed to gamma rays before this. However, the first recorded Hulks are from the late 700’s AD. Cryptozoologists also have ample evidence to link most modern Incredible Hulk genes to this time frame.

The Nuclear Beast

Those unfortunate souls who have their Hulk Genes activated are usually the result of unintended incidents. Accidents at nuclear power plants, scientific research facilities, and ground zero nuclear blasts bring about the metamorphosis of human into a gargantuan green Hulk. The green hulk is the most common form but they can also be other colors including gray, red, gold, blue, purple, and black due to varying factors.  A rare few even manage to retain their natural skin color. No matter what they look like they are deeply dangerous monsters who operate on instinct. When deeply angered they can become powerful enough to take down a Bigfoot and even a Werewolf with extreme prejudice! It’s even said the most powerful vampires head for the hills if a Hulk roars forth! This is why various governments and clandestine organizations have been searching for people with the Hulk Gene.They want to harness the awesome rage-filled power that lies within for military applications and nefarious purposes.

The Immense Indestructible Incredible Hulk!

A Hulk bench presses a Sasquatch preparing to launch him across a lake!

The Hulk is considered the pinnacle of biological supernatural strength and indestructibility due to the sheer maximum density of muscular cellular structures. It’s said that strength wise the Hulk is potentially the apex predator of the planet putting all creaturea paranormal or otherwise to shame! Incredible Hulks also have deeply enhanced speed, agility, and senses. An average Hulk can grow anywhere from seven to nine feet tall with weight in the one ton range within seconds of metamorphic triggering. That triggering is of course anger and in some cases deep fright.  Once heightened emotional states have subsided the creature will de-transform back to human just as quickly. The massive transformation, fueled by the gamma radiation laden Hulk Gene, and its link to metaphysical energy, creates exponential paranormal cellular growth. That is why glowing green eyes are witnessed during the metamorphosis. The journey back to human however causes a shedding of cells not seen in entertainment versions of the Incredible Hulk.  When a Hulk returns to a human state they will find themselves lying in a perplexing pool of green cellular goo!  Ewwwww!🤮

The Human Hulk

In human form, a Hulk is invulnerable to radiation and will never get cancer. They will have somewhat enhanced strength, speed, agility, and senses in the same way Werewolves do in their human state. That increases with heightened emotions just on the verge of causing full on transformation. When the eyes begin glowing there’s no going back! Hulks in a human state will have moderately developed muscles without exercising unlike the David and Bruce Banner of fictional fame. They can easily become body builders with minimal weight training. Their appetites are often double that of normal humans which compels them to consume six meals a day! Their naturally fast metabolisms gladly welcome high quantities of protein! If you see someone totally pigging out and they’re in good shape then you may have a Hulk on your hands. You will never see an overweight Hulk.

Hulks Gone Wild!

Both males and females can be Incredible Hulks. Interestingly enough, transformed female Hulks appear more human with less muscle mass and a softening of broad facial features. This is thought to be caused by some interaction between the two X Chromosomes and estrogen hormones working in concert with the Hulk Gene. Another overlooked fact is that all Hulks are completely naked unless they take special countermeasures in advance. I don’t care how strong their denim pants are. Those things are ripping off along with the underwear and bras!  It’s the same principle as a Werewolf transformation. You don’t usually see Werewolves running around with a pair of torn pants on. LOL! Naturally, entertainment media incarnations of the Hulk must have them wearing torn clothes for censorship purposes. When attempting to capture and contain Hulks, supernatural hunters often look the other way as it can be quite distracting!

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The Big Green Anger Machine!

When in a complete rage the Hulk is more or less like a dangerous animal. As it calms a bit aspects of its human personality will forge forth, and they will have at least a child like comprehension of right, and wrong.  Generally, if a person or something else triggered the transformation that will be the object of the hulks destructive tendencies. They are generally driven by pure instinct and the last thoughts and events of their human self before transmuting to Hulk. This can be rather convenient for people who hulk out with a mission in mind. It can be easily completed inadvertently by the Hulk as it is sub-consciously driven by the human persona.

Controlling Incredible Hulk Transformations

Like Werewolves and other Therianthropes, Hulks can eventually learn to control their transformations over time so that they may instantly hulk out at will. Some may even be able to maintain some level of human consciousness instead of being pushed into the back of their minds in an unconscious state with no memory of their hulkishness.  After many years of practice they could have complete memory of what happened as a back seat observer similar to split personalities not active at the moment. Others might achieve real control over their Hulk, and utter simple words, and catchphrases such as “Hulk Smash!” Most of the time Hulks emit ear-splitting echoing roars that make a Lion, Werewolf and Sasquatch sound like a squeaky mouse.

Incredibly Indestructible But Not Immortal

Hulks are not immortal despite the amazing cellular growth of their transformations.  The deteriorated telomere, the hallmark of aging, is not regenerated but it does deteriorate far less than standard humans. In addition, some general cell damage, illnesses, and toxins are remedied during hulk outs. Bone breaks and even paralysis will heal completely after a few transformations. Due to this they can live an extremely long time, look young, and remain active at a very old age. It’s plausible for a Hulk to live for 200 years or more! The Hulks physical age is based on the human’s age while the Hulk itself never ages. Theoretically if someone was permanently in Hulk form they would probably be immortal. A higher frequency of transformations equals a slower aging process.  Also, continued exposure to gamma radiation increases life expectancy and strength as well. Keeping some Uranium around the house never hurt a Hulk!

The Father Of Modern Hulks: Axel Emerson

Hulks were virtually unheard of before the Nuclear Age of the 20th century. The first recorded Hulk of modern times was a scientist named Axel Emerson. He was studying gamma rays in a US government lab in 1927. Axel accidentally overdosed on radiation and transformed into a Hulk. The first transformation always occurs upon radiation exposure and complete activation of the Hulk Gene whether the subject was angry or not. He destroyed the lab and killed two members of the staff including an armed guard whose rifle was useless against the huge green behemoth. The bullets bounced right off barely leaving any scratches! Several others in the research facility suffered major to minor injuries.

Axel Hulk Lives!

Axel escaped and actually came back to work the next day since he had no memory of what happened. He was quickly detained by military personnel who told him what happened. Silent film footage of some of his destruction was witnessed and he suddenly became deeply agitated causing another Hulk out. This time he crashed through the wall and ran away. Over the past century, there have been unconfirmed sightings of his human, and Hulk self.  He is still on the US Paranormal Defense Agencies Top 100 Most Wanted List (Top 10). The agency also actively covers up all public exposure incidents of anyone on a Hulk rampage.  At least a handful of times supposed Earthquake destruction was actually a Hulk going nuts!

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The Lonely Life Of Hulks On The Run

Many Hulks end up living a nomadic life moving from town to town taking up odd jobs and helping out the weak in a quest to find a purpose in life. They may look for redemption if they accidentally harmed or killed someone while being a heinous hulk! Some even hope to find a cure but none have found one. They’re also on the run from the government, paranormal investigators, and supernatural hunters who wish to unlock their genetic secrets or simply eradicate them. They fear hurting innocent people and are reluctant to forge close relationships. Only those who truly gain control over their alter ego might dare settle down and raise a family. At least one of their children is likely to possess the Hulk Gene but all will be well so as long as they steer clear of those pesky gamma rays. Those who are evil humans are the most dangerous in Hulk form. They are the ones who appear the most monstrous!

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The Supernatural World Fails To Cure Hulks!

Those Hulks who stumble upon the complete paranormal world have tried working with witches, warlocks, wizards, and sorcerers to cure them of their plight. No magic seems to be a match for the Hulk Gene. Any magical intervention causes the blasphemous beast to appear with a vengeance! Some have attempted to trade their Hulk in for another supernatural being. There are those who tried becoming vampires, werewolves, and a number of other supernatural creatures but such experiments have failed. It seems even the powerful demonic based Vampire, and Lycanthrope virus dies in a Hulks body whether in human or Hulk form. There’s no record of Vampire or Werewolf Hulks. In addition, Hulks are immune to the Zombie Virus.

The Magic Of Marvelous Manifestation!

Are Hulks The Cure For Vampirism And Lycanthropy?

That being said a non-activated Hulk never exposed to gamma rays can become a vampire, werewolf, and zombie yet upon exposure to radiation their Hulk Gene cures them of those conditions and they become pure Hulk. This is another reason Cryptozoologists want to study the Hulk since it could be a cure for the zombie virus, and other former humans afflicted by metaphysical maladies. Despite this Hulks with psychokinetic powers activated will still possess them in human form while not in Hulk form unless they have maintained some level of their human consciousness.

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How To Contain An Incredible Hulk

If you spot a Hulk we recommend staying calm and still to prevent further rampages of death and destruction! Dropping to the fetal position and playing dead is the best defense. Hulks like live subjects to throw and bat around like rag dolls. Do not make eye contact!  Do not run away!  Do not wield a weapon and certainly do not shoot a gun!  You will only anger it further which fuels more strength within. Currently, there is no known method of repellent or extermination for a Hulk. Hulk Hunters use a wide array of weapons and countermeasures that would be lethal to most entities but not the Hulk. If they manage to capture one it is often held in a Graphene and Titanium cage with Hydroxy Gas which is said to aid in neutralizing gamma radiation.

Aaliyah Abebe: Master Hulk Hunter!

Miss Abebe, Hulk Hunter Extraordinaire, goes anywhere a Hulk threatens humankind!

The most famous Hulk Hunter is Aaliyah Abebe from Kenya, Africa. She has the rare power of Radiokinesis, aka the manipulation of radiation. Aaliyah is able to absorb the gamma rays infused within the Hulk and de-transform them back into a human state with a 93% success rate! She must remain within a certain distance to keep the Hulk from coming back. She has experimented with repeatedly using her power on Hulk subjects but has yet to permanently cure one. The most famous experiment had her suppress gamma rays while a Cryptozoologist attempted to isolate and destroy the Hulk Gene. Inexplicably, the subject woke up from anesthesia and hulked out beyond Aaliyah’s control leaving a severe path of destruction in its wake!  Thankfully Aaliyah, and her team,The Abebe Alliance, were able to re-contain the Hulk! Naturally, Aaliyah and her hunters are in high demand wherever a hulk manifests. Unfortunately she doesn’t have mad teleportation skills and it takes time to globe trot to any given disaster.  If you’ve seen a Hulk or suspect someone is a Hulk please contact your nearest private paranormal professional ASAP!🤢

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