How Do You Repel A Zombie?

Posted on December 7, 2019 by Xavier Remington

Zombie Protection Herbs

We’ve heard about a plethora of ways to repel vampires and werewolves. These include various herbs such as garlic, vervain, and wolfsbane. However, we’ve never heard anything about how to keep Zombies away. Naturally, since zombies are non-demonic religious artifacts have no effect on them, unlike the aforementioned vampires & werewolves. Like most metaphysical menaces Mother Nature provides a defense for humans to balance the supernatural scales. After extensive research, we are proud to present our findings that will finally protect you, and your family against the rotting corpses of the Walking Dead. Not surprisingly both protective plants have a noxious stink just as zombies themselves smell like living hell itself! Zombies use their sense of smell to tell the difference between tasty humans, and their animated corpse brothers since zombies ironically loathe dead flesh. Unlike living or freshly dead flesh, it doesn’t quell the hunger of the zombie virus. When the virus is well fed it rewards the zombie by delaying its inevitable decay. No longer do you have to hope you can take down every approaching zombie with a gun, a sharp implement, fire, or even strong industrial acid. Here are the plants that will save your life during a zombie apocalypse:🌺

Stinking Nightshade, also known as Henbane. (Hyoscyamus Niger). This herb has been known for its use in magical potions over the centuries. It’s an excellent herb to grow around your home or zombie bunker. The herb can be worn on your clothing or crushed in a satchel for personal protection. You can also hang cut plants over your windows, and doors. Stinking Nightshade has even been used in incense form to infuse the air with its protective vapors. Just be aware it can cause hallucinations if smoked!

Purple Passion, also known as Velvet Plant. (Gynura Aurantiaca). This is an excellent house plant that can be placed near windows, and doorways for home zombie defense. You can also wear the plant leaves on your clothing to act as a personal deterrent for the dead rising from their graves. Purple Passion will easily grow outside as ground cover. In a post-apocalyptic zombie scenario grow this around your fortified compound since it can spread all about leaving no open spots for zombies to stagger through. In this case, you’d want to live somewhere without winter. Of course, thankfully zombies will literally freeze in place when the temperature drops to below freezing. This is due to the fact that they have zero body heat so the water in their tissues freezes solid. Unfortunately, arid desert regions give us desiccated zombies without any moisture. If they manage to wander into a below-freezing zone they won’t freeze in such cases!

Keeping The Walking Dead At Arms Length

When using these plants on yourself prepare to smell and repel both zombies, and humans. The point is to stay alive and worry about your social life later on. Odds are you will have none in the midst of a zombie virus pandemic! All the plants listed above are poisonous to humans and shouldn’t be ingested or placed directly on skin unless magically prepared by a certified witch, wizard, warlock, or sorcerer. The only way to know if they’re for real is to watch them prepare the potion and witness an inexplicable shimmering luminescence take place in the solution for at least a few seconds. This is evidence of a metaphysical energy exchange that is the heart of magic. Naturally to be safe have them drink a sample first!🧪

Now you can enter a well-deserved slumber after a day of slaying living dead drones with your Purple Passion plant on your nightstand, and a bunch of Stinking Nightshade tied together hanging over your windows, and doors. This is a lot more pleasant than smearing yourself with rotted zombie parts, or weeks old human corpse remains. Yes if you have nothing else this works as well, and will allow you to walk among the walking dead without the worry of being eaten alive! Of course, there’s a chance the zombie virus might be passed on to you!🧟‍♂️

Crystals & Gemstones That Protect Against Living Dead Zombies!

Besides plants Mother Earth often provides us with crystals and gemstones for use as paranormal protection. These are generally not as potent as herbal solutions but can get the job done under the right circumstances. Even if that means a combination of stones used in unison. Our zombie research has field-tested limited success with wearing a combination of Granite (From A Gravestone Only!), Apatite, and Malachite. Most likely worn as a necklace or bracelet. The more you can wear the better! Each must be in equal proportions to work. Granite is the bedrock of Mother Earth, and stuff that mighty mountains are made of. When made into gravestones, and planted at the site of a deceased person it acquires mystical properties related to the dead. Apatite has properties related to the mind, and ironically weight loss since zombies are all about gorging on humans! Malachite is a stone known to ease the transition between life, and death. Especially if a person has had a hellish life, and ghost formation is a real possibility.💎

When placed together these three stones create an anti-zombie trinity! It’s not as potent as the plants mentioned above but it can be good enough to delay the zombies so you can make your escape! Certainly adding these stones to your other zombie countermeasures will amplify your efforts, and support your survival in a dark damned apocalyptic world of zombie despair! Feel free to reply to this article with a comment if you know of any other zombie repellents!🧟‍♀️

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What’s It Like To Be A Zombie Hunter?

Posted on November 6, 2019 by Xavier Remington

A Zombie Hunter, or Zombie Slayer, is a paranormal professional who specializes in the repelling, tracking, neutralization, and extermination of walking dead corpses. It is definitely the second most common supernatural career next to Ghost Hunting. California’s ZombieCorp, Inc are major international players in the Zombie Hunting game. In fact, they have an education division that grants motivated individuals various certifications and degrees in Zombology which encompass all areas of zombie study. Certainly, over the last month, we here at Mystic Investigations have taken down our fair share as the Zombie Apocalypse stands at Grey Alert! This means there are many living dead hordes around the world but not enough to set off a Zombie Epidemic. Thankfully, our partners around the world are keeping the animated corpses under control!🧟‍♀️

How To Get Into The Zombie Hunting Game?

Those who get into Zombie Hunting are often in the family business or run across a zombie randomly. They hear an inner calling after realizing the threat of the walking dead could destroy humankind. If they know nothing about the world of the supernatural then they research what they can at the local library and the internet. Eventually, they stumble on to other hunters and are trained by them or told of real zombie slayer training academy’s. Such schools are in desolate rural areas where dozens of captured zombies can be caged safety. There field conditions can be simulated by controlled release, capture, and hunting exercises. Zombie Hunting sometimes requires capture if one is tasked with meeting research and training needs. Especially in the hunt to find a cure for the many strains of the Zombie Virus. Each day diabolical magical practitioners, Voodoo Masters, and filthy fiends like The Plague Doctor look to increase the likelihood of the Zombie Apocalypse for their own nefarious agendas! If the Walking Dead apocalypse ever happens then Zombie Hunters will be the leaders we look toward to save humankind and rebuild civilization!

What Do Zombie Hunters Learn In Their Training?

Those training to be professional Zombie Hunters learn the history of zombies, their decay rates in various weather and terrain along with their instinctual habits. There’s data on the ever-evolving zombie virus and known evil entities who work to stoke that threat. Generally, survival training is essential as one could spend quite a time in remote rural zones. Once a zombie is detected you can’t just call it a day and go home without a catch. That zombie or horde needs to go down one way or another because human lives are at stake! Tracking, capture, containment, hand to hand combat and kill skills are a top priority at zombie hunting school. One must be proficient in the use of all manner of sharp implements, guns, and impromptu weapons they find in their surroundings. There is also a crash course in how to deal with other supernatural threats and who to call when overwhelmed. Medical training is apart of the package. Whether that be common injuries, illnesses, or zombie bite victims. When someone is bitten their only hope is quick amputation! Leadership skills are emphasized so one can take charge of a novice hunting group or calm those who have just discovered zombies are real. There’s also the monumental task of organizing and protecting surviving humans during a pandemic or apocalypse.

The Dangers Of Zombie Slaying

Needless to say, hunting zombies is a deeply dangerous business to be in. These dangers include the potential to be maimed, killed, or catch the zombie virus! The work is often in the dim light of the night and the corpses smell horrific! It’s not uncommon for new slayers to barf for several months until they become acclimated to the sinster stench of death itself! The utilization of sharp implements and guns presents its own risks. Especially when battling with a group of hunters who could easily become confused in the midst of a living dead horde! A hunter must ideally wear restrictive protective gear as contact with any zombie flesh or bodily fluids could result in catching the zombification virus! There is the additional jeopardy of those who purposely raise zombies from their graves or turn innocents into the walking dead through direct viral transmission. Wicked Witches, Voodoo Priests, mad scientists, and other paranormal power players can pose a serious threat! This is when it’s essential to have back-up and contacts in the supernatural community who can deal with this additional risk.

The Lonely Life Of A Zombie Hunter

The wayward work can require great strength and stamina along with long nocturnal hours in unpleasant weather conditions. It helps if they happen to be superhuman but most are just regular men and women with the guts to do the right thing! A fair number are former members of the military. Some settle in one area where zombies are common but most tend to lead lonely nomadic lives. Only socializing in their hunting circles. Any mention of their job to others might send them to the funny farm for mental evaluation! Of course, every so often there are successful zombie hunting couples who kill and love in their slaying trips around the world. Naturally, bringing kids into this equation is a risky business. However, the noble tradition must be passed on to save future generations from animated disease ridden corpses!

Zombie Hunters Are Rarely Wealthy!

A career in the Zombie Arts is often pro bono and income must be found by other means. Many have normal daytime jobs or even hustle scams on the side to keep up with living expenses and fund their supernatural slaying activities. Sometimes these brave individuals end up hunting all manner of supernatural beings including vampires, werewolves, and other monsters! The smart ones in the paranormal know find organizations and wealthy benefactors who will pay them a living wage. Zombie Bounty Hunters get paid by delivering living dead corpses to zombological research centers and paranormal philanthropists looking to save the planet from the apocalypse. In the end, these magnificent bastards are the unsung heroes who save countless human lives without the general public ever knowing about it! God bless all those who put their lives on the line to destroy the zombie menace!🧟‍♂️

What Are Supernatural Mummies?

Posted on October 24, 2019 by Xavier Remington

A Mummy is a deceased person whose body is preserved through the Mummification process. A burial ritual performed around the world in various ancient cultures such as the Egyptians. It was often thought of as an important event to be mummified and kept intact for a prosperous afterlife. Thankfully most mummies are just preserved humans in bandages that pose no paranormal threat. Although, there are mummies of a supernatural sort that choose our physical world as their afterlife. An unholy resurrection into a life of immortal powers through the dark miracle of ancient magical curses. This mystical regeneration is fueled by the horrifying cannibalistic consumption of live humans! Ultimately these are ritual sacrifices to dark Gods of death who look favorably upon those who still revere them as deities to be respectfully worshiped. Both Mummy, and God partaking of the enchanted essence of the innocent human’s soul!

Zombies Were The Birth Of The Mummy

The metaphysical mummy came into existence after the first Zombies were examined by ancient Egyptians. From this, the mummy’s curse was created. A supernatural safety measure to ensure the sacred bodies and burial vaults would not be disturbed. Such desecration’s were thought to impact the afterlife negatively. Powerful Priests, magicians, and alchemists devised the enchanted embalming method that tapped into the zombie virus while intertwined with a carefully crafted curse. When the mummy was disturbed the curse would channel the metaphysical energies of the ones who discovered it. This would resurrect the sinister spirit from the afterlife. They would then haunt and even attempt to possess victims. All the while sucking them dry of enchanted energy. However, the mummy’s ghost would not have the power to permanently possess another human’s body as it wore the vessel out.

At some point, it must coalesce into its corpse, or return to the afterlife. Their afterlife being the Underworld rather than Heaven or even Hell. Part of the curse was sending their spirit to the Underworld to dwell among the dark Gods, and Goddesses. In some cases, the spirit feels its avenged the desecration of their body and grave. Then they simply return to the Underworld. You might ask if this resurrection power existed with ancient Egyptian Priests then why not prevent death, to begin with? Living out one’s natural life, and ascending to the afterlife was the ideal of existence. The resurrection was only meant to punish wrongdoers. However, some mummies see how amazing the world has become, and want to stay. Perhaps they even tire of the Underworld after thousands of years! Either way, the curse must be specific with purpose, and not just a method to keep people living forever. Otherwise, they tend not to work. Especially with these powerful types intertwined at the will of Gods. In fact, the blessing of the patron God is required to continue living here. Plausibly the mummy is fulfilling an Earthly mission for them.

How Mummies Regain Their Human Beauty & Obtain Paranormal Power

Once within its decrepit bandaged body, the mummy would have very little time to begin consuming live humans. The people it had killed as a dark spirit are devoid of the necessary paranormal power so it needed to seek out other victims. Interestingly enough there is very little coherent consciousness in the early stages of mummy resurrection. The staggering walking dead corpse operates on a zombie-like instinct to seek out human, and animal flesh to a lesser degree. With each meal, they regain their intelligence. The dark patron God of the mummy’s curse aids in the channeling of the human’s astral energy into the mummy. This causes some level of regeneration. It is said that sacred numbers play a role. The mummy must consume 21 people to completely regenerate as an immortal human of exquisite beauty. This complete with enhanced physical abilities, senses, and some degree of psychic powers including hypnosis. They also have various magical protections derived from the original mummy curse.

Seven and three are the sacred multiplied numbers to get Twenty One. The mummy must eat 7 men, 7 women, and 7 virgins of any sex. All preferably youthful yet over 21 years of age. Any consumed kill that deviates from this, including animals, is merely a temporary measure to hold off necrosis. Even after they regenerate they must continue to consume one virginal human every 7 years to remain youthful, and powerful for all eternity. Mature virgins always seem to be key in various rituals and spells because they possess a unique energy that has the wisdom of adulthood intertwined with the innocence of childhood to an extent They also have maximum metaphysical energies due to a partner not sapping them away during sex. The virginal feast must be done in a special ritual sacrifice with the aid of a dark priest. Failure to continue the wretched ritual involves their bodies decaying like that of a zombie. Even their minds will start to go as well.

How To Exterminate A Mummy

Mummies are extremely hard to kill due to the dark magic protecting them. However, the simplest way to kill them is to trick them into eating zombie meat. Even a little will cause them to burst into shimmering sands permanently breaking the curse, and ensuring they can never return. The same thing can be accomplished through careful examination of the mummies curse, and having magical practitioners come up with a viable counter-curse. You can also try to get the mummy to eat a human corpse that has been dead for at least 24 hours. However, this will only cause a slow decay as they scramble to find a virgin to consume within the next 24 hours! If they don’t then they will be exterminated! There is some evidence that forcing a mummy back into their sarcophagus and sealing it can end the reign of terror! Fallen magical mummy sand or ashes is a key ingredient in various foolish resurrection spells. Some even think it holds the key for the curing the zombie virus! If you feel you’re being stalked by a mummy then contact your nearest Egyptologist, witch, or paranormal professionals!