What Is Jason Voorhees?

Posted on December 13, 2019 by Xavier Remington

Are The Friday The 13 Movies True?

The Friday The 13th films are indeed based on a true story. Jason Voorhees (Born Friday, March 13, 1953) was a deformed mentally retarded child who was mercilessly ridiculed by his peers, and adults alike. He was completely ignored by most everyone as he drowned in Crystal Lake on Friday The 13th in May of 1966. Some even laughed as they believed he was just goofing around and not even drowning! His mother began the killing spree at Camp Crystal Lake out of revenge for her son’s death. Her eventual death finally triggered Jason’s biological resurrection from a ghostly non-corporeal form. The unique mix of his tragic death, the dark energies of Friday The 13th, mental retardation, and possible evil already existing in his immortal soul caused Jason to be caught in the dream plane between life and death. There he garnered the attention of an unknown lone demon who powered his horrifying creation. In addition, inexplicably the magical innocence of childhood was lost somewhere along the way. The magic that should have prevented this menace from existing, to begin with. Most likely the demonic metaphysical energy fused with his human soul to cause the unholy resurrection of Jason. A biological supernatural being in lieu of the usual vengeful ghost or poltergeist that one would usually expect in such a situation.

Jason’s non-corporeal consciousness was channeled by the demon into a freshly dead adult human corpse, and his life as one of the greatest supernatural serial killers of all time finally began. Jason’s spirit was in essence adopted by a demon so technically he’s a demonically altered entity possessing a dead body to the point of transforming the DNA to living dead demon status. So he could be classified as a demi-demon to an extent. Since half of him is human, and the other half is demonic in nature. However unlike most demidemons, his flesh is dead, and rotting like a zombie. Jason is more precisely a rare Zombified Demi-Demon, or possibly a Demon-Zombie Hybrid. One advantage of a new body was a moderately healthy adult brain that allowed for him to be more cognizant, and more apt at his profession as a supernatural serial killer.

Jason kills the teen campers at Camp Crystal Lake out of revenge for not only his own mindless death but the death of his mother as well. Sexed up teens seem to really trigger a rage within him due in part to the prudishness his mother instilled within him along with the fact that the inattentive lifeguards who allowed him to drown were selfishly indulging themselves in carnal lust. There’s also some sub-conscious jealously over never growing up as a normal child, and being able to partake of life’s pleasures. This further darkens his heart and stokes the hellish flames of demonic glee in the great dark beyond where his exploits are applauded. The Devil himself has stated that he finds Jason,”Rather amusing”.

The killings at the original Camp Crystal Lake in Essex County New Jersey ceased once Jason was supposedly killed by some crazy lucky teens. Not soon after this the camp was burnt to the ground by holy fire courtesy of a brave group of paranormal investigators and the holy clergy they had in tow. Don’t worry it wasn’t vandalism since the camp was slated to be torn down anyway. Those who knew about Jason just wanted to make sure he was eradicated. Unfortunately, he does have a nasty habit of self-resurrecting. Jason seems to have an affinity for summer camps packed full of adolescents around the continental United States. Especially those near lakes with the name Crystal.

The dark Voorhees last death took place at a summer camp on Friday, August 13, 1999. It was near a small lake that the residents jokingly renamed Crystal Lake after having a Friday The 13th Movie Marathon. It certainly caught Jason’s attention, and a horrifying killing spree took place there! Thankfully a nearby team of brave paranormal warriors known as The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s took down Jason with extreme prejudice. Jason’s zombified corpse was beheaded, doused in holy oil, and then lit ablaze with holy fire all under the supervised blessing of a powerful trinity of priests. They also performed an exorcism to finally target the Demon behind Jason. Most of the Ten Gallon’s were descendants of the original legendary team of wild west cowboys who specialized in the supernatural. Immediately after Jason’s apparent death, the US Paranormal Defense Agency swooped in to do the usual supernatural scrubbing of the media, local authorities, and any enchanted evidence.

Even after all that the monstrous metaphysical menace known as Jason Voorhees was still spotted in a ghostly form around the original Crystal Lake and other various lakes around the US. Thankfully they were nothing more than harmless sightings with occasional brief interactions with the surrounding environment that include sulfurous stinks, cold spots, light flickering, movement of small objects, and other common elements of a haunting. This increased paranormal activity usually coincided with spikes in solar radiation or some other electromagnetic radiation source. Clearly, the ghost of Jason was powered down, and probably without his demon foster parent. So as long as he remained that way he wouldn’t be able to return in a biological form.

Unfortunately, the three Friday The 13th’s of 2015 emboldened The Jason Voorhees Cult and its dark practitioners of magic. On Friday, November 13th, 2015 Jason was resurrected by this motley crew of malevolent magicians! You can read the entire sorted tale of terror on our Paranormal News blog. Since then his reign of bloody terror has resumed as he continues to allude paranormal crime fighters and the US Paranormal Defense Agency! He is far more powerful than he’s ever been and no longer will teens and other novices have any chance of taking down the Jason juggernaut! It will take an experienced team of supernatural warriors such as those of us here at Mystic Investigations.

So It Seems Jason Will Live On Hundreds Of Years From Now!

Jason X, the movie portraying Jason in the year 2455, is loosely based on the premonitions of a psychic after she touched Jason’s corpse. At some point in the future the US Paranormal Defense Agency finally gets their hands on Jason, and after their studies are exhausted they put him into deep freeze storage. The cryogenically frozen Jason is effectively forgotten in a deep underground warehouse. The facility itself gets lost in red tape among countless miles of underground warehouse caverns full of items the US government has squirreled away over the centuries. Finally, in the 26th century, the warehouse was re-discovered by Earth’s future interstellar government. Since Jason’s cryo-container was marked as a dangerous bio-hazard of unknown origin he was loaded on a spacecraft to be studied at a deep space outpost. The vast majority of the crew was brutally slain by the accidentally revived Jason. He was eventually stopped by a sapient android identifying as a female.

Unfortunately, his nearly destroyed body was sealed inside a damaged medical healing bay where escaped malfunctioning nanobots rebuilt him into a zombified demonic cyborg menace! Bionic Jason quickly dispatched the rest of the crew, including the android, with ease in his new indestructible body. No more rotting body for him as the nanobots perpetually heal him thereby guaranteeing his immortality. The ship continued on autopilot to the deep space station orbiting a research planet. Jason ended up destroying the station and plummeted down to the planet where he proceeded to continue his interstellar serial killing spree! With his cyborg enhanced intellect, he alluded capture and hijacked ships to other worlds and space stations. In his wake, he left a bloodbath like nothing seen in the recent history of future peace. It was several years before a joint military force of humans, androids, cyborgs, and extraterrestrials managed to finally kill Jason! Although Jason’s body was completely disintegrated by laser gunfire rumor has it that his consciousness downloaded into a computer, and now he haunts the interstellar internet as a cyber-demon. So it seems that Jason may be a plague on humanity for the foreseeable future! [Twitter]

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What Is The Jason Voorhees Cult

Posted on December 13, 2019 by Xavier Remington

Virtually every supernatural being and even some famous humans have their own cults. Crazed sycophants hyper-obsessed with a given person to the point of worshiping them like a God. Often the products of weak minded mentally ill individuals with no real purpose in life. These like minded loons get together and Shazam you have a full-fledged cult. From there their mission may be harmless but sometimes their need to please their adopted God can turn downright dangerous! The Cult Of the infamous zombified demidemon serial killer Jason Voorhees is no exception!

The Inception Of The Jason Voorhees Cult
The Voorhees Cult, or The Voorheesian’s, technically came into existence on Friday, May 13, 1966, when a 13-year-old Jason Voorhees drowned in Crystal Lake. As a deformed mentally retarded child he was not well received by the other kids nor most of the staff at Camp Crystal Lake. He endured great cruelty and bullying despite his mother working there as a cook. Due to her son’s special needs, she was unable to find someone to watch him so she had no choice but to bring him to the camp. A gifted 14-year-old hereditary Witch named Secilia was the only one who befriended Jason. She saw past his horrifying appearance and seemingly slow intellect. They had something in common since her excessive weight made her an outcast with the kids at the camp. She had visions and dreams of Jason’s future. She knew then he was a Dark Lord trapped in a pathetic human form. She tried various rituals and spells to help him but nothing worked under her limited experience. On that fateful Friday The 13th when Jason drowned she was in town and returned to find out he had died. She realized his death was meant to be as was his inevitable resurrection from the metaphysically cleansing waters of Crystal Lake.

As a hereditary witch, her family had collected various texts over the centuries including one of the powerful Grimoire’s known as the Book Of The Dead. The specific text was the nefarious Necronomicon Ex Mortis! Her family had fallen away from the dark side over the past 100 years so the dangerous Grimoire was locked away. Secilia, however, was born with a darkness she yearned to access. It’s suspected that possibly the demon Deathcilius influenced her unknowingly despite never contacting her directly. This is the demon who immediately showed an interest in Jason’s dark anguished spirit after his death as he walked the Earth as a confused ghost. She stole away the Necronomicon Ex Mortis in the hopes of bringing Jason back to life in a supernatural form. She failed countless times until the demon took action at the perfect paranormal power time along with using Secilia’s Book Of Dead ritual as an anchor to our physical world. On November 13, 1970, Jason was resurrected for the first time by having his spirit channeled into a freshly dead adult human corpse. It was the body of an unfortunate soul born on Friday The 13th.

The Malevolent Misguided Mission Of The Crazed Cult
Secilia shadowed Jason’s movement for years helping him where she could but she was eventually driven away by the forces of magical righteousness. After losing a great deal of weight she became a charismatic cult leader who recruited dark minded individuals such as herself. Fellow witches, warlocks, and also useful idiots. The highest ranking of these fools are members born on Friday The 13th. The so-called “Chosen Ones”. They are eager to be future vessels for Jason’s dark spirit when he inevitably rots too much of his zombie-like physique or finds himself slain by supernatural warriors once again. The Voorheesian’s view those who oppose them and work to kill Jason as “Sinners”. Clearly, their vision of reality is skewed to thinking that evil is good, and good is evil. Oddly enough the closest thing to good in the cult are the vows of celibacy usually only seen by seriously devout religious individuals. And they are deeply serious about it! If they catch another member doing anything unsavory they will not hesitate to tie them up until Jason pays a visit! Only Jason is allowed to kill unless a cult member has no choice if it’s self-defense.

Their ultimate mission is to raise Jason to Godhood status and cleanse the world of hormonal humans who refuse to cease their vile sexual acts and mindless procreation. Cult members often lead Jason to the fresh lust filled prey that he relishes in exterminating! Especially older teens and twenty-somethings hot and heavy into the carnal acts. This stems from the lifeguards at Crystal Lake having sex rather than watching the water that he drown in. There’s also a sub-consciousness jealously of not ever having a normal life that allowed him to engage in such activities. Apparently, if they ever manage to commit their global genocide dreams they assume they will become immortal and have no need for kids.

Secilia met her end as the Voorhees Cult Leader on Friday, August 13, 1999, when The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s killed Jason, and exorcised his sponsor demon Deathcilius into oblivion! She attempted to save Jason’s life but was taken into supernatural custody, and thrown into a private prison at a secret location deep underground. She hasn’t been heard from since then as the Cult continues searching for her. However, when in deep meditation some members can hear her speaking in their minds just as they sometimes see Jason’s sinister thoughts.

The Voorhees Cult believes the birth of Jason was destiny, and it’s up to them to aid his ascension to a diabolical deity status. They consider
Jason’s supernatural state to be the equivalent of the Christ child, or probably more exactly the Anti-Christ child! However, it’s their opinion that opposing forces are keeping Jason from rising to his fully Godly glory. Namely the people who end up slaying him back to spirit status. They also blame Jason’s Father Elias Voorhees for beating Jason’s Mother, Pamela Voorhees, during her pregnancy with Jason. This, in turn, caused her to turn to the bottle for solace. The booze, and beatings, while Jason was still in the womb, is what caused his sorry physical, and mental state thereby deeply dulling the Voorhees Cult’s glorious future God.

The crazed Cult even blames the Devil, and most demons in general for not fully supporting Jason, and aiding in his resurrection efforts once the demon Deathcilius was gone. I guess they don’t see the potential in Jason that the cult does. It seems the Devil only finds him “Somewhat Amusing” and was embarrassed by Deathcilius’s exorcism. Instead, the Voorheesian’s continue to browse Dark Gods as potential paranormal sponsors who will finally recognize Jason’s inner glory. They look at each of his kills as a sacrifice to a future deity. They even store part of the souls of Jason’s victims in special crystals. Emerald crystals of dark luck gifted to them by a Clurichaun (Dark Leprechaun) sympathetic to their Voorhees cause. The very crystals they use in their resurrection rituals and the ones they hope to present to a Dark God willing to play ball.

On Friday, November 13th, 2015 the Voorhees Cult managed to resurrect their God in an elaborate mystical ritual. Since then Jason Voorhees has crossed the country bathing in the blood of those he’s mercilessly murdered in cold blood! Many supernatural crime-fighting teams, such as Mystic Investigations, have attempted to apprehend, and terminate him. Unfortunately, he has been quite elusive with the support of his faithful Cult!

Since his restoration, Jason has made finding the Dark Witch Secilia a top priority second only to supplying him with fresh meat! In her absence, the High Priest Necromancer Julius manages the cult. As a loyal disciple of Jason and Secilia he has been a force to be reckoned with for those of us in the paranormal community looking to take Jason down. He works tirelessly in the hopes of giving Jason permanent immortality in a non-rotting body leading to his prophesied ascension to Dark Godhood. We can only hope this insanity never comes to pass!

If you were born on Friday The 13th you may be a target of the cult. If approached by them don’t fall for their blasphemous bull! Don’t believe the promises they make you. It’s all lies! Even if you never hear from them they could be watching you! Always be on extra high alert on every Friday The 13th!

How Do You Repel A Zombie?

Posted on December 7, 2019 by Xavier Remington

Zombie Protection Herbs

We’ve heard about a plethora of ways to repel vampires and werewolves. These include various herbs such as garlic, vervain, and wolfsbane. However, we’ve never heard anything about how to keep Zombies away. Naturally, since zombies are non-demonic religious artifacts have no effect on them, unlike the aforementioned vampires & werewolves. Like most metaphysical menaces Mother Nature provides a defense for humans to balance the supernatural scales. After extensive research, we are proud to present our findings that will finally protect you, and your family against the rotting corpses of the Walking Dead. Not surprisingly both protective plants have a noxious stink just as zombies themselves smell like living hell itself! Zombies use their sense of smell to tell the difference between tasty humans, and their animated corpse brothers since zombies ironically loathe dead flesh. Unlike living or freshly dead flesh, it doesn’t quell the hunger of the zombie virus. When the virus is well fed it rewards the zombie by delaying its inevitable decay. No longer do you have to hope you can take down every approaching zombie with a gun, a sharp implement, fire, or even strong industrial acid. Here are the plants that will save your life during a zombie apocalypse:🌺

Stinking Nightshade, also known as Henbane. (Hyoscyamus Niger). This herb has been known for its use in magical potions over the centuries. It’s an excellent herb to grow around your home or zombie bunker. The herb can be worn on your clothing or crushed in a satchel for personal protection. You can also hang cut plants over your windows, and doors. Stinking Nightshade has even been used in incense form to infuse the air with its protective vapors. Just be aware it can cause hallucinations if smoked!🌻

Purple Passion, also known as Velvet Plant. (Gynura Aurantiaca). This is an excellent house plant that can be placed near windows, and doorways for home zombie defense. You can also wear the plant leaves on your clothing to act as a personal deterrent for the dead rising from their graves. Purple Passion will easily grow outside as ground cover. In a post-apocalyptic zombie scenario grow this around your fortified compound since it can spread all about leaving no open spots for zombies to stagger through. In this case, you’d want to live somewhere without winter. Of course, thankfully zombies will literally freeze in place when the temperature drops to below freezing. This is due to the fact that they have zero body heat so the water in their tissues freezes solid. Unfortunately, arid desert regions give us desiccated zombies without any moisture. If they manage to wander into a below-freezing zone they won’t freeze in such cases!🥀

Keeping The Walking Dead At Arms Length

When using these plants on yourself prepare to smell and repel both zombies, and humans. The point is to stay alive and worry about your social life later on. Odds are you will have none in the midst of a zombie virus pandemic! All the plants listed above are poisonous to humans and shouldn’t be ingested or placed directly on skin unless magically prepared by a certified witch, wizard, warlock, or sorcerer. The only way to know if they’re for real is to watch them prepare the potion and witness an inexplicable shimmering luminescence take place in the solution for at least a few seconds. This is evidence of a metaphysical energy exchange that is the heart of magic. Naturally to be safe have them drink a sample first!🧪

Now you can enter a well-deserved slumber after a day of slaying living dead drones with your Purple Passion plant on your nightstand, and a bunch of Stinking Nightshade tied together hanging over your windows, and doors. This is a lot more pleasant than smearing yourself with rotted zombie parts, or weeks old human corpse remains. Yes if you have nothing else this works as well, and will allow you to walk among the walking dead without the worry of being eaten alive! Of course, there’s a chance the zombie virus might be passed on to you!🧟‍♂️

Crystals & Gemstones That Protect Against Living Dead Zombies!

Besides plants Mother Earth often provides us with crystals and gemstones for use as paranormal protection. These are generally not as potent as herbal solutions but can get the job done under the right circumstances. Even if that means a combination of stones used in unison. Our zombie research has field-tested limited success with wearing a combination of Granite (From A Gravestone Only!), Apatite, and Malachite. Most likely worn as a necklace or bracelet. The more you can wear the better! Each must be in equal proportions to work. Granite is the bedrock of Mother Earth, and stuff that mighty mountains are made of. When made into gravestones, and planted at the site of a deceased person it acquires mystical properties related to the dead. Apatite has properties related to the mind, and ironically weight loss since zombies are all about gorging on humans! Malachite is a stone known to ease the transition between life, and death. Especially if a person has had a hellish life, and ghost formation is a real possibility.💎

When placed together these three stones create an anti-zombie trinity! It’s not as potent as the plants mentioned above but it can be good enough to delay the zombies so you can make your escape! Certainly adding these stones to your other zombie countermeasures will amplify your efforts, and support your survival in a dark damned apocalyptic world of zombie despair! Feel free to reply to this article with a comment if you know of any other zombie repellents!🧟‍♀️