Leprechauns Decree New Saint Patrick’s Day Traditions

Leprechaun King

King Lochlann, Leader of the proud Irish Leprechaun people, has decreed new holiday protocols for March 17th Saint Patrick’s Day with the consent of the Leprechauns patron Saint the infamous Angel Patrick.  These new traditions are meant to bolster the holiday forth into the same league as Halloween, Christmas, and Easter.  Humans lend the unique power of their special collective consciousness to holidays which is a form of magic all it’s own. This is why Christmas, and Halloween are the most supernaturally powerful holidays of the year.  King Lochlann is hoping to not only inspire more people in general but also capture the hearts of children who wield the power of magical innocence so crucial to the aforementioned holidays.  Apparently a lot of drunk adults wearing green, and guzzling emerald beer isn’t doing much to aid the Leprechauns in their annual concentrated push to spread good luck around the world in the name of helping the forces of light, and right.  Of course Leprechauns are known to partake of a wee bit of booze now, and then.

The Leprechaun King has set forth new guidelines for Saint Patrick’s celebrations due to the recent first battles of Armageddon, and the general spread of evil on Earth.  In addition the Devil’s presence on Earth has strengthened the resolve of the various forces of darkness including the chief nemesis of the Leprechauns known as the Clurichauns.  Clurichauns, aka dark anti-Leprechauns, are notorious for spreading their own diabolical brand of bad luck along with stealing Leprechauns gold for the purpose of warping it into coins of dark luck.  Now more than ever the Leprechauns need human support in their quest to spread righteous luck, and continue to drive forth the general forces of good perpetuated from Christmas, and Valentines Day.  The essential need to pass the baton of light to Easter!

King Lochlann’s decree includes the following translated from his ancient Gaelic language:

  1. By all means continue drinking copious amounts of green colored alcoholic beverages along with the general wearing of green in support of Irish good luck.  Green is the luckiest color symbolizing the Emerald Isle, and all it’s mystical magic.  Be sure children get a selection of green non-alcoholic drinks as well.  Let the Shamrock Shakes of minty goodness fly forth freely as well!  It’s only once a year so live a little!
  2. Continue having Saint Patrick’s Day parties while transforming them into costume parties that accentuate anything related to Ireland, good luck, or Leprechauns.  Please try to have celebrations more centered around the kids.  Dressing them up as little Leprechauns complete with a wood shillelagh.  They should symbolically spread luck by throwing forth Shamrocks, lucky charms, or candy.  Candy wrapped in gold foil to appear as gold coins placed in a traditional pot that looks like a small cauldron.  Shamrock shaped mints are great as well.  Creation of a Saint Patrick’s treasure hunt to find said pot of gold candy will further fuel the imagination of children to strengthen the Saint Patrick’s holiday.
  3. We encourage people to decorate their homes in green lights, and appropriate Saint Patrick’s decor.  Hang lucky charms about, and have clover plants to exude good luck about.
  4. Our hope is to see children adorned in Leprechaun garb going door to door with their little pots collecting candy, and lucky charms given by generous adults with the Spirit Of Saint Patrick within them.  Pray to Saint Patrick, and let his lucky spirit dwell within you on March 17th.
  5. Near a window we would hope to see a box of live growing shamrocks ready to receive a gift of good luck from from parents to children.  One, or two of which should say it’s from a Leprechaun, or Saint Patrick, in the same way you do with Santa Claus.  Of course all supernatural beings are bound by the Supernatural Secrecy Pact that prevents large scale exposure of the paranormal community.  This is why Santa, and the Leprechauns can only directly deliver things to those within the paranormal community with the exception of a few special cases.  It’s becoming more common in these dire times for Leprechauns to leave lucky gifts with especially deserving members of the supernatural community as a reward for fighting the forces of darkness. Although a Leprechaun isn’t usually seen, his visitation is realized by the bright emerald green carpet of four leaf clovers left behind!
  6. We encourage people to create good luck directly by spotting situations where you can lend a hand to someone in need even on the simplest level.  You can even create a situation.  Something like throwing a quarter in someone’s path while you remain hidden to observe their lucky find.  The coin itself then becomes lucky. Let the Spirit Of Saint Patrick flow through you!
  7. General interest, creativity, and day dreaming involving Saint Patrick’s Day on any level will aid in the elevation of our day to most favored supernatural holiday status.  The Leprechauns, and I thank you for your cooperation in making the Earth the luckiest place in the Universe!

Now please do your part to spread good luck by following the King’s guidelines so you can aid in the forces of good triumphing over that of evil in these extremely trying times!

The King also released a special decree discouraging the capture of his Leprechauns and/or their pots of lucky million dollar gold for the purposes of receiving three coveted good luck based wishes. He said it distracts from the Leprechauns mission but he stated no ill will would come upon anyone partaking of this centuries old venture due to protections from Saint Patrick.  More or less anyone smart, or powerful enough to find the gold or capture the Leprechaun deserves the wishes.  However for everything to go well one must be respectful to the Leprechaun, and always return his gold once the wishes are granted.  Failure to do so can wield the wrath of an angry Leprechaun upon you along with the natural bad luck that will follow.  Anyone can bend good luck into bad luck when they have negative intentions in their heart!

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The Mardi Gras Joker Was Twarted By Patriot Woman!

The self-proclaimed Voodoo powered leader of Mardi Gras known as The Mardi Gras Joker was up to his old nefarious tricks on February 13th! There are many tales of the despicable acts perpetrated by him and his thugs throughout the year. Particularly on Mardi Gras as he seeks to turn its debauchery into a completely dark holiday or horror! During 2018’s New Orleans festivities one such evil enterprise was interrupted by none other than the superhero born from the chemically laden ashes of September 11th, 2001. Of course, we speak of the amazing Patriot Woman!

The Joker and his minions videotaped a somewhat tipsy thirty-something woman displaying her bare bosoms repeatedly for worthless shiny beads. Her forty-something husband was there cheering her on in drunken revelry. As they milled through the crowd the jolly Joker clad in his crazy Jester costume and make-up cornered them. He showed them the video and demanded money for his extortionist plot. The Jokers top hacker determined the couple had prestigious high paying careers ripe for the terrifying taking. The husband attempted to attack him but he stuck a pin in a Voodoo Doll and the man gripped his heart in pain. The wife attempted to intervene but two of the Joker’s thugs held her back while lewdly groping her with smug smiles on their faces. The trio of darkness cackled with glee as they led the unlucky couple down an alley and into an empty warehouse. There the husband and wife were thrown into separate cages and informed that they would pay the money or be publicly disgraced with the videotape. The husband reluctantly wired the couples life savings to the Joker. It was estimated to be somewhere in the neighborhood of $550,000!

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. The Mardi Gras Joker is one sick puppy and he loves tormenting people. In dastardly detail, he told the couple what they would endure from that point up until the end of the Devil’s Hour. A night of terror in a maze of intricate puzzle and riddle ridden traps set-up around the warehouse of dark shadows. If they escaped they would live. However, that turned out to be a lie as the Joker intended to sacrifice them in a demonic ritual! Just apart of his continued effort to foster a dark Mardi Gras Spirit in opposition to a good spirit like that of Christmas!

The athletically inclined man along with his lovely intelligent wife managed to get themselves through the hours of living Hell. They suffered some injuries but escaped out the back door into the alley. They breathed a sigh of relief as they ran toward the now nearly empty streets screaming for help. Just then the Joker and six of his thugs leaped from behind some dumpsters laughing like loons. They held the husband as the Joker leered his wife with despicable desire in his evil eyes. He ripped her shirt off and threw her to the ground. The Joker then said to the husband,”I wish to make lust to your wife before you both die!” The husband yelled,”Leave her the hell alone! You said we could go free!” The Joker giggled,”I lied jackass!” The husband continued roaring in anger until the thugs began beating him as the sick Joker prepared to force himself on the trembling woman now crying in fear and disgust!

All hope seemed lost until a curvaceous shadow with long lustrous locks of amber waving in the wind appeared on the roof above. She jumped down three stories in the midst of the violent chaos. It was the legendary superhuman Patriot Woman clad in red, white, and blue complete with American Flag cape! It seems her limited psychic powers had picked up on this evil event as she strolled about the quiet early morning Mardi Gras streets of New Orleans. She immediately demanded,”Cease this madness or die you, filthy fiends!” The Joker and his thugs stopped what they were doing. The Joker then rose up and went face to face with her as he chuckled a bit and said in a seriously sinister voice,”Who in the F*** are you supposed to be bitch?” She told him who she was and then he vaguely remembered hearing about Patriot Woman some years ago but never thought much of it until now. He replied,”Well you star spangled piece of s*** this is my domain! I’ve got a sacrifice to perform! I don’t have time for this crap! I’ll allow you to leave now or I will place a permanent Voodoo curse upon you!” She then punched him so hard that he flew several feet into a dumpster while she yelled,”Voodoo this you freak of clown nature!” The Joker was knocked out cold!

The pathetic thugs immediately pounced but she took them down with extreme prejudice! Two were inadvertently killed by the force of her raw power! She hoisted the badly injured husband on her back as she led the wife out of the alley to a nearby police station. They were rushed to the hospital and the husband was in stable condition as of the posting of this article. Patriot Woman went back to do her duty and permanently take out the Mardi Gras Joker but he had vanished without a trace! However, the police managed to arrest some of the badly beaten minions.

The Madi Gras Joker is still on the loose and is considered supernaturally armed and dangerous! If you spot him do not attempt apprehension. In fact, do not even call the police or FBI as they will be helpless against him! Contact your nearest Paranormal Professionals or Practitioners Of Magic.  If you can’t locate anyone who is equipped to handle sinister supernatural villains then go ahead and dial 911 to tell them your terrifying tale even if you sound like a nut case. While on the phone with the Operator have the first words from your mouth be “PDA” as in the US Paranormal Defense Agency. Since all phone calls are being monitored in real time by the NSA they will hear that and immediately relay the recorded call to the top secret branch of the US Defense Agency that deals with paranormal threats. The 911 Operator will be puzzled that your call was dropped along with all your data being wiped clean from their computer systems! They and anyone called in on this will receive calls from high level US government officials to drop the investigation!

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Santa Claus Sexiest Supernatural Man Alive!


Paranormal People Magazine is the secret supernatural sub-magazine of People Magazine. A mystical magazine only distributed to those of us in the real supernatural community. The magazine tends to take a lighter tone rather than focusing on the dangers of the dark forces that infest our planet. For the second year in a row they have named Santa Claus, aka Saint Nicholas, as the Sexiest Supernatural Man alive on Earth for 2017.  As a Demi-Angel, aka Angel-Human Hybrid, he has been blessed with a handsome exterior complete with a naturally muscular physique. Santa is seen as the savior, and leader of the forces of light on Earth. His headquarters of justice is North Pole City.

When asked for a comment he said,”I’m very flattered by this recognition! However we have much more pressing matters to concentrate on as all out Armageddon approaches! I must also stress I’m happily married to my wife Holly so I implore the lustful ladies out there to respect our sacred union. Let the Spirit Of Christmas dwell in your hearts in place of physical temptations. Merry Christmas to all and thank you!” Mrs. Claus had a similar comment when she said,”He’s all mine ladies! Don’t even think of it! We’ve been happily together longer than any human has been alive! However I forgive you for your less than pure thoughts directed at my husband. Merry Christmas!”

Interestingly enough Santa Claus’s evil identical twin brother, The Anti-Claus, should theoretically enjoy this honor as well. Unfortunately for him his turn to the dark side warped his Angel genes into that of demonic. This altered his appearance to that of less than flattering. This also included him ironically acquiring the iconic bowl full of jelly belly mistakenly attributed to Santa Claus. Despite this the Anti-Claus can utilize dark spells to Glamour his appearance into something handsome. The Dark Claus wasn’t available for comment but he does have a history of deep jealousy toward his holy brother. More than likely he is hiding in a cave somewhere plotting his Christmas revenge!

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