Since 2017 Mystic Investigations has been tracking an ever-growing Sasquatch rebellion. The Bigfoot, sometimes called the missing link, are a distant relative of humankind genetically altered by extraterrestrial’s experimenting with the supernatural in North America. They were the first intelligent Continue reading The North American Sasquatch Uprising!→
The Dark Story Of The Jason Voorhees Cult He’s Back! We finally received confirmation that our Jason Voorhees Resurrection Warnings unfortunately came true on Friday November 13th, 2015. The venomous Voorhees Cult has been marshaling metaphysical energies over the course of two years from Friday Continue reading Jason Voorhees Resurrected On Friday The 13th!→
The self-proclaimed Voodoo powered leader of Mardi Gras known as The Mardi Gras Joker was up to his old nefarious tricks on February 13th, 2018! There are many tales of the despicable acts perpetrated by him and his thugs throughout the year. Particularly on Mardi Gras as he seeks to turn its debauchery into a completely dark holiday or horror! During 2018’s New Orleans festivities one such evil enterprise was interrupted by none other than the superhero born from the chemically laden ashes of September 11th, 2001. Of course, we speak of the amazing Patriot Woman!🃏
The Mardi Gras Joker’s Extortion Plot
The Joker and his minions videotaped a somewhat tipsy thirty-something woman displaying her bare bosoms repeatedly for worthless shiny beads. Her forty-something husband was there cheering her on in drunken revelry. As they milled through the crowd the jolly Joker clad in his crazy Jester costume and make-up cornered them. He showed them the video on his trusty tablet and demanded money for his extortionist plot. The Jokers top hacker determined the couple had prestigious high paying careers ripe for the terrifying taking. The husband attempted to attack him but he stuck a pin in a Voodoo Doll and the man gripped his heart in pain. The wife attempted to intervene but two of the Joker’s thugs held her back while lewdly groping her with smug smiles on their faces. The trio of darkness cackled with glee as they led the unlucky couple down an alley and into an empty warehouse. There the husband and wife were thrown into separate cages and informed that they would pay the money or be publicly disgraced with the videotape. Worse yet they might never see the light of day again until they comply. The husband reluctantly wired the couples life savings to the maniacal Joker. It was estimated to be somewhere in the neighborhood of $550,000!
A Maze Of Life And Death
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. The Mardi Gras Joker is one sick puppy and he loves tormenting people. In dastardly detail, he told the couple what they would endure from that point up until the end of the Devil’s Hour. A night of terror in a maze of intricate puzzle and riddle ridden traps set-up around the warehouse of dark shadows. If they escaped they would live. However, that turned out to be a lie as the Joker intended to sacrifice them in a demonic ritual! Just apart of his continued effort to foster a dark Mardi Gras Spirit in opposition to a good spirit like that of Christmas!
The Despicable Mardi Gras Joker!
The athletically inclined man along with his lovely intelligent wife managed to get themselves through the hours of living Hell. They suffered some injuries but escaped out the back door into the alley. They breathed a sigh of relief as they ran toward the now nearly empty streets of New Orleans screaming for help. Just then the Joker and six of his thugs leaped from behind some dumpsters laughing like loons. They held the husband as the Joker leered at his wife with despicable desire in his evil eyes. He ripped her shirt off and threw her to the ground. The Joker then said to the husband, “I wish to make lust to your wife before you both die!” The husband yelled,”Leave her the hell alone! You said we could go free!” The Joker giggled, “I lied jackass!” The husband continued roaring in anger until the thugs began beating him as the sick Joker prepared to force himself on the trembling woman now crying in fear and disgust!
Patriot Woman To The Rescue!
All hope seemed lost until a curvaceous shadow with long lustrous locks of amber waving in the wind appeared on the roof above. She jumped down three stories in the midst of the violent chaos. It was the legendary superhuman Patriot Woman clad in red, white, and blue complete with American Flag cape! It seems her limited psychic powers had picked up on this evil event as she strolled about the quiet early morning Mardi Gras streets of New Orleans. Earlier in the evening within her mild mannered alter ego she had been baring her bare beautiful’s for the enamored crowd! She immediately demanded, “Cease this madness or die you, filthy fiends!” The Joker and his thugs stopped what they were doing. The Joker then rose up and went face to face with her as he chuckled a bit and said in a seriously sinister voice, “Who in the F*** are you supposed to be bitch?” She told him who she was and then he vaguely remembered hearing about Patriot Woman some years ago but never thought much of it until now. He replied,”Well you star spangled piece of s*** this is my domain! I’ve got a sacrifice to perform! I don’t have time for this hero crap! I’ll allow you to leave now or I will place a permanent Voodoo curse upon you!” She then punched him so hard that he flew several feet into a dumpster while she yelled,”Voodoo this you freak of clown nature!” The Joker was knocked out cold!
Patriot Woman Saves A Couple Held Hostage
The pathetic thugs immediately pounced but she took them down with extreme prejudice! Two were inadvertently killed by the force of her raw power! She hoisted the badly injured husband on her back as she led the wife out of the alley to a nearby police station. They were rushed to the hospital and the husband was in stable condition. He was released days later with a clean bill of health. Patriot Woman went back to do her duty and permanently take out the Mardi Gras Joker but he had vanished without a trace! However, the police managed to arrest some of the badly beaten minions.
What To Do If You Happen To Spot The Joker At A Mardi Gras Celebration?
The Madi Gras Joker is still on the loose and is considered supernaturally armed and dangerous! If you spot him do not attempt apprehension. In fact, do not even call the police or FBI as they will be helpless against him! Contact your nearest Paranormal Professionals or Practitioners Of Magic. If you can’t locate anyone who is equipped to handle sinister supernatural villains then go ahead and dial 911 to tell them your terrifying tale even if you sound like a nut case. While on the phone with the Operator have the first words from your mouth be “PDA” as in the US Paranormal Defense Agency. Since all phone calls are being monitored in real time by the NSA they will hear that and immediately relay the recorded call to the top secret branch of the US Defense Agency that deals with paranormal threats. The 911 Operator will be puzzled that your call was dropped along with all your data being wiped clean from their computer systems! They and anyone called in on this will receive calls from high level US government officials to drop the investigation! 🇺🇸
At the 2019 Golden Globe Awards, Christian Bale won Best Actor for his portrayal of former US Vice-President Dick Cheney in the movie Vice. During his acceptance speech, he thanked the prolific Prince Of Darkness Satan for giving him the inspiration to play the role of Cheney. Of course many in the live audience and watching at home laughed at what appeared to be a joke and commentary on Cheney’s method of ruthless rule. When Bale said this he knew it would be taken that way or he would have never spoken the words. However, it turns out Bale actually knows the Devil himself! In fact, many in the supernatural and celebrity community know that Christian made a demonic deal to gain the fame he enjoys today!😈
Bale’s Battle To Star In American Psycho Motivates A Deal With The Devil!
It is known that many celebrities have risen to fame courtesy of diabolical deals with the Devil or his demonic minions. Our connections in the paranormal world indicate that Christian Bale actually met Satan 1997. Some months before that Bale began the fight to star as the psychotic serial killer Patrick Bateman in the classic horror comedy film American Psycho. Christian had a gut instinct that the movie would finally propel him to A-List stardom but the good folks down at Lionsgate Films thought he wasn’t famous enough. They were actively courting Leonardo DiCaprio along with offering the unique role to Edward Norton and Ewan Mcgregor. Bale remained committed to starring in American Psycho despite Lionsgate not wanting him. He truly believed one way or another he’d realize his dream. In the process, he turned down other acting jobs to stay available for the project! Watch American Psycho Online To See Where Christians Dark Journey Began!
Christian Sells His Soul To Satan!
Finally one night Christian had the most vivid lucid dream of his life in which Satan presented himself in his former glorious visage of the light known as the Archangel Lucifer. Naturally, he almost always introduces himself this way to those who will potentially sell their souls. Wouldn’t you accept an angel over a demon any day of the week? After Satan convinced Bale he was a cool, calm, and collected he met with him later that day in a tranquil park. The Devil manifested in astral form but appeared to be solidly there. It was there he told Christian everything he needed to know before entering into a Hell Contract with Satan. This included revealing he was no longer an Archangel but rather the ArchDemon Emperor Of Hell. Satan is the most charismatic and carefully calculating individual ever known in the world of darkness. It’s said he’s the ultimate salesman! He easily lulled Christian into a state of submission and after some consideration, Bale confidently signed his soul over to the Devil!😈
In order to guarantee a pleasant paradise in Hell, he must do favors for the Devil and his minions when asked. This includes a certain quota of soul-selling referrals each year along with being a card-carrying member of the infamous Devil worshiping Illuminati! Failure to comply with the conditions of the Hell Contract result in an early demise by the horrifying hands of dark Illuminati associates. Then comes the torture in Hell for a time. After that punishment they must torture others. If the Devil is pleased then they can become a Demons Apprentice and possibly a full Demon someday. Once demonic status is obtained his place in Hell will be securely sealed without worry of any pesky unpleasantness normally associated with the fire and brimstone!
What Will Life In Hell Be Like For Christian Bale?
From what we know Christian Bale is holding up his end of the bargain. Unfortunately, we see the pressure break free with a bit of violent angry behavior every so often! If Bale continues to honor the contract he will live a long healthy prosperous life. Upon a natural death, there are indications he has an optional rider in his contract to be reincarnated in the future to live out another life. This includes more support from the Devil. Clearly, Bale made a smart deal selling his soul for two lives! Once he finally dies Bale’s soul will be rejected by the light of Heaven as per Universal Law. Instead, he will go to Hell and act as a respected entertainer in the Devil’s Royal Hell Court along with other soul selling celebs. He will be allowed to design his own paradise realm to reside in during his free time. However, when in Hell the work ethic is deeply emphasized!
Bale Will Attain Blasphemous Demonhood Status!
Christian will be expected to train under a Demon as an apprentice and will eventually descend into Demonhood. Throughout this process, his human soul is slowly separated from the growing dark demonic spirit. The soul’s metaphysical energy must be preserved for the general paranormal power of Hell. Human souls provide major power boosts to whoever possesses them! Bales demon form will derive its power from his Demon Master and Satan as well. Christian will also be expected to train new demons, carrying out non-entertainment tasks in Hell, and even venture into the real world to recruit new souls. There are also undercover missions in Hollywood, governments, corporations, and other Earthly power centers. When doing this he will most likely possess a human. The manifestation of biological demons on Earth is actively thwarted by Angels! Bale may make his former celebrity form known to people who potentially want to sell their souls. Every little advantage helps! If he’s in hell long enough and collects a metric ton of souls then Bale could ascend to ArchDemon status. Although not anywhere on the same level as the fallen Archangel origin ones like Lucifer.
Christian Bale’s Ultimate Redemption
When the War Of Armageddon is inevitably won by Heaven or the Earthly Gods then Hell will be permanently shut down! All Angelic origin demons will either be eradicated or locked away. The Devil himself is thought to be one who will find themselves locked in Heaven’s Prison for all eternity! Human origin demons like Christian Bale will be sent to Purgatory to be cleansed of their sinful darkness. As the dark demon spirit is chipped away in the ice-cold void amid Ice Demons the human soul is reintegrated in the consciousness mix. Bale will then ascend to the Heavenly afterlife to continue his path to higher dimensional redemption. He will have a chance to ascend to Angelhood and even Godhood status someday. His experiences down the path of darkness will grant him insightful wisdom he would have not otherwise had. Pray for Christian as he continues down this precarious path for the material sake of wealth and stardom!😇
The Plague Doctor, aka Dr. Darius “Death” Maximilian, is a notorious supernatural criminal who works to spread disease around the world. His dream is to see the planet pounded into a paranormal pandemic! His endgame is to shape this reality in his sick image that includes him being the God of a new monstrous race of microbes, viruses, and bacteria in a sapient humanoid form! We now know that sometime in mid-July 2019 he sort of got his wish. However, wishes that seem too good to be true can often turn out to be unexpected nightmares.
Earth Gets Its First Visit From Intelligent Virus Based Extraterrestrials
While sacrificing disease-ridden humans to his God Pestilence, one of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse, the Plague Doctor accidentally aided in the opening of a portal to a perplexing planet in the Triangulum Galaxy. Aliens from that world were experimenting with the folding of space-time in conjunction with a location mechanism that sought out conscious life in the Universe. It’s plausible they would have eventually found Earth but in this case, they sensed the dark supernatural presence of a sick puppy who literally loves deadly microbes. Not surprising for a guy who can never be affected by any disease and is instead the ultimate asymptomatic carrier. The dastardly Doctor’s microbial love was important because the extraterrestrials in question were a species of humanoid viruses from a planet ripe with animals directly evolved from viruses, bacteria, and other macabre microbes.
The Plague Doctor Attempts To Make Peace With His Dream Aliens
The viral aliens had never seen anything like humans before. Despite their grotesque appearance the Plague Doctor removed his iconic bird’s beak mask and greeted them with a warm smile. His right-hand woman Typhoid Mary smiled nervously and put forth a brave greeting. Mary might not be as far into the Plague Doctor’s vision as she once thought? The Doctors normally malevolent minions tried not to let their trepidation show as they stood among the human sacrifices. The Plague Doctor sensed fear among his people and tried to assure them they were all among friends. As he was a master of Disease Manipulation, aka Virokinesis, he was able to communicate and calm the virus aliens natural aggression. Their instinct was to devour or assimilate all life into its viral form. The Doctor offered them his sacrifices for dinner. It was a most horrifying vision as the alien slurped up the dead humans. Some of the Doctors minions were said to have puked thus embarrassing him. He then offered them up for assimilation.
Doctor Death And His Dark Denizens Ironically Attempt To Save Earth
The Plague Doctor quickly realized his paranormal powers of disease weren’t enough to control their intelligent minds. They began quickly multiplying as he sensed their intent to take over the planet. Something that could have easily happened within days due to their rapid exponential growth and assimilation of all life! His Lord Pestilence telepathically commanded him to stop these abominations and their interference of Armageddon prophesy. Doctor Death hesitated a bit as this was his dream. Once they made a move on his dark love Typhoid Mary he sprang into action! He might not have much control of their minds but his virus manipulation could wreak some havoc on their disgusting bodies!
The Asymptomatically Diseased Body Of The Plague Doctor Eradicates The Virus ET’s
The Plague Doctor used his unique psychokinetic abilities amid supernatural strength, speed, and agility to battle these bastards! As his eyes glowed with a toxic brown color, he yelled to Mary and his minions to enter the portal to find the device that created it. They would need to destroy it and get back through it somehow. They all donned their biowarfare masks and entered an alien world over 2 million light-years away in an instant! The Doctor went against every fiber of his being and systematically killed the alarming aliens. As he committed what he believed were heinous acts he felt sorrow for the loss of the beautiful blasphemous behemoths. The final horde of the virus ET’s pounced on the Plague master all at once and began to assimilate him. Upon doing so they ingested virtually every disease that has existed on this Earth since the immortal Doctors birth in 1313. The viral extraterrestrials were ironically overwhelmed by Earth’s finest viruses and other diseases. They promptly perished!
The Paranormal Portal To A Hell World Is Closed By The Plague Doctor Cult
Doctor Death raced to the portal and stepped foot on to the most hellish looking planet ever. To him, it was a vision of perfection that made a tear stream from his eye. All animal life was monstrous macro microbes and the plants were mostly fungi and algae based. A rotten stink hung in the putrid air as their sun shined down through green skies. Typhoid Mary ran toward the Doctor screaming, “Help! They’re after us!” The chaotic couple embraced as she declared explosives were about to destroy the portal creation device. His minions were bellowing for help as an epidemic of virus aliens was chasing them. The Doctor and Mary came back to Earth along with a few minions before the portal collapsed trapping the rest in a living nightmare! All data about Earth’s location was eradicated with the destruction of the space-time warping device. Amazingly the Plague Doctor is a hero and Earth’s savior in this one isolated instance. Oh, the humanity!
We Salute A Former Plague Doctor Cult Member For Finding Salvation!
This story came to us courtesy of a former Plague Doctor Cult member who was shaken from her misguided path by this horrifying incident. She informed Mystic Investigations that the Plague Doctor saved the alien corpses and is using them in his experiments to create the perfect pandemic disease! He’s also studying them to make his dream of humanoid viruses become a reality on Earth. Monsters he has 100% control over! Pray this never comes to pass!