Jason Voorhees Resurrected On Friday The 13th!

Jason Friday The 13th Voorhees
He’s Back! We finally received confirmation that our Jason Voorhees Resurrection Warnings unfortunately came true on Friday November 13th, 2015. The venomous Voorhees Cult has been marshaling metaphysical energies over the course of two years from Friday The 13th’s(Three from 2015 alone), Tetrad Blood Moons, the 2015 Halloween Blood Moon, Halloween itself, and All Souls Day Of The Dead.  The Chieftain’s of the Voorhees Cult are devilish dark warlocks, and witches who see Friday The 13th as their central holiday of reverence.  In essence their equivalent of Christmas.  They believe Jason Voorhees is their God even if he is a former human, stupefied spirit, and sometimes a physical form zombified demi-demon.  A physically malformed & mentally deficient human child who was darkly cleansed of his humanity in the unholy waters of Crystal Lake when he drowned on that fateful Friday The 13th decades ago. Of course in their eyes Jason is holy, and righteous. They hope to give Jason the gift of a permanent immortal, and indestructible non-zombie body someday so he can go about his wayward work of cleansing the Earth.  Much more than axing sexed up teens at Summer Camps near Lakes.  The eradication of humans everywhere who don’t share the dark vision of the Voorhees Cult.  Of course since all members of the cult take a vow of celibacy due to deeming sex to be a vile act. This is because it can spawn further unwanted human procreation Therefore they support Jason going after those highly hormonal teens, and their unwanted pregnancies.

The Voorhees Cult believes the birth of Jason was destiny, and it’s up to them to aid his ascension to a diabolical deity status.  They consider
Jason’s supernatural state to be the equivalent of the Christ child, or probably more exactly the Anti-Christ child!  However it’s their opinion that opposing forces are keeping Jason from rising to his fully Godly glory. Namely the people who end up slaying him back to spirit status.  They also blame Jason’s Father Elias Voorhees for beating Jason’s Mother, Pamela Voorhees, during her pregnancy with Jason along with causing her to turn to the bottle for solace.  The booze, and beatings, while Jason was still in womb, is what caused his sorry physical, and mental state thereby deeply dulling the Voorhees Cult’s glorious future God.

The crazed Cult even blames the Devil, and most demons in general for not fully supporting Jason, and aiding in his resurrection. I guess they don’t see the potential in Jason that the cult does.  Of course the Voorheesian’s, as they refer to themselves, do acknowledge the rogue demon who originally powered Jason’s first resurrection. Unfortunately for them that demon was ultra-exorcised into oblivion, and effectively blinked out of existence for all eternity by a group of supernatural warriors known as The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s. Without this unknown demon Jason only had the Voorhees Cult to attempt resurrecting him. Only on Friday, November 13th, 2015 did they finally succeed in their sinister task!

The following is an eyewitness report from a brave soul who had been camping in the area, and happened upon a highly horrific sight! Various other insights were provided by top flight psychics, seers, and mystics. At an undisclosed lake hidden among the multitude of lakes in Northeast Minnesota, well Crystal Lakenorth of Duluth, Jason Voorhees was re-born into this world once again!  The Voorhees Cult lined the shores of the small lake within their sacred forest. Within the murky waters, and before each one, were enchanted emerald crystals of dark luck. They were acquired from a cooperative Clurichaun (Dark Leprechaun) sympathetic to the Voorheesian cause. The calamitous crystals have been further conditioned by the cult to especially focus the power of Jason, and Friday The 13th, along with other damned diabolical forces!  These Friday The 13th Dark Luck Crystals turned the body of water into the true Crystal Lake, and it became a metaphysical magnet for the poltergeist spirit of Jason Voorhees.

In order to utilize the maximum energies of Friday The 13th the resurrection ritual was planned for 11:13 PM on Thursday the 12th with the target of rising Jason from the dead at the Midnight Witching Hour. In the darkness of the woods under the cold dark skies the lake glowed an eerie green while cult members clad in black robes held hands on the shores.  In the center was a large floating raft altar to Jason with a squirming man gagged,and tied to it.  Most likely he was born on Friday The 13th. He was surrounded by crystals with High Priests wearing red robes on the raft around him, and cult members in the water around the raft as well.  Various other worldly chants, and incantations took place for several minutes until 11:13 approached, and the unidentified hostage on the raft was sacrificed via a large machete to the heart Jason style.  The heart was removed, and eaten by the Priests as the skies above glowed green, and the spirit of Jason infused the now lifeless body.  The body became animated, and it arose. The bleeding hole where the heart was didn’t heal but merely turned black.  This indicated they were unsuccessful in giving their master an immortal indestructible form. He was once a gain a Zombified Demi-Demon. Probably now more precisely a Zombified Poltergeist. It was indeed the resurrection of Jason Voorhees!  Jason looked around confused at first, and became agitated but the cult members knew how to calm him as they pushed the raft ashore.  He walked among the group that surrounded him.  The all touched him, and smiled.  Some even displayed tears of joy. My God these people are some seriously sick puppies!  Jason didn’t seem to like the physical contact but he tolerated it as he was presented with his trademark hockey mask,and machete.

Jason nodded to the High Priest upon seeing the mask.  The Priest placed it over Jason’s face, and he took the machete.  The cult members then led Jason to the end of dirt road where three cars were parked. Each with steamy windows. It seems this area was a popular make-out zone for local teens. This was probably one reason for choosing that particular lake.  Jason’s eyes were almost beaming with glee through his mask as the cult presented him with the gift of six sexed up teens.  The blood burst from one car as teens ran screaming from the other two.  Cult members cackled maniacally as they split up shadowing each boy-girl duo staying out of Jason’s murderous way.  While Jason went after one couple the Voorheesian’s scared the hell out of the other couple strategically leading them back toward Jason.  The second couple ran right into the massacre of the other couple in a wooded clearing.  Jason’s machete hacked away heartily as he let out years of frustration being stuck in a metaphysical energy form.  The couple witnessed their friends being dismembered in utter horror! They screamed, and turned around to run away but the wall of multiple Jason cult members blocked their escape.  They all excitedly smirked, and began chanting, “Lord Voorhees! Kill The Sinners! Kill The Sinners!”  And Jason did just that but not before the boy bellowed,”This is insane! You can’t be real! Jason Voorhees isn’t real! Noooooooooo!”. Jason then sliced, and diced the hell out of those poor crazy kids who minutes earlier just experienced first love!  This heinous tragedy shall not go unpunished! All of us in the paranormal community vow to avenge these senseless deaths!

At this point Jason was in the midst of killing frenzy and he naturally wanted to kill some more as he lifted his sharp implement threatening the cult members.  The group immediately fell to their knees, bowed their heads, and the high priest said, “Oh Dark Master Jason it would be a privilege, and honor to be slain by thee!” Jason paused a bit, and then uncharacteristically ran his fingers through the cult leaders hair before turning away, and walking into the dark woods. Could there be a bit of humanity in Jason? Certainly he comes the closest to being human when installed in a fresh corpse but that fades very quickly! It’s unknown what happened after that. All we know is that Jason is on the loose, and several sightings have surfaced over the last week and a half!  The US Paranormal Defense Agency did eventually cover up the supernatural slayings, and have cordoned off the general area around the lake for study.

How Did The Voorhees Cult Begin? The Dark Story Of The Jason Voorhees Cult

The Voorhees Cult itself technically came into existence on Friday, May 13, 1966.  Despite the canon of the Friday The 13th movies that is the date the real Jason Voorhees drowned in Crystal Lake as a 13 year old child rather than a nine year old.  Of course you could say everything began on March 13, 1953, the real birth date of Jason.  A gifted 14 year old hereditary Witch named Secilia was attending the Summer camp Jason was at.  In fact she was the only one who befriended him. They had something in common since her excessive weight made her an outcast with the kids at the camp. She had visions, and dreams of his future.  She knew then he was a dark Lord trapped in a pathetic human form.  She tried various rituals, and spells to help him but nothing worked. Then on that fateful Friday The 13th when Jason drowned she was in town, and returned to find out he had died.  She realized it was meant to be that he should die within, and be resurrected from the metaphysically cleansing waters of Crystal Lake.  So she attempted to do just that.

As a hereditary witch her family had collected various texts over the centuries including one of the powerful Grimoire’s known as the Book Of The Dead.  The specific text was the nefarious Necronomicon Ex Mortis!  Her family had fallen away from the dark side over the past 100 years so the dangerous Grimoire was locked away. Secilia however was born with a darkness.  It’s suspected that possibly the demon who first resurrected Jason influenced her unknowingly.  She stole away the Necronomicon Ex Mortis in the hopes of bringing Jason back to life in a supernatural form.  She failed countless times until the demon took action at the perfect paranormal power time along with using Secilia’s Book Of Dead ritual as an anchor to our physical world. On November 13, 1970 Jason was resurrected for the first time by having his spirit channeled into a freshly dead adult human corpse.  It was the body of someone born on Friday The 13th.

Secilia shadowed Jason’s movement for years helping him where she could but she was eventually driven away by the forces of magical good.  After losing a great deal of weight she became a charismatic cult leader who recruited dark minded individuals such as herself.  Fellow witches, warlocks, and also useful idiots whose main mission was to support Jason, and attempt resurrection ASAP when he was killed by what the Voorheesian’s refer to as a Sinner. Clearly their vision of reality is skewed to thinking that evil is good, and good is evil.  Oddly enough the closest thing to good in the cult are the vows of celibacy usually seen by seriously devout religious individuals.

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Secilia met her end as the Voorhees Cult Leader on Friday, August 13, 1999 when The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s killed Jason, and exorcised his sponsor demon.  She attempted to save Jason’s life but was taken into supernatural custody, and thrown into a private prison at a secret location deep underground.  She hasn’t been heard from since! It’s a fair bet Jason will be looking for her!

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Mystic Jason News

Now that Jason Voorhees has risen to life again the Supernatural Community has placed him at Number 9 on their Most Wanted List.  The Parallel Pretender has dropped to Number 11.  Jason remains at Number 10 on the US governments most wanted paranormal list.  Our network of supernatural associates around the United States are on the look out for Jason.  If you spot Jason Voorhees do not attempt to apprehend him, or make any contact with him what so ever! Turn away, and run for your life! Then contact your nearest paranormal professionals, or practitioners of magic ASAP!  Hopefully we can get this blasphemous bastard before Summer 2016 when various lakeside Summer camps become active!  We certainly expect a major killing spree to begin on the sole Friday The 13th in 2016 in May!  Find Out When The Next Friday The 13th Is?

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Happy Dark Luck Friday The 13th!


Plague Doctor Cultist Attack At Walmart

Plague Doctor Cultist

On Friday, March 3, 2017 a mysterious woman walked into a Fountain, Colorado Walmart at 10 PM. After a bit of leisurely shopping she allegedly sprayed a store clerk and six other Walmart employees in a nonchalant manner! The innocent victims began exhibiting symptoms such as nausea, and skin irritation. A number of employees ended up in the hospital as a result of this unfortunate incident. Police describe the suspect as a plus-size woman in her 40’s at a height of at least 5′ 7″. The filthy fiend has light brown to blond hair. She wore a multicolored shirt and dark pants.

Further paranormal investigation reveals this woman may work for the notorious Doctor Of Dark Disease himself. The Plague Doctor! There are indications she is a Plague Doctor Cult member whose low IQ made her easy prey for classic cult brainwashing. Certainly, the act of spraying herself with the sinister substance before leaving the store indicates perplexing programming or a mental illness. It’s unknown if this was plausibly a sycophantic act to please the Plague Doctor who relishes in people’s sick suffering.

This odd event was either a right of passage for the cult member to advance to more important tasks or a field experiment for a new viral formulation. Either way the victims appear to be responding to treatment. However, who knows if whatever they were exposed to is lying dormant within them as a part of a longer experiment of evil. All we can hope for is that God has mercy on their eternal soul! So far Doctors haven’t identified the exact nature of the clearly toxic spray. The Plague Doctor and his merry band of macabre disease progenitors remain at large always plotting to let loose a global pandemic!

😷Next Plague Doctor Story💉: The Plague Doctors Pet: The Spirit Of The Black Plague!

Plague Doctor Article


Recent Clown Sightings Linked To Demonic Cult!

Killer ClownsThe comical ancestors of clowns may have been around since the dawn of civilization. Humans have always had an instinct, and need to laugh amid the horrors, and hardships of life on Earth.  Certainly some of the forerunners of the modern day circus, and carnival style of clown we know, love, and even fear, were the medieval Jesters, and Harlequins. Outside of set venues, and the Halloween holiday, clowns were rarely seen until sporadic, and often sinister sightings began in the late 20th century.  As of 2016 these crazy clown appearances exponentially increased not just in the United States but around the world as well.  With each passing month these calamitous clowns become more brazenly bloodcurdling, and violent! Some seek to only scare people while others wield weapons of war! Usually sharp implements! Their intent is clearly to cause clownish chaos. However is the effort a clandestine clown conspiracy? So far the media, as usual, is painting this as a hoax.  A supposed mass hysteria brought about by Clown Phobia, aka Coulrophobia. Indeed that familiar human form hidden behind caked on makeup, wigs, and prosthetics can instill deep monstrous fears!

The Klaus Kane Clown Cult
A fair amount of the clowns are copycats who simply want to be apart of a terrifying trend! Their intent is to make themselves feel cool, and tough in a world that otherwise causes them to feel weak, and helpless. Unfortunately Mystic Investigations extensive research has yielded an ominous orchestration of darkness. A perplexing plot to claim the planet for clown kind! Our supernatural sources trace a great deal of these killer clowns to a cult called The Klaus Kane Clown Cult! Naturally the ring leader is named Klaus Kane. The creepy Klaus was a very early court jester in the early 800’s AD for King Charlemagne, Charles The Great, the first Holy Roman Emperor.  Coincidentally those of us in the supernatural know are privy to the fact that Charlemagne is none other than the famous Immortal Keanu Reeves!  Klaus Kane was a normal human but he learned of Keanu’s secret Immortal status, and was deeply jealous he would see the entire human story played out through the centuries.  He had vague knowledge of the magical world hidden among the shadows, and sought to steal Reeves immortality for his own!

He loathed hopping, and skipping around like a fool in his goofy jester costume to amuse Charlemagne Reeves but he pretended to enjoy it as he plotted against his Emperor.  He finally found a dark witch named Waldhurga who wanted some of Reeves immortality as well. Practicing dark magic was rapidly aging her green decrepit form! She realized the limited power of the low level demons she was summoning along with her bodily structure not able to withstand the metaphysical energies. After realizing that Kane could give her Keanu, a more powerful demon visited, and laid forth a spell to capture his immortality while giving the demon Reeves coveted soul. A prize the Devil has always sought to have for his own!

One fateful night Klaus was able to liquor up Keanu, and lure him away from his castle guards into the evil clutches of Waldhurga waiting amid a demonic ritual site with a large altar in the center. Somewhat intoxicated Reeves was caught off guard, and the two filthy fiends along with some henchmen were able to subdue him. Tied upon the abominable altar the bloodletting, and ritualistic chanting began.  The Witch, and Kane drank his Immortal blood as the despicable demon appeared as an apparition in the fire nearby sending forth a shockwave of sinister snickering. All hope seemed lost for Keanu but luckily the selfishness, and intelligence of unintended anti-hero Kane saved him.

Klaus realized that in reality the witch would only gain immortality while the deceased Reeves would go to hell. Klaus, and the rest were to be ritually sacrificed to complete the immortality, and soul stealing spell. Klaus moved at lightning speed with one sharp blade in each hand slicing the throats of everyone in attendance except Keanu. The demon screamed wildly while Klaus recited more spells all the while gulping down Reeves blood. He warped the ritual trapping the demon in a cage of holy fire, and Klaus walked right into it absorbing the demon’s essence.  So many factors were in play that he not only became a dark immortal but also a new type of being. Something we might describe as a demonic clown. Something sinister we have yet to classify. A Supernatural Clown creature! Ultimately it might fall under the general banner of Monsters!

The new spell he had created required that Charlemagne, aka Keanu Reeves, must stay alive or he would die. Their two lives were forever intertwined.  Reeves had passed out cold so he had no idea what had happened until we told him today!  Now he finally understood the unseen dark specter he’d sometimes feel stalking him! The chill of unknown origin up his immortal spine. It was Kane watching him from afar throughout his entire immortal life!

Klaus Kane was not satisfied with merely being a tormenting trickster, and serial killing Immortal for that was another requirement of his ever living status. He must continually kill innocent humans, and ritually partake of their blood. Believe it or not he is no friend of Hell as he forsook the Devil, and denied him the prize of Reeves. Kane is free agent of evil but there are rumors he may be working with The April Anti-Fool, a nefarious relative of the light hearted prankster The April Fool! Kane’s master plan has always been global domination in defiance of the Devil’s coordinated forces of darkness in conjunction with vampires, other damned paranormals, and even various royal elites, and their politician puppets! Kane cultivated a secret cult following over the centuries, and granted many paranormal clown creature status minus the Immortality. He, and his merry band of fools possess enhanced strength, speed, agility, senses, and some magical abilities. Thankfully most of their malevolent minions are mere human lackeys looking to please their master of macabre mirth! Although the master plan is to create a global superpowered clown race to rule the world in heinous havoc!

These crazed clowns are looking to instill fear whose metaphysical energy they feed off of along with the blood of the innocent! They want worldwide calamity with destabilization of governments, and society in general. What we’ve seen in the last few months is merely an opening volley in their war against humankind! The most famous, and powerful of clowns, second to Klaus is of course, is Ronald McDonald. Ronald is more than the McDonald’s mascot. He is possibly a paranormal being shrouded in mystery beyond his McDonald’s marketing role. Ronald valiantly attempted to halt The Klaus Kane Clown Cult march of madness but ultimately he nearly escaped with his life. He had discovered the Cult when Klaus himself approached Ronald hoping he would join him under his titanic tent of terror!  Now Mr. McDonald is in hiding constantly moving from safehouse to safehouse with the help of the McDonald’s Corporation! Before he went into what’s called the Quarter Pounder Protection Program he sent forth valuable Cult intel to Mystic Investigations, and other supernatural crime fighting firms! This data only reached us days ago, and confirmed our previous findings. Now we pick up where he left off, and vow to take down Klaus, and his clandestine conspiracy to cloak the globe in clownish calamity! The surreal manifestation of an unheard of Clownpocalypse! If you spot a clown wandering about your community on any day besides Halloween then contact your local police, sheriff, or paranormal investigators. Don’t attempt to approach a clown, or apprehend one! They may be armed, and dangerous!

Interestingly the TV series “Supernatural” captured the essence of what these supernatural clowns are like. Witness a brave paranormal warrior battle two of these clown creatures in the video below! Attempts at harming them often yield iridescent glitter, and sparkles but enough blunt force will eventually hurt them.  When eradicated they will explode into gooey glitter streaming about with an odd sinister glee!

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