Supernatural Connection To Denver Broncos Super Bowl XLVIII Loss

Supernatural SuperbowlThe Denver Broncos lost Super Bowl XLVIII in one of the most embarrassing defeats in football history on February 2nd, 2014! This one-sided match was almost surreal as the Seattle Seahawks pummeled the Broncos who had a score of zero for most of the game. The sad Super Bowl showing ended in a score of 43-8.  How could a team that made it to the Super Bowl play like a group of bumbling amateurs?  It’s inexplicable!  After some suspicious supernatural cues, Mystic Investigations began investigating this unfortunate incident. This led us to the uncovering of a rare deal with the Devil himself.  Sure there are deals with demons but you have to be someone special to receive a direct audience with the Devil.  Although since October 2013 it’s somewhat easier since he’s walking the Earth in a biological human-like form.

A Devil’s Deal Is Made

Even without directly holding the reigns of Hell in his hands, since the Sorcerer Dimitri Diablo took over as King of Hell, the Devil is still a powerful Archdemon and technically the Emperor Of Hell and the Underworld. Satan has legions of loyal demon followers holding plenty of souls in collection.  There’s also the practitioners of black magic who see him as their dark master and unholy lord.  It seems Microsoft co-founder, and Seattle Seahawks owner Billionaire Paul Allen had the clout to summon the Devil to him via contact with some high-level Satanic Priests. This puzzled us at first since it’s common knowledge in the paranormal community that Allen, and fellow college drop-out Bill Gates, formed an unholy pact with a high-level demon named Shazzleton. They sold their souls to make Microsoft one of the most successful corporations on Earth.  Once you sell your soul and make a demonic deal you usually have nothing left to negotiable with.  However, after consulting numerous physics, seers, mystics, and priests we discovered that Dimitri Diablo slew Shazzleton in one of the many battles taking place in the Hell Civil War. Factions loyal to the Devil are still fighting Diablo’s authority. Before his untimely death Shazzleton held the title of Grand Duke Demon Of Hell!

The Re-Selling Of A Soul

Once a demon is eradicated from existence all the souls he bought are freed from their contract.  Although sometimes demons sneak in riders that state the souls are ultimately owned by the Devil thereby ensuring the souls remain the property of Hell in perpetuity! If whatever the soul seller got in return has altered reality on a global scale then it can’t be taken back.  Any supernatural tampering with the timeline on a major level would enact the Supernatural Secrecy Pact causing Angelic intervention.  Clearly, Allen doesn’t seem to see the importance of having a soul, and he was quite delighted to have what he thinks of as his soul stock back in play.  For reasons unknown, he felt a Super Bowl win was worth his immortal soul as crazy as that sounds for someone who is a billionaire!  The Devil was quite happy to get another soul back in his possession for something so simple as a football game win.

Satan Secures A Seat At The Super Bowl

Witnesses remember seeing a man fitting the Devil’s current description at the Super Bowl so he obviously took care of this task personally.  Some remember him specifically because he would laugh maniacally every time the Broncos fumbled the ball or screwed up royally in some way.  Most likely he was performing magic at each of those instances. From the coin toss win by Seattle onward the Devil had the entire Super Bowl under his Satanic spell.  Although clearly Actor Kurt Russell, a friend of the Devil, knew in advance what the outcome of the Super Bowl would be. Spectators remember that the guy who turned out to be the Devil was really enjoying himself as he knocked back $12 beers and $13 hot dogs in mass quantities between his dramatically loud laughter. He also stood out in fans minds because he was sitting in between two hot women wearing low cut dresses. It’s unknown if they were demons, Satanic sycophants, or simply women under his supernatural spell.  When the game was over he was seen getting into a black stretch limo with his two ladies. A few swear they saw his eyes glow red during the game.

So in conclusion Coloradans can at least have some solace that it was supernatural interference that lost them the Super Bowl. Hopefully, the Denver Broncos will bounce back in the 2014 season…so as long as nobody else sells their souls to see them lose!


Recent Clown Sightings Linked To Demonic Cult!

Killer ClownsThe comical ancestors of clowns may have been around since the dawn of civilization. Humans have always had an instinct, and need to laugh amid the horrors, and hardships of life on Earth.  Certainly some of the forerunners of the modern day circus, and carnival style of clown we know, love, and even fear, were the medieval Jesters, and Harlequins. Outside of set venues, and the Halloween holiday, clowns were rarely seen until sporadic, and often sinister sightings began in the late 20th century.  As of 2016 these crazy clown appearances exponentially increased not just in the United States but around the world as well.  With each passing month these calamitous clowns become more brazenly bloodcurdling, and violent! Some seek to only scare people while others wield weapons of war! Usually sharp implements! Their intent is clearly to cause clownish chaos. However is the effort a clandestine clown conspiracy? So far the media, as usual, is painting this as a hoax.  A supposed mass hysteria brought about by Clown Phobia, aka Coulrophobia. Indeed that familiar human form hidden behind caked on makeup, wigs, and prosthetics can instill deep monstrous fears!

The Klaus Kane Clown Cult
A fair amount of the clowns are copycats who simply want to be apart of a terrifying trend! Their intent is to make themselves feel cool, and tough in a world that otherwise causes them to feel weak, and helpless. Unfortunately Mystic Investigations extensive research has yielded an ominous orchestration of darkness. A perplexing plot to claim the planet for clown kind! Our supernatural sources trace a great deal of these killer clowns to a cult called The Klaus Kane Clown Cult! Naturally the ring leader is named Klaus Kane. The creepy Klaus was a very early court jester in the early 800’s AD for King Charlemagne, Charles The Great, the first Holy Roman Emperor.  Coincidentally those of us in the supernatural know are privy to the fact that Charlemagne is none other than the famous Immortal Keanu Reeves!  Klaus Kane was a normal human but he learned of Keanu’s secret Immortal status, and was deeply jealous he would see the entire human story played out through the centuries.  He had vague knowledge of the magical world hidden among the shadows, and sought to steal Reeves immortality for his own!

He loathed hopping, and skipping around like a fool in his goofy jester costume to amuse Charlemagne Reeves but he pretended to enjoy it as he plotted against his Emperor.  He finally found a dark witch named Waldhurga who wanted some of Reeves immortality as well. Practicing dark magic was rapidly aging her green decrepit form! She realized the limited power of the low level demons she was summoning along with her bodily structure not able to withstand the metaphysical energies. After realizing that Kane could give her Keanu, a more powerful demon visited, and laid forth a spell to capture his immortality while giving the demon Reeves coveted soul. A prize the Devil has always sought to have for his own!

One fateful night Klaus was able to liquor up Keanu, and lure him away from his castle guards into the evil clutches of Waldhurga waiting amid a demonic ritual site with a large altar in the center. Somewhat intoxicated Reeves was caught off guard, and the two filthy fiends along with some henchmen were able to subdue him. Tied upon the abominable altar the bloodletting, and ritualistic chanting began.  The Witch, and Kane drank his Immortal blood as the despicable demon appeared as an apparition in the fire nearby sending forth a shockwave of sinister snickering. All hope seemed lost for Keanu but luckily the selfishness, and intelligence of unintended anti-hero Kane saved him.

Klaus realized that in reality the witch would only gain immortality while the deceased Reeves would go to hell. Klaus, and the rest were to be ritually sacrificed to complete the immortality, and soul stealing spell. Klaus moved at lightning speed with one sharp blade in each hand slicing the throats of everyone in attendance except Keanu. The demon screamed wildly while Klaus recited more spells all the while gulping down Reeves blood. He warped the ritual trapping the demon in a cage of holy fire, and Klaus walked right into it absorbing the demon’s essence.  So many factors were in play that he not only became a dark immortal but also a new type of being. Something we might describe as a demonic clown. Something sinister we have yet to classify. A Supernatural Clown creature! Ultimately it might fall under the general banner of Monsters!

The new spell he had created required that Charlemagne, aka Keanu Reeves, must stay alive or he would die. Their two lives were forever intertwined.  Reeves had passed out cold so he had no idea what had happened until we told him today!  Now he finally understood the unseen dark specter he’d sometimes feel stalking him! The chill of unknown origin up his immortal spine. It was Kane watching him from afar throughout his entire immortal life!

Klaus Kane was not satisfied with merely being a tormenting trickster, and serial killing Immortal for that was another requirement of his ever living status. He must continually kill innocent humans, and ritually partake of their blood. Believe it or not he is no friend of Hell as he forsook the Devil, and denied him the prize of Reeves. Kane is free agent of evil but there are rumors he may be working with The April Anti-Fool, a nefarious relative of the light hearted prankster The April Fool! Kane’s master plan has always been global domination in defiance of the Devil’s coordinated forces of darkness in conjunction with vampires, other damned paranormals, and even various royal elites, and their politician puppets! Kane cultivated a secret cult following over the centuries, and granted many paranormal clown creature status minus the Immortality. He, and his merry band of fools possess enhanced strength, speed, agility, senses, and some magical abilities. Thankfully most of their malevolent minions are mere human lackeys looking to please their master of macabre mirth! Although the master plan is to create a global superpowered clown race to rule the world in heinous havoc!

These crazed clowns are looking to instill fear whose metaphysical energy they feed off of along with the blood of the innocent! They want worldwide calamity with destabilization of governments, and society in general. What we’ve seen in the last few months is merely an opening volley in their war against humankind! The most famous, and powerful of clowns, second to Klaus is of course, is Ronald McDonald. Ronald is more than the McDonald’s mascot. He is possibly a paranormal being shrouded in mystery beyond his McDonald’s marketing role. Ronald valiantly attempted to halt The Klaus Kane Clown Cult march of madness but ultimately he nearly escaped with his life. He had discovered the Cult when Klaus himself approached Ronald hoping he would join him under his titanic tent of terror!  Now Mr. McDonald is in hiding constantly moving from safehouse to safehouse with the help of the McDonald’s Corporation! Before he went into what’s called the Quarter Pounder Protection Program he sent forth valuable Cult intel to Mystic Investigations, and other supernatural crime fighting firms! This data only reached us days ago, and confirmed our previous findings. Now we pick up where he left off, and vow to take down Klaus, and his clandestine conspiracy to cloak the globe in clownish calamity! The surreal manifestation of an unheard of Clownpocalypse! If you spot a clown wandering about your community on any day besides Halloween then contact your local police, sheriff, or paranormal investigators. Don’t attempt to approach a clown, or apprehend one! They may be armed, and dangerous!

Interestingly the TV series “Supernatural” captured the essence of what these supernatural clowns are like. Witness a brave paranormal warrior battle two of these clown creatures in the video below! Attempts at harming them often yield iridescent glitter, and sparkles but enough blunt force will eventually hurt them.  When eradicated they will explode into gooey glitter streaming about with an odd sinister glee!

Check Out The Latest Clown Sightings On Twitter! | Batman Takes On The Clowns!


CNN News Crew Attacked By Demonic Poltergeists

Some shocking evidence of paranormal activity is seen in the CNN news story above.   A camera man felt a burning sensation, and received a scratch on his arm.  A reporter felt invisible entities touching, and pinching her.  These are just a few of the disturbing events in this haunted house that was apparently the site of various grizzly murders.  Clearly this home has become a metaphysical vortex leading into some dark astral realms resting above the surface of Hell itself!  The house is a ticking supernatural time bomb that various paranormal professionals haven’t been able to solve.  The only solution is to vacate, and burn the place in blessed holy fire with holy oil as the fuel. Unfortunately the owners still feel their financial well being is more important then their physical safety.  It’s a fair bet the poltergeist activity will steadily increase to more violent proportions, and they will have no choice but to vacate.