Christmas In July! What Did Santa Claus Do On The Fourth Of July?

Santas Summer VacationThe world’s most powerful Demi-Angel, Santa Claus, celebrated American Independence Day despite being neutral, and not holding allegiance to any one nation, other than his own sovereign North Pole City.  The reason being that Mrs. Holly Claus in an American citizen.  Actually she enjoys dual citizenship status in both the US, and North Pole City.  Holly brought a lot of American Christmas traditions to the North Pole, and continued to keep up with the times throughout the 20th century, and into the 21st.  However all the Christmas traditions of the various nations are reflected when visiting Santa’s winter wonderland.

On July 4th the temperature in North Pole City was a balmy 52 degrees Fahrenheit under mostly sunny skies.  Now of course Santa could make it warmer via his extensive Demi-Angel powers but that wouldn’t be fair to the cold loving Elves nor the various Snow, Ice, and Winter Nymphs who recently began frolicking about Santa’s domain.  All the snow in town was melted except in areas magically managed by Jack Frost where Frosty The Snowman skips about with glee.  Mystical flowers of all colors bloom about amid the plethora of Evergreen trees, and shrubs.  Extra large naturally growing enchanted Poinsettia plants spot the landscape as well.  The minority deciduous trees, also specially enchanted, are lush with green leaves.  Santa planted them especially for Mrs. Claus so she could enjoy the iridescent leaves of autumn fluttering forth.  Despite all the signs of Summer, Christmas decor was adorned everywhere as usual.  It truly was Christmas in July!

On the morning of July 4th Mrs. Claus tended to her garden after a hearty breakfast at Claus Manor.  Then Santa hitched up the enchanted reindeer to his magical crimson sleigh, and the entire Claus Family hopped aboard.  Santa, Mrs. Claus, and his perpetually young kids Nicholas, Jr. & Mary, flew at lightening fast speed to the shores of a deserted tropical island in the Pacific to enjoy a beach picnic along the serene seas.  They spent several hours there before flying to the Continental United States to partake of various fireworks displays in approximately 24 different communities.  Since the North Pole sun doesn’t set in the Summer they can’t enjoy fireworks there. However their Christmas fireworks show is beyond anything you could ever hope to imagine!

All went well except for one unfortunate incident.  In an undisclosed rural community somewhere in Missouri a deranged drunk staggered into Mrs. Claus spilling his beer all over her beautiful light red dress.  Three of his clearly intoxicated friends stood near him giggling like sad little children.  Santa calmly, yet firmly, demanded he apologize to his wife. Instead the inebriated guy let some choice expletives fly forth not only in front of his wife, but his kids as well.  Both Nicholas, and Mary gasped in disbelief that such harsh language was allowed to reach their innocent ears.  It’s true the family is cloistered from the real world in a cleansed almost 1950’s atmosphere at the North Pole. In fact once they returned the unpleasant memories would fade away from all except Santa himself.

The over six foot four tall, heavy set, and imposing Santa Claus towered over the drunken twenty something individuals. He then said,”I kindly ask that you apologize to my wife, and children for your immature behavior, and all will be forgiven my lads.”  They all snickered sadistically as the guy foolishly punched Santa in the stomach after saying,”Here’s your apology old man!”  The snide cackling immediately stopped as the guy gripped his hand in pain while Santa stood still unphased by the attack.  He smiled, and said,”Once again I must demand an apology for you have dishonored my wife, and corrupted my children with your unsavory behavior!”  The guy gripping his hand screamed,”Beat the hell out of this bastard!” All four men then charged Santa Claus punching, and kicking him with great effort.  So much so that some of the guys fell down twice due to their drunken state.   It was like attacking a giant redwood tree.  It was an insane act of pure idiocy! The punching stopped rather quickly as it was very painful to their silly little human hands.  However the kicking continued on a bit longer as they still held hope they’d beat the old man, and show him who was boss.

The out of breath fools were unable to budge Santa from his firm stance.  The Great Claus just started laughing heartily,”Oh you crazy kids!  Will you ever learn?”  All the men held their hands in agony as one said,”What the hell are you made of? Steel?”  Santa replied,”No just extra dense Angelic flesh.  Now boys where’s my apology?  I really must insist!”  Santa took a step toward them, and gave them a stern look as he started to unlace his large belt.  They then apologized to Santa, Holly, and the kids.  He declared all was forgiven as he bear hugged all four men.  A subtle white light could be seen amid the huge hug.  When it was over the men no longer felt the pain of their futile violent blows nor were they no under the influence of the tons of alcohol they had consumed all day long.  They just walked away silent in a shocked daze with thoughts of peace, and goodwill dancing about their minds with intermittent visions of sugar plum fairies.  From that day forth their lives would change for the better forever!

The world’s holiest family returned to their Christmas land of the Midnight sun at about Midnight US Mountain Standard Time.  Before retiring to bed Santa reviewed the latest Naughty Or Nice list he received from his Chief Elf.  As he dreamed of sugar plum fairies, elated elves, rambunctious reindeer, and naughty Norse nymphs playing in the glittering snow a disturbing flaming apparition of the Devil appeared in his fireplace .  He told Santa,”My son the Anti-Christ will be born into this world soon, and your brother of darkness the Anti-Claus will return!  Together we shall destroy Christmas, and every magical holiday that marshals the forces of all that is holy, and good.  This shall be the dawn of the era of darkness. My demonic children of the night will replace humanity as the dominant species on this planet.  Victory at the final battle of Armageddon will be ours as you burn to ash under my new unholy Sun!  Your Christmas Star Of Bethlehem will be extinguished for all eternity amid my glorious reign of tantalizing terror!  I promise your holy reign of light is about to end Saint Nicholas!”

Santa woke up in a highly unusual cold sweat as he gazed over at the fireplace observing the chilling vision of the Devil’s face in the flames.  The fire swirled about madly sending hot winds about the room with the hellish screaming maniacal laughter echoing everywhere.  Santa waved his hand at the flames sending a cold white burst to instantly extinguish them while yelling,”Be gone you heathen of Hell!”  There old Saint Nick sat silently in the darkness remembering his last run in with the Devil at the First Battle Of Armageddon.  The injuries he suffered at the hands of his cowardly twin brother the Anti-Claus. The faith of Father Christmas wavered for few moments but the Spirit Of Christmas reignited his belief that the Angels of Heaven would be victorious in their battles against the forces of darkness.   If only he could bring them, and the Earthly Gods together to fight their common enemy while saving humanity & the Earth from damnation!


Comments

comments

This entry was posted in Anti-Claus, Christmas Stories, Demi-Angels, Holidays, Independence Day, Santa Claus and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply