Jason Voorhees Resurrected On Friday The 13th!


Jason Friday The 13th VoorheesHe’s Back! We finally received confirmation that our Jason Voorhees Resurrection Warnings unfortunately came true on Friday November 13th, 2015. The venomous Voorhees Cult has been marshaling metaphysical energies over the course of two years from Friday The 13th’s(Three from this year alone), Tetrad Blood Moons, the last Halloween Blood Moon, Halloween itself, and All Souls Day Of The Dead.  The Chieftain’s of the Voorhees Cult are devilish dark warlocks, and witches who see Friday The 13th as their central holiday of reverence.  In essence their equivalent of Christmas.  They believe Jason Voorhees is their God even if he is a former human, stupefied spirit, and sometimes a physical form zombified demi-demon.  A physically malformed & mentally deficient human child who was darkly cleansed of his humanity in the unholy waters of Crystal Lake when he drowned that fateful Friday The 13th. Of course in their eyes Jason is holy, and righteous. They hope to give Jason the gift of a permanent immortal, and indestructible non-zombie body someday so he can go about his work of cleansing the Earth.  Much more than axing sexed up teens at Summer Camps near Lakes.  The eradication of humans everywhere who don’t share the dark vision of the Voorhees Cult.  Of course since all members of the cult take a vow of celibacy, as they deem sex to be a vile act that can spawn further unwanted human procreation, they supported Jason going after those highly hormonal teens.

The Voorhees Cult believes the birth of Jason was destiny, and it’s up to them to aid his ascension to a diabolical deity status.  They consider
Jason’s supernatural state to be the equivalent of the Christ child, or probably more exactly the Anti-Christ child!  However it’s their opinion that opposing forces are keeping Jason from rising to his fully Godly glory. Namely the people who end up slaying him back to spirit status.  They also blame Jason’s Father Elias Voorhees for beating Jason’s Mother, Pamela Voorhees, during her pregnancy with Jason along with causing her to turn to the bottle.  The booze, and beatings, while Jason was still in womb, is what caused his sorry physical, and mental state thereby deeply dulling the Voorhees Cult’s glorious future God.

The crazed Cult even blames the Devil, and even most demons in general for not fully supporting Jason, and aiding in his resurrection. I guess they don’t see the potential in Jason that the cult does.  Of course the Voorheesian’s, as they refer to themselves, do acknowledge the rogue demon who originally powered Jason’s first resurrection.  Unfortunately for them that demon was ultra-exorcised into oblivion, and effectively blinked out of existence for all eternity by a group of supernatural warriors known as The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s. Without this unknown demon Jason only had the Voorhees Cult to attempt resurrecting him.  Only last Friday did they finally succeed!

The following is an eye witness report from a brave soul who had been camping in the area, and happened upon a horrific sight. Various other insights were provided by top flight psychics, seers, and mystics. At an undisclosed lake hidden among the multitude of lakes in Northeast Minnesota, well Crystal Lakenorth of Duluth, Jason Voorhees was re-born into this world once again!  The Voorhees Cult lined the shores of the small lake with their sacred forest green crystals of dark luck acquired from a cooperative Clurichaun (Dark Leprechaun) sympathetic to the Voorheesian cause.  The crystals have been conditioned by the cult to especially focus the power of Jason, and Friday The 13th along with other damned diabolical forces.  These Friday The 13th Dark Luck Crystals turned the body of water into the true Crystal Lake, and it became a metaphysical magnet for the poltergeist spirit of Jason Voorhees.

In order to utilize the maximum energies of Friday The 13th the resurrection ritual was planned for 11:13 PM.  In the darkness of the woods under the cold dark skies the lake glowed an eerie green while cult members clad in black robes held hands on the shores.  In the center was a large floating raft altar to Jason with a squirming man gagged,and tied to it.  Most likely he was born on Friday The 13th. He was surrounded by crystals with High Priests wearing red robes on the raft around him, and cult members in the water around the raft as well.  Various other worldly chants, and incantations took place for several minutes until 11:13 approached, and the unidentified hostage on the raft was sacrificed via a large machete to the heart Jason style.  The heart was removed, and eaten by the Priests as the skies above glowed green, and the spirit of Jason infused the now lifeless body.  The body became animated, and it arose. The bleeding hole where the heart was didn’t heal but merely turned black.  This indicated they were unsuccessful in giving their master an immortal indestructible form. He was once a gain a Zombified Demi-Demon. Probably now more precisely a Zombified Poltergeist. It was indeed the resurrection of Jason Voorhees!  Jason looked around confused at first, and became agitated but the cult members knew how to calm him as they pushed the raft ashore.  He walked among the group that surrounded him.  The all touched him, and smiled.  Some even displayed tears of joy. My God these people are some seriously sick puppies!  Jason didn’t seem to like the physical contact but he tolerated it as he was presented with his trademark hockey mask,and machete.

Jason nodded to the High Priest upon seeing the mask.  The Priest placed it over Jason’s face, and he took the machete.  The cult members then led Jason to the end of dirt road where three cars were parked. Each with steamy windows. It seems this area was a popular make-out zone for local teens. This was probably one reason for choosing that particular lake.  Jason’s eyes were almost beaming with glee through his mask as the cult presented him with the gift of six sexed up teens.  The blood burst from one car as teens ran screaming from the other two.  Cult members cackled maniacally as they split up shadowing each boy-girl duo staying out of Jason’s murderous way.  While Jason went after one couple the Voorheesian’s scared the hell out of the other couple strategically leading them back toward Jason.  The second couple ran right into the massacre of the other couple in a wooded clearing.  Jason’s machete hacked away heartily as he let out years of frustration being stuck in a metaphysical energy form.  The couple witnessed their friends being dismembered in utter horror! They screamed, and turned around to run away but the wall of multiple Jason cult members blocked their escape.  They all excitedly smirked, and began chanting,”Lord Voorhees! Kill The Sinners! Kill The Sinners!”  And Jason did just that but not before the boy bellowed,”This is insane! You can’t be real! Jason Voorhees isn’t real! Noooooooooo!”. Jason then sliced, and diced the hell out of those poor crazy kids who minutes earlier just experienced first love!  This heinous tragedy shall not go unpunished! All of us in the paranormal community vow to avenge these senseless deaths!

At this point Jason was in the midst of killing frenzy and he naturally wanted to kill some more as he lifted his sharp implement threatening the cult members.  The group immediately fell to their knees, bowed their heads, and the high priest said,”Oh Dark Master Jason it would be a privilege, and honor to be slain by thee!” Jason paused a bit, and then uncharacteristically ran his fingers through the cult leaders hair before turning away, and walking into the dark woods. Could there be a bit of humanity in Jason? Certainly he comes the closest to being human when installed in a fresh corpse but that fades very quickly! It’s unknown what happened after that. All we know is that Jason is on the loose, and several sightings have surfaced over the last week and a half!  The US Paranormal Defense Agency did eventually cover up the supernatural slayings, and have cordoned off the general area around the lake for study.

How Did The Voorhees Cult Begin?
The Voorhees Cult itself technically came into existence on Friday, May 13, 1966.  Despite the canon of the Friday The 13th movies that is the date the real Jason Voorhees drowned in Crystal Lake as a 13 year old child rather than a nine year old.  Of course you could say everything began on March 13, 1953, the real birth date of Jason.  A gifted 14 year old hereditary Witch named Secilia was attending the Summer camp Jason was at.  In fact she was the only one who befriended him. They had something in common since her excessive weight made her an outcast with the kids at the camp. She had visions, and dreams of his future.  She knew then he was a dark Lord trapped in a pathetic human form.  She tried various rituals, and spells to help him but nothing worked. Then on that fateful Friday The 13th when Jason drowned she was in town, and returned to find out he had died.  She realized it was meant to be that he should die within, and be resurrected from the metaphysically cleansing waters of Crystal Lake.  So she attempted to do just that.

As a hereditary witch her family had collected various texts over the centuries including one of the powerful Grimoire’s known as the Book Of The Dead.  The specific text was the nefarious Necronomicon Ex Mortis!  Her family had fallen away from the dark side over the past 100 years so the dangerous Grimoire was locked away. Secilia however was born with a darkness.  It’s suspected that possibly the demon who first resurrected Jason influenced her unknowingly.  She stole away the Necronomicon Ex Mortis in the hopes of bringing Jason back to life in a supernatural form.  She failed countless times until the demon took action at the perfect paranormal power time along with using Secilia’s Book Of Dead ritual as an anchor to our physical world. On November 13, 1970 Jason was resurrected for the first time by having his spirit channeled into a freshly dead adult human corpse.  It was the body of someone born on Friday The 13th.

Secilia shadowed Jason’s movement for years helping him where she could but she was eventually driven away by the forces of magical good.  After losing a great deal of weight she became a charismatic cult leader who recruited dark minded individuals such as herself.  Fellow witches, warlocks, and also useful idiots whose main mission was to support Jason, and attempt resurrection ASAP when he was killed by what the Voorheesian’s refer to as a Sinner. Clearly their vision of reality is skewed to thinking that evil is good, and good is evil.  Oddly enough the closest thing to good in the cult are the vows of celibacy usually seen by seriously devout religious individuals.

Secilia met her end as the Voorhees Cult Leader on Friday, August 13, 1999 when The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s killed Jason, and exorcised his sponsor demon.  She attempted to save Jason’s life but was taken into supernatural custody, and thrown into a private prison at a secret location deep underground.  She hasn’t been heard from since! It’s a fair bet Jason will be looking for her!

Now that Jason Voorhees has risen to life again the Supernatural Community has placed him at Number 9 on their Most Wanted List.  The Parallel Pretender has dropped to Number 11.  Jason remains at Number 10 on the US governments most wanted paranormal list.  Our network of supernatural associates around the United States are on the look out for Jason.  If you spot Jason Voorhees do not attempt to apprehend him, or make any contact with him what so ever! Turn away, and run for your life! Then contact your nearest paranormal professionals, or practitioners of magic ASAP!  Hopefully we can get this blasphemous bastard before Summer 2016 when various lakeside Summer camps become active!  We certainly expect a major killing spree to begin on the sole Friday The 13th in 2016 in May!  Only 170 Days To Go!

Happy Dark Luck Friday The 13th!

Share