The Mardi Gras Joker Was Twarted By Patriot Woman!

The self-proclaimed Voodoo powered leader of Mardi Gras known as The Mardi Gras Joker was up to his old nefarious tricks on February 13th! There are many tales of the despicable acts perpetrated by him and his thugs throughout the year. Particularly on Mardi Gras as he seeks to turn its debauchery into a completely dark holiday or horror! During 2018’s New Orleans festivities one such evil enterprise was interrupted by none other than the superhero born from the chemically laden ashes of September 11th, 2001. Of course, we speak of the amazing Patriot Woman!

The Joker and his minions videotaped a somewhat tipsy thirty-something woman displaying her bare bosoms repeatedly for worthless shiny beads. Her forty-something husband was there cheering her on in drunken revelry. As they milled through the crowd the jolly Joker clad in his crazy Jester costume and make-up cornered them. He showed them the video and demanded money for his extortionist plot. The Jokers top hacker determined the couple had prestigious high paying careers ripe for the terrifying taking. The husband attempted to attack him but he stuck a pin in a Voodoo Doll and the man gripped his heart in pain. The wife attempted to intervene but two of the Joker’s thugs held her back while lewdly groping her with smug smiles on their faces. The trio of darkness cackled with glee as they led the unlucky couple down an alley and into an empty warehouse. There the husband and wife were thrown into separate cages and informed that they would pay the money or be publicly disgraced with the videotape. The husband reluctantly wired the couples life savings to the Joker. It was estimated to be somewhere in the neighborhood of $550,000!

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. The Mardi Gras Joker is one sick puppy and he loves tormenting people. In dastardly detail, he told the couple what they would endure from that point up until the end of the Devil’s Hour. A night of terror in a maze of intricate puzzle and riddle ridden traps set-up around the warehouse of dark shadows. If they escaped they would live. However, that turned out to be a lie as the Joker intended to sacrifice them in a demonic ritual! Just apart of his continued effort to foster a dark Mardi Gras Spirit in opposition to a good spirit like that of Christmas!

The athletically inclined man along with his lovely intelligent wife managed to get themselves through the hours of living Hell. They suffered some injuries but escaped out the back door into the alley. They breathed a sigh of relief as they ran toward the now nearly empty streets screaming for help. Just then the Joker and six of his thugs leaped from behind some dumpsters laughing like loons. They held the husband as the Joker leered his wife with despicable desire in his evil eyes. He ripped her shirt off and threw her to the ground. The Joker then said to the husband,”I wish to make lust to your wife before you both die!” The husband yelled,”Leave her the hell alone! You said we could go free!” The Joker giggled,”I lied jackass!” The husband continued roaring in anger until the thugs began beating him as the sick Joker prepared to force himself on the trembling woman now crying in fear and disgust!

All hope seemed lost until a curvaceous shadow with long lustrous locks of amber waving in the wind appeared on the roof above. She jumped down three stories in the midst of the violent chaos. It was the legendary superhuman Patriot Woman clad in red, white, and blue complete with American Flag cape! It seems her limited psychic powers had picked up on this evil event as she strolled about the quiet early morning Mardi Gras streets of New Orleans. She immediately demanded,”Cease this madness or die you, filthy fiends!” The Joker and his thugs stopped what they were doing. The Joker then rose up and went face to face with her as he chuckled a bit and said in a seriously sinister voice,”Who in the F*** are you supposed to be bitch?” She told him who she was and then he vaguely remembered hearing about Patriot Woman some years ago but never thought much of it until now. He replied,”Well you star spangled piece of s*** this is my domain! I’ve got a sacrifice to perform! I don’t have time for this crap! I’ll allow you to leave now or I will place a permanent Voodoo curse upon you!” She then punched him so hard that he flew several feet into a dumpster while she yelled,”Voodoo this you freak of clown nature!” The Joker was knocked out cold!

The pathetic thugs immediately pounced but she took them down with extreme prejudice! Two were inadvertently killed by the force of her raw power! She hoisted the badly injured husband on her back as she led the wife out of the alley to a nearby police station. They were rushed to the hospital and the husband was in stable condition as of the posting of this article. Patriot Woman went back to do her duty and permanently take out the Mardi Gras Joker but he had vanished without a trace! However, the police managed to arrest some of the badly beaten minions.

The Madi Gras Joker is still on the loose and is considered supernaturally armed and dangerous! If you spot him do not attempt apprehension. In fact, do not even call the police or FBI as they will be helpless against him! Contact your nearest Paranormal Professionals or Practitioners Of Magic.  If you can’t locate anyone who is equipped to handle sinister supernatural villains then go ahead and dial 911 to tell them your terrifying tale even if you sound like a nut case. While on the phone with the Operator have the first words from your mouth be “PDA” as in the US Paranormal Defense Agency. Since all phone calls are being monitored in real time by the NSA they will hear that and immediately relay the recorded call to the top secret branch of the US Defense Agency that deals with paranormal threats. The 911 Operator will be puzzled that your call was dropped along with all your data being wiped clean from their computer systems! They and anyone called in on this will receive calls from high level US government officials to drop the investigation!

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40 Paranormal Cryptids Caught On Tape

AliensThe video above features 40 paranormal beings caught on tape displaying seriously spooky behaviour! This includes extraterrestrials, and the mysterious Mothman. The 21st century has given us more proof of the paranormal than the previous 1000 years combined. We can thank the advent of video recording smart devices, and ever increasing video surveillance cameras.  Despite this video evidence we must realize it becomes even more possible to fake such things with computer special effects with each passing year. Not to mention that most people can’t even deal with the common horrors of human society let alone the world of the supernatural!  In addition a great deal of real videos are confiscated, and covered up by the US Paranormal Defense Agency that seeks to supposedly protect citizens from the shocking threat of various cryptids.

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What Happened To The Earth On The 2012 Winter Solstice?

To the average human on Earth it appears nothing happened on the fabled 2012 Winter Solstice.  However the supernatural beings of the world felt something, and those of us humans in the world of the paranormal knew what was going down as well.  The Earth was very nearly destroyed by the magically cloaked planet Nibiru, aka Planet X, along with a thwarted Polar Shift that could have caused it’s own widespread mayhem.  The galactic alignment of the Milky Way center with the Sun-Earth plane took place.  The progression toward alignment over the months of 2012 had resulted in an increase in powers seen in all supernatural beings. The pinnacle of that power should have been at 11:11 AM on December 21st, 2012 yet what we saw instead was a total lack of powers across the board for one minute.  Several minutes before there was a gradual weakening.  11:11 AM was the exact moment the rogue planet Nibiru was blocking, and absorbing the energy of all celestial objects including the Earth itself.  Does this suggest that all supernatural power derives from the Earth, Galaxy, and other celestial entities?  The Earth’s energy, aka the Goddess Gaia, might be responsible for powering up some beings but certainly not all.  The galaxy, sun, moon, and other objects in space might provide some power but we feel they are most likely conduits for transporting energy to this reality from the higher dimensions, and perhaps even other parts of our Universe.  Beings such as vampires became weak as humans, and various non-corporeal beings such as poltergeists disappeared.

It’s seems the Planet Nibiru was under the complete control of it’s spirit the God Nibiru.  Psychics on Earth could sense the fear of the Nibirun populace who are at the mercy of the Nibiru God.  Unlike Earth’s spirit, the Goddess Gaia, who isn’t allowed such command, and control of the planet due to the Omniverse God having a special interest in humanity.  The Nibirun’s were creation of the God Nibiru himself.  He was once a higher dimensional being who was shunned from his community, and imprisoned as the soul of a huge red planet.  He created the Nibirun’s to amuse himself, and give purpose to his life.  In the distant past he became enamored with our Earth, aka Goddess Gaia.  She spurned his love because she sensed his evil.  At a time in the past where she was far more powerful she thrust him away into deep space.  Only on the winter solstice 2012 was he able to finally return to force himself on Gaia.  Gaia is greatly weakened now due to all the evil supernatural, and human beings on Earth.  Especially the paranormal beings that sap her power, and the humans who desecrate her body, the Earth itself. This includes widespread population, secret weather control, warfare, and the general destruction of her surface.  Meanwhile Nibiru has more power not only due to being larger, and absorbing more but also the access to the power of the souls of the Nibiruns who dare not harm their God Master.

We at Mystic Investigations through the fate of the Universe acquired two swords.  One of good, the Sword Of Judgement, and one of evil, the Sword Of Dagon.  Their origins are shrouded in mystery but some evidence indicates they come from Earthly Gods, and Demons.  The Sword Of Judgement may be the product of all the various leaders of the Earthly God factions, including Celtic, Greek, Roman, etc., coming together to forge not only a sword for that can only be used for good but an alliance for the time of Armageddon.  Sword Of Dagon was a creation of the Archdemon Dagon who serves on the Devil’s Unholy Counsel Of 13. He is the father of the first generation vampire, and King of The Vampire Empire known as Dagan.  The Archdemon Dagon also posed as a Babylonian God known as Dagon.  It’s not known what the purpose of the sword is but it’s clearly the evil counterpart of the Sword Of Judgement.  It’s unknown which sword was forged first.

Various ancient scrolls led us to two ancient stone Kiosks at each of the magnetic poles north, and south.  The origin of these kiosks is the same as the swords.  From Earthly Gods, and Demons.  Both wishing to access the power of Gaia with the swords acting as keys.  At the appointed time Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington placed the Sword Of Judgement into the North Pole Kiosk while Senior Vice-President Drake Alexander, temporarily evil at the time, simultaneously placed the Sword Of Dagon in the South Pole Kiosk.  This released a gargantuan power burst from the soul of Gaia that created a massive shield around the Earth.  It’s blast like appearance was so powerful that it shot Nibiru away into deep space once again.  This mystical power release also halted the polar shift that was about to occur once Nibiru was away.  The current whereabouts of the planet God Nibiru are currently unknown.  However it seems the Gaia power burst has fried his brain for now.  In addition the evil sword caused Drake Alexander to split into two bodies.  Our original Drake, and what we call the Dark Drake.  The Dark Drake is still on the loose perpetuating evil on the world.  He claims to be the Second Son Of Satan here to find a perspective mate for his Father so that his brother the First may be born into this world as the Anti-Christ.  The Dark Drake currently possessed the Sword Of Dagon.

After the weakened state of all supernatural beings on Earth there was a huge power boost caused by the release of Gaia’s energy along with the re-exposure of the Galactic Alignment.   These additional powers are expected to stay with most beings at least until Summer 2013.  Since everyone got it there’s no additional disruption in the balance of good, and evil. So not to brag but Mystic Investigations saved the Earth…with a little help from some mystic swords.  No need to thank us!  We love our jobs, and are happy to save all of you out of the goodness of our hearts!

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