Somewhere in Southwest Colorado lies the forgotten ghost town of Terrenceville where a nearby Insane Asylum was de-funded by the State Government in 1903. Asylum Director Shawn Adams let loose all the kooks rather than cooperating with a procedural transfer to another facility. It was an act of revenge for the loss of his prestigious job. Not to mention the nefarious ways he utilized the unwitting mentally ill residents for his own profitable ends. Most of the patients went missing and were never seen again! Out of embarrassment the State deep-sixed the entire debacle, and covered up the interesting incident which was easy enough before the advent of modern mass media. It was rumored the patients hid among the abandoned buildings of Terrenceville. The stories grew into a horrifying Urban Legend of freaks who seriously inbred with each other while also forcing themselves on kidnapped tourists who were never seen again!
Over the past century various people have claimed missing tourists, and local residents ended up the victims of the mentally ill ghost town populace. An inspection of the town by various law enforcement agencies yielded no sign of any so-called residents. So the Terrenceville terrors were always touted as mere myth. A scary story told by high school, and college students looking to frighten each other. In some cases merchants in nearby communities bolstered the story of the loony bin town to increase tourism. Now the tales of terror this town has inspired have finally been confirmed as true by us here at Mystic Investigations!
Some of the Mystic Investigations Team barreled down the dusty highway at high noon in the Mystic RV. We were heading back to Woodland Springs, Colorado from a supernatural symposium in Farmington, New Mexico. It had been a productive two-day meeting of paranormal professionals from around the Southwestern United States. At the wheel was Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington. That would indeed be me! Research Assistant and Werewolf Seth Morgan came up with the brilliant idea to take a shortcut through Terrenceville for a brief impromptu investigation of our own. Unfortunately none of us had ever heard the urban legend when I said why not, and maneuvered down the tumbleweed ridden dirt road. We were all eager to get home for Memorial Day Weekend but our curiosity got the better of us! As we spotted the ghost town ahead both front tires blew loudly, and I hit the brakes. The RV skidded further, and then the back tires blew as well! Upon inspection we discovered rusty old railroad spikes semi-buried in the dirt road. We only had one spare tire, and as usual those pesky cell phones couldn’t get any signal when you really need them the most! So we decided to wait until our vampire Executive-Vice President Drake Alexander woke up from under the hidden compartment in the floor safely away from the sunlight. Once a vampire is in a deep sleep he’s impossible to wake-up! Especially if he’s in the Astral Dream Plane visiting with other vampire spirits from around the world. We did try to shake him awake but it was no use. The intent was to have him run at super vampire speed to the nearest town, and get a tow truck. Or possibly hoist the whole RV on his back with us inside, and then carry it to town. However that was probably somewhat outside his strength range as a 5th generation vampire. Certainly, his vampire mother Duanna Sargon, a 4th generation vampire, could have accomplished it!
On this trip it was just me, Drake, Seth, our Cryptozoologist, and Demi-Zombie Doctor Ashley Abercrombie (Seth’s Girlfriend), Investigator Elizabeth Weatherly, and Ghost Buster Rob Edmunds. Back at Mystic Investigations Headquarters Senior Vice-President & Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was left in command. It was 8
Miss Weatherly entered a Curio Shop and was surprised to find a few antiques still lying around. It was odd nobody had stolen them all these years, and they were without dust as if just placed there. She opened a music box that played a most macabre sounding tune. Suddenly she heard the floor creak. She turned around to see what appeared to be a disfigured looking teenager with one eye far larger than the other. Elizabeth shrieked, and ran out of the shop only to see an otherwise beautiful looking young woman with a full-on beard skipping, and dancing toward her in a disturbing manner while holding her long skirt. She was singing a song about slicing people up while displaying a sinister smile. Elizabeth screamed, “Help!”, and was about to run down the main street when a big brute carrying a bloody ax came strolling across the street toward her. Elizabeth instead bolted in between the buildings frantically but was met by the disfigured boy and an even more horrifying looking individual who resembled the Elephant Man. Her howls for help fell silent as the bearded woman came up behind her, and placed her hand over Elizabeth’s mouth. The bearded lady then whispered in her ear, “Be silent sweetheart or your friends will die long agonizing deaths. You’re a member of our family now! Earl John seriously needs a wife.” A somewhat less than savory looking man, yet not deformed, stepped up from behind Elephant boy, and said, “She’s mighty pretty! Oh mighty pretty indeed!” The ax-wielding behemoth named Jeb arrived next to the bearded woman, and said to her, “The future father of your unborn child must have heard the screams. He’s running this way!”
Rob Edmunds ran into the alley between the wood buildings but found nobody. However he noticed the dirt freshly scuffed about indicating someone had been there recently. He spun around to find the motley crew of societal rejects. Rob was then instantly met with the butt of an ax to the face courtesy of the muscular 7 foot tall Jeb! Out cold he eventually awoke in a dark room with mouth gagged, and hands tied to a squeaky old bed. The bearded lady named Shelly Ann tending to his head wound. She silently reassured him, “Shhhhh honey we’re together now. If you treat me right I might shave my beard off for the honeymoon.” Rob lie there thinking, “Oh God please shave that thing off if I have to go through with this!” LOL! He was also thinking how he survived countless poltergeists, ghosts and dark spirits only to have it end like this!
I was in the saloon looking around imagining a piano playing, card games taking place among cowboys, and gunfights being instigated. I did think it was interesting that the place looked rather clean when there was an open door letting dust blow in. A small tumbleweed even blew in while I was there. I was looking into the shattered mirror in back of the bar when I saw the ax-wielding giant Jeb behind me. With a smile I said, “Well hello there big fella? Are you with the Welcome Wagon?” He ran at me roaring ready to bludgeon me down but I thew two Ninja stars at him in rapid fire succession! One hit his hand causing the ax to fall to the floor. He fell to his knees, and I roundhouse kicked him in the face causing him to fall backward. I hopped over his hulking form and ran on to Main Street. Before I knew it a swarm of freaks came out of various buildings holding large sticks, and sharp implements. One even had a pitchfork! I then declared, “I never felt so welcome in a town before. The love I’m feeling right now is really heartwarming guys. Seriously I’m feeling a special connection here!” Yes in dangerous situations I often act like a smart ass. It’s a defense mechanism. LOL! They ran at me screaming with crazed looks in their deranged eyes! I then utilized my special martial arts mix of Kung Fu, and Ninjutsu to let loose my fists of fury, and crushing kicks amid my flying Ninja stars, and throwing knives.
As I fought the mob off I grabbed a broom handle from one of them, and began swinging it around wildly batting them away. These wayward wackos were coming out of the woodwork in droves, and a whack to the back of the head brought my epic battle to an end! I awoke on a wood floor with my head aching in what appeared to be a jail with one of my legs chained to the wall. The sunlight filtered through the boarded up windows with the shadow of the axe loving jerk named Jeb sitting nearby. Once he saw I was awake he walked over with a menacing look on his face, and said, “If you weren’t already promised to my sister Sue Ellen I’d rip your guts out, and feed them to my hogs!” I replied, “Oh for joy! You’re the dream brother-in-law I always wanted you big bastard!” He literally rattled my cage and growled like an enraged gorilla while unlocking the jail cell. I got up, and he punched me in the gut causing me to double over back onto the floor. I then muttered, “May I have another sir?” He then kicked me in the stomach, and I barely replied, “Awwww God thank you! I loooooove it!” He let out a guttural roar before locking the cell, and stomping out of the building slamming the door behind him. I sat on the floor allowing my head wound to rapidly heal as all my injuries inexplicably seemed to do since I was a child. This despite the fact that our Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie certified I wasn’t supernatural in any way. Yet the mysterious healing said otherwise. Once I was back to full fighting ability I planned to escape, and save my team members.
Seth, and Ashley went to the outskirts of the town following the railroad tracks as they indulged in their romance holding hands in the desert-like wild west outdoors. They entered a dark mine shaft as Seth joked, “Let’s see if we can find some gold to make a ring for you!” They giggled amid the darkness that they could see in since Seth had enhanced Werewolf eyesight. Ashley had a lesser ability with her Demi-Zombie vision but could still see far better in the dark than a average human could. Seth was by no means in control of his Lycanthrope transformations and was beholden to the Full Moon. However in human form he did have enhanced strength, speed, agility, and senses. Still nowhere near that of our 5th generation vampire associate Drake Alexander who continued to slumber under the floors of the Mystic RV in a sealed special tank to prevent him from burning to flames in the light of the holy sun!
Meanwhile a group of nutty Terrenceville citizens entered our RV scavenging it for supplies. A man named Thomas Allen, the Mayor, and leader of the morons, said, “After you pick this bastard clean get the tractor and pull this thing out by the barn. I think it’s high time I had a proper Mayor’s office!” Drake Alexander deep in vampire sleep was in the astral plane visiting various vampire blood relations including his vampire Mother Duanna Sargon who was currently sleeping in a New York City penthouse. He was unaware of the nefarious happenings going on above him nor in the ghost town around him.
Seth, and Ashley found an ore cart on some tracks. Seth said, “Hey let’s ride this thing! Looks like fun!” Ashley replied, “Why not!” He shoved it off with them inside, and further down the sloping mine shaft they went. They pulled out their trusty LED pen flashlights as every remnant of daylight disappeared At the end of the line they climbed out, and headed down a side tunnel because they both smelled something peculiar. The tunnel opened up into a larger cavern. There they witnessed the horrific sight of over a century’s worth of rotting beheaded corpses, and skeletons riddled about the cave. Seth commented, “Man this is jacked up in a major way!” They decided to head back, and tell the others about what they found. Unfortunately they didn’t get far as bright lights were switched on via various electric generators. A group of loony locals were blocking the way out with sinister smiles on their sick faces!
An old woman wearing creepy mime make-up said, “You really shouldn’t have come down here. We can’t really let you leave now. By the way how on Earth could you see in here with those small flashlights?” Seth replied, “Oh I’m a Werewolf, and my girlfriend here is a human-zombie hybrid.” The old woman wasn’t amused while some laughed, and a few of the younger ones acted scared. She turned to the frightened ones, and said, “Don’t fret! They’re just silly sacrifices for our Director Lord Savior The Shawn Adams.” She pointed toward a side chamber as the pitchfork, and sharp stick-wielding clan marched forward. They all ended up in a room with some despicable looking religious altar that had the well-preserved body of a man in an antique black business suit embalmed inside a glass case filled with clear liquid. The old woman continued, “He released our ancestors from the very bowels of hell itself!” Ashley replied, “I bet you mean a mental institution don’t you?” She saw some documents on the altar indicating who the man was. The old woman screeched, “Shut up, and be grateful for the privilege of being a sacrifice to The Shawn Adams!” The normally well reserved, and respectful Dr. Abercrombie then replied, “I’m more grateful for having the privilege of punching you in the face!” At that moment Ashley did just that, and Seth joined the fray in the chamber of horrors! Clearly the group was taken by surprise at the enhanced abilities of this unusual paranormal dynamic duo. Seth heard more people coming down the mineshaft, and they both ran in order to prevent being trapped. On the way up they fought through more townsfolk. Seth picking up a number of men and tossing them aside. The attackers looked shocked at how easily a small woman like Ashley could knock them to the ground. Once out of the mine they fled the scene quickly!
Unfortunately the group in the Mystic RV managed to find the controls to open the hidden compartments including the weapons cache. The Mayor now holding a machine gun along with the rest of his now well-armed group cut Seth, and Ashley off at the pass. The Mayor then coldly yelled, “Kill them now!” Bullets flew everywhere riddling the bodies of both Seth, and Ashley before they could spring away. Their lifeless bodies were then returned to the mine shaft altar for “proper sacrificing” as the Mayor put it.
Back in the jail I heard the mass gunfire, and picked the old lock on the rusty chain around my leg with a hidden tool I always carry with me. I 
I lurked back to the RV to see them removing the metal casket with Drake sleeping inside. They opened it as the Mayor tested for a pulse, and breathing yet found none. Luckily it was under the shade of a large tree otherwise his body would have begun smoking while eventually catching fire in the light of the holy sun. He then said to one of his cohorts, “Maybe these folks are our kind of people driving around with such a beautifully fresh corpse! Take him to the sacrifice chamber.” At the time I wasn’t worried because I had no idea that their method of sacrifice was beheading. A sure way to kill a vampire! I couldn’t worry about the supernatural members of my team now because I had to find the humans Rob, and Elizabeth.
I promised my brother, Michael, I’d keep Elizabeth safe the last time I saw him before he left on his last trip through time never to be seen again. At that moment Elizabeth was being forcibly bathed in a horse trough after having her clothes ripped clean off. The bearded woman Shelly Ann whispered gently to her, “You’re going to love Earl John. He’s such a big man if you know what I mean?” She giggled as Elizabeth cringed at the thought. A girl ran in, and happily exclaimed, “Hurry up, and get her dressed the Preacher is ready for the wedding!” Shelly Ann, and two other women helped her out of the tub to dress Elizabeth in a dirty white wedding gown. Shelly was excited, “After you get hitched it’s my turn with your friend Rob! In fact, I have to go get ready now. You gals tend to her, and make sure she gets to the church!” I saw the bearded woman run off as I sneaked up on the building. Sure enough there was Elizabeth standing there as naked as the day was long! LOL! I allowed her the dignity of getting dressed before I entered. I ran in and demanded, “She’s coming with me ladies!” One grabbed Elizabeth, and the other came at me with a large rusty razor blade. I easily overpowered her while Elizabeth elbow jabbed the other in the ribs. We both hightailed it out of there, and headed for the hills as the women screamed we were escaping.
Rob wasn’t having it so easy as he was being literally hosed off in a horse stall in a rickety old barn. The three men standing there were laughing as the man with the hose yelled, “Come on spread those legs! You need to be clean for your wedding night!” Shelly Ann strolled in just then and gazed upon Rob with lust in her deranged eyes as he covered himself with his hands. Shelly then said, “Oh don’t be shy sweetheart! We’re going to have so many nights of love together. I know it’s supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding but I just couldn’t bear to stay away from you honey! I just got a new blade so I’ll be shaving my beard soon. I do declare I look absolutely divine with just a mustache! Don’t you think boys?” The men all chuckled and nodded. The bearded woman turned around to leave but she fell to the hay lined barn floor because Elizabeth punched her in the face. I grabbed the hose from one of the guys, and began rapidly wrapping it around each one while simultaneously punching, and kicking them. They lie knotted up on the ground rather quickly. Elizabeth tied Shelly up and gagged her because she kept screaming. Rob got dressed, and said,”Am I glad to see you guys!” I joked back, “Well I could have did without seeing that much of you man!” We all laughed as we prepared to face a fantastic fight! I estimated there were well over 100 residents in this so-called town! We all made our way to the mine as quickly as possible hiding from terrifying townsfolk along the way!
Seth was placed on the altar of The Shawn Adams ready for beheading by axe courtesy of the giant jackass Jeb. Ashley and Drake lie next in line. All appeared to be dead but they weren’t. Seth’s bullet wounds were rapidly healing. Ashley’s far less quickly due to her zombie half not getting the human flesh it needed because she refuses to partake of such cannibalistic acts! Fortunately she could most likely still function being riddled with bullets. Drake a vampire fast asleep without a care in the world was about to meet his demonic maker! Jeb stood menacing over the sleeping Seth as he raised his axe with sinister glee, and let out a guttural roar while exclaiming, “This one’s for you my Holy Lord & Savior The Shawn Adams!”
To Be Continued…..Now of course since I’m telling you what happened I’m the only one you know survived this ordeal for sure! At least I got back in time to celebrate Memorial Day! LOL!
Next Urban Legend: The Microwave Monster
