Xavier Remington 
In July of 1955 paranormal investigators happened upon a most unusual freshwater pond Turtle in South Carolina. Locals reported strange lights emanating from the small Painted Turtle. An animal that inexplicably would draw other animals to it in peaceful harmony. Even predators like bears and wolves would sit still seemingly mesmerized by the turtle. That is until it let loose its Pandora’s Box of perplexing power. Then they’d scatter in all directions for miles! People nearby felt an unexplainable holy presence from the tiny turtle that nobody was able to catch as it would speed away or teleport nearby. At times the turtle would levitate and interfere with anything running on electricity. Years before people realized it was the turtle causing various disturbances they assumed the woods it inhabited were haunted by some sinister specter.👻
The Vatican Takes Custody Of The Holiest Turtle On Earth!
The paranormal investigators were just as unsuccessful in catching the elusive enchanted turtle. However, a local Priest entered the fantastical fray with the assumption the turtle was possessed by a demon. As he neared the little fella the Priest felt the same feeling he had while within deep prayer meditation with God. Bystanders remember his words as he asked the turtle, “Holy Lord is that you?” The Preist was convinced that God, or more exactly The Omniverse God, was possessing the turtle. The people in the vicinity laughed until the animal let himself be picked up by the holy man who had a Bible in one hand. As soon as the Priest held the little guy in his hands the various health ailments he had instantly healed! This included bad eyesight which caused him to promptly remove his glasses and toss them in a pond! Soon The Pope was contacted and a cover-up took place as the turtle was whisked away to Vatican City. The paranormal investigators agreed to keep quiet if they could be involved in the study of this amazing anomaly. The Vatican agreed and to this very day, The God Turtle lives in a top-secret facility underneath Vatican City.
The World’s Only Immortal Turtle
Over the decades it’s been discovered that the Turtle is amortal which means it will live forever and even come back to life if somehow destroyed. Although thus far it is immune to any form of attack as it appears to cooperate with experiments. The turtle seems to have the full range of Omnikinetic Powers within its DNA but the vast majority of it lies latent. The astounding abilities that do exist exhibit erratically since there’s no concept of how to control any of them. It’s still just a turtle although be it an extremely intelligent one. There’s only so much that a small reptile brain can accomplish! Supernatural specialists work on a daily basis to suppress the perplexing powers as this turtle could very well destroy the entire planet if not the Universe! In the image at the top of this page, The God Turtle just initiated a mini Big Bang to start a new Universe. Thankfully holy magic masters were able to contain the cosmic calamity before it expanded to engulf everything in existence! Thus far nobody has figured out how to harness the vast majority of the powers. Even the healing factor works erratically. That’s why Pope’s still get sick and die!
The Holy Turtle Is An Incarnation Of God
We know that God places his spirit in sentient life across multiple Multiverses. He’s born into a given life just as we are with no memory of our higher dimensional roots. He wants to experience life firsthand and then upon death find out he was God all along. This usually means he pre-suppresses his powers but in some instances, it’s possible his spirit enters without his direction. After all our entire reality resides within his mind and body which is the very Omniverse itself. We believe the turtle was an unintentional incarnation of God that occurred sub-consciously. Not even God is perfect as he was once a biological being like us who ascended to Godhood over trillions of years in his own afterlife in another Omniverse. Clearly, the Omniverse Lord is all-knowing so he is certainly aware this has occurred yet he’s chosen to let his turtle self live. Presumably, this is just another mathematical probability to play out. That is a God’s favorite activity.
An Amazing Artifact Of Blessed Goodness
The God Turtle is one of the top holy artifacts on Earth and has been loaned out to some in the supernatural world with direct Vatican supervision. In 1972 there was a holy hostage situation at a monastery in France where several Vampires held many priests and nuns hostage. The God Turtle was thrown threw a window and presumably by instinct it send forth a flash of holy light on par with the Sun. All eight vampires instantly burst into unholy violet flames and turned to ash. In 1988 there was an army of Werewolves forcing people to turn into their own kind in a small Italian village. The Turtle was launched from several thousand feet into the middle of the nightmare and unholy howling bellowed forth loudly into the moonlit shadows. The wayward wolves were repelled by the little Lord’s holy presence and scurried out of the village to Werewolf Hunters waiting in the woods. The Holy Lord Turtle is used sparingly in exorcisms since it would expose him to the Devil! In addition, any water he’s placed in becomes clean and holy within seconds!
The Future Of The God Turtle
There is a hope that someday the secrets of the God Turtle will be unlocked and utilized to defeat the forces of darkness. The Turtle could be the key to a peaceful paradise on Earth. Of course, if it falls into the wrong hands it could bring us a nightmarish hell or destroy our entire reality! The Devil has shown great interest in getting his hands on the tremendous turtle. Luckily, the micro miracle is well-guarded and hidden. Also, he’s still elusive and very particular about who can handle him. It seems only the Priest who captured him and his relatives have that complete power. It’s unknown if possibly their lineage has some manner of Angelic history. The Preist and his family are aging seriously slow due to so much hang time with the turtle. Long live The Holy God Turtle! Amen!🐢
