Frightening Accident At St. Louis Haunted House

A Halloween haunted house was host to some real horrors on Halloween night 2011.  The house is an attraction of the popular horror-themed amusement park known as Horror Haven Theme Park.  The house of hellish horrors has been critically acclaimed as being quite authentic.  Almost to the point that people swear there are real ghosts, and other paranormal activity going on within its blood stained walls.  However, park officials guarantee it’s just clever props, holographic projectors, various other special effects, and actors in expensive costumes.  Each year there are always a few heart attacks, and some trips, and falls within the dimly lit foggy halls, but this year a horrifying incident took place.  Something so terrifying that the attraction was closed down while police swat were called to the scene as shots bellowed forth into the dark cold night.

22-year-old Dan Flunker was preparing to get into his deranged chain saw-wielding serial killer costume when he was bludgeoned from behind.  He’s currently in the hospital in stable condition.  The attacker then proceeded to stuff his body in a locker, and put on Dan’s costume.  Police later identified this man as 34-year-old Pat Raedemaeker, a traveling water salesman from Edison, NJ with a wife, and two kids.  Pat somehow knew exactly where to go in the dark corridors of the haunted manor, and he took Dan’s standard position in which to scare paid patrons.  Within 30 minutes of the attraction’s opening, the house was crowded to capacity.  The chain saw-wielding serial killer character is supposed to stay behind a wire mesh gate so there’s no chance of the running chain saw coming in contact with any guests of the haunted house.  However Pat leaped out of the cage with the chain saw roaring full-on, and he began brutally attacking random people.  The screams of horror could be heard throughout the house, and out into the crowd outside.  A few unidentified good Samaritans attempted to subdue Pat but they were ripped to shreds by the chain saw.  The macabre massacre continued for 15 minutes until the police swat team arrived, and entered the house whose lights were fully illuminated by park officials.

Police made their way through the bloody carnage that included 14 dead, and 23 wounded.  Eventually, they cornered Mr.Raedemaeker in a mock morgue full of latex corpses.  He lunged at police with his rattling chain saw, and they opened fire on him.  He was killed instantly, and his family was notified.  When we spoke with his wife she was shocked to learn that Pat was not only responsible for the haunted house massacre, but probably also responsible for a string of murders across the United States that coincided with his sales trips.  She apologized to the families of the victims at a news conference, as a candlelight vigil was held outside the haunted house on November 2nd, 2011.  The attraction finally re-opened on December 7th, 2011, and has been doing triple the business it would be doing so close to the Christmas season when most people aren’t interested in horror.  Unfortunately, it seems many have a fascination with the macabre, and many are reporting genuine hauntings at the manufactured haunted house.  Even employees have secretly reported that demonic specters of hell have appeared without any projectors along with unholy stenches, screams of terror from thin air, and objects flying about without invisible wires.  Four paranormal investigations firms, including Mystic Investigations, have concluded that indeed the haunted house is now seriously haunted by the angry victims of the slain, and another evil force as well.

Despite the justice of Mr.Raedemaeker’s death, the spirits of the slaughtered are being held in the house.  Most likely against their will.  Various psychics, including our very own Julia Hathaway, have indicated that Pat ascended to the level of Poltergeist with the help of Demonic forces.  Now the house is a literal hell on Earth.  We and others are working to take down this powerful poltergeist and free the dead so they may cross over to the afterlife, and rest in peace.  For now, we can only pray for their immortal souls.  Despite our recommendation to close down the house for good, park officials can only see dollar signs as crowds pour into the now truly authentic haunted manor.  May God have mercy on all the innocent souls that pass into the hellish halls of horror!

Next Urban Legend: Devil Claims Human Soul During Daylight Savings Time | The Urban Legend’s Homepage

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Paranormal Professions On The Rise

paranormal-pros

As unemployment rises across the United States there’s one job sector that continues to grow.  That sector being supernatural in nature.  As we approach our date with destiny in 2012, paranormal activity has increased exponentially, and the paranormal private sector is meeting the demand that the government refuses to even acknowledge most of the time.   Most people laugh when they see want ads for Ghost, Zombie, Werewolf, and Vampire Hunters, along with Cryptozoologists, and parapsychologists.  Although, the growing businesses placing these ads are only laughing all the way to the bank.  And this is despite the common practice of pro-bono services in the industry.  These businesses are havens for brave warriors who battle the forces of evil on our behalf.  Luckily high fees paid by towns, businesses, rich individuals, and philanthropic organizations help make the supernatural sector highly lucrative.

A number of people choose to be self-employed and battle the big bads of this world on their own terms.  At present, the small operations are the majority.  Although the paranormal corporate world is on the rise, and growing strong.  One of the biggest is ZombieCorp, Inc. whose specialization in Zombie eradication has made them millions for stockholders.  Halloween of 2011 presented them with record returns as communities, private individuals, and corporations outsourced their zombie infestations to the pros.  CEO Lee Sampson says,”A part of me feels bad that I profit from the terror of the rotting corpses of the living dead but another part feels the satisfaction of taking down zombies free of charge in some cases.  No matter what we clean up an entire community whether we were paid just for an estate, or just a graveyard.  We care about people, and we will fight to the death to protect them from the hellish scourge of the zombie menace!”

We here at Mystic Investigations have seen a surge in business in the last few years.  We went from a small leased suite to a small two-story building of our own in our battle against all forms of supernatural evil.  Our partnership with ZombieCorp and other firms within the vast cooperative network of paranormal professionals casts a protective net over the planet so you the average citizen can sleep easy at night.  Fear not at that random unholy howl for the Werewolf is most likely about to be slain in the silvery moon glow at the hands of our fine supernatural warriors.

If you have an interest in a paranormal profession then study up on the internet, and at the library.  Then go out, and get some experience on your own, or get hired as an apprentice with a reputable paranormal investigations agency.  You can also go the college route as well.  More, and more colleges are offering courses in the paranormal arts.  In addition, if you know where to look you can find the secret schools that teach the tricks of the trade, and educate you in the ways of the metaphysical.  As always you enter such professions at your own peril.  It’s not easy being human when going up against vampires, werewolves, zombies, Chupacabra, extraterrestrials, poltergeists, wicked witches, demons, and other hair-raising hells that go boom in the night.

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California Based Zombie Corporation Ready For The Havoc Of Halloween


Lee Sampson, President & CEO of the California-based ZombieCorp, Inc. says he’s “Locked and loaded for Halloween havoc!”  Lee started ZombieCorp in 2001 to address the growing zombie plague from the world of the paranormal.  There’s also the threat of man-made zombie viruses looming over the horizon from both government and private sources.  ZombieCorp is a member of the growing number of supernatural crime-fighting corporations.  These various organizations, ranging from general paranormal investigators to supernatural hunters specializing in a certain area, are at the forefront of the war on paranormal terror.  This includes our very own Mystic Investigations, Inc., which handles a plethora of paranormal problems on both a paid and pro-bono basis.  Lee and his ZombieCorp also do the same and wish to eradicate the planet of the zombie scourge that has plagued mankind for centuries.

Unfortunately, the government doesn’t actively fight the war on supernatural terror despite knowing the true nature of our paranormal planet.  They instead focus on supposed scary men in turbans, and domestic dissenters of the corporatist regime.  Lee exclaims, “The government isn’t even interested in investigating mad scientists who dabble in zombie viruses for Pete’s sake!”  So it’s up to private organizations to take on the metaphysical madness that lurks about the shadows just around the corner from your home.  Lee Sampson was actually a zombie specialist for the US Paranormal Defense Agency (PDA) which is a secret agency of the Department Of Defense.  He was dismayed by their bureaucratic red tape, lack of leadership, and drive to take on the living dead menace.  They instead focused on capturing only a handful of zombies just to research for military applications that could be used against US citizens someday should a revolution occur.  Lee left the PDA in disgust and created ZombieCorp.

He used his extensive list of connections to solicit clients and took down various zombie uprisings around North America to demonstrate the effectiveness of his zombie-fighting skills along with his hand-picked team of paranormal professionals.  We at Mystic Investigations have had a few opportunities to work alongside the fine fighters at ZombieCorp in various graveyards, and Native American burial grounds around this great nation of ours.  There are many local governments, and wealthy individuals who will pay whatever it takes to eradicate a zombie infestation and ZombieCorp boasts record profits for 2011.  There’s even talk about going public on the New York Stock Exchange.  Although Lee feels too many investors will scoff at the idea of a Zombie Corporation.  Lee said, “Too many people have their head in the sand when it comes to supernatural entities.  They exist folks!  They’re a threat!  We’re fighting the problem, and we’re making good money.  Just invest in us dammit!  We’re a sure bet!”  We here at Mystic Investigations agree Lee!  Keep up the good work, and let us hope this Halloween doesn’t bring us too many zombies.

Lee Sampson’s ZombieCorp Business Card

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