This Saturday Night Live Skit features a crazy couple with an obsessive belief in Santa Claus. So much so that they hold a Christmas party hostage in the grips of their dark madness. This is despite the assumption they are humans not within the real supernatural community. Perhaps the Spirit Of Christmas has hung heavy in their hearts since childhood amid a rough life leading to mental illness. They believe an obvious impostor is the real Santa while looking to include him in their sick fantasies. In the end, the real Santa peers in the window at the insanity going on at this Christmas party of horrors. Completely disgusted, he then promptly bails into the cold dark night! In reality, Santa would have burst in to release the Yuletide hostages and scold the waywardness of the true believers. One wonders if the couple may actually be subconsciously seeking out the Anti-Claus who is indeed a sick paranormal puppy!
The Overly Obsessed Anti-Claus
In a way, Santa’s evil twin brother, The AntiClaus, is a stalker of sorts. He is obsessed with Santa’s wonderful life and he even has a dark love for his wife Mrs. Holly Claus. He feels it should have been his charmed life rather than Santa’s. Unfortunately the brothers were separated at birth by a twist of dark fate. The Anti-Claus has briefly impersonated Santa in order to step into his life. Luckily, that ruse was quickly uncovered! The Dark Claus is a very real danger since he has injured Father Christmas in the past. Thankfully the Sinister Claus has never prevailed over his righteous brother of the light and the Spirit Of Christmas!
Santa Claus has actually dealt with some supernatural stalkers in his time. Especially since he is the biggest celebrity in the paranormal world. Those in the metaphysical know or with some level of power. Naturally, many of his stalkers have varying degrees of mental illness. He generally attempts to use his healing Angelic powers to light the rayless recesses of their misguided minds with the serenity of sanity. When that fails due to the overwhelming darkness within them, he is reluctantly forced to overpower the crazed culprits and send them off to any number of secret supernatural prisons or mental institutions! No supernatural stalker on this Earth could ever hope to easily encapsulate the holy Demi-Angel Claus into their fanatical fantasies!
Two Wicked Witches Attempt To Weave Santa Into Their Wanton Web!
Probably one of the most diabolical Santa stalkers was a story of two twisted sisters who were powerful wicked witches. Their dastardly deeds dispatched an entire family to the great beyond. The monstrous murderers lay in wait for Santa to deliver gifts to the now-deceased Jones Family on Christmas Eve. Santa mystically materialized from the chimney and immediately sensed a pernicious presence. Suddenly a bright purple light flashed around him. It was a dark magic dampening field trapping him in the family living room next to the lit Christmas tree. The scantily clad witches emerged from the dark shadows making their wanton wishes of Christmas seduction known. Santa was appalled! Especially as he read their minds and realized the alarming atrocities they had perpetrated against a beloved family very high up on his Nice List!
Deep sadness turned to uncharacteristic rage at this horrifying injustice. He roared so loud that glass burst everywhere in the house. The witches were no longer smiling in amusement but now shook in fear as Santa bombarded the dark supernatural shield with bursts of enchanted energies. His raw Demi-Angelic-based power broke through as the witches fled from the house. However, as they ran into the snowy backyard Santa was in front of them courtesy of his super speed. He literally picked one up in each hand by their neck and launched them into the sky while yelling, “To the Moon with you blasphemous harlots of hell!” He immediately regretted doing that as the unfortunate witches achieved space orbit! From the roof, the reindeer and two helper Elves looked on with shocking concern. Rudolph asked, “Gosh Santa are you okay?” Santa nodded as he leaped dozens of feet back in the sleigh!
Santa looked back at his Elves and said, “Prepare magical computations for time travel! We need to connect my Chronokinetic powers with the Christmas Spirit. Overcoming the dark witches magic along with making my deliveries has drained my power.” He launched into the dark starry skies as the Elves handed him a sheet with a complicated formula consisting of both math and magic. He prepared the reindeer for temporal travel and instructed, “Hold your breath fellas!” They flew upward into outer space past the floating frozen witches. The sleigh sped toward the Sun ever faster as the stars began to elongate into lines of light. Around the Sun they snapped back toward Earth!
The sainted sleigh re-entered Earth’s atmosphere as the reindeer’s faces started turning blue! Rudolph’s red nose took on an odd purple hue. Santa finally said, “Everyone can breathe now!” Sighs of relief rained about as they landed in the woods near the Jones Family home. It was now the night before Christmas Eve as Santa stealthily crept toward the house on foot. He knew just where and when to be because he had previously read the witches mind. Santa waited in the bushes as he looked in the window to see the happy family partaking of their evening dinner in good cheer.
Then he felt the familiar evil energy afoot and peered up into the sky to see two witches flying on brooms land nearby. They cackled with glee speaking of the night of ecstasy they would share with Father Christmas after their Anti-Yule human sacrifices. Before they got to the back door they were suddenly frozen in fear and could not move but a few feet in each direction. They cleared the snow beneath them and saw Enochian Angel Magic symbols etched in the frozen soil of the dormant lawn. They were startled by Santa’s presence as he happily declared, “Come now ladies did you really think you could trap me in your den of lustful iniquity?” They replied, “Santa we love you! We want to be with you forever!” Santa countered, “Your dark magical journey has stoked misguided feelings of sinister sensuality within you! I see no clear path to your recovery as you are too far gone. Indeed, you will spend eternity with me…. frozen in the North Pole City Ice Palace of my friend Jack Frost!”
The Winter God Jack Frost appeared from the icy shadows blowing an eerie light blue glowing breath from his mouth. It immediately turned the wicked witches into frozen statues. Santa thanked Jack for the prompt reply to his psychic message and discretion in not contaminating the timeline by making his presence known to his past self. Jack replied, “No problem! I needed some new decor for the castle!” He then disappeared in a flash of glittering snowflakes with the frozen witches in tow.
Santa gazed back through the frosty window as the family gathered around the Christmas tree. He felt the warm embers of Yuletide enchantment in his heart as the evil events had been set right. Of course, this was now a different reality and he would have to merge with the Santa who already existed here. He began concocting a powerful Enochian Angel magic spell to accomplish this. Finally on Christmas Eve Santa landed on the roof of the Jones house and slid down the chimney to deliver his bounty of beautiful presents. Meanwhile, on the roof, the time-traveling Santa flew down in his sleigh that transmuted to an astral form. It merged with the sleigh, reindeer, and elves already on the roof.
As Santa came up the chimney, he saw the astral Santa sitting in the sleigh and asked, “OH my we changed history again?” Astral Santa replied, “Yes! As soon as we merge you will remember everything that happened.” Indeed, Santa merged with his astral self and all was known. He had memories of two timelines. In reality, he has memories of dozens of realities he shaped for the betterment of humankind but also to set right his own mistakes! After all Santa is still half-human…🎅