Author Archives: Paranormal Newsdesk

Santa Claus Sexiest Supernatural Man Alive!

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Paranormal People Magazine is the secret supernatural sub-magazine of People Magazine. A mystical magazine only distributed to those of us in the real supernatural community. The magazine tends to take a lighter tone rather than focusing on the dangers of the dark forces that infest our planet. For the second year in a row they have named Santa Claus, aka Saint Nicholas, as the Sexiest Supernatural Man alive on Earth for 2017.  As a Demi-Angel, aka Angel-Human Hybrid, he has been blessed with a handsome exterior complete with a naturally muscular physique. Santa is seen as the savior, and leader of the forces of light on Earth. His headquarters of justice is North Pole City.

When asked for a comment he said,”I’m very flattered by this recognition! However we have much more pressing matters to concentrate on as all out Armageddon approaches! I must also stress I’m happily married to my wife Holly so I implore the lustful ladies out there to respect our sacred union. Let the Spirit Of Christmas dwell in your hearts in place of physical temptations. Merry Christmas to all and thank you!” Mrs. Claus had a similar comment when she said,”He’s all mine ladies! Don’t even think of it! We’ve been happily together longer than any human has been alive! However I forgive you for your less than pure thoughts directed at my husband. Merry Christmas!”

Interestingly enough Santa Claus’s evil identical twin brother, The Anti-Claus, should theoretically enjoy this honor as well. Unfortunately for him his turn to the dark side warped his Angel genes into that of demonic. This altered his appearance to that of less than flattering. This also included him ironically acquiring the iconic bowl full of jelly belly mistakenly attributed to Santa Claus. Despite this the Anti-Claus can utilize dark spells to Glamour his appearance into something handsome. The Dark Claus wasn’t available for comment but he does have a history of deep jealousy toward his holy brother. More than likely he is hiding in a cave somewhere plotting his Christmas revenge!

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The Truth Of Tahoe Tessie Told!

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Recent sightings of Lake Tahoe’s monster ‘Tahoe Tessie’ have been skyrocketing as tourists flood town for the summer season. With the proliferation of these events, The Tahoe Journal decided it was time to finally get to the bottom of the truth behind the legend. After scouring the lake for information with regard to Tessie and her origins, our investigation repeatedly led us to the same place: the TRPA.

After numerous calls, emails, and visits to the TRPA headquarters in Stateline, NV, we finally located a former agent to speak with us. The agent requested that we not give any identifying information about them, due to the fact that the last agent to divulge information about ‘Situation T’ was promptly fed to the legend itself.

“I’ve worked for the TRPA for nearly 12 years, and it disgusts me that no one within the agency will come clean as to the origins of Tessie. I was there the day the InGen corporation had the first meeting with board of directors in 1992. At the time TRPA was planning to create a new attraction to draw more tourism to Lake Tahoe and boost the local economy.”

According to our anonymous tip, when InGen caught wind of TRPA’s plans, they approached them with an offer they couldn’t refuse: a mysterious lake monster that would lure curious minds from far and wide.

Read The Rest Of This Alarming Article By AJ Steed At The Tahoe Journal…

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The Termination Of The Boarhog Moothy-San Monster’s Terror!

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The Boarhog Moothy-San is a legendary monster that lives in the horrified hearts of the Japanese people. You can read our full article on this disturbing creature here. Its spirit has been known to haunt the Aokigahara Forest in Japan. There it possesses animals, and people wreaking hellish havoc. If that wasn’t bad enough, every 100 years it is let loose in its human-hog hybrid form to terrorize locals! This monstrous mayhem has been going on for over 1000 years. Finally, we have good news for Japan on this glorious day courtesy of brave supernatural warriors!

On May 31, 2017, private paranormal investigators captured, and contained the Boarhog Moothy-San! They now have possession of her bloated body for supernatural study! A joint expedition of Japanese, Indian, and British paranormal agents had been researching the Moothy-San Monster for four years before tips from local psychics sent them into action! They hiked deep into suspect caves near Mount Fuji, and yielded an amazing discovery. After a tip from local psychics the team unearthed the Moothy-San trapped within a collapsed cavern.

The Fat Fright’s Finale!

When Food Is Love...Cry Me A River!

The great beast suddenly awoke as the team’s lights flashed upon its alabaster piggish form. A spine-tingling squealing scream shot at them like a sonic shockwave and the mad monster charged forth with angry hunger in its evil eyes cast upon its goofy looking moon face! The supernatural investigators shot back with high powered stun guns and cattle prods in an effort to preserve the abomination for supernatural science. The blasphemous beast was put down with only one injury to a courageous team member. The gluttons grotesque gargantuan whale rear beared down on a man causing broken bones and major bruising. The alarming abomination was dragged into a cage and lifted from the Aokigahara Forest by freight helicopter. The despicable denizen of darkness now lies in a private secret underground research lab in Tokyo! Thank the Lord this long curse ridden reign of heinous hog terror is over!🐷

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