Admin, Author at Mystic Paranormal News

Supernatural Cryptids Hunted Down After Escaping Paranormal Preserve

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Admin — 1 Comment ↓

Heavily armed paranormal professionals, including vampire slayers, werewolf hunters, demon decimator’s, Cryptozoologists, and other supernatural specialists, hunted down a hellish hoard of wild cryptids that terrorized a small Arkansas town after they were let loose by the suicidal sorcerer, Sly Sanderson, who owned the private paranormal preserve that catered to the rich and famous. The only supernatural animals believed to still be at large after days of hunting are a lone werewolf, kept in non-human form by dark magics, and a demonic dingo, Pottersville police said today.

A feral vampire and a Chupacabra had been believed to be running free, but the sheriff’s department discovered both were killed last night by mobs wielding torches of holy fire, and squirt guns full of holy water.

Fauwker County Sheriff Abner Shatzy told paranormal reporters that he can’t be 100 percent sure that those animals are the only ones unaccounted for among the 44 animals, most of them ferocious and out for human blood, who were let out of their silver-lined cages Thursday evening.

Shatzy and Mystic Paranormal News cryptid expert Ashley Abercrombie, who will take the living hell beasts at the preserve to the Woodland Springs Colorado Paranormal Research Center, urged the public to remain cautious and alert of their surroundings during this deadly dangerous time.

The sheriff said that when his men arrived at the cryptid preserve in Pottersville, they found hell hounds, Chupacabras, Demonic Tigers, zombie bears, vampire cats, and a Manticore roaming the area. Since it was about to get dark, he feared the animals would escape into the night causing death, and destruction around Fauwker County.

He, and his men, on the advice of a Paranormal Consultant, began to open fire with silver bullets. Due to the unique danger of the situation, private paranormal professionals have been allowed to wield weapons alongside law enforcement as they eradicated the ferocious supernatural animals. If any odd-looking animals are spotted then the Fauwker County Sheriff requests your immediate call to his station so the appropriate action can be taken to protect the public.

California Based Zombie Corporation Ready For The Havoc Of Halloween

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Admin — 3 Comments ↓

Lee Sampson, President & CEO of the California-based ZombieCorp, Inc. says he’s “Locked and loaded for Halloween havoc!” Lee started ZombieCorp in 2001 to address the growing zombie plague from the world of the paranormal. There’s also the threat of man-made zombie viruses looming over the horizon from both government and private sources. ZombieCorp is a member of the growing number of supernatural crime-fighting corporations. These various organizations, ranging from general paranormal investigators to supernatural hunters specializing in a certain area, are at the forefront of the war on paranormal terror. This includes our very own Mystic Investigations, Inc., which handles a plethora of paranormal problems on both a paid and pro-bono basis. Lee and his ZombieCorp also do the same and wish to eradicate the planet of the zombie scourge that has plagued mankind for centuries.

Unfortunately, the government doesn’t actively fight the war on supernatural terror despite knowing the true nature of our paranormal planet. They instead focus on supposed scary men in turbans, and domestic dissenters of the corporatist regime. Lee exclaims, “The government isn’t even interested in investigating mad scientists who dabble in zombie viruses for Pete’s sake!” So it’s up to private organizations to take on the metaphysical madness that lurks about the shadows just around the corner from your home. Lee Sampson was actually a zombie specialist for the US Paranormal Defense Agency (PDA) which is a secret agency of the Department Of Defense. He was dismayed by their bureaucratic red tape, lack of leadership, and drive to take on the living dead menace. They instead focused on capturing only a handful of zombies just to research for military applications that could be used against US citizens someday should a revolution occur. Lee left the PDA in disgust and created ZombieCorp.

He used his extensive list of connections to solicit clients and took down various zombie uprisings around North America to demonstrate the effectiveness of his zombie-fighting skills along with his hand-picked team of paranormal professionals. We at Mystic Investigations have had a few opportunities to work alongside the fine fighters at ZombieCorp in various graveyards, and Native American burial grounds around this great nation of ours. There are many local governments, and wealthy individuals who will pay whatever it takes to eradicate a zombie infestation and ZombieCorp boasts record profits for 2011. There’s even talk about going public on the New York Stock Exchange. Although Lee feels too many investors will scoff at the idea of a Zombie Corporation. Lee said, “Too many people have their head in the sand when it comes to supernatural entities. They exist folks! They’re a threat! We’re fighting the problem, and we’re making good money. Just invest in us dammit! We’re a sure bet!” We here at Mystic Investigations agree Lee! Keep up the good work, and let us hope this Halloween doesn’t bring us too many zombies.

Lee Sampson’s ZombieCorp Business Card

The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency

Posted on October 9, 2011 by Admin — 1 Comment ↓

The local New Mexico news report above speaks of the efforts of Hugo Pecos, former director of the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency, to get a memorial for the agency placed in Albuquerque’s Civic Plaza. The now extinct agency was a minor agency absorbed into the current Paranormal Defense Agency which is a top-secret branch of the Department Of Defense. The PDA is responsible for most of the so-called “Men In Black” and deal in all supernatural beings including aliens, which is at the top of their list as being a threat to the government. Although the US government has colluded with the “Greys” of Gliese 581c in the past.

When it comes to real supernatural beings, such as vampires, werewolves, zombies, etc, the Paranormal Defense Agency delves more into research for military benefits. Since in reality, these beings aren’t much of a threat to the government, and rather only a threat to individual citizens, and perhaps whole communities when it comes to zombies. Our government is under the control of the planet’s evil billionaires and royal plutocrats. They’re only interested in the self-preservation of their power. This is especially true at the top-secret levels out of the view of common citizens. In fact, the government has developed an artificial zombie virus, based on the supernatural zombie virus, that it may release if the people ever revolted against the unconstitutional regime. Let us hope this never happens.