A Lawyer Finds Herself In A Surreal Legal Hell


The horror anthology Tales From The Crypt finds an attorney within a surreal situation in the episode Let The Crime Fit The Punishment. A weaselly yet hot lawyer named Geraldine Ferrett, played by Catherine O’Hara, is brought into a small town court when he license place “Sue Em” is thought to be illegal. It seems her argument that it was in fact legal was about to stick when her odd looking public defender in a crazy wig inexplicably hands the judge a file. This file contains news stories of her legal exploits and court victories. The Judge doesn’t take kindly.

The punishment is corporal punishment despite it being against State law. She manages to have the case thrown out just before she was about to be whipped. Along the way she sees another prisoner with his nose cut off as punishment. It seems the court is  a house of horrors with insane punishments including death. Unfortunately they charge her with another crime and ends up before another judge who looks the same as her previous one. She ends up in pillory but gets to appeal before another judge who looks the same as the other two. There’s a claim that they’re related. One would think this is just one of those small isolated corrupt towns that are the stuff of some horror stories. However there’s too many supernatural elements.

Geraldine sees walking dead corpses blaming her for their woes. A door that exited into a hallway suddenly goes somewhere else. In end she gets public service which turns out to mean she becomes the new Public Defender for the court. The old one is all too happy to place himself in an electric chair to die and escape his nightmare. He tells her that he was a weasel attorney like herself and found himself tapped in the court of horrors. He is electrocuted by the walking dead corpses she saw earlier. Upon his death Geraldine suddenly has his suit and wig on. Now she’s damned to serve there forever…unless she can get public service for another lawyer who falls into the small town court trap!

The show never explains what is really going on throughout this surreal situation. Things would point to Geraldine perhaps dying in a car accident and finding herself in Hell? If it was an evil afterlife scenario then why go through the perplexing process of executing the Public Defender so she morphs in to his replacement? Maybe someone she wronged in a past court case has cursed her in some way? Is she in a nightmarish coma under a spell? Did she slip into a nightmare dimension? If the town is real then it certainly has a sinister supernatural being behind it. Perhaps a dark witch or gypsy looking for vengeance against certain types of people. Someone who clearly hates lawyers, except for Prosecutors, and those who break the law or manipulate it in any way. Either way Geraldine is apparently trapped there forever in a plausible immortal status until her death is approved by the court. If only a supernatural crime fighting team like Mystic Investigations discovered the towns existence. It would be shut down with extreme prejudice!

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Tabloid Talk Show Host Documents Haunted House

Scared Morton Downey JrWell not really!  The video above is an episode of Tales From The Crypt called Television Terror.  Real life tabloid talk show host  Morton Downey Jr. plays a shock journalist who enters a supposedly haunted house with a camera man to hopefully document some real paranormal activity.  In the end he does with deadly results!  So why hasn’t anyone picked up such metaphysical activity on video in real life?  In same cases strong electromagnetic activity prevents it or people never make it out alive along with their camera mysteriously disappearing!  There’s also higher dimensional enforcement of the Supernatural Secrecy Pact that prevents any real evidence of the supernatural from surfacing to the world.

Entering a non-amusement haunted house might seem like some spooky fun but in can be a deeply dangerous situation that should be left up to professionals who can deal with potential ghosts, poltergeists, and dark spirits.

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Friday The 13th Demon Specter Strikes

Mystic Investigations Takes On The Demonic Specter Of Friday The Thirteenth!
The Friday The 13th Demon SpecterAs you may have read in our Paranormal Activity Forecast, we warned of the infamous Friday The 13th Demon Specter and his unwelcome nocturnal visits to 13 unlucky victims around the world.  This special Demon feeds off paraskevidekatriaphobia (fear of Friday The 13th), the number 13 in general, and a variety of other frights & anxieties. On Friday The 13th at the Midnight Witching Hour he rises up from the bowels of hell as a sinister black billowy smoke specter with a skull shaped head, and menacing crimson eyes that flicker forth a foreboding unholy light.  He then ascends upon a person in bed, and feeds upon their fears.  Although the victim isn’t left physically hurt, they in fact are left even more mentally weak than before along with being cursed with 13 years of bad luck.  Luckily due to varying factors, including the innocent magic all kids posses, the specter cannot prey upon children.  Read The Rest Of The Story On Our Supernatural Stories Blog…

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The 47 Meters Down Horror Shark Movie

The movie 47 Meters Down was released in theaters on June 16, 2017.  47 Meters Down stars Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, and Matthew Modine. The sea-based horror film is about two sisters who go cage diving while on vacation in Mexico. They wear diving gear within the safety of a cage lowered beneath the sea surface to witness ocean life up close, and personal. This includes ferocious sharks! All seems to be going well until the cage line snaps, and they go plunging 154 feet into the dark murky depths of the unknown! Do they stay safely in the cage until they’re rescued thereby risking their air running out? Or do they venture out into the dark depths to attempt a swim to the surface in wayward waters teaming with sinister sharks, and other potential dangers? If they survive in the end will the boat captain be sued out of business for not regularly inspecting his equipment? If you miss seeing it in theaters then look here for its on demand video, and DVD release some months after June.

Update With Spoilers! I just watched the movie on Netflix. Unfortunately, the fate of Matthew Modine’s character, Captain Taylor, isn’t seen at the end of the film. However, I promise you this negligent bastard would be prosecuted for Involuntary manslaughter and a number of other criminal charges along with a massive civil suit! He would find himself in jail with huge fines and a seven-figure settlement for his victims! He chums the water to get sharks to the area which is apparently illegal. His boat and all his equipment are rusty as hell! His attempt to save the girls with backup equipment fails because it is rusty as well.  Both metal lines holding the dive cage snap!

You feel bad in the end because everyone doesn’t survive what should have been a fun and exciting vacation adventure. On top of that the movie makes you think all is more or less well in the end courtesy of a massive hallucination caused by nitrogen narcosis. Sort of the tired old “it was all a dream” storyline! Still it was an entertaining film that leaves you deeply empathizing with the terrifying plight of the doomed sisters.

Bionic Zack And Summer’s Spring Break Ocean Misadventure
We had a somewhat similar situation here at Mystic Investigations. A supernatural crime-fighting firm full of superheroes! Our bionic boy wonder Zack Powers, and his bionic girlfriend Summer Eden went on a spring break vacation to the Bahamas. It was with some other teens on a parental chaperoned trip with high school students. They were all out on the boat ready from some educational cage diving. Two girls, and two boys went down into the sea first. The boat Captain threw a bucket of bloody chum in the water to attract sharks for everyone’s supposed amusement. Zack cautioned him that this was a bad idea but he laughed it off. Soon enough the sharks were swarming about in a feeding frenzy!

We later found out the Captain had numerous regulation violations which explained why the cage line suddenly snapped! Everyone screamed as the cage of four teens went plummeting into the deep dark waters. Zack and Summer didn’t hesitate to dive down without any diving gear what so ever! The Captain and the two parent chaperones on board yelled out in terror! The sharks darted about wildly as the dynamic bionic duo swam down past them. However, the sharks were immediately in hot pursuit. In fact, some of the sharks had already been attracted to the cage occupants and had swam down after it.

The cage hit the bottom nearly 100 feet down! The terrified teens were pleading to be saved over the radios built in their diving masks. The sharks were circling the cage as some chum chunks, drawn down with the rapidly descending cage, floated about. Zack and Summer were swimming down at super speed spotting the situation with their enhanced eyesight. Both were capable of holding their breath for several minutes.  Summer grabbed the ripped metal line at the top of the cage with one hand to pull it upward to the surface. At the same time, Zack began batting away the jaw snapping sharks with his bionic hands, and legs.  One shark latched onto his human-looking leg that was actually a strong metal composite material. The blasphemous beast quickly lost its grip when several teeth shattered!

Summer was swimming upward with the cage while the teens inside looked on in disbelief! Unfortunately, the other group of sharks swam down to meet her. One bit her bionic arm but she wildly swung it about causing the shark to fly off out of sight. She hit and kicked the others while still holding the cage. Overwhelmed by the sheer number of perilous predators she was forced to let the cage loose. Once again it sunk downward. Just short of hitting the bottom because Zack caught it and pushed it upward. He had either killed, paralyzed, or scared off the rest of the sharks he’d been dealing with.

With her hand free of the heavy cage she was able to fend off the attacking sharks with full cyborg force! She polished the last of them off nicely as Zack swim up past her with the cage. Both giving each other the thumbs up before she aided Zack in bringing the metal barred booth of frightened teens to the sea surface. Not wanting to completely show off they stopped short of lifting the entire cage above the waterline. Zack held it just below the surface as Summer, and others on the boat helped the troubled teens on board. The Captain latched a chain to the cage before Zack surfaced.

Everyone just stared silently at Zack, and Summer before they nervously explained it was an adrenaline rush. Some of the students already knew Zack, and Summer to be rather heroic but this was above, and beyond! The Captain wasn’t buying it, and was eager to sell the story to some tabloid rag. If word got out, and the government investigated then their bionic secret would be out of the bag to the entire world! They would both become lab rats or indentured government agents possibly forced to commit heinous acts against their will! Zack quickly whipped his cell phone out and called us at Mystic Investigations for a complete memory wipe of all the witnesses. Only our vampire Drake Alexander or wonderous witch Rebecca Abernathy could accomplish that. Although it would take time for even her to get there all the way from Colorado.

As a 700 something vampire, Drake had made a lot of friends around the world over the centuries. He contacted a vampire in the Bahamas. A former pirate he had sailed within his high seas pillaging days. Thankfully the sun was setting, and the vampire Carter Crimson met the boat at the docks wearing uncharacteristically heavy clothing for the tropics.  The trench coat-clad vampire was wearing sunglasses and a big floppy beach hat.  Everyone looked at him oddly while Zack and Summer nodded so he knew who they were. Once in the protective shadow of the boat he immediately removed the glasses and compelled everyone to remember the events of the day differently. Basically, the remembered narrative was the cage line began to snap, and the Captain latched his chain on right away. Then the teens got out of the cage without incident.

While everyone was in a vampirical trance Zack, and Summer thanked Carter. Once he ordered everyone to snap out of it he sped away down the dock in a flash as if he was never there! Fortunately, the rest of the trip was uneventful as far as dangers go. It was a week of fun, sun, and surf before returning to the paranormal investigations of Woodland Springs Colorado!

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