Who Is The Splinter Man?

The Splinter Man is a dangerous deformed paranormal monster that wanders the various woodlands of Europe, and Asia. He was once an evil British wizard simply named Gregor. We know very little about his elusive past. Sometime in the late 1880’s he attempted to access some deeply dark magics in his mad quest for immortal powers. Unfortunately for him, he got his wish for immortality. A prize that came with a heavy price. He performed his immortal magic ritual in the Black Forest of Germany during the Midnight Witching Hour. He traveled all the way there as the forest is known to be enchanted. These enchantments facilitated Gregor calling upon higher dimensional beings of an unknown origin. We know that they were neither demons, dark deities, or even Jinn. Some think it was the mysterious Conexsus who are a unique collective of many higher dimensional entities.

Risky Dark Magic Results In An Immortal Curse!

As Gregor chanted his sinister spell in various dead languages he performed blood sacrifices with thirteen people he had kidnapped earlier. Upon the final despicable death, a surge of dark energy shot through him with such force that it launched him into a huge tree. He had entered into uncharted mystical territory and assumed he was calling upon powerful beings for power. However, he unknowingly opened an unstable paranormal portal for these blasphemous beings to cross into our dimension. This caused the forest around him to be out of phase with our reality. When he was thrown into the tree he merged with the trunk as the portal manifested and then closed as it quickly lost supernatural steam. The unique nature of the dark metaphysical energy then caused the wood to merge with his body all the way down to the genetic level. After breaking away most of the excess trunk Gregor emerged as seen in the illustration above. A monstrous mystical wood monster-human hybrid standing at about 8 feet tall!

The Wood-Human Hybrid Of Horror!

He hobbled about wildly due to his deformed uneven heavy limbs as he screamed insanely sounding gibberish from his wooden throat! His ability to perform magic became deeply limited in this frightening form. He was so enraged that he went on a rampage in the nearest village killing everyone including a pack of wolves eating a deer nearby. Gregor seems to require a lot of energy to move about so he consumes quite a bit of protein. His reign of terror continued for several years until various farmers, and hunters realized he was vulnerable to large sharp implements, and fire due to the wood ingrained into his cells. The German people called him Splitter Mann, aka Splinter Man, because of the wood splinters he would leave behind where ever he traveled. Anyone impaled by even a small splinter would become deathly ill, and acquire what is called The Splinter Virus. A supernatural sickness that begins to transmute the entire body into wood until the victim dies within weeks. Currently, there is no known cure for the Splinter Virus.

The Eurasian Terror!

Over the many decades of his hellish existence, Splinter Man made his way around the Eurasian continent steering clear of bitterly cold regions. Since the late 1880’s he’s done nothing but terrorize innocent men, women, children, and animals. Various sightings have been recorded over the last century up to the present. US soldiers in the middle east reported seeing him during their various military objectives since the first Gulf War. He was even spotted in the Korean, and Vietnam Wars as well. Naturally, the governments of the world have suppressed this information so as not to alarm the general public. Thankfully he seems only interested in killing large adults for a quick cannibal meal. Although I guess he really isn’t human anymore so we can’t consider him a cannibal. He generally goes for large muscular men as they provide the most meat for any given kill.

The Paranormal Predator Splinter Man!

When humans aren’t easily accessible he will rabidly devour just about any animal he can get his hands on. Eye witness accounts indicate that his super strength and sharp hickory like limbs allow him to easily vanquish bears, wildcats, and even animals all the way up to Elephants. Those sharp hickory limbs have also been known to slay vampires and takedown werewolves with extreme prejudice! This big bastard will eat anything that moves! Despite his deformed limbs, and wild staggering movement he has grown quite capable of moving very fast. It’s estimated that he can run up to 35 mph as reported by horrified motorists whose vehicles he has chased. His magical powers seem to be limited to simple spells, mind control, and telekinesis. He has been known to confuse people and put delusions in their mind as a form of torture. Splinter Man can use his telekinesis to knock people down, and draw them toward him up to 15 feet away! When using his paranormal powers his eyes glow green.

Splinter Man Is A Mediocre Magician

His ability to practice magic has become beyond difficult due to his human soul being in conflict with a body ill-equipped to receive it. This causes an imbalance in metaphysical energies that interfere with magical spells. This surrounds him in an erratic aura that renders most photography and video ineffective in capturing his image. Also, his deformed limbs are unable to handle mystical texts, mix potions, and say spells properly since he’s barely able to talk. It sounds like a gravelly two-year-old learning to talk. Mostly he growls in a way that sounds like a cross between a Werewolf, and a train whistle. It’s a most unique, and spine chilling sound. If you ever hear it your first instinct is to run for your ever-loving life!

Splinter Man’s Last Major Sighting

The Splinter Man’s last major sighting as of the original publication of this article was in the village of Chinnamanaickenpalayam in India. He was chasing innocent bystanders with elephant blood splattered all over him! Amid his growls, he repeatedly muttering in a raspy voice something that sounded like, “Me likes duh phanter!” Amazingly a paranormal investigator arrived on the scene just in time to record him saying it. The brave warrior then ran to safety near a big bonfire. Click here for the .wav file to hear the Splinter Man. He still seems to speak English and hasn’t bothered to acquire any other language skills. Probably because nobody can understand his mumbling anyway.

Splinter Man’s Reign Of Terror!

Since the incident in India, there have only been sparse unsubstantiated sightings until the updates given at the end of this article. This includes a run-in with Bigfoot! This is not unusual since he’s smart enough to know that he will be stopped if he terrorizes people non-stop. The longer he does this the more we in the paranormal community close in on him! Splinter’s only joys in life seem to be hunting down big game and tormenting innocent people! Thankfully he seems to avoid water which is why he hasn’t made it to the rest of the world. Pray he doesn’t make it on to a cargo ship!  Some evidence suggests that he heavily absorbs water, and it softens his body over time. So dousing him in water might be another potential defense along with fire, and large sharp implements such as swords, hand saws, and even chain saws. This water weakness might explain his avoidance of very cold regions. Perhaps any absorbed water would freeze thereby temporarily petrifying him. Then he can be chain sawed down for firewood!

The Wood Splinters Of This Malevolent Monster

Mystic Investigations has samples of his splinters in our laboratory for cryptid study, and use in magic that requires the presence of unique elements. They are widespread around the world and most reputable paranormal firms will have some in stock. However, they must be handled with extreme care otherwise one could acquire the Splinter Virus. If you have spotted the Splinter Man or know his current whereabouts then please contact Mystic Investigations or your nearest paranormal investigations crime-fighting firm.  Do not approach the Splinter Man as he is quite diabolical and deeply dangerous!  If he begins to chase you try to get into a building or climb a tree as fast as you can. You will need to be at least 15 feet above the ground to avoid his potential mind control and telekinetic powers. If not then the last thing you may see are his jagged wooden teeth coming at you!

Updates

  • March 20, 2016: Witnesses place him in various rural areas in Cuba. After over a century he finally had the bright idea to hitch a ride on a cargo ship or finally decided to risk the ocean waters. He did have quite a few supernatural hunters after him so perhaps he decided to hide on the other side of the world. Many from families of hunters who have tracked his routine for decades.
  • August 12, 2019: First sighting on continental North American soil in Yucatan, Mexico.
  • April 22, 2020: First sighting in the United States. Last seen in the Florida Everglades eating a large crocodile while a mostly eaten Manatee lay dead nearby. A giant Sasquatch roared onto the scene! Splinter actually hesitated as he will attack anything. For the first time, he fled the scene when faced with a one on one fight. Usually, only a mob of armed humans or magical practitioners scare him away. I guess Splinter knows not to mess with Bigfoot!

What Is The Zombie Flu?

The Zombie Influenza is a new supernatural sickness that came into existence in early 2020. It is the product of top secret efforts to cure the infamous Zombie Virus that causes people to become members of the Walking Dead! The Zombie Flu’s origins began at the California based ZombieCorp, Inc. The worlds most premier paranormal corporation dedicated to the containment and eradication of Zombies. Their global campaign against the living dead included essential medical research. Research that resulted in limited success in the treatment of those stricken with the early stages of some Zombie Virus strains. One recent treatment involved marrying various Influenza strains with the Zombie Virus along with other unique factors. The hope was to give someone the Flu and then have the individual develop some level of immunity to becoming a Zombie should they be exposed to contaminants in a future Zombie Apocalypse. 🧟‍♂️

A Treatment For The Zombie Virus Thwarted By The Plague Doctor!

The treatment showed promise but was not ready for secret release into the general populace as rigorous testing and refinement were needed. Obviously all threat of actually causing a Zombie Pandemic had to be eliminated. Unfortunately, vials of the experimental virus were stolen by a Plague Doctor operative implanted at ZombieCorp. The Doctor Of Death is notorious for his paranormal pandemic dreams. He, his second in command Typhoid Mary, and his cultist cohorts tinkered with it. They then grafted it onto the Coronavirus (COVID-19) the Plague Doctor had stolen from a bio-warfare lab in Wuhan, China. He released his creation there with the Zombie Flu as a diabolical intertwined paranormal parasite virus with the Coronavirus acting as the cloaking carrier. Fortunately, his efforts flopped as only a small percentage of the populace has shown symptoms of the Zombie Flu. There’s also the failure of the relatively lackluster Coronavirus when compared to horrifying diseases like Ebola or Hantavirus. This pandemic was also quelled by serious sanitation, masks, Stay At Home Orders and Social Distancing. 🤒  😷

Free Range Zombie Flu And Coronavirus

That being said, those with this supernatural Flu now have the ability to spread it free of the Coronavirus carrier. This means it has the potential to mutate and flare up in the future! It’s possible we might have Zombie Flu Seasons in coming decades. The silver lining is that the Coronavirus has been breaking free of the Zombie Flu thus spreading on its own as well. Naturally all this will be covered up and explained away by the US Paranormal Defense Agency and their counterparts in other governments. As always they look to prevent public panic that would take place if the world of the supernatural was revealed to the general populace. They also want to keep paranormal beings in the dark so there isn’t a chance sympathetic humans could aid in them being empowered to seize power! 🧟🦠

Zombie Flu Symptoms

The good news is that you you can’t get both the Coronavirus and the Zombie Flu. One will stay dormant while the other become symptomatic in a victim. The main transmission method is airborne droplets from coughing and sneezing. The Plague Doctors intent was to make the Zombie Virus have better contagious properties rather than requiring a bite from an actual member of the Walking Dead. Symptoms of the Zombie Influenza are a mix of the Coronavirus and common Flu with a few unique elements. These can include fevers, coughing, runny nose, body aches, fatigue and sudden death in senior citizens and those with ongoing medical conditions. Additional symptoms include a brain fog that makes one deeply zone out if not interacting with other people. As the Zombie Flu progresses it gets more difficult to snap them out of it. It’s almost as if they’re in a hypnotic trance. 🤮🦠

Humans With A Zombie Like Mind

Within their mindless state they begin to seriously crave meat. Their brain fog blankets an instinctual primal hunt for consumable animal flesh. They seek it out without regard for their own safety while in the single minded state. For instance they might stagger into busy traffic to get to a restaurant as they smell the beef cooking! Once inside they won’t order but rather make their way behind the counter and take what they want. The victim then ravenously devours the meat. Hopefully, at any point during this process someone is able to distract them with loud noises or physically shake them out of it. Generally, they don’t get violent as their humanity is still intact. That is unless they already have natural violent tendencies and anger issues. Eventually the infected will want only raw meat which can pose health dangers of its own. Thankfully, this carnivorous behavior doesn’t advance to zombie cannibal level or need to eat live animals! The brain fog can also cause one to lose control while driving or operating hazardous mechanical equipment.🧟

The ZombieCorp Is Trying To Rectify This Pandemic

Death rates from the Zombie Influenza are moderate and recovery is possible in the same way one can recover from regular influenza. Plenty of bed rest and nutritional immune support can do wonders! Colloidal Silver has also shown promising results.There are even paranormal pharmaceuticals and supernatural vaccines in the works according to ZombieCorp spokespersons. These vaccines will be difficult to distribute to the general populace by usual medical channels due to their paranormal nature. There is remorse from key officials down at the ZombieCorp. This includes President & CEO Lee Sampson who feels personally responsible for this and wants to make amends. He felt he let people down by not having enough security to stop Plague Doctor spies from infiltrating his facility! Everyone in the paranormal community is with them and knows it was 100% the Plague Doctors fault! Mystic Investigations fully supports ZombieCorp and all front line paranormal pandemic workers! 😷💉

The Creation Of Real Zombies!

The real bad news about the Zombie Flu Virus occurs if the infected happen to die of it. It is only then that they will resurrect as a full fledged Zombie! As previously mentioned this virus is acquired by an extremely small percentage of the populace. There is no reason to panic as it hasn’t even been enough to raise The Zombie Apocalypse Status past Condition Green. Most exposed will get the Coronavirus or nothing at all. The Zombie Flu appears to affect those with weakened immune systems and others with as of yet undefined targeted genetic factors. The good news is that the Walking Dead Flu rejects children even when their immune systems are compromised by other illnesses! If you suspect someone has the Zombie Flu then contact your nearest supernatural investigations or crime fighting organization, metaphysical medical master, practitioner of magic, or as a last resort, the US Paranormal Defense Agency. US PDA has a history of making people disappear! 🧟‍♀️

Parallel Universe Vision Syndrome


The world around us guided by the laws of nature seems nearly flawless amid the enchanted evolution of life and elegant geometry of the cosmos. However, at the quantum level things appear to be unorganized chaos. Sub-atomic particles whizzing about changing their state of being a particle or a wave at any observed moment. Particles appearing and disappearing virtually out of thin air. The quantum world only appears to be chaotic from our viewpoint in this reality. However in the greater Multiverse it is an organized program.

What we’re observing is the nature of living in a five dimensional Multiverse full of an insane number of Parallel Universes residing in the same space. They’re merely separated by the frequency at which their energy foundations vibrate at. The power of our consciousness and other factors create new probabilities that causes this seemingly random behavior in a world humans can only observe with high tech equipment. Thankfully that chaos doesn’t happen at our macro level…unless of course someone has the unique power to see it!

When some people begin to manifest the psychokinetic power in their DNA related to the fifth dimension and parallel realities they may develop temporary Parallel Universe Vision Syndrome! If things go terribly awry then it could be permanent! Either way if the supernatural syndrome lasts too long it drives the victim insane and eventually leads to death! Since humanity is still quite young in their eventual evolution to Godhood those displaying amazing abilities run the risk of their mind and body not being able to handle the perplexing paranormal power.

Parallel Universe Vision Syndrome opens a persons eyes to quantum chaos of our macro reality the vast majority of us never see. The victims environment becomes a mass of jumbled and sometimes horrifying images as they witness dozens or even hundreds of parallel Universes happening around them at the same time! They often become disoriented and dizzy leading to them passing out. Some may experience seizures as well due to the data overload in their brains. Only an experienced Practitioner Of Magic or a person with 5-D related psychokinetic powers may attempt to aid them in weeding out the visions and seeing only one reality at a time! Preferably this one where they actually reside. However in extreme cases they may physically phase in the other parallel Universes at a rapid pace thereby leading to serious physical and mental stress that could quickly lead to severe injury and death! If you experience any hint of this disease then contact your nearest paranormal professional immediately! Don’t let your potential future as a superhero fighting the forces of supernatural darkness end in diseased damnation!