Richard Simmons Held Hostage By Voodoo Witch Doctor!

Big Richard SimmonsFitness guru Richard Simmons has withdrawn from his normal routine, and remained hidden from the public for the past two years.  The normally social, and outgoing Simmons hasn’t left his house in that time, and has refused all communications from friends along with family as well.  Some have conjectured it could be depression while others have suspected he’s being held against his will! When last seen he looked frail, pale, and weak.  Our insider paranormal sources have learned that Simmons had forged a friendship with a Hollywood Voodoo Witch Doctor named Abelhoffer.  Upon further investigation we’ve discovered that Abelhoffer is notorious for extorting money, and siphoning metaphysical energy from celebrities.

Basically Abelhoffer curses the unsuspecting celebrity, and then moves in with them taking over their lives.  Famous people in general have a high level of metaphysical energy channeled through their Chakra’s courtesy of so much of the human collective consciousness focused on them. In other words the astral energy of countless fans, or anyone who even thinks of Simmons for a moment, is funneled into him.  This can make for powerful magics if collected properly.  Abelhoffer has mastered the art of metaphysical energy siphoning via crystals, and voodoo dolls targeting the Chakra’s. This not only takes the extra enchanted celebrity energy but also the very energy of the persons soul.  This is why Simmon’s looked so terrible when last seen.  The sapping of ones supernatural soul energy takes away the biological energy from their cells causing rapid physical, and mental deterioration!

There’s rumors that the Beverly Hills Supernatural Society(BHSS) has been hired by concerned friends to storm Simmon’s house, and save him! Thus far some manner of mystical shielding is preventing anyone from entering the property.  The BHSS is a team of supernatural specialists led by the Sorcerer Janis Pentalamb.  Hopefully her powers alone can trump a Voodoo Witch Doctor!  When we contacted BHSS they elected to make no comment on the record about the Richard Simmons situation.  We will keep you apprised of the supernatural situation as updates become available!

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Chicago Lit Ablaze With Wizard Wand Fire!

On Sunday Morning, May 31, 2015, at the Witching Hour somewhere in downtown Chicago, an epic battle of good vs evil took place on the dark mean streets. Wayward wizards versus those who choose to fight for justice with their wondrous wizardry powers.  A witness in a high-rise apartment complex shot the video above. The camera footage was released in too many places for the government to completely cover it up.

When the supernatural world is exposed without physical proof they generally paint it as an Urban Legend.  When video exists, they quickly enlist their production teams to re-frame the video as an entertainment production. In this case, setting it up as an homage to Harry Potter[Ad] as evidenced by the background music.  Despite the added production elements, the video above is a very real battle between wizards utilizing the metaphysical energy focusing tools known as magic wands.

A Wayward Wizarding War!

Wayward Wizard Warriors

Our investigations uncovered a nefarious clandestine plot by wicked wizards to sacrifice local homeless people to an entity thought to be the collective spirit of The Conexus or an agent of their dangerous higher dimensional organization. Perhaps an Astral Shadow Merc.  The Conexus needs spiritual power to gain a foothold in our physical reality, and the wizards thirsted for more power in what was to be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

A local witch, whose name has been withheld to protect her, got wind of the plot after she witnessed a homeless man kidnapped in a white van down by the river.  She followed them via enchanted broomstick and discovered their Wizards Lair.  There, she overheard them talking as they prepared the innocent man for ritual sacrifice.  Fortunately, she was able to stealthily enter their Lair, and extricate the man to safety.  She then promptly contacted Chicago Supernatural, a prominent paranormal investigations firm.  They in turn used their contacts in the real supernatural community to inform the Wizarding World of the perversion of their magical practice.

The Forces Of Good To The Rescue!

A group of wizard warriors calling themselves the Pennsylvanian Paladins flew in from Pittsburgh to take on the wayward wizards. The dark wizards, with no official group name as they were trying to keep a low profile, were rousting sleeping homeless people looking for easy victims.  The Paladins used a locator spell to find active wizarding wands in the metropolitan area, and then the battle was joined.  Iridescent shimmers of energized mystical fire volleyed back, and forth amid electrical shock-like sounds.  It was a short paranormal battle since the Paladins were far superior in strength.

There were only minor injuries, mainly sustained by the wicked wizards.  Mostly, there was the pain of metaphysical electrical shocks for those without the ability to produce supernatural shields.  The blasphemous wizards abandoned Chicago, and haven’t been heard from since.  The local witch who originally reported the wizards has been given additional support to aid in keeping her streets clean of malevolent metaphysical activity.  Everyone in the Chicago supernatural community remains on alert for any additional negative paranormal activity perpetuated by dark practitioners of magic!  There’s no word on whether The Conexus or its Shadow Merc warriors ever manifested in Chicago.🧙‍♂️

Update: Other battles took place and it’s now known as The Chicago Wizarding Wars.

Original Video On Youtube (Oddly Age Restricted So Couldn’t Show Here Remotely)


Enochian Angel Magic Averted Mcdonalds Shooting

Enochian Angel MagicWe have concluded our investigation of the miracle in the Fort Worth, Texas McDonald’s in which 24 year old Jestin Joseph attempted to allegedly murder several people but inexplicably failed.  On September 25, 2013 he pulled out his gun in the McDonald’s restaurant, and began squeezing the trigger while pointing it directly at employees, and customers as witnessed in surveillance video footage.  Only a clicking sound could be heard as the gun refused to fire for the would be robber.  However when he went outside he was able to get a shot off.  He then re-entered the establishment, and attempted to fire at random people again but the gun re-jammed.  Despite firing the trigger multiple times not one shot was let loose inside the building.  Many are hailing it a miracle of God but there was also the chance of other mystical forces along with the possibility that this was simply the parallel Universe where the gun refused to fire due to a roll of random cosmological dice.

After a thorough paranormal investigation we found that one of the customers in that McDonald’s was a special witch who practices the rare enchanting art of Enochian Magic.  Enochian magic calls upon sympathetic Angels for mystical powers rather than the usual calling of Earthly Gods considered Pagan by some.  The witch in question, who wished to remain anonymous, had been involved in an intense Angelic summoning ritual mere minutes before the incident when she decided to take a break down at Mickey D’s.  So she explains that Angels were all around her from this ritual, and she prayed for them to intervene.  Normally Angels only intervene upon orders from Heaven.  All within that McDonald’s were safe from harm as a temporary Angelic protection spell was imbued upon the entire building.

This was verified by a local supernatural investigations team that descended upon the scene later, after the restaurant closed, to detect residual Ultraviolet radiation signatures. This unique UV radiation is given off by Angels manifesting in our reality.  Most non-corporeal entities, such as ghosts, or poltergeists,  give off electromagnetic energy in the radio, or microwave range.  This is why Angels can be seen by birds, fish, incests,  and some other animals but not by humans.  If anyone had been harassed by a fly, or some other bug, in that place it’s a fair bet the fly ceased it’s assault at that point in the presence of the Angels.  There have been reports of killer bee attacks halting while the bees are mesmerized by the Angelic UV EMF light.

The alleged robber Joseph currently faces five charges of aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon and is locked away on a $500,000 bond.  He would be facing far worse had the Angels not jacked his gun up!