Paranormal Professions On The Rise

paranormal-pros

As unemployment rises across the United States there’s one job sector that continues to grow.  That sector being supernatural in nature.  As we approach our date with destiny in 2012, paranormal activity has increased exponentially, and the paranormal private sector is meeting the demand that the government refuses to even acknowledge most of the time.   Most people laugh when they see want ads for Ghost, Zombie, Werewolf, and Vampire Hunters, along with Cryptozoologists, and parapsychologists.  Although, the growing businesses placing these ads are only laughing all the way to the bank.  And this is despite the common practice of pro-bono services in the industry.  These businesses are havens for brave warriors who battle the forces of evil on our behalf.  Luckily high fees paid by towns, businesses, rich individuals, and philanthropic organizations help make the supernatural sector highly lucrative.

A number of people choose to be self-employed and battle the big bads of this world on their own terms.  At present, the small operations are the majority.  Although the paranormal corporate world is on the rise, and growing strong.  One of the biggest is ZombieCorp, Inc. whose specialization in Zombie eradication has made them millions for stockholders.  Halloween of 2011 presented them with record returns as communities, private individuals, and corporations outsourced their zombie infestations to the pros.  CEO Lee Sampson says,”A part of me feels bad that I profit from the terror of the rotting corpses of the living dead but another part feels the satisfaction of taking down zombies free of charge in some cases.  No matter what we clean up an entire community whether we were paid just for an estate, or just a graveyard.  We care about people, and we will fight to the death to protect them from the hellish scourge of the zombie menace!”

We here at Mystic Investigations have seen a surge in business in the last few years.  We went from a small leased suite to a small two-story building of our own in our battle against all forms of supernatural evil.  Our partnership with ZombieCorp and other firms within the vast cooperative network of paranormal professionals casts a protective net over the planet so you the average citizen can sleep easy at night.  Fear not at that random unholy howl for the Werewolf is most likely about to be slain in the silvery moon glow at the hands of our fine supernatural warriors.

If you have an interest in a paranormal profession then study up on the internet, and at the library.  Then go out, and get some experience on your own, or get hired as an apprentice with a reputable paranormal investigations agency.  You can also go the college route as well.  More, and more colleges are offering courses in the paranormal arts.  In addition, if you know where to look you can find the secret schools that teach the tricks of the trade, and educate you in the ways of the metaphysical.  As always you enter such professions at your own peril.  It’s not easy being human when going up against vampires, werewolves, zombies, Chupacabra, extraterrestrials, poltergeists, wicked witches, demons, and other hair-raising hells that go boom in the night.

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Extraterrestrial Intervention In The Near Miss Of Asteroid 2005 YU55

meteor

The mainstream media reported that there was no danger from Asteroid 2005 YU55.  It was claimed that the 1300 feet wide asteroid raced past Earth at 30,000 mph, and never came closer than 201,700 miles away.  In fact, it was on a direct collision course with Earth as a number of asteroids secretly are.  Naturally, the governments of the world don’t want to alarm the populace.  So we never hear the truth.  At least not from mainstream sources.

In reality, the asteroids never hit us thanks to top-secret high-tech intervention.  Intervention beyond current human technology.  For many countless centuries, various extraterrestrials have thwarted the destruction of our planet at the hands of rogue celestial bodies hurdling out of control on a crash course with us.  This particular danger and most recent ones have been eradicated by the little friendly green aliens from Gliese 581g who are famous for crashing at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.  They are not to be mistaken with their evil cousins, the little gray aliens from Gliese 581c, who are responsible for most of the abductions, and experimentation that humans have reported.  However, the “Greys”, and others have saved Earth for their own selfish reasons that have nothing to do with the survival of humanity.

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Supernatural Cryptids Hunted Down After Escaping Paranormal Preserve

cryptid-hunt

Heavily armed paranormal professionals, including vampire slayers, werewolf hunters, demon decimator’s, Cryptozoologists, and other supernatural specialists, hunted down a hellish hoard of wild cryptids that terrorized a small Arkansas town after they were let loose by the suicidal sorcerer, Sly Sanderson, who owned the private paranormal preserve that catered to the rich and famous. The only supernatural animals believed to still be at large after days of hunting are a lone werewolf, kept in non-human form by dark magics, and a demonic dingo, Pottersville police said today.

A feral vampire and a Chupacabra had been believed to be running free, but the sheriff’s department discovered both were killed last night by mobs wielding torches of holy fire, and squirt guns full of holy water.

Fauwker County Sheriff Abner Shatzy told paranormal reporters that he can’t be 100 percent sure that those animals are the only ones unaccounted for among the 44 animals, most of them ferocious and out for human blood, who were let out of their silver-lined cages Thursday evening.

Shatzy and Mystic Paranormal News cryptid expert Ashley Abercrombie, who will take the living hell beasts at the preserve to the Woodland Springs Colorado Paranormal Research Center, urged the public to remain cautious and alert of their surroundings during this deadly dangerous time.

The sheriff said that when his men arrived at the cryptid preserve in Pottersville, they found hell hounds, Chupacabras, Demonic Tigers, zombie bears, vampire cats, and a Manticore roaming the area. Since it was about to get dark, he feared the animals would escape into the night causing death, and destruction around Fauwker County.

He, and his men, on the advice of a Paranormal Consultant, began to open fire with silver bullets.  Due to the unique danger of the situation, private paranormal professionals have been allowed to wield weapons alongside law enforcement as they eradicated the ferocious supernatural animals.  If any odd-looking animals are spotted then the Fauwker County Sheriff requests your immediate call to his station so the appropriate action can be taken to protect the public.

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