Do Vampires Use The Toilet?

vampire-toiletNovember 19th is World Toilet Day! Naturally, the first thought that comes to mind is do Vampires need to use the crapper? No vampires do not have to go to the bathroom even when they drink too much.  Whether that be blood, alcohol, or water which are the three things they can consume. This includes times when they might eat a small amount of food to blend in with humans despite it being like poison to them. They neither urinate nor defecate since their human organs are in a living dead dormant state.

The Vampire Virus Eradicates All Waste

Instead, the lively vampire virus that resides within their demonic DNA voraciously ravages anything other than blood that they may ingest. Blood is transformed into sanguine energy that grants the vampire his or her paranormal powers.  Anything the virus can’t metaphysically ingest itself is bombarded with some type of radical demonic radiation that disintegrates the substance into nothingness. Under a microscope, it looks like a flash of violet light similar to that of a UV black light.

Vampires Have No Need For Toilets

So ladies please rest assured that your special vampire friend will not leave the toilet seat up because he won’t be going anywhere near the restroom. Especially since they don’t usually need to take a shower along with not seeing their reflections in silver based mirrors. Same for female vampires so you guys can leave the crapper cover securely in the upright position. Toilets in vampire homes often go neglected unless a human servant lives in residence. Surely you are dealing with a vampire or some manner of supernatural being if you find the toilets in a stately manor have been removed or have little to no water in the bowl! We hope you appreciate another classy supernatural article from the good folks here at Mystic Investigations!  #WorldToiletDay


Motion Activated Toilet Nightlight

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4 thoughts on “Do Vampires Use The Toilet?

  1. Very interesting! I always wondered about this.. Yet I never asked! 😉 They are lucky then. Nice to know.. I hope you all are having a fun weekend. I just got out of the jacuzzi. I’m so relaxed. Also, tonight before bed I’ll send you, Rebecca, Duanna & Drake some energy. Sweet dreams.

  2. LOL yeah’.. Wouldn’t that be awesome! No more back pain on those days. Yeah’.. I’m so looking forward to that. 🙂 That’s about the only thing I would complain about being a woman. 😉

    • Well maybe some brief back pain when you’re hoisting cars above your head,and launching them at entities of evil. 🙂 As a half-Mermaid I don’t experience any feminine issues. Any other health issues that arise have always been handled through witchcraft, and the use of naturopathic remedies.

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