Santa Claus Sexiest Supernatural Man Alive!


Paranormal People Magazine is the secret supernatural sub-magazine of People Magazine. A mystical magazine only distributed to those of us in the real supernatural community. The magazine tends to take a lighter tone rather than focusing on the dangers of the dark forces that infest our planet. For the second year in a row they have named Santa Claus, aka Saint Nicholas, as the Sexiest Supernatural Man alive on Earth for 2017.  As a Demi-Angel, aka Angel-Human Hybrid, he has been blessed with a handsome exterior complete with a naturally muscular physique. Santa is seen as the savior, and leader of the forces of light on Earth. His headquarters of justice is North Pole City.

When asked for a comment he said,”I’m very flattered by this recognition! However we have much more pressing matters to concentrate on as all out Armageddon approaches! I must also stress I’m happily married to my wife Holly so I implore the lustful ladies out there to respect our sacred union. Let the Spirit Of Christmas dwell in your hearts in place of physical temptations. Merry Christmas to all and thank you!” Mrs. Claus had a similar comment when she said,”He’s all mine ladies! Don’t even think of it! We’ve been happily together longer than any human has been alive! However I forgive you for your less than pure thoughts directed at my husband. Merry Christmas!”

Interestingly enough Santa Claus’s evil identical twin brother, The Anti-Claus, should theoretically enjoy this honor as well. Unfortunately for him his turn to the dark side warped his Angel genes into that of demonic. This altered his appearance to that of less than flattering. This also included him ironically acquiring the iconic bowl full of jelly belly mistakenly attributed to Santa Claus. Despite this the Anti-Claus can utilize dark spells to Glamour his appearance into something handsome. The Dark Claus wasn’t available for comment but he does have a history of deep jealousy toward his holy brother. More than likely he is hiding in a cave somewhere plotting his Christmas revenge!

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The Truth Of Tahoe Tessie Told!

Recent sightings of Lake Tahoe’s monster ‘Tahoe Tessie’ have been skyrocketing as tourists flood town for the summer season. With the proliferation of these events, The Tahoe Journal decided it was time to finally get to the bottom of the truth behind the legend. After scouring the lake for information with regard to Tessie and her origins, our investigation repeatedly led us to the same place: the TRPA.

After numerous calls, emails, and visits to the TRPA headquarters in Stateline, NV, we finally located a former agent to speak with us. The agent requested that we not give any identifying information about them, due to the fact that the last agent to divulge information about ‘Situation T’ was promptly fed to the legend itself.

“I’ve worked for the TRPA for nearly 12 years, and it disgusts me that no one within the agency will come clean as to the origins of Tessie. I was there the day the InGen corporation had the first meeting with board of directors in 1992. At the time TRPA was planning to create a new attraction to draw more tourism to Lake Tahoe and boost the local economy.”

According to our anonymous tip, when InGen caught wind of TRPA’s plans, they approached them with an offer they couldn’t refuse: a mysterious lake monster that would lure curious minds from far and wide.

Read The Rest Of This Alarming Article By AJ Steed At The Tahoe Journal…

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The Man & Woman Who Lived In The 1980’s For 1000 Years!

EightiesOne of the most interesting cases in our paranormal files is the case of a couple who loved the 1980’s with a passion! So much so that they traveled back in time to live in the decade for 1000 years! How is this possible, and why 1000 years? Our investigation started from rumors of a husband, and wife who seemingly existed in 100 different places in the United States at the same time between New Year’s Day 1980, and New Year’s Eve 1989. The doppelgangers all had different names but stuck to the same basic lifecycle of going to college for 4 years from 1980 through 1983. Then entering the workforce for the rest of the eighties except for 1989 when they took the year off.  Two sets of the couple lived in each of the 50 States except for only one couple in Rhode Island, one in Oklahoma, 3 in California, and 3 in New York. We’re keeping their names a secret so as not to retroactively jeopardize their dream!

Utilizing past paranormal reports, census records, eyewitness accounts, top flight psychics, and even an interview with the couple in question, revealed that all 100 couples were the same couple!  They were born in the early 70’s, and had fond memories of their formative years in the 1980’s. They were high school sweethearts that married in 1990. Every decade since was a disappointment for them on all levels. They simply never took to the culture, technology, and everything else as each year took them further away from the 80’s. They always felt like their home was in the 1980’s, and had a house of memorabilia from that time frame. Their obsession went so far as to constantly have Eighties shows playing on the TV, and music over the stereo. They even drove cars from the decade as well. Not surprisingly their favorite movie from the 80’s was Back To The Future. Incidentally it’s based on a true time travel story! They dreamed of traveling back in time to live in the 1980’s forever but it always remained a science fiction fantasy that would always be out of reach!

Finally in the 2040’s, aged in their early 70’s, they used a good chunk of their retirement funds to purchase new anti-aging cellular regeneration nanobots. This new technology could grant anyone immortality, and they anti-aged back to their mid 20’s within a year! Now young again they felt a reconnection with their beloved decade. Almost as if half the battle of getting back was complete. One fateful night they were camping in a remote forest when they saw an eerie neon blue light blaze downward from the sky. They heard a loud crash, and ran to see what it was. tI was an odd translucent pie shaped ship of some sort. An emergency hatch on the vessel had auto opened but the pilot inside was badly wounded, and unconsciousness. There appeared to be internal damage with a smoky haze afoot. They got the man out, and took him to a hospital. The couple said they found the man in a ditch, and neglected to mention the ship. Mainly because the display panel inside reminded them of Back To The Future. It was a time machine, and the origin date was 3221!

When the man regained consciousness in the hospital they said they had kept his secret, and knew he was a time traveler from the 33rd century. He denied this vehemently at first, and then finally admitted it when the couple threatened to call the FBI or the US Military! He told them he was a fugitive from the 3221 who was framed for multiple crimes he didn’t commit. He was forced to steal a time cops temporal ship but was attacked by a intergalactic vessel before he jumped back to the 2040’s by sheer coincidence. Thankfully the cloaking mechanism on the ship was intact so time cops couldn’t locate the ship. As thanks for saving his life, and keeping his secret he agreed to drop the couple off to the first day in 1980, and retrieve them on the last day of 1989. That is after a dormant onboard robot was activated to repair the time vessel.

The couple was ecstatic that their fantasy was finally coming true! They packed their essential belongings that included a laptop computer, and printer. They also converted all their savings to gold. Once in 1980 they would exchange it for cash. They started their 80’s dream journey in their childhood hometown located in Wisconsin, and attended college to start a new career. They had always wanted to be college students in the 80’s, and experience a new direction in careers. Certainly their technical careers didn’t exist back then. Also sitting around for years wasn’t in their nature. It was tempting to use future knowledge to win the lottery, play the stock market, and place sports bets to get rich but their time traveler told them it could immediately set off time cop alarms. They didn’t want to risk killing their good fortune over silly greed!

For the first time they enjoyed living as adults in the 1980’s. The lucky couple finally felt like they finally came home again. They’d never been happier! The 10 years passed like wildfire, and when the time traveler came to pick them up they wanted to go back again to do it all over again! And so they did living through one hundred 80’s decades total! 1000 years of the live pure Eighties magic!  After the second time they had told the time traveler they never wanted to leave. He agreed that 199 trips total would pay his debt to them. 100 trips to 1980, and 99 pick ups from 1989. The couple decided to finally live out the rest of their future naturally after the final 1989. By then they had their satisfying fill of their delightful decade.

The cautious couple had carefully spread out across the United States so they wouldn’t run into their time traveling counterparts. Creating new identities was easy since all you had to do was show paperwork, or plant it in the right files. That’s where the laptop, photoshop, and a top flight printer from 2040 came in handy! As they woke up on New Year’s Day 1990 they left their 99 doppelgangers behind! With no further intention of time travel they carefully began investing based on future knowledge. Especially the internet. As of 2017 they still live in the United States as multi-millionaires. They could have been billionaires but decided to build to that level slowly just in case they’re under surveillance by temporal authorities who might somehow reverse their 1000 years of 80’s bliss!

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We found them last month, and they were reluctant to submit to our interview. However we assured them they would remain anonymous. They said they miss the 80’s only a little because 1000 years really sticks with you! However as immortals they would live to see time travel technology exist, and they indicated they would probably go back someday! Of course we also suggested that ultra realistic virtual reality, and holographic simulations were much closer. Something not quite perfected to their satisfaction in the 2040’s. Also they spent most of their money on those pesky immortality nanobots! Perhaps they could perpetually live in the virtual 1980’s someday with just the flick of a switch free of any time cop worries!

Related Story: 2115 Is Closer To Back To The Future Part II Rather Than 2015

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