Santa The Vampire Slayer

A Christmas Horror Story!

Santa Claus has fought his fair share of evil supernatural beings. Not surprisingly he finds a lot of people in paranormal trouble on Christmas Eve as he flies around the world delivering pretty presents, and good cheer. This includes¬†his infamous dark twin The Anti-Claus, and of course blasphemous blood-sucking vampires. He doesn’t enjoy taking down these creatures as he loathes violence of any type. Especially when they are former humans like vampires. However, he must do what needs to be done in order to protect innocents from that which lurks in the dark shadows. Everyone thinks it’s impressive he can expedite package delivery in one night. Although, he’s also stopping multiple times in between to help people along with brief conversations with friends he runs across. It’s the price of having Angel based psychic abilities, super hearing, and a full array of other enhanced senses! One fateful Christmas Eve in 1966 Santa saved an entire family from a gang of bloodthirsty vamps looking for nothing but instilling terror in the hearts of those with the Spirit Of Christmas in their hearts!ūüßõ‚Äć‚ôāÔłŹ

As Santa merrily flew across the starry skies in his red shimmering sleigh full of glittering gifts he bellowed, “Ho ho ho Merry Christmas!” It’s said only animals, small children, the pure of heart, supernatural entities, true believers, and a handful of others can actually hear this. He descended upon a small town in Wisconsin to begin his deliveries when Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer declared, “Golly gee whiz Santa I smells vampires!” Santa concentrated his own super sniffer to the ground below along with perking his ears up. Suddenly he heard a woman screaming for help, and commanded, “Rudolph down we go to exact sweet justice, and save the innocent!” The two little helper Elves sitting in the back braced themselves as one muttered, “Oh my! Vampires are scary as can be!” The sleigh landed in the backyard that was covered in a half foot of snow. As he hopped out he told the Elves to stay hidden for their own safety. Santa stomped¬†to the back door and kicked it in totally off its hinges. He strolled into the living room to find seven vampires terrifyingly toying with a family of two parents, a grandmother, and four kids. The father, mother, and grandmother had been bitten into. Blood was dripping from their neck! They were still alive crying in horrifying disbelief that vampires actually existed! All the kids were¬†under 12 and had yet to be feasted upon by the fiendish pack of blasphemous beasts. Most likely because the innocent magic within kids can be poisonous to vampires. Only extremely powerful ones can withstand drinking their blood.

Santa startled everyone including the vampires as he screamed, “Let these innocent people go you unholy abominations!” The vampires stared in disbelief at first as they gazed upon the towering white-bearded figure of the tall heavy set Demi-Angel. Suddenly they all started laughing assuming it was just some old guy in a Santa costume. Only royal vampires and their top-level associates would know Santa Claus is real. ¬†A female vampire sped in from another room making it eight vampires. She ripped off Santa’s coat to reveal an extremely muscular man complete with six-pack abs. Everyone gasped at his magnificent body as the female vampire attempted to bite into him. Unfortunately for her, she had her fangs snap upon his steel skin. She screamed in pain as Santa tossed her aside, and faced the rest of the vampires who descended upon him growling as their eyes glowed crimson in anger. The nearest male vampires yelled, “You’ll make a fine meal old man!” Under his breath, Santa muttered, “Forgive me sweet Lord for what I must do!”ūüßõ‚Äć‚ôÄÔłŹ

The kids ran out of the room as the parents, and grandmother staggered away more slowly. The only path not blocked by vampires, tossed furniture, and other damage was up the steps to the second floor. There the family hid in the locked bathroom. Santa easily punched and kicked the vampires off him. Then they all came at him with super lightning speed! All eight, including Miss Fangless, had dog-piled on top of him! It looked like the battle was done until a ferocious growl echoed throughout the house. Santa shot up causing vampires to fly all over the living room. One he held upon his shoulders before grabbing his leg with one hand and swinging about wildly right into the blazing fireplace where he disintegrated into ash instantly. Vampires and fire never get along well!

Top 100 Christmas Toys

Santa could sense the elevated evil in all their demonic hearts. He knew there was no possibility of salvation for these malevolent monsters. He reluctantly realized it was time to slay these cruel rabid animals for the greater good of humankind. He pulled out his lucky silver stake and got down to business. He plunged the stake, blessed by his Archangel father¬†Sarandiel, into each successive vampire’s heart with deadly force! Each one proceeded to burst into unholy violet colored flames before becoming an ash pile on the living room carpet. One managed to kick the stake from his hand, and Santa punched his fist straight into his chest pulling out his little dark heart! Once he crushed it in his hand the vampire lit up like a Christmas tree with black ash bursting everywhere.ūüĒ•

The last vampire quaked in fear while holding his shaking hands out in front of him, “W-w-w-what-What in the hell are you?” Santa replied, “I’m the son of an Archangel who walks the humble path of righteousness in the light of the Lord.” The vamp then responded, “Hey man it’s cool! I’m seriously sorry! I’m just going to leave, and we can forget about this whole thing!” Santa shook his head no as he grabbed him by the collar. Santa got a psychic vision of the vampire killing hundreds of people over the course of the next 300 years! ¬†He then told the sniveling bloodsucker, “Your nightmarish existence of unrestrained bloody darkness has come to a close my sinister son! Do you have any last words.” The vampire angrily screamed, “Rot in hell bastard!” Santa then said, “That is a place you shall know intimately within the next five seconds!” Santa opted for a more humane method of vampire eradication by placing his other hand on the vamps forehead while chanting, “By the power of the Spirit Of Christmas I¬†banish you from this Earth!” A bright white light burst from Santa’s hand engulfing the vampire. He immediately turned to an unusual burst of white snowy ash, and never even lit on fire.

Santa surveyed the room now littered with black ash. Suddenly Rudolph peeked in with his nose lit red. He cautiously uttered, “Everything all right in here Santa? The other reindeer told me to check on you.” Santa replied, “Oh, of course, all is well now my little friend!” A ninth vampire had been down the block and joined the party way too late. He came up behind Rudolph biting into his neck, and diving his fingernails into his throat. Santa was beyond alarmed as poor Rudolph bellowed in agony, “Oh holy peppermint sticks!” ¬†The extremely enraged vampire sensed his friends were all dead, and he laughed maniacally amid declaring, “This freakish deer is dead old man!” ¬†Santa commanded, “Fly Rudolph!” Rudolph levitated speedily into the ceiling sending the vampire through the plaster, and up above the roof over the house. The vampire fell off on to the roof and slid into the snow on the ground in the backyard. A bloodied Rudolph landed nearby with his red nose flickering erratically indicating physical distress.¬†Rudolph then said, “Get him, guys!” The other eight reindeer stomped the hell out of the vampire!ūü¶Ć

Santa came out the back door as Rudolph limped over touching the vampire in the heart area with his nose of holy light. The vamp screamed in agony, burst into fire, and left an ash pile behind that caused Rudolph The Vampire Slayer to sneeze! Santa laid glowing yellow hands upon his faithful reindeer immediately healing all his wounds. The reindeer got back into pre-flight position to prepare to fly away. Santa ordered the two Elves to make repairs to the house posthaste. Elves are speedy supernatural workers who can build or fix anything a hundred times faster than a human! Meanwhile, Santa went to check on the family who had been terrorized by the denizens of darkness he had dispatched with distinction!

Santa Claus found the family shivering in fear huddled together in the bathtub. As he pulled back the shower curtain Santa’s fatherly Angelic smile was like a warm ray of sunshine upon their very soul. He crouched at the side of the tub assuring them all would be well. A little girl asked him if he was really Santa Claus, and he said, “Indeed I am the Father Of Christmas. Fear not ever again for you are now under my eternal protection.” The Great Claus waved his hand slowly while softly whispering that the entire family forget what happened that night. They all passed into a pleasant slumber with delightful dreams of sugar plum fairies. He then used his angelic healing powers to make all well again. Not even a nick was seen upon their necks. Santa gently lifted each one up into his large muscular arms and placed them in their beds. He paused a bit in one of the boy’s rooms where the Elves were finishing the repairs on the roof.

The Elves sped around like little blurs cleaning up things as Santa brought the family Christmas tree back to full splendor. He got some gifts from the sleigh and placed them under the tree with great care. ¬†The Elves completed their tasks and stood beside Santa in the glow of the hearth as he blessed the home in the name of all that was holy. Never again could vampires and a variety of other nefarious entities gain entry to the home. Even if inadvertently invited in. They left out the back door making sure it was locked securely. Once in the sleigh Santa Claus bellowed gleefully, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen! Fly to the sky Rudolph! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good vampire free night!” Away they flew into the cold starry skies to bring Christmas cheer all the world over!ūüéÖ

The End!


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Does Santa Claus Live At The Geographic Or Magnetic North Pole?

Santa Claus Location North










The hallowed home of Santa Claus is not located exactly on either the magnetic nor the geographic North Pole.¬† However, it lies within a short radius of the geographic North Pole as pictured in the illustration¬†above. Clearly, it would be too easy for someone to find Santa Claus’s North Pole City¬†if it was located precisely at either pole. And of course, if it was at the magnetic North Pole¬†then his winter wonderland would constantly be shifting positions. Apparently, there would also be some electromagnetic interference in the cloaking spell that keeps the Christmas Capital invisible to the outside world.ūüéÖ

Speaking of the aforementioned shifting, the entire Arctic region is merely ice, and snow floating atop the Arctic Ocean. Ice that is always on the move sometimes traveling 30 miles a week.¬† So how does Santa Claus’s fortress of merry solitude not get destroyed, or stray from its permanent position in the polar region? ¬†North Pole City¬†is actually a mystical ice island fixed to its position in the Arctic Ocean by Heavenly Angelic forces marshaled by Old Saint Nick himself.¬† The Star Of Bethlehem, holy light shining directly from Heaven, is directly over North Pole City and plays some role in allowing the Christmas Island to stay in one place. All while the ice, and snow of the cold ocean flows around it.‚õĄÔłŹ

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Where Did Santa Claus’s Enchanted Flying Reindeer Come From?

Santa's Enchanted ReindeerBefore he officially became Santa Claus, and Saint Nicholas, he was simply known as Nicholas Of Myra. In those ancient times, he relied on horses to pull his carriage(warm winter areas), or sleigh(cold winter areas) to deliver gifts to deserving children in his region. He had yet to come up with the idea of flight to quicken the delivery process. Nor did he realize he had the power to do so courtesy of his angelic lineage. Reindeer were something he had yet to come across. Nicholas’s delivery territory expanded with each passing year. He pushed ever further into colder winter zones since people were in desperate need of good cheer in those dark gloomy cold times. Terrifying times before Christmas as we know it today!

Horses Weren’t Cutting The Christmas Delivery Job!

At some point, Santa realized his horses traveling at normal speeds would never be able to keep up with his ever-growing Christmas present deliveries. So Santa began experimenting with the enchantment of his horses.¬† A process of transferring a bit of his Angelic grace into the animals to supercharge them.¬† Things seemed to be going well as the horses ran about at super speed. Then one horrible night in the Finish Lapland’s his horses were neutralized by the dark power his evil twin brother the nefarious Anti-Claus, a powerful Demidemon.¬† The horses became Hell Horses and went on a rampage that Santa stopped before anyone got hurt!¬† However, there was a great deal of property damage.¬† All seemed to be lost during that fateful Christmas Eve when all the sudden a group of curious reindeer surrounded Santa, and he was able to read their thoughts.¬† He realized that these were special Reindeer destined to be with him for a long time to come.¬† It’s unknown if some force of good set this up.

The Destiny Of Santa’s Reindeer

So Santa Claus enchanted the reindeer to the fullest, and they became fully sentient complete with intelligent speech over the course of time.¬† It’s unknown if they are linked to human souls, and could, therefore, be humans in various Parallel Universes.¬† For whatever reason, they were best suited to Angelic enchantment, and they could not be turned evil by the Anti-Claus or other magical entities! It was destiny that Santa ran across them! They loved flying while later experimentation with horses showed that equines were too nervous to levitate aloft. Santa also toyed with the idea of utilizing flying Unicorns or naturally flying Pegasus. However, those already enchanted animals were independent free spirits produced by God and Archangels. The Reindeer were like Santa’s Elves. They love working together for a prolific personality.ūü¶Ć

The nine enchanted reindeer of Santa Claus are:

  1. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
  2. Dasher
  3. Dancer
  4. Prancer
  5. Vixen
  6. Comet
  7. Cupid
  8. Donner
  9. Blitzen
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Santa Claus Meets The Baby New Year 2019

Father Time, the Baby New Year of 2018, performs the annual ceremonial ritual of presenting the latest Baby New Year to Santa Claus at North Pole City. ¬†On January 1, 2019, Santa, in his capacity as Saint Nicholas, blessed the child holy. A child that is literally an Angel from Heaven who volunteers to grow up on Earth for one year! Santa held the Baby New Year 2019 in his muscular arms as his wife, Holly Claus, looked on with joy in her eyes. She also gently held the angelic child and fed him a warm bottle of holy Unicorn milk. Santa’s¬†children, Nick, Jr., and Mary were present as well. ¬†All in attendance took turns holding the cuddly little ball of joy while Father Time & Father Christmas discussed various matters related to our paranormal planet. ¬†All the while one of the worlds few immortal dogs, a Dalmatian named Sparky,¬†frolicked¬†about Claus Manor with tail wagging glee.ūüź∂

After a brief lunch, the entire gang of goodness commanded a¬†procession¬†down Main Street inside Santa’s sleigh. The famous sleigh was moved aloft the snowy cobblestone road by two reindeer. ¬†A crowd of Elves, Enchanted Reindeer, winter deities, and visiting supernatural¬†dignitaries¬†looked on at the spectacle. A full-scale parade took place that included elf made floats, marching penguins, and other animals as well. We also saw a variety of animated toys make their way down the road dancing with joy in their sapient hearts. All courtesy of the powerful Spirit Of Christmas! Later in the evening a fantastical fireworks show lit up the Arctic skies above the most magical place on Earth. Santa even thew in some custom created Northern Lights via his Demi-Angel magic. Amid the majestic extravaganza enchanted reindeer, Pegasus, white doves, various other birds, and even an ice dragon flew about the skies. Unicorns and Leprechauns sprung inexplicable nocturnal rainbows forth and rode them high in the starry skies! Sorry, Disney World but you come in second compared to the mystical North Pole City.ūüéá

After the supernatural show, The Clauses, Chief Elf, and some special guests then partook of a fabulous feast with the Angelic Father Time. The Baby New Year sat in a centuries-old wooden high chair next to Mother Nature and Old Woman Winter.  The Elves put on a play detailing the history of Christmas over the past 1000 years. Finally, they bid all farewell and disappeared into the night in a dazzling display of sparkling dust.✨

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