How Can I Become One Of Santa’s Elves?

In order to become one of Santa Claus’s Elves you must maintain an innocent child like state yet also be extremely intelligent. 100% without a shadow of a doubt you have to believe Santa is real. The Spirit Of Christmas must truly dwell in your heart and soul. The most important thing in your life is to help out the less fortunate and bring good cheer to everyone you cross paths with. Every Christmas you ask Santa to give others gifts while you respectfully request Elfhood status if proven worthy. If you’re going to, or are already in, college then take classes on Christmas along with various factory production related subjects. In general math and science will come in handy in your quest for Elfin status. If Santa decides you’ve earned it then he will pick you up in his sleigh on Christmas Eve and take you home to North Pole City once his gift deliveries are complete!

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Paranormal Society Ranks Santa Claus Number One In Holy Water

The Paranormal Society Of North America partook of some extensive supernatural testing over the last five years. Their final analysis indicates that Santa Claus aka St.Nicholas creates the most powerful holy water on Earth.  Holy Water is water blessed by a Priest or holy person of any religion on Earth.  The main purpose of such wondrous water is to aid in the battle against paranormal terror.  Holy Water is capable of repelling, injuring, and in some cases eradicating various supernatural creatures, and forces of darkness. Generally Christian holy water, Catholic in particular, tends to be the most powerful. This power only comes from the sheer number of people who believe in the religion that in turn create a collective conscious spirit.  So one would think the Pope would have the most powerful blessed waters.  However he ranks second to Father Christmas. Most likely due to Santa being half Angel, a living Saint, and the former Bishop of Myra.

It’s rare for anyone to get hold of Santa’s saintly waters but he was nice enough to provide samples to the Paranormal Society for their enchanted experiment.  Of course he only agreed to it because they agreed to donate their time and money to helping others in need.  We at Mystic Investigations were invited to Christmas dinner at the North Pole as a reward for our fine works in protecting humankind from the supernatural scourge. Naturally I asked Santa to bless a bottle of water which we’ll save for big emergencies.  Certainly his holy water is one of the few capable of repelling the notorious Anti-Claus.

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Santa Claus’s North Pole Woolly Mammoth

The Anti-Claus Christmas Battle Of 1919

On a most unusual Christmas Eve in 1919 Santa Claus flew from North Pole City to begin his glorious gift deliveries. However he was caught in a sneak attack from his evil twin brother The Anti-Claus! This cowardly attack upon the sainted Father Christmas also involved a coven of dark witches! The Dark Claus flew erratically around Santa in his Midnight black sleigh pulled by 8 Hell Hounds led by Wickaninnish the flying Werewolf! He shot unholy metaphysical energy fire at Santa to distract him. Then at the right moment the wayward witches opened a portal into an alternate dimension. Rumors indicate it was a dimension of hell itself! Thankfully Santa utilized the magical Spirit Of Christmas along with his Demi-Angel powers to alter the huge interdimensional hole. As it suddenly blasted in front of his red glittering sleigh Rudolph literally screamed while flying in red nose first! When they exited Santa, two helper Elves, and nine enchanted reindeer found themselves 4000 years in Earth’s past! Unfortunately there wasn’t enough time for Santa to shut down the portal completely. There was some damage to the sleigh as they dived downward, and landed on Wrangel Island in the Arctic Ocean with no injuries sustained.

Being 4000 years in the past they were cut off from the Spirit Of Christmas that had yet to even exist! Santa only had his Demi-Angelic powers to rely on but he was weakened by the paranormal portal. There on Wrangel Island they rested and repaired his sleigh. The reindeer mingled among the last herd of Woolly Mammoth on the planet. Santa himself used his zoopathic powers to speak with them and inform them their time was short on this Earth. They already had a spiritual sense that their species was nearly extinct from Mother Earth Goddess Gaia. It was her he reached out to in order to jumpstart his powers and use his Chronokinetic ability to travel back to 1919. However before he did so he promised a Mammoth couple that he would take their baby to the future. There he would live forever as an enchanted immortal animal at North Pole City. He assured them their noble furry kind would always dwell on Earth. Certainly all who had fallen before them existed in Goddess Gaia’s Paradise Plane. An afterlife for animals, and nature deities that is accessible at Santa’s sainted city. That meant their precious woolly baby would see them again very soon!

Meanwhile back in 1919 The Anti-Claus was ecstatic that he had finally got rid of his goodie two shoes brother. He prepared to shape Christmas into his own dark diabolical image. He, and his wicked witches made a beeline for North Pole City to lay waste to it! With Santa gone there was a deep disruption in the Christmas Spirit that in turn weakened North Pole City’s cloaking shields and magical defenses. The motley crew of anti-Christmas fools blasted through the gleaming ice wall barrier startling a troop of Elves and penguins marching nearby.  Hell hounds and the Werewolf began chasing everyone in sight. Panic ensued as everyone ran screaming in terror! Behind the monstrous beasts strolled the Anti-Claus laughing manically along with his 13 witches cackling like crazy! The only one who could have been a match was the primordial Winter God Jack Frost. However he was lured away to an ice planet in another galaxy where abominable snowmen like people had just evolved. Jack was eager to be their sole God. Naturally it was the Anti-Claus who anonymously informed him of this revelation. It took him forever to find out about that planet. He knew better than to send Jack on a wild goose chase!

Chaos reigned supreme for the first time at North Pole City as the Dark Claus strolled up to Claus Manor ready to take the Christmas throne for himself. Mrs. Holly Claus ran out, and yelled,”Claude what is the meaning of this madness!” The Dark Claus, aka Claude Claus, always had a sweet spot for Mrs.Claus. He replied,”Oh Holly my dear your beloved husband is gone forever! I will now take his place!” Mrs.Claus began crying, and said,”Noooo Claude what did you do to him! I’ll die before I ever marry you!” Claude Claus chuckled and walked up the porch steps about to console her in his own twisted way when a fist punched him in the face! It was Santa Claus with a huge grin on his face. Claude went flying into a fully decorated Christmas tree in the front yard while Santa exclaimed,”It pains me to do this but you’ve crossed the line brother!”

The angered Anti-Claus arose from the crushed tree shaking off shattering glass from the colored light bulbs. He roared loudly as his eyes glowed crimson in sheer rage! He raised his hands ready to shoot forth his demonic energies when a large baby mammoth mowed him down stomping all over him. The adorable little mammoth had been enchanted by the Spirit of Christmas like Santa’s reindeer. This gave him the power of speech, and so he said,”Ah you big bastard! Me crush you meanie man!” The Anti-Claus was out cold as Santa retrained the excited beast.  Santa demanded,”Settle down lil’ furry fella! I implore you not to use such bad language like that ever again!” The mammoth gazed at Santa with his big innocent eyes, and replied,”Me so sorry Santa but he’s makes me so mad!” Santa didn’t blame him because he had just acquired human like sentience and was learning to deal with his emotions clashing with his intelligence. Some Elves came to take the Mammoth to his new home in a barn near the reindeer. They said the coven of witches were downtown, and the Dark Claus’s evil Gnomes had just breached the south wall in ice breaking ships! The Werewolf and Hell Hounds were randomly roaming about.

Santa picked up his twin brother of darkness and sped away at super speed to Saint Nicholas Church. There he surrounded his demonic brother in holy artifacts to trap him. He then ordered all Elves to arm themselves with candy cane cannons in order to round up the gnomes for placement into the North Pole City Jail. Generally the jail is used for time outs when an Elf gets too obsessed with sweet treats. He sent the Abominable Snowman who normally guards The Christmas Crystal, to go after the Werewolf. Santa’s Enochian Angel Magick Witches went after the 13 wicked witches. Santa, and some polar bears took down the Hellhounds. The wicked witches were giving Santa’s witches a lot of trouble but he showed up in the nick of time to add his Angelic power to the mix. In the end evil was eradicated with extreme prejudice! The entire motley crew, including The Anti-Claus, was taken to a sacred room in the church. There a magical ritual sent them all to the Ice Demon dimension in The Underworld. Whenever possible Santa Claus always opts to save lives no matter how evil they are. Unfortunately at some point in the future the Ice Demons were briefly overwhelmed by the Devil himself and the Anti-Claus gang escaped!

Thankfully nobody had been hurt in the North Pole City Invasion Of 1919! Santa chooses to remember it as a day of joy that added a new member to his Christmas Family! From that day forth North Pole City had a resident Woolly Mammoth who was magically made not to exceed 6 feet tall. Santa named him Little Mister Woolly Snuffleupagus because the name just popped in his head. However when Sesame Street’s Mr.Snuffleupagus came on the scene in 1971 he realized his precognition powers must have placed the name in his subconscious. Especially since his magical mammoth reminds him of Snuffy. The Woolly Snuffleupagus is a fan favorite for North Pole residents and visitors alike. He often plays with polar bears, penguins, elves, reindeer. and kids with glee! He’s all too happy to give anyone a ride around the city, over the hills, and through the evergreen woods! Merry Mammoth Christmas To All And To All A Woolly Night!

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Who Is Jack Frost?

Jack FrostJack Frost, sometimes called Old Man Winter, and even Father Winter, is the literal original personification of Winter on Earth.  This makes him the Chief Winter God, and Grand Master Of Cryokinesis on Earth, who was worshiped as such by various human cultures over the ages under different names.  His birth over 650 million years ago triggered a global ice age called the Snowball Earth. He has also usually had some part in subsequent Ice Ages. Often coinciding with some manner of angst in his long often miserable life due to his glum outlook on his existence.  As with many Earthly Gods, Jack was born spontaneously via the unintended interactions of various forms of consciousness on a variety of dimensional levels.  The exact catalyst is unknown but it’s plausible he could be the personification of winter even beyond Earth.

Jack came into being long before any humans existed on Earth, and initially only had a handful of primordial Earthly Gods, and Goddesses to keep him company since not even Earth Goddess Gaia was born yet! However his cold heart made him prefer to be alone, and not take part in the nature deity hierarchy.  For a time he flirted with Ice Demons, and even standard demons during his darkest hours.  Thankfully he was more or less apathetic, and never chose a particular side despite more darkness than light dwelling within his icy soul.  His insanely long life was rather aimless, and without purpose in his angst ridden blue glowing eyes.

As human culture evolved it attracted his interest, and he became active for a time enjoying the worship, and adulation by primitive humans.  Although he never gave that love back to his so called people who grew weary of his harsh ways.  Eventually he grew tired of them as well along with the constant attacks of other Gods who demanded he join their royal higher dimensional regimes.  Jack would often punish people who worshiped his enemies by giving them a particularly harsh winter.  Hellish winters he created by easily over riding other Winter deities.  Over the centuries he began to notice the Demi-Angel Santa Claus, and became jealous of his Angelic power along with his intrusion into Jack’s paranormal winter territory. Especially the fact that Santa chose to use his powers to help humans, and make them happy by spreading good cheer.  All without demanding worship, or loyalty from them!  Jack Frost attempted to pull a Grinch when he joined forces with the Anti-Claus to destroy Santa, and eradicate Christmas from this Earth!  In the end Frost was swayed to change sides after engaging Santa in an epic battle of Father Winter vs Father Christmas!

Despite Santa being under 1000 years old at the time, as
opposed to Jack’s hundreds of millions of years old, Santa was ultimately stronger because Angel abilities almost always trump Earthly Gods. Even with Santa only being a Human-Angel Hybrid.  Of course he could call upon Heavenly powers for support as well.  Including his Archangel Father.  Santa could have easily dispatched Jack with extreme prejudice but he spared his life.  Jack had never been shown such kind mercy nor seen the sorrow that Santa felt over being forced to fight. He implored Jack to join him in his Christmas quest. At that point the Anti-Claus attacked Santa turning the tables.  The Anti-Claus screamed,”Get the hell over here Jack, and help me finish off this bastard once, and for all!” Jack hesitated, and then made his final decision when he instead attacked the Dark Claus driving him away in a snow tornado.  Santa had spared Jacks life, and Jack has saved Santa’s. They came to an understanding, and Jack felt he finally had purpose.

These were the days before North Pole City existed.  Jack was instrumental in picking the location, and designing the basic supernatural structure
of the most magical winter wonderland on Earth.  He now resides at the North Pole City sitting on the city-state counsel as the Winter Manager, and City Planner.  He also owns a few establishments such as Jack Frost Inn, and Frost’s Art Center.  The Art Center is a showcase of his best ice, and snow sculpture.  Sculpting is one of the few things that ignites some passion within him.  Something Santa, and Mrs.Claus encouraged so he wouldn’t dwell on his dark side. Unfortunately Jack never became a being who always walks in the righteous light.  There is always a black void that will reside in him but there is a mutual respect between Santa, and Jack.  Most people know not to aggravate Jack or they end up being temporarily frozen!

Jack Frost resides in a secluded Ice Castle in the Ice Crystal Woods on the edge of Claus Forest near where Frosty The Snowman lives.  Frosty is probably one of the few people he talks to on a regular basis.  The woods are actually huge ice crystals sculpted by Jack’s Cryokinetic powers to look like various trees, and other objects.  It’s his area of North Pole City to let loose his cold creativity.  He has also been known to train talented children who have Cryokinetic abilities.  Although they must be mature for their age because Jack’s patience is like thin ice that can crack very quickly!

Disney’s Frozen Queen Elsa Is Real & She Knows Jack Frost!
Frozen Queen ElsaIt’s a little known fact that Disney’s Frozen is based on a true story.  The infamous Snow Queen Elsa was actually one of Jack’s few love interests.  Elsa was a Human born with prolific Cryokinesis powers.  She became immortal courtesy of her Self-Cryopreservation which is one of her many Cryokinetic abilities.  Elsa is considered the top human Cryokinesis master on Earth! Jack was responsible for corrupting her, and for a time she surely didn’t use her winter powers for good.  She eventually saw the light, and they parted ways on icy terms.  Although in the present Elsa has forgiven him, and does thank him for helping her control her cryokinetic powers that were once extremely erratic.  Unfortunately Jack remains bitter over the break-up, and attempts to rekindle their romance every decade or so.

Keanu Reeves Battles Jack FrostElsa doesn’t live at North Pole City but rather her ice castle in the secret supernatural Kingdom of Arendelle located in Norway.  She visits Santa Claus quite often as a welcome member of the righteous paranormal community that battles the forces of evil. Her last visit was on December 26th, 2015.  A fellow Immortal, the actor Keanu Reeves, was visiting there for the first time when he met her. They hit it off, and began dating.  As of writing this they’re still there despite Jack’s jealousy getting the best of him. Keanu, and Elsa were holding hand while strolling about the pine woods strewn with colorful Christmas lights on the edge of Downtown North Pole City.  Jack was already in a bad mood as he usually is when he hears about his former love Elsa visiting Santa.  Frosty The Snowman was with him trying to cheer Jack up as they happened upon Keanu & Elsa.  Jack had words with Keanu.  Once Jack insulted Elsa Keanu had no choice but to defend her honor, and he engaged Jack in hand to hand combat.  Jack has pride, and didn’t resort to his powers at first.  Even with his paranormal strength he was quickly overtaken by Keanu Reeves lightning fast Kung Fu powers acquired over several centuries of existence as an Immortal.  Jack ended up on the ground as his face turned beet red in sheer embarrassment. He sprung up causing heavy winds, and snows to fall. Frosty knew what was about to happen, and tried to intervene but Jack blasted the helpless Snowman into snow dust….fear not for Frosty reanimated minutes later!  Jack then shot an ice blue glittering snowflake ray from his hand freezing Keanu Reeves like a stone statue!

Her love Keanu helplessly encased in ice prompted Elsa to attack Jack in a righteous rage!  Elsa is kind of like Jack’s Kryptonite because she warms his heart causing his icy powers to decline considerably.  So the battle was somewhat even.  Some Snow Nymphs, and Elves along with Mystic Investigations very own resident witch Rebecca Abernathy entered the fray of this icy battle royale in an attempt to halt it!  The attempts failed miserably until Santa intervened, and literally froze everyone in place via his Angelic Chronokinetic time manipulation powers.  He then utilized his stern yet loving fatherly warmth, with the Spirit Of Christmas in hand, to broker a truce between all parties.  Jack Frost begrudgingly unfroze Keanu, and apologized to both Keanu, and Elsa, before retreating to his ice castle to silently sulk in shame.  Santa was very apologetic as well since he prides himself on North Pole City being the safest, and most friendly place on Earth! He promised Jack would behave for the rest of Keanu’s stay!  Santa then placed his healing hand upon Keanu’s forehead to cure the migraine headache he got from being frozen solid! Father Christmas eventually disappeared for a time to visit Jack, and had a long talk with him.  Later in the evening Elsa & Keanu were seen giggling, and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears while shopping at Ernie Elf’s Enchanted Emporium on New Year’s Day 2016.  They ended up having dinner at Santa’s house.  Elsa helped Mrs.Claus in the kitchen, and prepared her fabled fabulous frozen cake for dessert!  Days later Keanu flew back to Hollywood out of Saint Nicholas International Airport, and Elsa whisked herself away back to Arendelle in a wondrous whirlwind of sparkling snow across the Atlantic Ocean. However it was reported she briefly stopped in the undersea Kingdom Of Atlantis to visit a Mermaid friend named Ariel.  🙂

UPDATE: The happy couple was seen on Valentines Day 2016 at Elsa’s Ice Castle in Northern Norway by various members of the supernatural community! They also reappeared at North Pole City in late December of 2017.

Keanu-Elsa

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