That Time A Russian Submarine Shot Up Into North Pole City

Despite North Pole City being magically cloaked, there’s always the danger of a submarine popping up through the ice by accident! Something like the video above featuring a US Navy sub. After all the Arctic is simply a frozen ocean, unlike the Antarctic Continental land mass. It almost happened in the 1990’s with a US Navy sub but luckily a group of enchanted Narwhals nudged them just out of the way! Some years later in the mid-2000’s it finally happened when a Russian navy sub ascended below the Christmas Capital’s downtown. Its first attempts to surface failed as there was actually a sizable mystical soil bed and cobblestone street beyond the ice layer. It caused what seemed to be a decent Earthquake sending Elves, some visitors, and one reindeer running away in a panic!

Santa Claus and the top technical Elves entered North Pole Defense Command as the bells tolled warning all in hearing distance. They discovered it was a submarine causing the commotion. The Christmas crew crossed their fingers hoping it would pass. However near the edge of the city just before the grand glimmering glacial wall, it shot up through a weak spot where only ice and snow existed. Russian soldiers immediately exited to remove ice chunks from the majority of the vessel. Only the bridge fin or sail of a sub bursts from the arctic ice in most cases. The men, however, became mesmerized by their surreal surroundings that included the glimmering white ice wall around the entire city. The skies clad with the Christmas Star and unusual Aurora not seen outside the sainted winter wonderland. And of course the quaint Christmas village in the distance along with a pine forest. The Captain and the rest of the crew exited in awe at what they were seeing. A crewman took out a camera and began recording. It seems Santa and the North Pole would be exposed to the world as finally being real!

Exposure is not an option under The Supernatural Secrecy Pact. A paranormal pact created between the Universal Powers That Be to leave most of humanity in the metaphysical darkness of ignorant bliss. Santa Claus has been tried more than once under the pact but fortunately never convicted! Santa and his Elves scrambled to salvage the situation. Before they got there Frosty The Snowman was the first on the scene. He bellowed forth,”Oh me oh my! Merry Christmas boys! Welcome to North Pole City!” The soldiers just stood there silent with their mouths open in disbelief. No one even thought to draw their arms on this animated snowman. Frosty stood silent after that with a goofy smile on his face. Jack Frost strolled up and said,”Holy sh….” Santa and his Elves marched up at that moment.

Santa cleared his throat preventing Jack from releasing an expletive in the presence of innocent Frosty and the Elves. Santa spoke to the men and declared,”Gentlemen I am Santa Claus and as Frosty said welcome to North Pole City. I know this must be a shock to realize much of what you’ve read about me appears to be real but I implore you to leave for your own safety. Upon doing so it will seem like a dream. To facilitate that false narrative under the Supernatural Secrecy Pact I must utilize a spell to cause you to briefly sleep. It will later be explained away as a mysterious phenomenon. Do you have any questions?” In fact, it is true that virtually anyone leaving North Pole City views their stay as a dream. Some say it helps them cope with the harsh reality of the outside world after being in a winter paradise.

The Captain stuttered a bit at first but finally said,” I firmly believe we have been poisoned with some manner of drug by a spy on board. If us leaving will end this hallucination then we surely will. Wow, I think this is English I’m speaking despite never learning the language. God help us, men, we need to leave now!” They all ran back on board while Santa waved his hand using one of his Angelic powers that caused the camera footage to become scrambled. The sub soon sunk beneath the ice again. Jack Frost commented,”Santa I was about to freeze the whole lot of them! Lucky you came along when you did!” Santa replied,”Oh Jack you’re always so quick to take physical action before thinking a problem through!” Jack countered,”Sometimes that is the best way to handle things!” He walked away with Frosty following him.

As the sub sunk into the Arctic sea Santa placed a delayed spell upon them so they would sink into a sweet slumber for a short period of time while the sub was on auto-pilot. An Elf sneaked on board to make sure it was set. Elf spies verified the secret Russian record as saying the crew suffered a mass hallucination of unknown origin. After the incident, the ground was repaired and greater countermeasures were put in place to prevent subs from crashing up through the surface of North Pole City ever again!

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Christmas In July! What Did Santa Claus Do On The Fourth Of July?

Santas Summer VacationThe world’s most powerful Demi-Angel, Santa Claus, celebrated American Independence Day despite being neutral, and not holding allegiance to any one nation, other than his own sovereign North Pole City.  The reason being that Mrs. Holly Claus in an American citizen.  Actually she enjoys dual citizenship status in both the US, and North Pole City.  Holly brought a lot of American Christmas traditions to the North Pole, and continued to keep up with the times throughout the 20th century, and into the 21st.  However all the Christmas traditions of the various nations are reflected when visiting Santa’s winter wonderland.

On July 4th the temperature in North Pole City was a balmy 52 degrees Fahrenheit under mostly sunny skies.  Now of course Santa could make it warmer via his extensive Demi-Angel powers but that wouldn’t be fair to the cold loving Elves nor the various Snow, Ice, and Winter Nymphs who recently began frolicking about Santa’s domain.  All the snow in town was melted except in areas magically managed by Jack Frost where Frosty The Snowman skips about with glee.  Mystical flowers of all colors bloom about amid the plethora of Evergreen trees, and shrubs.  Extra large naturally growing enchanted Poinsettia plants spot the landscape as well.  The minority deciduous trees, also specially enchanted, are lush with green leaves.  Santa planted them especially for Mrs. Claus so she could enjoy the iridescent leaves of autumn fluttering forth.  Despite all the signs of Summer, Christmas decor was adorned everywhere as usual.  It truly was Christmas in July!

On the morning of July 4th Mrs. Claus tended to her garden after a hearty breakfast at Claus Manor.  Then Santa hitched up the enchanted reindeer to his magical crimson sleigh, and the entire Claus Family hopped aboard.  Santa, Mrs. Claus, and his perpetually young kids Nicholas, Jr. & Mary, flew at lightening fast speed to the shores of a deserted tropical island in the Pacific to enjoy a beach picnic along the serene seas.  They spent several hours there before flying to the Continental United States to partake of various fireworks displays in approximately 24 different communities.  Since the North Pole sun doesn’t set in the Summer they can’t enjoy fireworks there. However their Christmas fireworks show is beyond anything you could ever hope to imagine!

All went well except for one unfortunate incident.  In an undisclosed rural community somewhere in Missouri a deranged drunk staggered into Mrs. Claus spilling his beer all over her beautiful light red dress.  Three of his clearly intoxicated friends stood near him giggling like sad little children.  Santa calmly, yet firmly, demanded he apologize to his wife. Instead the inebriated guy let some choice expletives fly forth not only in front of his wife, but his kids as well.  Both Nicholas, and Mary gasped in disbelief that such harsh language was allowed to reach their innocent ears.  It’s true the family is cloistered from the real world in a cleansed almost 1950’s atmosphere at the North Pole. In fact once they returned the unpleasant memories would fade away from all except Santa himself.

The over six foot four tall, heavy set, and imposing Santa Claus towered over the drunken twenty something individuals. He then said,”I kindly ask that you apologize to my wife, and children for your immature behavior, and all will be forgiven my lads.”  They all snickered sadistically as the guy foolishly punched Santa in the stomach after saying,”Here’s your apology old man!”  The snide cackling immediately stopped as the guy gripped his hand in pain while Santa stood still unphased by the attack.  He smiled, and said,”Once again I must demand an apology for you have dishonored my wife, and corrupted my children with your unsavory behavior!”  The guy gripping his hand screamed,”Beat the hell out of this bastard!” All four men then charged Santa Claus punching, and kicking him with great effort.  So much so that some of the guys fell down twice due to their drunken state.   It was like attacking a giant redwood tree.  It was an insane act of pure idiocy! The punching stopped rather quickly as it was very painful to their silly little human hands.  However the kicking continued on a bit longer as they still held hope they’d beat the old man, and show him who was boss.

The out of breath fools were unable to budge Santa from his firm stance.  The Great Claus just started laughing heartily,”Oh you crazy kids!  Will you ever learn?”  All the men held their hands in agony as one said,”What the hell are you made of? Steel?”  Santa replied,”No just extra dense Angelic flesh.  Now boys where’s my apology?  I really must insist!”  Santa took a step toward them, and gave them a stern look as he started to unlace his large belt.  They then apologized to Santa, Holly, and the kids.  He declared all was forgiven as he bear hugged all four men.  A subtle white light could be seen amid the huge hug.  When it was over the men no longer felt the pain of their futile violent blows nor were they no under the influence of the tons of alcohol they had consumed all day long.  They just walked away silent in a shocked daze with thoughts of peace, and goodwill dancing about their minds with intermittent visions of sugar plum fairies.  From that day forth their lives would change for the better forever!

The world’s holiest family returned to their Christmas land of the Midnight sun at about Midnight US Mountain Standard Time.  Before retiring to bed Santa reviewed the latest Naughty Or Nice list he received from his Chief Elf.  As he dreamed of sugar plum fairies, elated elves, rambunctious reindeer, and naughty Norse nymphs playing in the glittering snow a disturbing flaming apparition of the Devil appeared in his fireplace .  He told Santa,”My son the Anti-Christ will be born into this world soon, and your brother of darkness the Anti-Claus will return!  Together we shall destroy Christmas, and every magical holiday that marshals the forces of all that is holy, and good.  This shall be the dawn of the era of darkness. My demonic children of the night will replace humanity as the dominant species on this planet.  Victory at the final battle of Armageddon will be ours as you burn to ash under my new unholy Sun!  Your Christmas Star Of Bethlehem will be extinguished for all eternity amid my glorious reign of tantalizing terror!  I promise your holy reign of light is about to end Saint Nicholas!”

Santa woke up in a highly unusual cold sweat as he gazed over at the fireplace observing the chilling vision of the Devil’s face in the flames.  The fire swirled about madly sending hot winds about the room with the hellish screaming maniacal laughter echoing everywhere.  Santa waved his hand at the flames sending a cold white burst to instantly extinguish them while yelling,”Be gone you heathen of Hell!”  There old Saint Nick sat silently in the darkness remembering his last run in with the Devil at the First Battle Of Armageddon.  The injuries he suffered at the hands of his cowardly twin brother the Anti-Claus. The faith of Father Christmas wavered for few moments but the Spirit Of Christmas reignited his belief that the Angels of Heaven would be victorious in their battles against the forces of darkness.   If only he could bring them, and the Earthly Gods together to fight their common enemy while saving humanity & the Earth from damnation!

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What Does Santa Claus Do In The Summer?

In the summer heat of July the last thing on our minds is the joy of brisk snowy Christmas.  However the term Christmas in July was started by Santa Claus who begins his preparations for the Christmas season.  Before that in the month of June the Claus Family generally takes a Summer vacation. Once well rested he, and his Elves are busy judging children around the world to determine if they’re in fact naughty or nice.  This is not a literal judging of the soul which is left only to the God of the Omniverse. Rather it’s a literal observation of how the child behaves during the Summer, and into the school month of September.  This short window is crucial to whether or not your child will get a gift or a lump of coal in his stocking from Santa.  So be sure to encourage your kid to be on his, or her best behavior!  By October, the heart of Halloween, the final Naughty Or Nice List is compiled. Then the toys begin the magical manufacturing process after the Summer design, and planning sessions. Of course all the toys are ready to be paranormally packed onto Santa’s sleigh for the Christmas Eve December 24th global delivery.

During the Summer Santa, and his Elves also continue their worldwide charity work, and fighting the forces of evil around the world.  Santa is seen as the leader of good on Earth, and he takes that title seriously.  Whether it’s taking down a punk robbing a 7-11 or a coven of wicked witches hell bent on global domination!  Nobody is a match for a demi-archangel like Saint Nicholas.  Naturally he doesn’t wear the Santa suit, and tries to keep a low profile when taking down nefarious individuals.  In addition he always tries to reason with those who have fallen to the dark side before resorting to harsher means for the greater good of humankind!

As with our other articles about Santa we’d like to thank our inside Elf source for this valuable, and interesting information about our beloved Father Christmas!

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Santa Penguins March Forth For Christmas

Adorable Penguins in Japan spread the Spirit Of Christmas forth in good cheer. The merriment of the little fellas dressed as Santa Claus brings joy to all! On Penguin falls behind the group and then attempts to flee the scene as his love lies with Halloween. LOL!

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