What Are Toilet Monsters?


November 19th is World Toilet Day! A time to reflect on the fact that billions of people on Earth don’t have a safe and sanitary toilet’s to use. Most of us take it for granted that we can use a modern toilet anytime we please! The goal of Toilet Day is to guarantee that everyone has a toilet to use by 2030. In the meantime, we will discuss the supernatural side of toilets. Namely the terror of Toilet Monsters! As silly as it sounds they are real yet very rare in occurrence! Still, it wouldn’t hurt to look before you crap! Better safe than sorry!

The Origin Of Toilet Monsters

The terrifying Toilet Monsters were born within the noxious fecal goo of the sinister Stool Monster that often resides in sewers sometime in the mid 20th century. Thus the Toilet Monster is temporarily a Sewer Monster who seeks out crappers as its home. Cryptozoological research indicates the mini monsters are a genetic melding of trolls, gremlins, swamp monsters, and an unknown element with hints of The Stool within. Most likely these separate monsters became stuck in The Stool creature and the high-pressure bio-chemical mix molded them into a new blasphemous being. Thankfully these despicable little creepers only reproduce when exposed to high levels of radiation for reasons unknown. This keeps their population extremely small. Upon radiation exposure, the Toilet Monster returns to the sewers to find The Stool. It insinuates itself on the outer fringes of the gelatinous goo to give birth. Promptly both monsters go their separate ways in search of new crappers above ground. All Toilet Monsters are hermaphrodites and can produce their own monster child.

Entry Of The Crapper Monster Into Your Humble Abode!

After making their way up out of the sewer into the plumbing of homes and businesses the Toilet Monster takes up residence in one or more toilets. The sick puppy subsists off of fresh human waste! The Toilet Monster can greatly compact its body so you might not even notice it while sitting on the throne. However, it will not hesitate to attack with its sharp teeth if it feels threatened. It has been known to bite rear ends and even rip private parts off! It is very strong and doesn’t go too far down when the toilet is flushed. Luckily the monster loves cold water and will rarely leave the toilet to enter your home. It also feels safe in small spaces so you won’t find these monsters in swimming pools, lakes or other bodies of water.

How To Get Rid Of A Toilet Monster

Even if you don’t spot the silent little menace in your crapper bowl there will be signs of its presence. Namely the green slime it sheds from its disgusting form. It also leaves a lingering odor described as a cross between rotted fish, seaweed, and stinky cheese. The easiest way to repel the heinous horror is to continually dump boiling hot water into the toilet. Chemical cleaners have no effect on them! Not even bleach! Most Toilet Monsters are stubborn and will keep returning to the crapper that it sees as its home. As it is not demonic in nature religious artifacts such as holy water will not work. In such cases contact your nearest paranormal professional, monster hunters, or magical practitioners to expel or capture the creature. Killing them is beyond difficult as they are extremely rubbery and tough-skinned with extreme resistance to various means of destruction! #WorldToiletDay

Also, See Do Vampires Use Toilets?

What Is The Stool?

The StoolWe hesitate to even mention this particular paranormal phenomenon, known as The Stool, since it is by far the most disgusting thing we’ve ever come across.  For reasons unknown excrement of all varieties will randomly coalesce into a sentient blob.   Although a rare event it is clearly a health hazard that the government often deals with, and covers up in the media as well.  If The Stool is left unchecked it will grow into the giant pile of poop seen in the photo at the left.  The stench is unbearable, and the high levels of methane it gives off drive away oxygen thereby causing asphyxiation in humans, and other creatures.  This is often a concern in sewers which is the place this despicable entity forms the most.

It is referred to as The Stool, despite seeming to be many separate entities, due to The Stool As Seen From The Airpsychics confirming it is of one noxious mind.  This indicates there may very well be a central Stool hidden somewhere on Earth.  This Alpha Stool seems to be using some type of telekinetic power to create new members of his highly horrid species. Evidence indicates that it’s consciousness emanates from the Mother Earth Gaia Network.  The paranormal nervous system of the planet, and Goddess Gaia that is the soul of our Earth which it’s using as a telekinetic conduit to everywhere.  It’s mindless mission seems simply to grow, and engulf the planet in a layer of pure poop which might seem impossible.  Although The Stool starts out as a collection of common crap at some point it develops it’s own DNA, and begins growing spontaneous inexplicable cells of pure waste product.  Despite this the wandering waste still needs to collect droppings along it’s journey to fuel it’s growth process.

Thankfully sewer workers, and even the homeless, usually report the sickening Stool in it’s early stages, and word gets to top secret government, or private paranormal organizations, who send in special Hazmat teams to dismantle the smelly Stool, and clean up the bio-toxins.  If you run across a suspicious stack of sh-i-t then please contact the local authorities, or your local supernatural investigations team.  Do not attempt to engage the excrement yourself as it can move in a quick, and erratic manner when provoked thereby absorbing you into it’s slimy sludge.  Some misguided individuals have attempted to burn the creature in flames which only results in methane explosions, and the release of deadly carbon monoxide gas.  Please leave the poop to the professionals!  If you have any information leading to the capture of the Alpha Stool then you may be eligible for an extensive bounty of up to one million dollars being offered by various organizations.  Until this wretched being is apprehended we recommend staying away from sewers, waste treatment plants, and manure farms.

Interesting Historical Note: The Stool was responsible for London, England’s Great Stink Of 1858!