What Are The Bigfoot Sasquatch?

The Sasquatch, otherwise known as Bigfoot, are bipedal hominid cryptid’s native to the dense isolated forests of the Northern United States and Southern Canada. Although the densest populations are in the Pacific Northwest. Their height can range approximately from 8-10 feet tall. Weight falls anywhere from 700-900 pounds. There appears to be no size difference between male and female Sasquatch. The noble beasts have an apish Neanderthal appearance covered in shaggy medium to long length fur that ranges in various shades of brown color. Only the face, human-like hand palms, and foot pads are mostly free of hair. The Bigfoot has thick sharp claws used to cut through dense foliage, mark tree trunks, dig into the ground, and dispatch hunters after them! It’s also said the claws have the same effect as silver on Werewolves and other monsters who call it poison! They have expressive human-like eyes that are usually burnt sienna in color. In darkness, they glow dimly amber as the Bigfoot has excellent night vision. They will glow a brighter yellow when a practitioner of magic is attacking them. This is their immunity to magic being activated! The creature generally emits a foul odor that intensifies when it feels threatened.

The Powers Of The Bigfoot

In addition to the aforementioned immunity to all magic, they are immortal. The seemingly indestructible Sasquatch also possesses super strength, speed, agility, enhanced senses, and a sixth sense that warns them of impending danger. They have strong healing factors and there is no evidence they acquire any diseases. This includes paranormal ones such as the dreaded Zombie virus. Faunapathic powers allow them to peacefully interact with all animals including grizzly bears and wild cats! Although timid gentle herbivores by nature they can be ferocious monsters when provoked or someone deeply trespasses on their territory. It’s said there isn’t a supernatural being on Earth who isn’t afraid of Bigfoot nor it’s paranormal cousin the Abominable Snowman Yeti. Even the strongest Vampires and Werewolves will turn tail and run when faced with an angry Sasquatch!

Bigfoot Culture

The Sasquatch people have a primitive intelligence and feel a wide range of emotions. There is a loose culture that chose to live completely in tune with nature. There is some evidence they practice herbal medicine, worship Gods, bury their dead, discuss the dangers human society poses, and contemplate their lives. Some may use primitive tools but they don’t build fires as they have no use for them. They communicate with each other in an indecipherable guttural grunting language. When angered they growl louder than a lion yet let loose a high pitched warning cry that travels miles. The Bigfoot has the ability to sign language with humans. Particularity the Native Americans they communed with early on and trusted to hide them from the European settlers in later centuries. The Indians looked upon the Sasquatch as holy sacred beings of Mother Nature.

Sasquatch Lifestyle

The Bigfoot enjoys roaming about the secluded woods making friends with animals and nature deities such as nymphs and Fairies while they forage for plants to eat. In particular, they love pine cones and evergreen needles. Sasquatch sometimes live in caves and will dig dens into the ground for winter or giving birth. Some who live further north will migrate south during harsh winter months. They love temperate zones with plenty of rain and don’t appreciate extreme cold or heat. More often they simply love sleeping under the stars despite only requiring a few hours of slumber per night. They prefer to be alone with nature most of the time but they do socialize with their own kind on a regular if not sparse basis. It is rare for a Bigfoot to have a dispute with another. Although they do not get along with their violent Yeti cousins. Sasquatch are masters of stealth and can move without making a sound despite their giant lumbering size. You could be within 10 feet of one and not even see them crouching behind a tree or bush waiting for you to leave the area!

The Origin Of The Supernatural Sasquatch

Despite the speculation of the Cryptozoology community, we believe that the Sasquatch was genetically created by advanced extraterrestrials of unknown origin some 1.7 million years ago. The alien DNA manipulation analysis indicates that Bigfoot has elements of our early hominid ancestors Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus. There are also unidentifiable extraterrestrial and enchanted elements within the genes of Bigfoot. There was some apparent effort to make it look like their creation was apart of Earth’s natural evolution process. However, the immortality of the Sasquatch created a low sex drive and therefore a consistently small populace that pretty much kept evolution at a minimum. If the Bigfoot couldn’t live forever the supernatural species would have died out a long time ago!

The hominid hybrid experiments took place in the American Northwest where the Bigfoot was specifically designed to survive in the lush secluded forests. It’s thought the aliens noticed the African hominids and wanted to speed up the evolution process. A process that was to produce a supernatural species to deal with paranormal threats they must have noticed while exploring our world. It’s unknown if this was a work of benevolence or mere scientific curiosity. It is also not known if the aliens continue to observe or even visit their creations as Gods. The Sasquatch are secretive about what Gods they worship. Quite a few are nature deities they discovered and Native American Gods.

Sasquatch Families

The Sasquatch mate every so often and there are a handful of baby Bigfoot born every century. It seems conception is difficult to achieve which isn’t surprising in an immortal creature. The hairy couple will stay together to raise the child for about 14 years before parting ways as they prefer to live alone. Still, the Bigfoot often gather in groups to exchange information. Especially where to avoid humans who aren’t one with Mother Nature!  It is said the original alien experiment creations, aka the Adam and Eve of the Sasquatch people, still survive and act as a pseudo King and Queen of sorts. If that is the case they would be 1.7 million years old! Although there is no official government or civilization. It’s rumored the King and Queen along with their first few generational descendants have the power to telepathically communicate with all of their kind anywhere on Earth. Perhaps influencing what they do sub-consciously or sending direct messages that might be seen as signs from Gods.

The Magic Of The Sasquatch

Native Americans trusted the sacred Sasquatch to scare off the first werewolves and Wendigo. In general, they ward off evil in all forms! They aided the first humans to cross the Bering Strait Land Bridge and cross the Pacific to North America. The Bigfoot shared the secrets of Mother Earth with the first Natives. However, they were far less trusting of settlers who got here from the Atlantic ocean such as Vikings and other Europeans. These early explorers attempted to hunt down what they saw as blasphemous beasts! Sasquatch fur is extremely valuable in the supernatural community. It brings good luck and is a powerful ingredient in magical potions, rituals, and spells. This is even more true for Bigfoot blood given willingly. The blood is a known poison for evil entities such as vampires!

The Demi-Sasquatch & Bigfoot Uprising

Despite the striking physical differences between Bigfoot and Humans, there are rare Sasquatch-Human Hybrids, aka Demi-Sasquatch, that walk among us. Clearly our DNA is compatible. The first were with Native Americans who considered it a sacred event to join with the Sasquatch as blood brothers and sisters. More recently it has been a variety of races who are in the supernatural know and have met various Bigfoot people. One Demi-Bigfoot works at our own local secret supernatural Club 13 as a Bouncer. Mr. Altec is ideally suited to his job with super strength, speed, agility, enhanced senses, immunity to magic, and most likely immortality! Although he must wax his body on a daily basis. Well, he doesn’t have to but he seems to be embarrassed by his Bigfoot heritage and doesn’t like to talk about it!

Demi-Sasquatch are usually in the 7 foot tall heavy muscular build range. Despite Bigfoot generally being peaceful the interbreeding can instill violent tendencies. Mr. Altec only seems to let it show when he is forced to fight. Quite a few Bigfoot Hybrids can be downright vile. Such is the cases when we here at Mystic Investigations dealt with one at an amusement park recently. He seemed to be ridiculously obsessed with getting his daughter a dolphin doll I won. It ended up in a big brawl!

There have also been factions of Sasquatch who have had enough of the ever-increasing intrusion into their private world. They feel the only answer is to fight back against the human invasion into their sacred forests. A Sasquatch Rebellion was quelled by government and private paranormal forces in August 2018. This has also fueled ever increasing hybrid births in an effort to “infiltrate” human society! Impregnating a human female has a greater frequency of success than in their own kind. Let us pray the Native American friends of the Sasquatch can broker peace between them and the humans they see as enemies!

The Original Famous Bigfoot Video. It is said the Sasquatch in the video was shunned by his people for exposing their kind to the world!

Talk Of The Hunt For Sasquatch

What Are Toilet Monsters?


November 19th is World Toilet Day! A time to reflect on the fact that billions of people on Earth don’t have a safe and sanitary toilet’s to use. Most of us take it for granted that we can use a modern toilet anytime we please! The goal of Toilet Day is to guarantee that everyone has a toilet to use by 2030. In the meantime, we will discuss the supernatural side of toilets. Namely the terror of Toilet Monsters! As silly as it sounds they are real yet very rare in occurrence! Still, it wouldn’t hurt to look before you crap! Better safe than sorry!

The Origin Of Toilet Monsters

The terrifying Toilet Monsters were born within the noxious fecal goo of the sinister Stool Monster that often resides in sewers sometime in the mid 20th century. Thus the Toilet Monster is temporarily a Sewer Monster who seeks out crappers as its home. Cryptozoological research indicates the mini monsters are a genetic melding of trolls, gremlins, swamp monsters, and an unknown element with hints of The Stool within. Most likely these separate monsters became stuck in The Stool creature and the high-pressure bio-chemical mix molded them into a new blasphemous being. Thankfully these despicable little creepers only reproduce when exposed to high levels of radiation for reasons unknown. This keeps their population extremely small. Upon radiation exposure, the Toilet Monster returns to the sewers to find The Stool. It insinuates itself on the outer fringes of the gelatinous goo to give birth. Promptly both monsters go their separate ways in search of new crappers above ground. All Toilet Monsters are hermaphrodites and can produce their own monster child.

Entry Of The Crapper Monster Into Your Humble Abode!

After making their way up out of the sewer into the plumbing of homes and businesses the Toilet Monster takes up residence in one or more toilets. The sick puppy subsists off of fresh human waste! The Toilet Monster can greatly compact its body so you might not even notice it while sitting on the throne. However, it will not hesitate to attack with its sharp teeth if it feels threatened. It has been known to bite rear ends and even rip private parts off! It is very strong and doesn’t go too far down when the toilet is flushed. Luckily the monster loves cold water and will rarely leave the toilet to enter your home. It also feels safe in small spaces so you won’t find these monsters in swimming pools, lakes or other bodies of water.

How To Get Rid Of A Toilet Monster

Even if you don’t spot the silent little menace in your crapper bowl there will be signs of its presence. Namely the green slime it sheds from its disgusting form. It also leaves a lingering odor described as a cross between rotted fish, seaweed, and stinky cheese. The easiest way to repel the heinous horror is to continually dump boiling hot water into the toilet. Chemical cleaners have no effect on them! Not even bleach! Most Toilet Monsters are stubborn and will keep returning to the crapper that it sees as its home. As it is not demonic in nature religious artifacts such as holy water will not work. In such cases contact your nearest paranormal professional, monster hunters, or magical practitioners to expel or capture the creature. Killing them is beyond difficult as they are extremely rubbery and tough-skinned with extreme resistance to various means of destruction! #WorldToiletDay

Also, See Do Vampires Use Toilets?

What Is The Boarhog Moothy-San Monster?

Boarhog MoothysonThe Boarhog Moothy-San is a Human-Hog Hybrid monster created by cruel twist of fate some 1,153 years ago in Japan. It has a grotesque boarish hog body with a human torso atop it. Despite being part boar the hair is missing due to molten Mount Fuji lava searing it off! The monstrous Moothy-San has a large goofy looking humanoid moon face. It generally walks on all fours but will sometimes rear up on its haunches when it feels threatened. Ancient Japanese legend states that the Moothy-San was a tall big boned woman who ate her family out of house, and home while bloating up to 400 pounds in the year 864. This epic eating episode, mainly consisting of fish, and rice, only occured after all the men in her village refused to marry her.  They found her homely unfeminine appearance, and somewhat slow witted mind quite unsettling. Naturally the excessive weight didn’t help any.

Men of the time were also repelled by her because she was beyond lazy. She cared not for housework, cleaning up after herself, and was extremely piggish in her way of life. Her father tried to make something of her by setting Moothy up with housekeeping jobs in the wealthier homes. Unfortunately she could not live up to even the most minimal expectations. Moothy-San’s father was deeply ashamed of her after putting his good name forth on her behalf. The family was forced to abandon Moothy-San due to her insane diet, selfish messy ways, and general incompetence in all areas of life! Her father took her out into the wild woods in utter shame, and disappointment with his daughter. He left her to fend for herself in the Aokigahara, a haunted mystical forest northwest of Mount Fuji.  A forest famous for ghosts, and all forms of paranormal life along with suicides, and undesirables being abandoned to relieve society of their burden. It was the frightening forest of many cruel fates!

Moothy-San was lost for days dying of hunger until she heard the eruption of Mount Fuji, and followed the thunderous sounds to the sight of lit lava.  She caught sight of a Wild Boar near a hot lava flow, and wrestled it to the ground under her titanically immense weight before literally eating the squealing beast alive. In the process of the Moothy-San’s feeding frenzy, her, and the horrified hog fell into the deadly lava! The two were forged together in the fires of hell on Earth forming an Obsidian monument to the madness of their meeting.

There they lie entangled for 100 years! During that time the Moothy-San dwelled as a ghost mindlessly chasing the spirit of the boar hog about the forest. Both trapped by the metaphysical magnetism of the Aokigahara forest. Moothy-San was also distraught over not being loved by her family. She couldn’t move on to the Heavenly Afterlife, and the boar was unable to dwell in Goddess Gaia’s Paradise Plane. Finally the duo cast in shiny stone was found by one of Japan’s first Sorcerer’s looking to test his powers on September 1st, 964. He sensed the life force in the obsidian sculpture of volcanic origin, and cast powerful magics upon it. He ended up creating the hideous Boarhog Moothy-San monster via a magical spell, and curse!

The Boarhog Moothy-San was startled by its reanimation, and its new mind of the melded Moothy-San woman, and the boar spirit. The Sorcerer laughed maniacally at its deformed creation before disappearing in a flash of teleportation light.  The 7 foot tall, 1 ton, behemoth couldn’t talk at first, and only grunted. Later it’s been said it learned to utter short phrases while on rampages to eat anything, and everything in sight! This includes innocent humans!  Thankfully this only occurs every 100 years.

The blasphemous beast hibernates so deep inside Mount Fuji that it’s very near hot lava flows.  For 100 years it sleeps in a nightmarish state with its deformed spirit haunting the Aokigahara forest. Then the hunger pains in the body awaken it.  The Moothy-San then storms down the mountain to the nearest village to pillage, and consume all food followed by any animals, and humans it can spot moving! Once it has its fill it returns to Mount Fuji to slumber in hell once again.

The last time it appeared was 1823 when the Boarhog attempted to attack Edo, later becoming Tokyo, Japan. The Japan Legendshoggish horror was repelled by several Samurai warriors, and mystical sages wielding sacred objects of unknown origin. The Moothy-San was set to appear again in 1923 but a devastating Earthquake possibly destroyed it via a cave in, trapped it in Mount Fuji, or did something to keep it dormant.  However paranormal investigators continued to detect the dark tormented spirit of the Moothy-San in the Aokigahara. During the 1923 Earthquake animals, and people in the forest were possessed by the bad Boarhogs spirit. The animals were labeled as rabid, and put down. Possessed humans were declared psychotic, and confined to mental health facilities as they were never the same ever again! This went on for 3 days! We seriously recommend steering clear of the Aokigahara between September 1-3, 2123. Assuming you live that long through life extension technologies, and it doesn’t gain access to its big pig body before then!

UPDATE! The Termination Of The Boarhogs Reign Of Terror!
On May 31, 2017 private paranormal investigators captured, and contained the Boarhog Moothy-San!  They now have possession of her bloated body for supernatural study!  A joint expedition of Japanese, Indian, and British paranormal agents hiked deep into suspect caves near Mount Fuji, and yielded an amazing discovery. After a tip from local psychics the team unearthed the Moothy-San trapped within a collapsed cavern. The great beast suddenly awoke as the team’s lights flashed upon its alabaster piggish form. A spine tingling squealing scream shot at them, and the mad monster charged forth with angry hunger in its evil eyes!  The supernatural investigators shot back with high powered stun guns, and cattle prods. The blasphemous beast was put down with only one injury to a team member. The beasts gargantuan whale rear beared down on a man causing broken bones, and major bruising. The alarming abomination was dragged into a cage, and lifted from the Aokigahara Forest by helicopter. The despicable denizen of darkness now lies in a private secret underground research lab in Tokyo! Thank the Lord this long curse ridden nightmare is over! Read The Complete Story On Our Paranormal News Blog…