Facebook Posts By Xavier Remington Made About Mystic Investigations Christmas 2013 Trip To Santa Claus’s North Pole Village
December 29th, 2013
I’m lost in the childhood like wonderment of the most mystical place on Earth North Pole Village. You so easily forget about the outside world the longer you’re here. The state of euphoria builds with each passing day making it more difficult to leave. I’ve drank about 5 gallons of egg nog, and another 7 of Mrs.Claus’s custard nog, and never felt healthier! Probably why we’ll be staying here for New Years the second year in a row. We used to throw a big New Years Eve party at Remington Manor every year. Are we being selfish to all the people who got free booze, food, and fireworks? We only come here once a year after all. It’s our reward for fighting evil 24-7 all year long.
It’s even harder for Drake Alexander, and the other vampire members of our team to leave due to having their demonic DNA transformed to near angelic under the holy light of the Christmas star with a magical spell assist to prevent them burning into ash. Once they leave they’re back to blood lusting vampires again. And no they can’t stay because the spell degrades over time as it’s fighting the very holy light shining directly from Heaven.
Also something bad happened on Christmas but it’s resolved now. However Santa has invoked the complete Supernatural Secrecy Pact on us for at least a few more days until the Spirit Of Christmas spell has completed it’s task to nullify the evils built up through the year. Revealing the full scope of the trouble might compromise the integrity of Christmas. However I couldn’t help but at least mention a little something. I’ll tell you about it next week. Let’s just say that Christmas nearly didn’t happen thanks to some unsavory figures.
December 31st, 2013
Happy New Year 2014! The Star Of Bethlehem just reached it’s zenith here at the North Pole minutes ago to herald in the New Year. We’re at giant banquet hall where Santa Claus is throwing a huge New Years Party since his manor is too small to fit every visitor, and Elf in attendance. There was a just a ceremony presided over by Father Christmas Santa in which the Father Time 2013 passed his powers on to the 2013 Baby New Year, now an old man, who has not become Father Time 2014. The 2013 Father Time just ascended back to Heaven, and the new Father Time left to receive the holy birth of the Baby New Year 2014. We expect him back soon with the baby. The Father Time/Baby New Year cycle is a way for Angels to experience a complete life on Earth within one year. Father Time is the angelic ruler of Earth on any given year who keeps an exact paranormal record of history along with fixing any temporal anomalies, or tampering with time.
Debbie Powers, the only member of our entourage not to know about the world of the supernatural, still thinks North Pole Village is some amusement park in Northern Canada. Debbie has no clue we’re minutes away from the exact Geographic North Pole at a cloaked paranormal location. She really thinks everything here has a logical explanation so Santa won’t have to wipe her memory when we leave. Some people are so frightened of the reality put right in front of them that their sub-conscious tricks their conscious mind into having a plausible explanation for everything. The Elves are apparently midgets, the wandering polar bears are just well trained, it’s just lucky nobody gets sick after eating nothing but candy all day long, and anything blatantly magical is just holographic projections.
Damn I’m full from raiding Mrs.Claus’s kitchen! She said I could call her Holly but I keep saying Mrs.Claus for some reason. Anyway I got a surprise when I opened the freezer door, and found an Elf sitting in there eating from a wooden bucket of homemade peppermint ice cream with large wooden spoon. He looked shocked but I was more shocked as we stood there silently staring at each other. I mean who sits in a pitch dark freezer that’s got to be zero degrees Fahrenheit while pigging out on ice cream? What a little weirdo! He sort of looked like Mini Me from the Austin Powers movies as he hopped to the floor screaming “eeeeeeeeeeeeee!” while fleeing the scene. That made me start laughing hysterically!
January 1st, 2014
I don’t feel like going to sleep yet even though it’s almost 10 AM here. The village is deserted because everyone was up so late for New Years. I took a walk downtown as it lightly snowed. I had to look twice down an alley because I could have sworn I saw that Elf from Mrs.Claus’s freezer scurrying away with peppermint ice cream on his face. I looked in the window of the ice cream shop, and saw little pink peppermint footprints on the floor. Clearly we have a little ice cream bandit on our hands.
On the way back to Claus Manor I stopped at the Enchanted Reindeer stables where the amazing 9 Reindeer live. They look like normal reindeer except their eyes sparkle sometimes, and they’re actually sentient beings with souls who can talk. Yeah it’s damn amazing! And of course Rudolph has a red nose that glows sometimes. It’s all beyond surreal. So Rudolph was quite chatty. Seems to be knowledgeable on just about every subject imaginable. Every so often he was taking a drink for his trough. I thought it was water but it was clearly eggnog with sparkles in it. He offered me some, and I said what the hell! I got on all fours, and lapped it up. Yeah don’t worry nobody gets sick here so it’s not sick to drink from an animal trough. Those sparkles really gave it a unique taste. Rudolph said they were magical nutrients. I soon realized how magical when I started floating to ceiling. Now I’m Xavier The Flying Human! All the Reindeer started laughing as that ice cream bandit Elf ran through below me screaming,”eeeeeeeeeeeeecccce cream!” Two other Elves ran after him. I’m typing this from my smart phone floating in the stables here as I wait for this sparkly stuff to wear off!
January 2nd, 2014
Nobody wants to leave the North Pole Village but we need to get back to helping those in danger from the supernatural forces of evil. We’ve had two paranormal independent contractors who travel around the country for us now in Woodland Springs handling any pressing issues. However they are growing restless, and wish to return to the road again. Also Drake, and his vampire family are starting to come under the effects of the Star Of Bethlehem. Santa’s protection spell against the holy light of Heaven can only last so long. There are mere days left since Drake has now started to have a sun tan which isn’t normal for a vampire. It’s only a hop, skip, and a jump to burning into ashes! We’re going to leave Sunday after Saint Nicholas’s church service. Then return to our offices Monday morning.
January 5th, 2014
It’s nearly 3 AM as I’m typing this on our private jet while we prepare for take off from Santa’s North Pole Village. We finished attending a special Midnight Mass service presided over by Father Christmas at St.Nickolaus’s Holy Church Of The Northern Light a few hours ago. It was a special farewell ceremony for all the Christmas guests. There was a party afterward as I scarfed down every last sweet treat, and eggnog related beverage I could before returning to the mortal world where excessive eating of unhealthy stuff makes you sick. Back to work Monday morning! Although we’ll be getting into the office closer to Noon since it’s a 7 hour flight. We’ll be sleeping most of the flight.
That crazy little peppermint ice cream Elf bandit was finally caught. He had to sit in the corner of the ice cream shop wearing a big pointy dunce cap. From what I heard he’s always had a problem with ice cream, and he’s a reluctant member of Elf Creamaholics Anonymous (ECA). I went in there one last time to order a giant ice cream sundae with 7 scoops of different ice creams, topped with egg nog, and chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and magical Christmas sparkles. The little gluttonous bastard scowled at me the entire time as I ate my delicious treat. As I bit into the peppermint scoop he started to edge off his stool but another Elf, his ice cream sponsor, came out of nowhere saying,”Don’t even think about it! What would Santa think Gerbert?” Yeah that’s when I found out his name was Gerbert. As I walked out I said,”So long Gerbie!” He then snapped back in his munchkin voice,”It’s Gerbert dammit!” Everyone in the shop was gasping as his sponsor appeared again with a scowl on his face. He then yelled,”Gerbert we’re going to see Santa Claus now!” I know it’s not nice but I had to run out quick because I started laughing!