Rebecca’s Retirement Robbery

Woodland Springs Retirement HomeI’m Rebecca Abernathy, Vice-President, and Chief Practitioner Of Magic of Mystic Investigations.  Not only am I a white witch but I’m also half-Mermaid.  As the galactic alignment of the 2012 Winter Solstice approaches supernatural beings, such as myself, are feeling the surge of power with us.  Our very DNA is being paranormally juiced up, and some of us hope the change is permanent although it’s not likely.  I’ve always been above average in strength due to my Mermaid half but the other day I displayed the most awesome non-magical strength of my life, and there was no witchcraft needed to take down a duo of petty punks.

Me, and my associate Elizabeth Weatherly were visiting the nursing home on a free routine sweep for paranormal activity. It’s just one of the many pro-bono services we provide at Mystic Investigations in an effort to protect the community for the greater good of all humankind.  Retirement homes have so much death, and despair within their melancholy walls that it’s inevitable ghosts, or even poltergeists, would manifest. We were passing out flowers, denture and diabetic safe candy along with business cards when we spotted these huge heavy set creeps lurking from room to room dressed in white as orderly’s. However a nearby nurse said she never saw them before. Elizabeth went to alert security while I confronted them because I suddenly heard an old woman crying for help. The two suspicious characters were in her room trying to steal her grandmother’s rosary. I then yelled,”Listen up scum! You have only one option to leave here alive. Drop the rosary, the rest of your loot, and hit the road you bastards or else!” They both looked at me, and laughed since they saw a slender 5’8″ woman as no threat.

One of them grabbed me suddenly, and said,”Hey little lady lets you and me go into the bathroom together!” I then replied,”Hey you pile of slime lets send you through the window!” I then punched him the stomach causing him to double over groaning in pain.  His buddy was actually laughing at him as I kicked him and he flew several feet crashing through the window to my surprise.  I had planned to employ a telekinetic spell to launch him out the window but there was no need.  I felt so strong that I totally forgot about using my magnificent power of witchcraft which I usually wield in such situations.  The other tall thug stopped struggling with the old woman, and threw a fast punch at me. He clocked me right in the jaw but it didn’t feel that bad as he held his hand in pain with a look of agony on his ugly mug.  I chuckled, and said,”You call that a punch punk?”  I then proceeded to violently bounce him all over the room breaking plaster on the ceiling, and walls. I eventually tossed him out the broken window as the old woman cheered me on declaring this was the most exciting thing that happened to her in 30 years. Elizabeth, and several orderly’s along with a security guard were at the door to the room watching with shocked looks on their faces. Then I causally announced,”I’m on a new vitamin regime.” I hopped out the window as the first guy I took down began to get up from the green grass cluttered with colorful autumn leaves. I then beat the ever loving hell out of him for about a minute before throwing him up into a tree where he rested on a big barren branch until police showed up taking the criminal creeps into custody.

The Woodland Springs police tried to arrest me as well for assault, and criminal damage to property despite the fact I saved the day. Thankfully my friend Comanche County Sheriff Blake Maverick showed up, and told them where to shove it. Blake is a friend to Mystic Investigations, and knows all about the world of the supernatural unlike the unbelievers in the police department who call us wackos, and explain anything out of the ordinary as teenagers hopped up on PCP.  So I ended up writing the retirement community a check for $10,000 in damages.  Just another business expense to write off.  The nursing home staff were so amazed by what they witnessed, and are appreciative of Mystic Investigations visits of charity that they said any of us could come back again.  Especially since the old folks know that something exciting usually happens when we’re around.  I’m happy to liven up their gloomy lives any way I can.  There didn’t seem to be any paranormal activity at the retirement community that fateful day so we went back to the office. Yes indeed it was a good day.


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