For the past 23 years Elmer, and Gertrude Carpmeister, a 70 something couple, have been the inexplicable victims of a systematic reign of random harassment, and terror! A terrifying tale somewhat similar to the story presented on the 30th television episode of season 6’s Unsolved Mysteries. Despite the involvement of several law enforcement agencies, there have been no reliable leads. The unpredictable nature of the events taking place over long periods of time made it impracticable for police to stake out the elderly couple’s residence. The horrifying harassment began in 1991, and has consisted of quick physical attacks resulting in hospital stays, temporary kidnappings, ransacking, and vandalizing of their property, loud pounding noises on their house in the dead of night, disturbing phone calls, threatening letters, and other insane events perpetrated by one or more deranged individuals with nothing better to do! Elmer and Gertrude were known to be gentle souls in their neighborhood, and nothing but kind words have been spoken about them when family, friends, former co-workers, and churchgoers have been interviewed in the course of this dead-end investigation. There was no clear motive, and not one suspect! At one point authorities accused Elmer, and Gertrude of doing this to themselves in order to garner attention but public outrage quickly dropped that theory.
Whoever is behind this is beyond clever, and motivated over the course of the decades despite also being a complete loser! Interestingly enough this person(s) has eluded authorities and family members staking out the couples house on multiple occasions. They brazenly pulled off their harassment with people watching! One of the times actually happened in broad daylight without a trace of anyone in sight! There will be a period where these events occur numerously during a week, and then stop for months. After two incidents the local Sheriff staked out the house giving Elmer a walkie-talkie. At about 10 PM loud thuds were heard inside the house followed by a rock shattering a window. The Sheriff and his Deputy spotted nothing even as they ran up to the house at top speed. The rock had a note tied to it written in crayon saying, “Nice try pigs!” Something similar happened when family and even some neighbors hid about the property after a series of disturbing events. More wall shaking pounding on the house, windows broken, and even the power line being cut were some of the many forms of harassment witnessed by the Carpmeister‘s. Both times there was a taunting note letting everyone know he wasn’t falling for their trap, and they were too dumb to ever even spot him. What’s even crazier is that security lights and cameras were all over the property the last time this happened in 2008. Yet not one image was captured!
The couple would change their phone number, and every time the progenitor of these heinous acts would call the very next day despite the number being unlisted. Elmer and Gertrude finally had enough, and reluctantly moved from their beloved home they had lived in since they first married in the mid-1960’s. However the first night in their new home several counties away the hell was even worse with another childish note stating, “You’ll never escape me you rotten pukes! HA HA!” More recent notes have LOL! instead of the HA HA! The couple ended up moving three other times in a gradual stealthy manner with the home under another persons name but the harassment would begin the night they moved in for the first time, and it clearly angered the nut case. The couple was violently shaken awake by a shadowy figure kicking the foot of their bed screaming horrid expletives. Before Elmer could reach for his gun in the nightstand drawer the menacing man sprayed both of them with bear mace and then hit them with a taser. When they awoke the wall was painted in what appeared to be blood saying, “Don’t run from me! You’re mine for life! LOL!” In addition, the couple had gotten a total of three ferocious watchdogs over the years but each time the dog disappeared with barely a yelp being heard!
Now the weary, and stressed out Elmer, and Gertrude have moved again. This time to our town Woodland Springs, Colorado spending a good chunk of their retirement so a security corporation would, in essence, perform something like a witness relocation for them. We can’t give out their new identities but they were flown out in the dead of the night on a private jet to their new home here. The security firm even agreed to stake out the house for one week which is very expensive as they usually only provide services to millionaires and top-flight politicians. Would you believe on the first night in their home on the edge of the Enchanted Woodland their small cottage was shaken so violently that they thought it was an earthquake. The entire security staff of four men were either hit on the head knocked out cold or tased unconscious. This was finally the first indication that it had to be more than one person, or something supernatural. Also, the first time that someone staking out the place was attacked. Only Elmer and Gertrude were the victims until now. It happened again the next night when twelve men were employed with the task of stopping the filthy fiend(s). However nothing happened the rest of the week, and the security staff left once they were no longer paid by the now nearly broke Carpmeister’s!
The Woodland Springs Police was unwilling to dedicate man hours to stake out the property but they have been doing drive-bys. Sheriff Blake Maverick did watch the property for a couple of nights but nothing happened until a few nights ago when there was more wall pounding, rocks thrown through windows, and spray paint on the side of the cottage saying, “Just accept this is your life! Your personal Hell I dictate! If you don’t like it then off yourself slime balls. HA HA LOL!” The Sheriff saw nothing, and the surveillance cameras capturing nothing! Although upon returning to his patrol car the windshield was smashed, and the Sheriff sign on the side of his door was crossed out, and replaced with “Go home pig!” in red spray paint. Realizing the sheer insane history of this case Sheriff Maverick decided to contact us thinking this might possibly be paranormal in nature. Even if it wasn’t he couldn’t imagine Mystic Investigations not being able to finally take down this son of a bitch, and his possible cohorts! We’ve been up against vampires, werewolves, zombies, and all manner of monsters so how could we possibly fail on a harassment case?
Our entire team couldn’t believe this utter BS was going on for over two decades with law enforcement helpless to do anything. We interviewed Elmer, and Gertrude, in the presence of our Psychic Julia Hathaway, trying to ascertain a motive for this insanity but there just wasn’t anyone they knew who would hold such a grudge against this God-fearing couple who regularly donated their time, and limited retirement funds to charity. Gertrude was in tears as Elmer held her, and she contemplated suicide. In fact, Julia read their minds and could see they were planning a suicide pact! She got the first clue in this case when she saw a brief blurred vision of the nefarious shadowy figure. She sensed he knew the couple when he was very young so whatever his beef it’s seriously ancient, and he’s seriously ridiculously deranged! The Mystic Investigations team has staked out the house for the past few nights, and last night we finally saw action!
Our Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy along with our Telekinetic Psychic Julia Hathaway was in the house with Elmer and Gertrude. Rob Edmunds (Ghost Buster), and I (President Xavier Remington) were monitoring surveillance cameras in the Mystic Van hidden in the woods at the edge of the backyard. Bionic boy wonder Zack Powers was sitting on a branch high up in a tall oak tree in the front yard while 700 something vampire Drake Alexander was on the roof of the two-story house next door. Although some distance away, he could see everything razor sharp in the dark with his super sight. Drake could also leap, and run over here in mere seconds! On the opposite side of the house disguised as a bush is our Ex-Navy seal Hunter Jackson. Our Cryptozoologist and Demi-Zombie Ashley Abercrombie actually buried herself in the ground on the edge of the front yard amid an artificial fog bank we created. We all made sure we stealthy sneaked into our positions so anyone observing wouldn’t notice.
At about 11 PM as Elmer, and Gertrude prepared for bed the electricity wigged out, and loud bangs could be heard rattling throughout the house along with the sounds of shattering glass. There was also an uncharacteristic gleeful scream amid maniacal laughter that quickly exclaimed, “Screw all of you losers! You will pay dearly for not minding your own business!” It echoed everywhere as if coming from multiple loudspeakers around the yard. Generally, his outside attacks were free of any voice. Inside the elderly couple quaked in fear as Rebecca spilled her Seaweed Tea all over her new cashmere sweater. Julia was so jolted that she inadvertently set off her telekinetic abilities, and launched a vase shattering it against the wall. Rebecca ran out the back door, and Julia out the front while the rest of us converged at lightning speed! The first one to appear was Ashley who clawed out of the ground the minute the first sounds were heard. However, Drake was in the side yard two seconds later as Zack Powers hit the ground from the tree above in the front yard running to the opposite side yard where Hunter was standing. All of us were running around the house like chickens with our heads cut off, and we saw not a soul as nothing but the crickets could be heard.
Rebecca picked up a rock that went through one of the windows with a note attached to it. It read, “There is nothing you can do! Not even your fancy Mystic Investigations can save you from my fun times! LOL! You will never be rid of me you miserable bastards! I will plague you till the day you die for your atrocities against me!” The side of the house Hunter was watching had red spray paint stating, “F’ You All To Hell!” It all happened in the blink of an eye, and we saw nothing! Rebecca was extremely pissed off, and angrily yelled, “Are you freaking kidding me! A ruined sweater, and nothing to show for it!” We scoured the yard for clues, and there was absolutely nothing but the useless evidence he chose to leave behind. Not even the super vampire olfactories of Drake Alexander could pick up the attackers scent. The cameras showed nothing but what appeared to be a stone launching from the shadows, the window breaking, house shaking, and spray paint appearing all on its own. Rob Edmunds detected no ghost, poltergeist, or demonic activity. Rebecca felt no magical activity in the form of a witch or some other practitioner of the metaphysical arts. Julia confirmed she felt no paranormal presence so this was beyond puzzling how one of the top supernatural teams on Earth could be duped by a human and his possible gang of punks.
On the spur of the moment I said,”Screw it! Pack your bags, and fire up the jet! We’re going somewhere so beyond supernatural that nobody could ever get to Elmer, and Gertrude!” Drake asked, “Where’s that?” I then replied, “The McTavish International Academy Of Magical Sciences!” Zack then glumly replied, “Aww I thought for sure you were going to say Santa Claus’s North Pole City.” Rebecca then said, “I better call Ian. He doesn’t like unexpected visitors even if I am his favorite former student.” Interestingly enough she adjusted her hair as she said that. The Headmaster Ian McTavish, known to be one of the most powerful Sorcerer’s on Earth, stated he was looking forward to our visit, or more precisely to Rebecca’s. It’s not like he hides his attraction to her, and he seems to forget I’m her boyfriend. Although admittedly he is one of the most magnificent bastards I’ve ever met. Sometimes I can’t believe how even Drake pales in comparison to him. Ah sorry, Drake!
The old couple seemed excited to get a free vacation to the serene picturesque Highlands of Scotland where the magic school is mystically cloaked on the shores of Loch Ness. Unfortunately, we would have to reveal the world of the supernatural to Elmer, and Gertrude. We only hope they can handle it when the time comes. As I write this we are landing in Scotland. It will be interesting to see if this all-knowing super strong, speedy, and stealthy stalking adversary can find us in an invisible magically cloaked supernatural school full of magic-wielding professors, and students that we randomly flew to without filing a flight plan.
Continued In Part 2: The Scare & Scurry Scottish Sanctuary