What Is The Zombie Flu?

The Zombie Influenza is a new supernatural sickness that came into existence in early 2020. It is the product of top secret efforts to cure the infamous Zombie Virus that causes people to become members of the Walking Dead! The Zombie Flu’s origins began at the California based ZombieCorp, Inc. The worlds most premier paranormal corporation dedicated to the containment and eradication of Zombies. Their global campaign against the living dead included essential medical research. Research that resulted in limited success in the treatment of those stricken with the early stages of some Zombie Virus strains. One recent treatment involved marrying various Influenza strains with the Zombie Virus along with other unique factors. The hope was to give someone the Flu and then have the individual develop some level of immunity to becoming a Zombie should they be exposed to contaminants in a future Zombie Apocalypse. 🧟‍♂️

A Treatment For The Zombie Virus Thwarted By The Plague Doctor!

The treatment showed promise but was not ready for secret release into the general populace as rigorous testing and refinement were needed. Obviously all threat of actually causing a Zombie Pandemic had to be eliminated. Unfortunately, vials of the experimental virus were stolen by a Plague Doctor operative implanted at ZombieCorp. The Doctor Of Death is notorious for his paranormal pandemic dreams. He, his second in command Typhoid Mary, and his cultist cohorts tinkered with it. They then grafted it onto the Coronavirus (COVID-19) the Plague Doctor had stolen from a bio-warfare lab in Wuhan, China. He then released his COVID-19 Zombie Variant creation there with the Zombie Flu as a diabolical intertwined paranormal parasite virus with the Coronavirus acting as the cloaking carrier. Fortunately, his efforts flopped as only a small percentage of the populace has shown symptoms of the Zombie Flu. There’s also the failure of the relatively lackluster Coronavirus when compared to horrifying diseases like Ebola or Hantavirus. This pandemic was also quelled by serious sanitation, masks, Stay At Home Orders and Social Distancing. 🤒  😷

Free Range Zombie Flu And Coronavirus

That being said, those with this supernatural Flu now have the ability to spread it free of the Coronavirus carrier. This means it has the potential to mutate and flare up in the future! It’s possible we might have Zombie Flu Seasons in coming decades. The silver lining is that the Coronavirus has been breaking free of the Zombie Flu thus spreading on its own as well. Naturally all this will be covered up and explained away by the US Paranormal Defense Agency and their counterparts in other governments. As always they look to prevent public panic that would take place if the world of the supernatural was revealed to the general populace. They also want to keep paranormal beings in the dark so there isn’t a chance sympathetic humans could aid in them being empowered to seize power! 🧟🦠

Zombie Flu Symptoms

The good news is that you you can’t get both the Coronavirus and the Zombie Flu. One will stay dormant while the other become symptomatic in a victim. The main transmission method is airborne droplets from coughing and sneezing. The Plague Doctors intent was to make the Zombie Virus have better contagious properties rather than requiring a bite from an actual member of the Walking Dead. Symptoms of the Zombie Influenza are a mix of the Coronavirus and common Flu with a few unique elements. These can include fevers, coughing, runny nose, body aches, fatigue and sudden death in senior citizens and those with ongoing medical conditions. Additional symptoms include a brain fog that makes one deeply zone out if not interacting with other people. As the Zombie Flu progresses it gets more difficult to snap them out of it. It’s almost as if they’re in a hypnotic trance. 🤮🦠

Humans With A Zombie Like Mind

Within their mindless state they begin to seriously crave meat. Their brain fog blankets an instinctual primal hunt for consumable animal flesh. They seek it out without regard for their own safety while in the single minded state. For instance they might stagger into busy traffic to get to a restaurant as they smell the beef cooking! Once inside they won’t order but rather make their way behind the counter and take what they want. The victim then ravenously devours the meat. Hopefully, at any point during this process someone is able to distract them with loud noises or physically shake them out of it. Generally, they don’t get violent as their humanity is still intact. That is unless they already have natural violent tendencies and anger issues. Eventually the infected will want only raw meat which can pose health dangers of its own. Thankfully, this carnivorous behavior doesn’t advance to zombie cannibal level or need to eat live animals! The brain fog can also cause one to lose control while driving or operating hazardous mechanical equipment.🧟

The ZombieCorp Is Trying To Rectify This Pandemic

Death rates from the Zombie Influenza are moderate and recovery is possible in the same way one can recover from regular influenza. Plenty of bed rest and nutritional immune support can do wonders! Colloidal Silver has also shown promising results.There are even paranormal pharmaceuticals and supernatural vaccines in the works according to ZombieCorp spokespersons. These vaccines will be difficult to distribute to the general populace by usual medical channels due to their paranormal nature. There is remorse from key officials down at the ZombieCorp. This includes President & CEO Lee Sampson who feels personally responsible for this and wants to make amends. He felt he let people down by not having enough security to stop Plague Doctor spies from infiltrating his facility! Everyone in the paranormal community is with them and knows it was 100% the Plague Doctors fault! Mystic Investigations fully supports ZombieCorp and all front line paranormal pandemic workers! 😷💉

The Creation Of Real Zombies!

The real bad news about the Zombie Flu Virus occurs if the infected happen to die of it. It is only then that they will resurrect as a full fledged Zombie! As previously mentioned this virus is acquired by an extremely small percentage of the populace. There is no reason to panic as it hasn’t even been enough to raise The Zombie Apocalypse Status past Condition Green. Most exposed will get the Coronavirus or nothing at all. The Zombie Flu appears to affect those with weakened immune systems and others with as of yet undefined targeted genetic factors. The good news is that the Walking Dead Flu rejects children even when their immune systems are compromised by other illnesses! If you suspect someone has the Zombie Flu then contact your nearest supernatural investigations or crime fighting organization, metaphysical medical master, practitioner of magic, or as a last resort, the US Paranormal Defense Agency. US PDA has a history of making people disappear! 🧟‍♀️

Mystic Investigations Raided Pandemic Profiteers Homes!

As the Coronavirus Pandemic rages on a new breed of titanic turd has emerged! Those who travel to several stores in trucks and buy up hand sanitizer, toilet paper, surgical masks, and all manner of non-perishable goods amid the insane panic shopping taking place. Some selfishly keep it for themselves under some misguided belief that that apocalypse is at hand. For reasons not fully understood toilet paper is the big thing to buy up. Plausibly they have a rare form of Corona Diarrhea. Others look to sell their bounty of products at over-inflated prices to take advantage of people. In the mix, these bastards are screwing over the low income, elderly, and those on the front line fighting this perplexing pandemic! A pandemic we know that was perpetrated by The Plague Doctor! His chaotic cult stole a vexing virus from a Chinese bio-warfare lab and then altered it with unique paranormal properties. This included precursors to the zombie virus that can cause Zombie Flu and in rare cases the actual full blown Zombie Virus itself. These facts have been kept from the general public by the US Paranormal Defense Agency and the equivalent organizations of other nations!

Sweet Pandemic Justice!

We here at Mystic Investigations are disgusted by these sons of bitches bull crap! Especially when we can’t buy what we need at local stores due to the shelves being empty as if this is the Soviet Union! Thankfully, our paranormal investigations organization is made up of immortal supernatural beings who may operate above the law for the sake of justice! Last night we raided the biggest bastards in our tri-county area and took most of their selfish stockpiles while leaving some with a reasonable amount. We then distributed them to local charities, nursing homes, community centers, medical centers, and those we know who are in real need of various items. Just like Santa Claus delivering his Christmas gifts we completed our mission as the sun rose. Below are a few tales of the profiteers and hoarders who didn’t take kindly to us entering their heinous homes and taking their ill-gotten gains! Read About Our Vampire And Demi-Mermaid Witch Kicking In the Doors Of Heinous Hoarders & Pandemic Profiteers…