About Mystic Investigations

To be blunt our last WordPress theme was a blue blazing bastard! Every time we tried to add some new element it had a sissy fit. In fact it seems any other theme other than the standards produced by WordPress themselves always have issues, and aren’t compatible with all WordPress additions. So we spent a whole day jacking around, and getting things in order! Screw these sons of bitches, and their lame attempts at creating independent WordPress themes! LOL! Our advice to anyone creating a WordPress blog is to just stay with the default themes in the Twenty series whether they be Ten, Eleven, or Twelve.

Where are you moving? Woodland Springs, Colorado? A house was just sold a few down from Remington Manor here on Enchantment Lane. The house next to our neighbor Tiffany Sanders. She’s the best neighbor ever. Always inviting Rebecca, and I over for afternoon tea, and scones along with her dinner parties. Years ago before we even started our website she had a Halloween murder mystery dinner party that took place a week before Halloween. Unfortunately it turned out that some sick serial killing cannibal who escaped from a mental asylum sneaked in, and was in disguise since it was a costume party. His name was Bernard Annabel, and he was killing people for real. Everyone was standing around with glee laughing over the first victims body since they thought it was a fake but then Rebecca said,”Hey wait a minute I smell real blood!” Rebecca bent down, and said,”This bastards dead!” I confirmed it as Tiffany screamed,”Oh crap!” Everyone started screaming especially as I turned the body over, and saw the mans heart had been removed. Then some guy said,”Sweet Mother of God what the hell is this chunk of flesh over here.” I took out my trusty magnifying glass, and saw it was a half eaten heart with human teeth marks in it. Everyone started going even more crazy running for the exists. Until a the masked Bernard grabbed Tiffany from behind, and had a knife to her throat as he yelled,”The bitch dies if anyone leaves!” Some guy whined,”Screw this man!” He opened a door, and booby trap sent a spear through him knocking him dead to the ground. Bernard then said,”Oh yes also I have all the exits rigged. This entire house is my kill room unless you all bow to me as your master, and beg for your miserable lives.” He then laughed maniacally, and said,”You! The red head! Close the door, and reset the trap now bitch!” Rebecca then said,”Listen you giant pile of pond scum…” He then interrupted, and screamed,”NO you listen whore! Do it now of Miss Sanders will be my Midnight snack!” Rebecca reset the booby trap, and I said,”Please let Tiffany go. You can lock us in a room, and get away.” He replied,”I’ve been locked away in a hell hole for over ten years! I’m finally having fun! No I think I’ll be staying!”

Rebecca started to dial Drake on her phone but he immediately demanded everyone’s cell phones. He also attacked some odd looking metal device he improvised. It looked like something out of the Saw movies. He sat Tiffany on a chair, and told us if she moved, or anyone attempted to harm him then she would be done for. He then hosted a most hellishly macabre evening complete with a dinner made out of the corpses. He then wanted us to play a little game he had just thought up. A game of riddles where those who lost would die. We couldn’t allow this to go on much longer. Unfortunately Rebecca didn’t have as much magical powers back then. She’s acquired a lot in a short period of time over these last few years. It seems some of the energy she absorbed from the Mystical Forest that time she flew into outer space to save me from the alien vessel stayed with her even after her subsequent death, and resurrection. Anyway she told Bernard she was impressed with his culinary skills, and wanted to bake a dessert with him. She was in fact mixing a potion using common kitchen ingredients which ended up including her own magical Mermaid-Witch blood. She then ran out of the kitchen, and dumped the bowl all over Tiffany while reciting an incantation. Bernard then said,”What the hell are you doing?” I then came from the side of him, and clocked him in the kisser. He was a tough bastard, and didn’t go down. He then snarled,”She’s dead!” He then pressed a switch on his hand that was connected to a cord up his sleeve. However nothing happened as Tiffany stood motionless not even blinking her eyes. Bernard then said,”That’s impossible!” Rebecca then replied,”Not when you’re a witch you wretched puke. Tiffany is frozen in her own bubble of time! You can’t harm her!” I then got him in a head lock while he was distracted as Rebecca cheered me on,”Yeah kick his sick ass Xavier” He had tremendous strength as most serial killers do, and he belted me in the ribs with his elbows, and tossed me into an end table. Rebecca then bellowed,”You knocked my boyfriend out you bastard!” She then kicked him in the face, and they fought. They ended up wrestling on the floor as he said,”Damn bitch you don’t look that big but you sure are strong!” He pulled out a knife with his lightening fast reflexes, and stabbed Rebecca in what he thought was a precision targeting of her kidney. Rebecca then reacted,”Damn that hurt but there’s really nothing much there. My Kidney is more centrally located. I’m half Mermaid you idiot!” She then started making high pitched clicking sounds that pierced his ears causing great pain. Rebecca head butted him, and then threw him off her.

Bernard then roared with homicidal anger. By then everyone had run upstairs, and was hiding in fear. I awoke, and tackled Bernie but he bit my ear off as Rebecca hopped atop the cannibal as well punching him repeatedly in the face as I punched him in the chest while bleeding all over the place. Rebecca was bleeding as well from her wound. Bernie then screamed like a baby,”Stop you silly little fools! I have another hostage!” We stopped, and I said,”The hell you do sicko!” He then told us he escaped with a friend, and if he didn’t call a number every thirty minutes with a password then a woman would be killed. Rebecca looked into his eyes, and utilized her empathic abilities to gleam that he was telling the truth. He began laughing maniacally as we got off him. He then said,”Clearly I’ve stumbled on to the world of the supernatural here. You’re really a Mermaid Witch? I have been growing tired of human prey. Perhaps it’s time to raise the stakes, and challenge myself. Say do vampires exist?” I said yes, and he asked where he could find one since he always fantasized about killing one, and eating it for dinner. I then gave him Drake’s address. I was gambling that a 742 year old vampire would be more than a match for a serial killer who just learned about the existence of vampires. Everyone was locked in the basement, and the three of us drove to Drake’s house.

We all came to the door, and had to pretend we were all attacked by some monster. While Drake was distracted by all the blood from our bleeding Bernard shoved a wooden stake through Drakes back right into his heart. Drake collapsed on the floor in pain as Rebecca called upon a Goddess I can’t recall, and tossed Bernard causing him to crash through the window with telekinetic powers. We went to Drakes aid, and pulled the stake from his back. Luckily it had only nicked his heart. We quickly told Drake what was happening as Bernard crashed back through the window roaring like a mad man with blood from his glass cuts flowing about. He then declared,”I just made the phone call! The hostage is about to be killed, and you’re all about to die as well!” He then opened fire with a flame thrower dousing up in flames. Bernard cackled with glee as he said,”Soups on sons of bitches!” Drake raced through the flames at super speed, and knocked the flame thrower out of his hands while gripping the serial killer by the neck, and lifting him into the air. He chocked as Drake said,”You don’t know what real terror is you silly little human!” As his eyes glowed red, and fangs extended he drew Bernie to him, and bit into his neck draining him of all his blood within seconds. Rebecca immediately called upon another Goddess to rain water upon us, and put out the flames. Drake then asked if we were okay, and raced away out the door.

As he took in the serial killers blood, and read his mind he knew where the hostage was. Drake arrived there in minutes to find some deranged nut, named Terry Andrews, with a knife taunting the woman as he told her his master had given him permission to finish her off. Drake crashed through the wall of an abandoned barn, and promptly dispatched the sorry ass individual. Rebecca, and I returned to Tiffany’s to free everyone from the booby trapped house. Bernard, and his accomplice Terry, were never seen again. Authorities think they’re still on the loose but really they’re no longer a danger to society. Yeah maybe on second thought you don’t want to move to Woodland Springs. LOL!