After PARA-CON was concluded everyone, but me and Rebecca, drove back to Woodland Springs, Colorado in the Mystic RV. Rebecca, and I stayed in Las Vegas for a week of rest and relaxation. We headed to the airport to take a flight to Denver and from there a helicopter would fly us to Woodland Springs. While waiting in line at the airport in Las Vegas we were nervous about the new aggressive TSA airport security and the horror stories of groping and fondling we heard about. Both of us planned to opt out of the Full Body Scanner due to the radiation which we know is far greater than the TSA is admitting. So we were prepared for the Nazi Police State style pat down.
We both opted out and an old pot bellied guy suddenly screamed,”OPT OUT!” causing everyone in the vicinity to stare at us. Rebecca went first and a creepy looking obese middle aged man wearing latex gloves was talking to her about what was needed to pass his security check point. She requested a female TSA agent but he said none were available and he began his pat down. Since he was so pathetic looking I didn’t object and we both just wanted to get the hell out of the prison like atmosphere which is why she allowed it. Unfortunately he began groping her breasts with a perverted smile on his face and then began reaching under her shirt as he said,”These teats don’t feel right.” Rebecca slapped him in the face and said,”Enough you pervert!” He then screamed,”AGENT ASSAULTED!” as I walked over and said,’What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Another TSA agent walked in between us holding me back as he angrily yelled,”Stay here sir!” Two other agents had restrained Rebecca along with the pervert who told her to spread her arms and legs against the wall as she was under arrest for assaulting a TSA agent.
The obese offender then laughed and said,”You will now submit to a full nude strip search!” It was behind a wall just out of view of everybody but I could still see from my vantage point. Another agent said, “Shouldn’t we take her in private and wait for a female?” The perv then said,”Hell no we’re doing this here! She’s a violent terror threat that needs to be dealt with!” Rebecca then yelled,”I want a female police officer now! You have no right to do this!” The mad man then screamed,”I HAVE POWER! I HAVE POWER! You will submit to my authority bitch!” They began forcing her clothes off her as she screamed for them to let her go. I was fully aware she could not use her witchcraft powers in public with cameras present otherwise she would have quickly took down those goons. I knew the horror stories of people sexually assaulted, and beaten down by the TSA and how it always gets covered up with claims of self-defense or even accidents. I had enough and said,”You sons of bitches messed with the wrong guy!” I pushed the TSA agent in front of me to the ground and began rushing toward Rebecca when another one shot me with a taser.
The jolt caused me to hit the ground in pain and I immediately pretended to be passed out. It took all my will power not to move or cry out in pain which is thanks to my Ninjitsu training. The two agents bent over me and then my eyes popped open as I pulled the taser spikes out of me and kicked them both in the faces from the ground on which they fell. I sprung up and then clocked them in the face again for good measure. I grabbed the other agents taser and walked toward Rebecca who was now only wearing her bra and panties. The pervert was tugging at the bra while one of the other guys was tugging at the panties. Both were laughing maniacally as the pot bellied pig man said,”Yeah baby lets see what you’re hiding under there. It could be an underwear bomb!” The third man seemed kind of shocked and just stood there until he saw me and pulled out his baton. I tased him and then hit the pantie tugger in the leg and punched him in the face knocking him out cold. The pervert who started this all then backed off with a look of fear as he screamed,”SECURITY HELP ME! AGENT IN DANGER!” I could see other TSA agents approaching in the distance with police. Rebecca then beat the hell out of the pervert as I grabbed her clothes. She even picked him up, and threw him into a large garbage can causing him to be bathed in refuse. Clearly she was using magically induced strength. We then ran to the nearest exit.
We ran behind some bushes outside the airport where Rebecca quickly got dressed. I could hear the police approaching with the sound of barking dogs. Just then Rebecca said,”Goddess Nuit I call unto thee. Let thy heavens rescue us from this unfortunate demise from the agents of evil we despise. Carry us up into your protective skies. Let us now be on the rise!” She then grabbed my hand and we shot up in the air so fast that we were among the clouds thousands of feet above within seconds. We were both screaming,”Ohhhhhhhhhh craaaaaap!” I thought we were going to launch into outer space but we soon leveled out and were flying through the clouds like Superman. After the fear subsided we both looked at each other and laughed as moisture collected on us from the white fluffy clouds we flowed gracefully through. We eventually started lowering as she said,”The spell is wearing off!” We didn’t seem to be slowing down as the ground grew ever closer and again we yelled,”Ohhhhhhhhh craaaaaaaaap!” again. Rebecca then screamed,”Mystic Sphere!” just as we were about to hit the ground. The pink bubble of mystical energy cradled us just inches above the ground catching us and dampening the force of the fall. The bubble then burst and we touched the ground.
Rebecca was a bit faint from using all that power as we sat on a rock to rest near a pond. We were in some woods and had no idea how far we traveled. I guessed we were somewhere in Utah. We made it to the nearest road and hitched a ride on a semi-truck. Eventually we ended up at a cheap motel and before we placed a call home to Mystic Investigations, my brother Michael Remington comes out of the bathroom. I then go,”Where the hell did you come from?” He then laughed and said,”I saw the future and there was a nationwide manhunt for you guys. Lets just say this all eventually led to the premature beginning of the apocalypse. I think this might be one of those rare occasions where I can effect change within my own timeline without being pushed into a parallel Universe. At least I hope so. Anyway my space-time targeting isn’t perfect, and I ended up in your bathtub.” I then said,”Thank God! What are you going to do Michael?” Michael replied,”I’m going to go back and remove the pervert who started this all.” Rebecca then chimed in and said,”Yeah take us with you! I want to kick his disgusting ass again!” Michael then replied,”Very well. Place your hands on my shoulder. I think I can get us to Las Vegas some days ago based on the Earths rotation.” We then all disappeared in a shimmering blaze of green light.
As the hotel room disappeared in the shower of green light it’s dissipation gave way to a bright colorful urban landscape forming around us. It was nighttime Las Vegas full of lights and we were standing in the middle of a street. A big Semi, with lights blasting, sped toward us as we all screamed,”Ohhhhhhh craaaaaap!” We all leaped out of the way and hit the sidewalk in the nick of time. Rebecca remembered the name on the perverts name tag said Herbert Robbins so we looked him up in the phone book and made our way to his apartment. We knocked on his door and the perv Herb answered. Rebecca then angrily exclaimed,”Hi you sick *BLEEP*!” and kicked him in the balls. He fell to the floor in agony writhing in pain. After some seconds he then said,”You fools are in deep crap! I’m with the TSA dammit! I have power! I’m a government agent!” I then interrupted,”Oh shut up already! We know you’re a sick pig given unconstitutional power and we’re not impressed pal!” Michael got on his computer while Rebecca searched his apartment. I looked around near him while keeping an eye on him. We were looking for something to incriminate him in some type of crime but the place was clean other than his collection of despicable, yet legal, porn and the rubber blow up doll in his closet.
We finally decided he had to disappear. Naturally we thought of the hidden mystical tribe of Amazonian women in the Amazon rain forest where we sent our neighbors abusive ex-husband to live for the rest of his life. Michael chartered a plane to South America using the gold he always carries with him. Within a day we were in the Amazon rain forest as Rebecca handed big time airport agent Robbins over to the tribe of warrior women. They were all exotically beautiful women over 6 feet tall who remained hidden from the world due to a powerful perpetual cloaking spell similar to the one used by Santa Claus to hide North Pole City. Herbert got very angry as the women dragged him away,”I’m a TSA agent dammit! The US government will come down on you bitches like a ton of bricks! I have power! I have power!” They all just laughed as some other men worked on a small chain gang nearby cutting wood. One of them was our neighbors ex-husband, Millionaire David Patrick, who the media reported as mysteriously missing since September. Now Herb Robbins would be joining the ranks of the male damned on Earth as they live out their own personal hell for their abuse against women.
Rebecca was invited to spend the night with the Amazons and returned to us at a jungle encampment some miles away by afternoon the next day. Michael confirmed that we were all still within our Universe of origin despite changing events, so we decided to wait for our time of present which would merge us with ourselves no matter where in the world we were as doubles of us could not exist without paradox. We spent the days exploring the Amazon and enjoying the beautiful splendor of Mother Nature. As the present approached Michael time traveled to his time of origin. We felt light headed and disoriented as the lush humid landscape spun around us and slowly disappeared.
Our vision was blurred as we looked out the window of the airplane taking off. Me and Rebecca looked at each other and realized we had dual memories for the past week. The one with the TSA terror, time travel, and Amazonians and the one where we relaxed in Las Vegas and got through airport security in one piece with at least a little dignity. Our pat downs were minimal, and the TSA was somewhat respectable. It seems one bad apple can easily destroy an entire barrel of humanity. Now we’re headed home to Woodland Springs to put this whole ordeal behind us. Hopefully humanity will rise up and revolt against the various tyrannical perverts who infest our government, and give it a bad name. We pray our Constitution wins in the end and liberty is restored to the American Republic form sea to shining sea! Buying a plane ticket shouldn’t mean buying a ticket to hell!
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