Our paranormal investigations team had Its annual Labor Day Picnic at Luminary Lake. All was well until a crazed-looking man in his early 20’s, named Chad Addams, ran up to our group of tables. I nearly choked on my hot dog as he yelled, “Are you the Mystic Investigations folks?” He claimed he had time traveled from the year 1970 via a one-way time machine he invented. Apparently, he was smart enough to check a phone book for paranormal investigators as anyone else would brand him a loon! Our phone message told him we were at the park by the lake celebrating Labor Day.
Chad had purposely set his time machine for 40 years into the future to see the wonders he had dreamed of. His device was off by 6 years but he was still deeply disappointed. The internet and little smart gadgets were somewhat “groovy”, as he put it, but in general, the future didn’t look very futuristic! He was especially puzzled by the clunky-looking cars and the amazing number of pick-up trucks. Especially with the depleted number of farms it made no sense. Maybe a lot of people are into construction work? He had expected to see sleek sports cars everywhere as most visions of the future have. Hell, we all did based on movies that took place in the future. We explained to him that the farm truck craze was an odd effect of low self-esteem in our society. Bigger vehicles make many feel tough in a time when they feel helpless in the face of our broken society.
Many people have a big ego and low self-esteem so they cling to anything that will prop up their social status in their delusional mind. We also explained this as the reason why everyone seemed to have nasty tattoos all over their body along with off-putting body piercings. The societal sickness would soon give way to bodily mutilations amid legalized drug use as we delve further into the Idiocracy! We also have an ever-growing number of emotionally stunted adults who have public temper tantrums. Often they are known as “Karens“. Enlightenment wasn’t happening. We were going backward!
Chad was also disappointed by the lack of progress after the Moon landings, and thought we would have Moon colonies by now. Also, the first person should have stepped foot on Mars by now. We pointed out that the space race eventually petered out, and NASA was seriously underfunded. Although most likely a new space race would flare up with China who has future plans to conquer the Moon! Also, various private enterprises were starting to see the profit in space so eventually things would heat up again.
Our Psychic Julia Hathaway confirmed he was a time traveler from the past. All courtesy of a crude device intended for his final college physics project. A device that didn’t travel with him, and propelled him forward into time. He had optimistically assumed mainstream time travel would exist by now so he could return to the past! We searched the internet for a scientist bearing his name but found none. We searched further though the wizardry of wi-fi to discover he had been reported missing in 1970, and later declared dead by his family in 1972. As an only child he was devastated to find out his parents had died in the early 2000’s! Clearly he had never returned home. We informed him that we could probably return him to 1970 with the help of our witch Rebecca Abernathy, and her coven. Of course he would end up in a near identical parallel Universe just as he had arrived from into ours. All time travel including everyone’s daily jaunt one minute at a time into the future moves us five dimensionally to near-identical realities. The Universe’s way to prevent perplexing paradoxes.
Unfortunately with Halloween just around the corner the coven couldn’t compromise their paranormal power reserves in the battle against evil. Time travel uses a mega load of metaphysical energy! The best we could do is January of 2017 but there was also the option of taking him to Santa Claus’s North Pole City. A place top flight supernatural warriors such as ourselves go to unwind each Christmas. Surely Santa, a Demi-Angel, could send him home. As long as Chad knew he could go home he was fine with exploring our time for a matter of months. He joined us on our Labor Day picnic, and noted how the food tasted different from his time. Especially the sweets. We mentioned the artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, GMO’s, and other additives poisoning our food supply.
He was shocked the average citizen didn’t seem to care just so as long as they could keep their weight down. Yet he couldn’t believe how many overweight people there were as well! He even noted that the air smelled different. I said it was probably the government’s top secret geoengineering chemtrail projects. He just shook his head in disbelief, and said,”Man Nixon would never pull this type crap!” We all laughed, and told him about Tricky Dick’s downfall. Not to mention Gerald Ford’s fall down various steps across our great nation!
I let him watch Back To The Future Part 2 On Netflix, and said I was disappointed as well in 2016! Chad was certainly impressed by the amazing special effects of movies. We were all having fun when two men wearing black suits approached us, and grabbed Chad as one forcibly stated,”He’s coming with us!” Our team immediately grabbed them, and I said,”I don’t think so pal!” They presented their ID’s as US Paranormal Defense Agents but Julia knew they were a fraud. We dragged them into the woods away from prying eyes, and Drake Alexander, our hypnotic vampire, finally convinced them to tell the truth! They admitted they were time cops from the 25th century, and had detected a temporal incursion.
They were well aware of my time traveling brother Michael Remington, currently lost in time, who they consider a temporal offender. I then said,”You know we’ve told you people before that time travel sends everyone to parallel Universes so this temporal enforcement crap is useless!” The agent replied,”Sir we have no scientific evidence of that! Until that day we must assume the timeline has been compromised, and act accordingly! We apologize for any inconvenience but this man must come with us!” I answered,”Well no matter what he’s not coming with you!” The agent demanded,”It’s imperative that he comes with us Sir! If not us then others will follow until the mission is complete! ”
They planned to take him to the 25th century since his knowledge of time travel in the past was unacceptable. Even erasing his memory wasn’t insurance enough since he could re-discover time travel. After discussing things further, along with Julia reading their minds, we believed that they would allow Chad to live a normal life in the future. Although initially under a period of probationary surveillance. Chad was intrigued, and wanted to see video of what the future was like. The agents reluctantly produced a small clear paper thin device that displayed video images of the 25th century. Certainly no archaic farm trucks there! Gleaming high tech cities with flying vehicles flowing into outer space at will! He decided he wanted to go after the agents said he could eventually be a time cop if he wanted. Chad knew he could then secretly visit his parents someday under the guise of a mission, and reassure them he was well.
The agents, and Chad stepped away from us. One agent hit a pad on his wrist, and they teleported in time within a dazzlingly display of glittering energy! We were about to walk back to our tables when Chad teleported back wearing a black suit. He smiled saying,”I can only stay for a minute! I’ve been in the 25th century for 15 years, and became a time cop! It’s beyond groovy! I’m going to see my parents now! Thanks for your help!” He then disappeared just as quickly as he appeared. While we walked away happy things had turned out for the best I asked Julia,”Is it just me or did those agents seem extremely polite to me in particular?” They almost treated me as if I was some authority figure they knew. Julia just smiled, and said,”Oh it’s hard to say what the future holds Xavier!”
