We got back from Ireland Sunday, where we were helping our little Leprechaun friend, Leachlainn, and now we have to hurriedly put together our annual Spring Saturnalia at the offices of Mystic Investigations hosted by none other than our resident witch Rebecca Abernathy. This is our celebration of the Spring Equinox. In fact, the minute we got home from Ireland yesterday she had to race off into the Enchanted Woodland to be in time for her Wicca covens Ostara ritual at 5:21 PM which is the exact start to Spring. She’s a card-carrying member of the Comanche Coven which is a group of witches from the Comanche County area who meet every so often.
This event is open to the public including all our clients although it is strictly a black tie affair so please dress accordingly. Those who received invitations have priority and once our building is at capacity we regret we must turn away people. It begins at 6:00 PM tonight so plan to get here early as the party tends to get crowded really fast. We will be serving an extensive variety of food and beverages that caters to everyone’s tastes. This includes a full bar serving any drink you’d like made. The entire team here at Mystic Investigations hopes to see you there!
UPDATE: Apparently a trio of fools saw all the fancy dressed people attending our soiree and decided it was a great place to rob. At about 7:14 PM three men dressed in black jumpsuits and ski masks entered our offices and opened fire in the air with machine guns damaging the ceiling. Everyone began to scream and hit the floor. A few tried to run but more gunfire along with the thugs screaming “get on the ground” ended that. Our resident vampire, Drake Alexander, happened to be in his office above and a few bullets hit him but bounced off. He crashed out his window on the second floor down to the front of the building to peer into the windows to see what was going on.
The thugs passed bags around and demanded everyone hand over their money, credit cards, jewelry, and anything else of value. Ex-Navy Seal Hunter Jackson inched away from the crowd toward a certain section of wall that opened up to a secret passage which leads to the Mystic Armory where a cache of various weapons is kept. Unfortunately, one of the filthy fiends spotted him and yelled for him to get back over to the crowd and stay on the ground. As he put the gun in Hunter’s face he grabbed it and punched the man in the groin. He acquired the weapon and was about to open fire when one of the other robbers took Elizabeth Weatherly hostage while the other one pointed a gun at receptionist Carrie Benjamin who trembled in terror. Hunter had no choice but to relinquish the weapon and once the thug had it he belted Hunter in the head with it knocking him out cold. Father Tom Davis walked over and pleaded with them to let the women go but they screamed at him to get down as they shot the Father in the leg. He fell to the ground in pain. I then came over and demanded they take their bags of stolen goods and leave as they were only making matters worse for themselves. One of them then screamed,”Die you son of a bitch!” and they open fire on me. Rebecca Abernathy was nearby and screamed,”MYSTIC SPHERE!” A clear pink bubble of energy formed around her but it just barely missed me but nearby Julia Hathaway was simultaneous waving her hand utilizing her telekinetic powers which caused the bullets to bend around me and hit the wall and the mystic sphere which it bounced off of. I dropped to the floor at the same time as well. At that same moment, Drake Alexander crashed through the window roaring like a lion with eyes glowing an angry red as he tackled one of the thugs. Zack Power raced at another and picked him up with his bionic arm while grabbing the gun away with the other. He then threw the man across the room while squeezing the gun into a mangled mass of metal. Drake then threw his adversary through the wall. Rebecca then screamed,”navitas flatus!” and a blue energy ball flew from her hands hitting the third thug just as he opened fire. The bullets were then stopped by Julia’s telekinetic skills.
I then got up and reassured the crowd that we had everything under control as the robbers were taken to a holding room. Although some in the room were aware of our supernatural powers most were members of the general public and a few recorded what happened on their cell phones. I was aware of the ramifications of the general public believing in the paranormal so I acted quickly to spin what had happened. I immediately told everyone that this had been an elaborate show for their entertainment. In addition, Zack Powers placed a special device in the exit to erase all saved film on phones in the room as people left the building. One video made it to Youtube but he hacked the account and deleted it instantly. Unfortunately, some people called the police and Sheriff department. Luckily our good friend Sheriff Blake Maverick was in attendance with his girlfriend Tiffany Sanders so he was able to dismiss his men and tell the annoying Police Chief Spencer Cantrell where to shove it. During the fight, the Sheriff had been enjoying the view from our roof with his girlfriend. He heard the commotion and by the time he got down to the ground floor we had ended the robbery.
Since we had just told everyone this was all fake we couldn’t hand over the robbers for prosecution. We did a background check with the help of the Sheriff and figured out they were the ones responsible for a string of robberies and murders across the country. We thought about turning them in to the FBI but there was a chance the government might believe what they’d say about us and then they’d find the witnesses who would then know the robbery wasn’t faked. We then considered taking them to the hidden tribe of Amazon women in South America where we had taken other evil men before to spend the rest of their days as slaves to the women. All of us agreed we couldn’t keep asking them to take our trash. Then it occurred to me that my time traveling brother Michael Remington could help us but I had no way to contact him although Julia sensed he was somewhere in 1600’s Europe.
Rebecca said that maybe she could help. She gathered the Comanche Coven to conjure up a powerful temporal spell. At midnight in the middle of the Mystical Forest, we all gathered with the thugs in shackles. Rebecca and the witches gathered around a circle of white crystals with a large leather bag in the center of the circle containing various magical herbs and other items. The robbers, me, Drake, and the Sheriff stood in the center of the circle as the witches recited various incantations from their large old looking books. Within minutes a yellow sphere of energy grew from the center of the circle and grew to the edge of the crystals. We then vanished and re-appeared in 1888 at 8:00 AM.
The sudden sunlight shocked us but we got used to the light. Drake was happy to bask in the warm glow of the sun free of any vampire ramifications. This was thanks to a magical Wicca amulet he wore around his neck. Although it’s protective effects only lasted for three hours and it robbed him of all his supernatural abilities during the time he wore it. In addition, it only works once, and then it’s useless. Apparently, one of the witches in the coven found it in their attic, and never had any use for it until now. The temporal jump made us dizzy so we all sat down for a while. Within minutes we trekked out of the forest with Drake as our guide. Since the trail we took here didn’t exist yet it’s easy to get lost forever in the Mystical Forest. Before traveling through time we dressed ourselves in the appropriate costumes for the era so we could blend in. Within an hour we walked to the newly built Woodland Springs Lunatic Asylum which is abandoned in our time. The Sheriff easily posed as a new Sheriff and we were able to get the three men committed especially after the tales of magical powers, time travel, and the future they told. One of the men, however, looked like he was in a shocked trance and never said a word. We knew leaving them here was the right move because according to the records we checked before we left 2011 it seems these men had been admitted to the asylum on this date so this was meant to be. The records indicated that all three men died in the asylum and were never able to harm another living soul ever again.
We had an hour to kill before the temporal spell wore off and thrust us back in time to 2011 so we went to Doc Emory’s Drugstore to partake of soda fountain treats and then to the Enchanted Saloon for some more drinks. We were walking back to the Mystical Forest when a guy on a horse rode past us and said “howdy”. We replied in kind and once he had passed I said,”Holy crap was that Mortimer Griggs?!” Drake confirmed it was indeed the founder and first Mayor Woodland Springs. Although Drake didn’t move to town until 1949 he had traveled to Woodland Springs numerous times in the past and met Mortimer once before he died. Sheriff Maverick, and I got a kick out of meeting the historical icon of our town and would remember it forever. We thought about telling him he would die next year at the hands of the Comanche Indians but he wouldn’t have believed us anyway.
Once within the forest we literally had minutes before the temporal spell and Drakes amulet wore off. Just then by coincidence, a large number of Comanche Indians sprung from the brush all around us with arrows pointed with serious intent. Drake spoke their native tongue and inquired what their issue was. Apparently, we were treading upon sacred burial grounds and now we must die to keep the sanctity of the land intact. Blake gripped his gun but there were to many of them. Drake had no powers and my ninja throwing stars wouldn’t do any good against such a large number. We could feel ourselves getting dizzy and knew the spell was wearing off. Drake began to smoke as the sun effected him and he made himself look menacing with eyes glowing and fangs extended as he roared. It was enough to distract them until we faded from their time in a ball of yellow energy. We reappeared at 3:16 AM on March 22, 2011 in the circle of crystals surrounded by the Comanche Coven. All of us went home and I fell fast asleep from my day of adventures.