The Kook And Zombie Attack!

Kook PatrolIt was about 2:15 PM Friday afternoon at Mystic Investigations headquarters as we went about our supernatural business. Everyone was looking forward to the fun filled weekend! Except those of us who choose to sacrifice our personal time to patrol the community, and rid it of any metaphysical menaces. Most of our executives were out on paranormal investigations including our most powerful team members that included a Demi-Mermaid Witch, a telekinetic psychic, a human form werewolf, and an Ex-Navy Seal. Our vampire Executive VP was working from home. All was quiet, the way I like it, when all the sudden a crazy chubby guy bursts into our sunny lobby. He was sweating profusely even though he was wearing a rather thin Batman t-shirt, and plaid shorts.  The weirdo was on his cell phone screaming about not wanting to be committed to the funny farm.  Our receptionist Barb Gerber was frozen in fear as he came flying at her with a wild look in his deranged eyes. He bellowed,”Somebody help me! They’re after me! I don’t want to go to the looney bin!”  He was so loud that most of us working upstairs heard the commotion.  As President of Mystic Investigations I immediately sprung into action, and bolted from my office to the 2nd floor balcony looking down into the lobby. The rest of the employees upstairs came running up behind me.

The kook was now frantically grabbing at Barb who pushed the panic alarm that proceeded to wail throughout our entire facility complete with flashing red light.  This also triggered sensitive areas to automatically be locked down. He whined loudly,”They’re going to put me in a straight jacket in the cuckoo house!  For the love of God please help me!” I don’t want to go to the rubber room!” He then screamed into the phone,”F*ck you bastards! I’ll die before I go to your hell hole!” He launched the phone at the wall, and it smashed into 1000 pieces as other employees on the first floor cautiously peered from two entrances into the lobby. I had seen enough of this insanity, and leaped over the balcony landing on my feet in the lobby as I have extensive training in Ninjutsu acrobatics!  I grabbed the bastards arm, and spun him around to give the old school Liam Neeson “Taken” style throat chop.  The chubby fool fell to the floor holding his throat now sobbing, and coughing profusely. I then calmly announced,”Okay folks everyone back to work! Nothing to see here! Everything is okay!”

Doctor Ashley Abercrombie, our Demi-Zombie Cryptozoologist, emerged from her basement laboratory after hearing the alarm.  She asked if everything was okay, and I pointed to the man lying on the floor still crying, and gagging.  I then said,”Yeah this nut burger needs a sedative or something!” I chuckled a bit as I spoke to the guy,”Hey pal just shake it off. It’s not that bad!” I exclaimed to Ashley,”I think he’s just over exaggerating! It was just a light tap to the throat area.”  She examined his neck, and was about to take a syringe from her lab jacket when four muscular men in white came in.  They looked like orderly’s from a mental institution.  The approached me, and said,”Ah there’s the bastard! He got away from us!” as they pointed to the wacko. They all smirked a bit, and flashed a paper while saying,”We got commitment orders for this guy. Looks like you saved us the trouble of sedating him.”  We all laughed lightly as Ashley stated,”I was just actually about to administer a sedative.”  The man in white asked,”Are you a Doctor?” Ashley stated she was licensed to practice medicine in Colorado so they allowed her to give the man a much needed sedative. He quickly calmed down, and was only lightly sobbing, and coughing every so often now. The man in white then said,”Okay we’ll take this loon off your hands. Do you need any statement for the police?” I replied,”Nah it’s not even worth the trouble to call them. Just give this poor bastard the help he so desperately needs” The man answered,”Oh we will Sir! Thanks for containing this menace to society!”  I responded,”Ah don’t mention it. The day was kind of boring until this happened.”

Two of the men grabbed the now calm mental patient by each arm as he shuffled barely able to walk under the influence of the sedative.  Ashley suddenly questioned them as they neared the front door, “Are you taking him to the Shadowbrook Institute?”  The man in white turned around smiling,”Yeah Miss! We’ll take good care of him there! Thanks for your help!” Ashley then forceful declared,”That’s odd since Shadowbrook closed three years ago!” I then yelled,”Hey wait a minute! Let me see those commitment papers again!”  All the men dashed for the door but I whipped out my remote security control to lock it.  Now trapped within they all turned around no longer smiling as one said,”Damn you just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong!”  The chubby guy turned around crying while silently pleading,”Please help me.”

The head thug in white pulled out a handgun and fired point blank at me!  Ashley leaped in front of me taking the slug like a trooper.  Naturally she’s half zombie, and can’t be killed by a simple bullet. Just as she fell to the floor I speedily front hand sprung toward the gun totting bastard, and kicked the gun from his hand as I took on all four of the hefty men in white.  The chubby guy fell to the floor like a helpless slug while Ashley appeared dead. Soon she would self-resurrect as per the power of her unique stable zombie DNA.  A number of employees had fled the building upon hearing the alarm, and the rest who remained were just office workers with no fighting skill or supernatural field experience so I was on my own.  Barb the receptionist quickly dialed the police as I battled the rather large men utilizing not only my Ninjutsu skills but also my extensive Kung Fu skills. Humans can never learn enough martial arts when facing paranormal beings with superpowers on a weekly basis!

The other men attempted to pull out their guns but my lightning quick blows disarmed them with the guns kicked under furniture, and behind large potted plants in the warm sun drenched lobby.  Finally three of the men were on the ground attempting to recover from precision punches, and kicks but one snuck up behind me!  The bastard put me in a chokehold as he sarcastically whispered in my ear,”Don’t fight it jackass! Don’t fight it!” Another thug got up, and began belting me in the face, and stomach while laughing maniacally. Some of the employees attempted to help me but they were immediately swatted away by the other two who staggered up. Ashley sprung up from the floor right behind the man who had me in the chokehold. She bit a huge chunk of flesh out of his neck despite fighting the zombie urge to eat human flesh her entire life.  Blood spurted everywhere as the man screamed in terror now infected with the zombie virus!  I was nearly passed out and collapsed to the floor. The other three men just stood scared with looks of sheer horror on their faces.  Ashley’s eyes turned an ominous inhuman gray, almost silver, color that reflected the sunlight in an other worldly manner. She stood at the foot of the now fallen man in white, and blood stained clothing.  He gripped his neck making a gurgling sound as he coughed up blood.  Ashley menacingly walked slowly toward the terrified men, and one said,”She’s just a little crazy bitch! We can take her!”

One of the employees barfed at the sight of the bloody carnage as Ashley attacked the rest of the men in a zombie induced rampage. Her gutteral growling sent chills up everyone’s spines! Virtually everyone including Barb, the Receptionist, fled the building out the back screaming at the sight of a live horror movie taking place before their very eyes! The entire lobby was literally sprayed with nauseating blood to the point that the windows were now filtering sunlight in with a crimson tint!  The distinctive metallic scent of blood wafted through the air like a slaughterhouse! Ashley seriously lost control for the first time in her life.  Plausibly a combination of being shot, the danger & adrenaline rush of the situation, and a complete denial of her cannibalistic hunger!  I got to my feet, and ordered Ashley to stop but it was too late. All four men were dead, and she was about to go after the poor chubby guy lying in the corner! I yelled,”Ashley snap out of this zombie crap!” as I slapped her hard in the face! She growled, and lunged at me! I was shocked as she was always the most calm, and logical member of our supernatural crime fighting team. I had no wish to acquire the zombie virus so I fled the lobby, and used my remote to close the steel emergency containment doors trapping her within.  I had mere seconds before she reset her sights on the helpless chubby guy. I quickly entered a secret doorway behind the bookshelf leading to an extensive set of hidden corridors in our facility. I came out a secret door behind her, and pulled the chubster in with me.  She spun around, and ran toward us but the door was safely locked. I could hear her growling, and clawing at it like a wild maniac!

I immediately ordered the complete evacuation of the facility while calling the executives back to headquarters.  Unfortunately the Woodland Springs Police arrived just then, and I had no idea how I was going to explain my zombie situation along with a lobby full of slaughtered men! I called my friend Sheriff Blake Maverick who knew about the real world of the supernatural, and thankfully he declared jurisdiction over the police ordering them to leave. Our Senior Vice-President, and Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was the first to arrive flying down from the sky in her Mystic Sphere energy bubble.  She landed discretely in the back of our facility within the woods.  She came running up through the shocked employees milling around out back unsure what to do next. Once inside I apprised Rebecca of the situation, and she immediately mixed up a potion of Stinking Nightshade, and Purple Passion. Both are known zombie repellants that should theoretically return Ashley to her right mind. In essence repelling her zombie half so her human half could take control again.  From the balcony above Rebecca launched a large balloon filled with the stuff down to the lobby below as Ashley looked up at us snarling at us while sending shivers throughout our body with her dead cold eyes! The balloon burst near her, and the entire area smelled like hell itself!

Ashley passed out for a minute or so before awakening now alarmingly aware at what she’d done. She started crying,”Oh my God what have I done?”  I lifted the security doors, and we entered the blood stained lobby. I reassured Ashley these men were evil murderers, and it was self-defense.  Rebecca took her home to watch over her the next few days after this unfortunate zombie episode. I also sent everyone home for the day, and told them this was just a drill. Nothing had actually happened. It was all a special effects act to see how they’d react to a horrifying incident. Most of them seemed to buy it as they usually did.  Especially when the Sheriff reassured them my story was true.  I kept the chubby guy sedated in our secret panic room until we were ready to deal with him, and figure out what was going on here.

Firstly we had to clean up mess in the lobby. I called in our team of Supernatural Crime Scene Cleaning Specialists to dispose of the zombie virus infected corpses, and wipe down the bloody lobby. A complete metaphysical deodorization to eradicate the wretched stink of the zombie repellent potion! Their efficient work returned things to normal by the end of the business day. Meanwhile in the employee lounge I sighed as I crossed out the 3 on the laminated safety poster, and wrote 0.  “0 Days Without A Lost Time Accident. The Previous Record Was 7 Days!” Ah yes the hazards of working at a top flight supernatural investigative crime fighting firm!

Our executive team fed the chubby guy, and gave him a fresh set of clothes. He informed us that his name was Fred Jacobson. I remorsefully apologized to Fred for throat chopping him.  A now calm, and rational Fred said he understood it had to be done. We quickly ran a background check, and interviewed him along with searching the white van the four thugs had pulled up in. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway also read Fred’s mind as well. Once our Executive VP the Vampire Drake Alexander arrived the final piece of the puzzle came together as he detected a very distinctive aroma in Fred’s blood. What we discovered was a sinister plot to harvest Fred’s unique blood since it seems that this nutty overweight guy was in fact unknowingly an Immortal.  The type of human Immortal born by evolutionary fluke every so often as is the case with the most famous of his kind. The actor Keanu Reeves who we personally know. It seems Fred’s blood test at the local blood bank set off secret spyware in the computer system which then sent an automated message to a powerful vampire in Colorado Springs. Vampires relish in certain supernatural bloods. Especially human Immortals!  The four thugs were the associates of the notoriously murderous Vampire Cortez!

Continued In Part 2: The Vampire Cortez!

Bothersome Biker Babies

Street Punk Biker ThugsA gang of biker punks were roaring up, and down our usually quiet street Enchantment Lane. What is it with old guys who are so desperate to feel cool, and young that they have to get tattooed up, wear a leather jacket with sunglasses, and rev obnoxious motorized bicycles?  We called the police, and the Deputy Sheriff a few times but the bikers just flee in 100 different directions eluding the them. Then they come back again even louder, and more obnoxious than ever!  As the Enchantment Lane Neighborhood President, and current Neighborhood Security Captain I was getting calls from our residents complaining.  Finally my girlfriend Rebecca Abernathy, a Demi-Mermaid Witch, said,”Get out there, and kick their asses Xavier!” Despite having amazing powers she seems to say that every so often when faced with a mob. I’m beginning to think it does something for her to see me take on a large group of thugs single handedly. I then said,”Wouldn’t it be easier if you just went out there, and put the old Whammy on them?”  She replied,”Oh that’s no fun! Where’s your sense of adventure? Also there’s that pesky Supernatural Secrecy Pact to deal with. Plenty of opportunities for prying cell phone video camera eyes to catch me in my magic act!”

I was on the phone with our friend Sheriff Blake Maverick as the gray haired adult children came roaring forth once again.  Blake was out of town with his girlfriend, and our next door neighbor Tiffany Sanders.  He’d previously deputized some of us at Mystic Investigations when he needed help, and I had him authorize my Deputy Sheriff status once again.  I hanged up the phone, and took my badge out of the drawer along with putting on my trusty gun belt.  I marched into the middle of the street loudly ordering them to halt as Rebecca stood on the front porch jumping up, and down smiling with glee like a cheerleader.  She screamed,”Punch that big one in the face!” LOL!  The bikers ignored me with sneering smiles as they pretended to charge me with their ridiculously loud motorized big wheels. I stood my ground, and finally clothslined one of the bastards right off their silly little bike.  He looked to be in his early 60’s as he lie on the ground crying,”Ahhhhhhhhh my assss!”  That finally got the geriatric teenagers to park their bikes in the middle of the road.  They all ran toward me with anger over their fallen biker buddy.  At that point I utilized my extensive Kung Fu, and Ninjutsu skills to take down these sons of bitches with extreme prejudice!

It had been a while since I took on so many punks at once but it helped that they were all pretty much out of shape middle aged to senior citizen types. Furious kicks, and punches flew about wildly as one of the fools bellowed out,”My freaking hip! I just had it replaced!”  Another one was whining about his arthritis acting up while lying on the pavement. All of them were down for the count except for one exceptionally huge forty something guy who actually had some muscles.  Clearly the youth of this oh so cool bicycle gang!  He claimed to be an Ex-Navy Seal as he pointed to his tattoo with pride while holding a chain in the other hand. I then exclaimed,”Punk, I serve with an Ex-Navy Seal. His name is Hunter Jackson. Hunter is a friend of mine. Punk, you’re no Hunter Jackson nor a Navy Seal.  You’re nothing more than a has been trying to prove he’s young, and tough through his pathetic accouterments, and loud boom boom baby engine noises.”  He growled angrily and swung his chain at me but I caught it in my hand, and hit his wrist grabbing it away from him. I then threw it aside, and began rapid punches, and kicks while dancing about eluding his attempt to make contact with me.  I finally wore him out, and he collapsed to the ground huffing,and puffing.

I took out my sidearm, and put each motorized bicycle out of it’s misery.  What a pleasure it was to hear those engines die one by one leaving nothing but sweet silence. The street was left with nothing but the whimpering of downtrodden punks as neighbors came out clapping, and cheering.  One yelled,”About damn time these idiots were shut the hell up!”  Rebecca ran into the street, and kissed me. The supposed Ex-Navy Seal said,”Why man? Why?”  I then asked,”You were never really in the military were you?”  He then reluctantly replied with head down,”No”  I then said,”You ask why but we’re all wondering why you bikers do what you do?  Why do you try so hard to act tough?  Why does it only seem to be you guys who hit middle age who start this outlaw biker crap annoying everyone with your nauseating motor revving?  Just grow up already so we can all live in peace!”  One of them replied,”Jesus man I felt like an old fart, and my life was slipping away in to the grave until I got a tat, strapped on my leather, and straddled my hog for the first time.  Rebecca responded,”Oh for Pete’s sake!”  I answered,”Well how about actually taking to the open roads, and stop riding around the same area 3000 times!  Clearly you’re just showing off, trying to intimidate people, and cause trouble just to make yourself feel tough. If you’re so tough go ride on the damn Express Way!”  Rebecca chimed in,”Yeah, and enough with this tinkering of your bikes in your driveway while revving it 1000 times BS!  Your neighbors hate your guts!”

The false Navy Seal then said,”Well you shot our damn bikes man!  We’re not going anywhere now!”  I responded,”You brought this on yourself but I’ll pay to have your bikes repaired since I doubt your insurance would cover this misadventure on your part!”  There was a glimmer of hope in their sullen eyes.  I continued,”If you truly love biking then go drive around the country, and enjoy the scenery instead of playing games with people! Can you do that?  Have you finally learned your lesson?”  The fake Seal replied,”Yeah man I guess we were being asses.  We won’t do this again if you pay for our bikes.” I replied,”Okay then I’ll let you off with a warning but you’ll have to pay to have your hogs towed away.”  The hip whiner cried,”What about our medical expenses?” I then shot back,”Don’t push it old man!”  He put his hand up in agreement.  Within 40 minutes the entire mess of baby bikes, and biker boys were gone from our lovely lane. All that was left were some oil stains. It felt good not resorting to magic, or supernatural abilities for once.  Although just as I was about to wrap this story up Rebecca told me she used a spell to amplify her mesmerizing Mermaid enchantment upon the bikers.  Damn I knew they were too agreeable at the end!

If you’re a biker then please for the love of God would you stop playing around with your bike in your driveway, and roaring around the same side streets 1000 times!  Be a man, and go out on the open highway! If your bike is so jacked up you need to tinker with it 24-7 then take it to a mechanic like a normal human because apparently you aren’t competent enough to ever fix it.  Better yet spend some damn money, and buy a brand new one!  Hopefully electric so we can end your insane noise! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harrowing Home Invasion Havoc

Home InvasionSpring was in the air as the full March Storm Moon reflected it’s silvery light off the last remains of the rapidly melting snows. The grass still a drab green devoid of the rich emerald color that would soon take shape. A lone Werewolf ran out of the woods, and crossed a yard onto the dimly lit Autumn Avenue. The teenaged Zack Powers lie alone in bed sleeping soundly in an empty house at 2:30 AM as his guardian Grandmother Debbie Powers worked the graveyard shift at Woodland Springs General Hospital.  The Werewolf trotted on to the Powers property but immediately turned tail sounding off a sharp yelp as it ran away into the dark night.  This was due to the house, and soil in the yard being blessed by Father Tom Davis along with the lawn being sprayed with powdered Wolfsbane in Autumn before the first snow.  There was also small random bars of silver, enchanted by our Witch Rebecca Abernathy, buried about the yard.  For sure the Powers Residence was Werewolf proof!

It had been a long day of school for Zack which included the Paranormal Investigations Club, swim team practice, and of course his work at Mystic Investigations as our tech guy.  Not to mention his paranormal battle capabilities courtesy of his bionic abilities.  He was in deep REM sleep dreaming of lying on a sunny ocean beach on the edge of a brilliantly mulch-colored Fall time forest.  Some Autumn Nymphs frolicked about the piles of iridescent leaves.  Near the waters edge were some lovely Mermaids splashing about while humming a mesmerizing siren song.  A strikingly beautiful Summer, and Spring Nymph sat on either side of him.  A Winter Nymph strolled out of an ice blue cave leaving a trail of glittering snowflakes.  She handed Zack an ice cold lemonade before diving into the ocean causing some dolphins to leap out of the water. In the distance a large whale blew a giant geyser of water into the air which caused a rainbow to shine across the sky.  A rainbow with a Leprechaun, and Unicorn sliding down it! After Zack received the gift of becoming a powerful Cyborg he noticed he began having consistent vivid lucid dreams.  It’s been theorized that the nanobots coursing throughout his body, and his brain as well, might have a hand in that.  In essence creating a wondrous virtual reality like dream world in his mind.  Fantasy worlds he could shape at will.

All was quiet throughout the dark house when all the sudden Zack’s bionic ears Shadow Thugsub-consciously picked up a branch snapping outside on the backyard lawn.  This followed by the foot crunching a small pocket of snow.  In his dream Zack heard the suspicious sounds. In response the scantily clad Spring Nymph said,”You better go see what that noise is honey!”  Zack immediately awakened as shadows appeared at his bedroom window.  Before he could fully awaken a metal bat violently shattered the glass sending shards flying on to his bed. Simultaneously sounds of the back door being bashed in could be heard.  Two men climbed in through the window, and one of them menacingly exclaimed,”Poor little boy home alone!  Now we’re going to have some fun.”  They chucked in a sadistic manner expecting the usual frightened reaction that fueled their devoid lives.  Zack hadn’t bothered to even get out of bed as he lie with his arms behind his head smiling.  He then replied,”We sure are jackass!”  The maniacal smiles the two men had been brandishing turned to disbelief, and then transformed into sinister scowls.  An extremely tall heavy set muscular man easily over 6′ 4″ walked into the bedroom after breaking in the back door.  His buddies relayed that they had a smart ass on their hands.

The huge man, his thug buddies called Abe, replied to Zack’s nonchalant attitude,”You either must be high, or mentally retarded because this night will be a hell you’ll never forget the rest of your life little man!”  Zack answered his threat with,”I feel bad for you guys not knowing what you’ve walked into here.  So I’m going to let you leave, and we can forget this ever happened.  I’d love to have fun beating the hell out of you but I don’t want anymore damage to my Grandma’s house.”  A deeply incensed Abe then lunged at Zack but he sprang up at super speed to the foot of his bed.  In response Abe said,”What the heck!  Get over here you little piece of crap!”  All three men converged on him.  Zack kicked one of the men by the window back out the window as he screamed like a baby at the sheer force of his launch backward.  He ended up hitting a tree trunk, and was knocked out cold.  Zack sent the other man flying into the nightstand next to his bed after he hit him with the back of his metal fist encased in human flesh.  As the wood table smashed into pieces Abe picked Zack up by his neck causing him to choke but he responded by bionic chopping his shoulders causing the man to fall to his knees in pain.  He roared in anger as he swung a punch at Zack who then blocked it while laughing.  He gripped Abe’s fist now also in pain from making extreme contact with Zack’s bionic arm.  He then picked Abe, who probably weighted almost 300 pounds, over his head only to launch him crashing through the other bedroom window into the side yard.  While this happened Abe was screaming,”Oh craaaaaaaaaaaaaap!”

The man who hit the nightstand had recovered, and pulled out a gun.  Zack heard the trigger as the bullets fired toward him.  He hit the deck while covering his vulnerable head with his cyborg arms.  Bullets bounced off his arms damaged the flesh covering that was immediately under repair by microscopic nanobots.  Another bullet bounced off his metallic alloy ribs with more outer flesh damage.  One bullet managed to hit him in his human gut.  Zack lie on the floor bleeding profusely for about 10 seconds while the man stood over him.  The evil figure said,”I knew we were going to have fun but not this much fun!  What kind of drugs are you on?  I’d sure like me some of them super strength pills?”  After about 10 seconds the bleeding began to slow as the millions of futuristic nanobots went to work repairing what would normally be a serious wound.  They also went to work ravaging the bullet like a rabid pack of microscopic carnivores breaking it down into elemental metals.  Some of which would actually be used as nutrients for the biological body while the bulk would be used to build new bionic growth to match Zack biological teen growth.

The man yelled,”Hey Abe you alright out there?”  Abe replied with a moaning,”Awwwwww yeah I think so Morty.  Son of bitch screwed up my arm!”  The man looked out the other window to his other partner knocked out next to the tree bleeding.  He then yelled back to Abe,”Damn this little bastard messed up Joe real bad!  He needs to pay, and his bullet riddled body is a great start.  Hey wait a minute how are you even still alive?  I shot all my bullets into your sorry ass!”  Zack then smirked, and replied,”You’re a lousy shot pal!”  He then kicked the man in the groin so hard that it send him sailing into the ceiling causing plaster to rain down everywhere.  His gun was flung to the dark corner of the room, and he hit the floor with a loud thud causing him to pass out cold.  Big Abe staggered in through the window at the point Zack was trying to stand up.  He had a crazed look in his eyes, and kicked Zack in the face with full force sending him on to the bed.

Abe jumped on to the bed straddling Zack while letting loose a low guttural growl that transformed into thunderous giggling.  He then declared,”It’s been one hell of a night but now it’s time to end this party.  Where’s the money you little bitch?”  Zack replied,”What money?  All I have is $50 in my wallet!”  Abe then replies,”The damn drug money your Uncle stole from me!”  Zack responded,”What the hell are you talking about! I don’t even have an Uncle!”  Abe then asked,”Don’t lie to me this is 435 Autumn Avenue!”  Zack then laughed,”OMG you stupid idiot this is 444 Autumn Avenue!”  Abe angrily attempted to slap in the face but Zack caught his good hand, and the sound of bones crushing could be heard.  Abe bellowed in sheer agony as his hand felt the wrath of Zack’s bionic strength.  Zack then used his other arm to toss the guy over his head on to the wall over the headboard of his bed.  Another storm of plaster blasted forth raining about as Abe was sent clear through the wall into his Grandmothers empty bedroom.

Once again the house was silent. Zack lie on his bed feeling the reassuring pain rapid cellular repair including his nearly broken nose.  He picked up his cell phone on the other nightstand, and contemplated whether to call 911, or a member of Mystic Investigations since we’re sometimes known to take the law into our own hands.  Zack activated the customized walkie talkie function he designed in all our phones, and said,”This is Zack. Is anyone on patrol?”  Immediately Drake Alexander, our Executive Vice-President & 700 something Vampire replied,”Drake here.  Is everything okay Zack?”  Zack then relayed the information about the home invasion, and the bloody aftermath.  Zack could hear Abe breathing in the next room, and the heartbeat & breath of Morty out cold on the floor in his room. However he wasn’t sure if the guy named Joe next to the tree outside was still alive or not.  Drake said he’d be there shortly as he shot into the darkness at super vampire speed.  The street lamps appeared as long streaks of light on the journey to Zack’s.

Drake arrived at Zack’s house a few minutes later despite being on the other side of town.  Drake observed,”You sure did a number on these guys! You okay?”  Zack replied,”Yeah everything’s healing up nicely.  I could have did better but I was half asleep.”  All the sudden Drake had an odd look on his face as he swung around to see a bloodied Abe standing in the doorway with an old double barreled shotgun.  Drake commented,”Really? A shotgun!”  Both Drake, and Zack laughed.  Abe screamed in disbelief,”What the hell is wrong with you people?!?”  He then blasted off the two shots available directly at Drake who was standing in front of Zack.  Both shots destroyed Drakes sparkling Midnight blue shirt yet bounced off his muscular torso complete with supernatural six pack abs.  There were some brief bloodied scratches but they healed almost instantly courtesy of his powerful 5th generation vampire DNA.

Abe dropped the rifle in disbelief, and almost began crying,”What the hell man?”  Drake whizzed across the room so fast that only a blur of light was seen.  He then got behind him, and whispered in his ear,”I’m a vampire little boy, and your time is up.”  Drake sank his fangs into Abe’s neck as the criminal screamed in agony.  As he drank of his blood Drake was able to read Abe’s mind, and see he was responsible for a lifetime of heinous acts he had no remorse for.  These included countless murders, and numerous other unspeakable acts he got away with in his lifetime of darkness. Drake paused as he firmly gripped Abe.  He looked at Zack for some type of approval as he nodded, and Drake sank his fangs back into Abe’s neck draining him of every last drop of blood.  Abe dropped to the floor lifeless as Drake wiped the blood from his mouth.  He then said,”I saw the pure evil in his mind.  The horrifying acts of agony perpetuated against countless innocents that make tonight look like a cake walk. There was no rehabilitation for him!  Not to mention the fact that prison sentences these days are a joke, and Duanna gave me this shirt for my birthday.  It was hand sewn from Spider Fairy webs.  Spider Fairy web Zack!”  Zack answered,”Even without reading this guys mind I knew he was a blight upon humanity!”  Drake examined the other two thugs still knocked out cold, and determined they could possibly find salvation under the right circumstances.  They were simply sadistic weak willed bullies following Abe’s lead.

Drake called our favorite Sheriff Blake Maverick.  Drake apologized for waking the Sheriff up but the Maverick was all too happy to help us out.  Especially when we pay him big money as a consultant.  The Sheriff called an ambulance as he made his way to Zack’s house. Julia Hathaway, our psychic, showed up at that moment as she sensed something was wrong.  She examined each of the men including the deceased Abe, and came to the same conclusion as Drake.  She had saw Abe’s future if he had lived, and it seems he was destined to become a homeland terrorist who ended up destroying a town of thousands with a dirty bomb.  Julia exclaimed,”You just saved countless lives from this despicable piece of refuse!”  The future of the other two men were mostly petty crimes with them in, and out of prison.  At least they wouldn’t be killing anyone now that their alpha dog bully Abe was out of the picture.

WerewolfyDrake excused himself as he easily picked Abe up in his arms, and sped away. He ended up in the next street over as a man walking his poodle was confronted with the violent Werewolf who had attempted to enter Zack’s property.  Just as the hairy horror was about to pounce on the man, and his best little friend Abe’s body flew out of nowhere landing right in front of the salivating Werewolf.  Drake then appeared beside them, and whispered,”Run.”  They ran in the opposite direction as the Werewolf chowed down on Abe’s corpse.  Within two minutes everything was gone including the bones that were crushed into powder that wafted about the grizzly scene.  Only after the feeding frenzy was over did the Werewolf realize a vampire was near.  He plowed toward Drake who raced around the side of the hairy beast snapping his neck.  The Werewolf lie temporarily motionless, and Drake quickly hauled him back to Mystic Investigations headquarters to be caged until dawn.

The ambulance, and Sheriff pulled up as Julia explained the situation to him.  She mentioned how Morty, and Joe went on about some imaginary boss they called Abe.  Julia had seen in her visions that a mental hospital would be better than prison for these two. Certainly that is where they’d go as they spoke of Zack’s power, and their imaginary friend Abe.  Drake called up a friend who serves in Great Britain’s MI6 who in turn has a CIA contact.  He owed him a favor, and agreed erase any evidence that Abe ever existed.  Actually quite an easy task for someone in government since everyone is so reliant on computers in the 21st century.

Drake returned just as the Sheriff was leaving to escort the ambulance with his prisoners to the hospital where Zack’s Grandmother was on duty in the emergency room.  The Sheriff knew not to say a word to her so she wouldn’t worry.  In the meantime Julia had dialed up the rest of the Mystic Investigations gang to restore Zack’s house to it’s previous undamaged status.  We had a good three hours to fix the place up, and clean everything!  Thankfully things go quickly when you have a witch, vampire, telekinetic psychic, and bionic boy on your cleaning construction crew!