A Most Enchanted Easter Fool’s Day

On April 1st, 2018 we were cautious while enjoying Easter Sunday festivities as it was also April Fool’s Day. Especially after we had issued an April Fools Easter Alert the day before! On April 1st we generally garner the honor of a visit from The April Fool himself. He’s a prolific paranormal prankster who enjoys embarrassing people whether they simply be supernaturally relevant or pompous asses. In our case hopefully, it’s Mystic Investigations legendary status in the supernatural community. Usually, the Fool mildly vandalizes our website with his goofy content along with personally pranking us. I remember that time he literally turned me into a helium balloon and I floated out the window! It was a shocking and surreal experience! On the lower end of the joke scale, he enjoys teleporting people into crowded area’s completely naked! Our resident demi-mermaid witch Rebecca Abernathy once stepped out of the shower and she was suddenly on Main Street devoid of even a towel!

Since Easter and April Fool’s converged this year both the Easter Bunny and the farcical Fool decided to mystically meld their holidays into one. The Easter Bunny would distribute eggs that weren’t quite what they seemed beside the normal with candy and small gifts. This meant rotten eggs weren’t just for those on the beautiful bunnies naughty list! Hopefully, there would still be eggs containing powers, wishes, and magical objects as well. In unison, the April Fool would work to employ an Easter theme into many of his alarming exploits. Thankfully that meant more bearable pranks for us!

In the morning we attended Easter services at our associate Father Tom’s Church Of Holy Light. He is our exorcist and source of top-flight holy water. Naturally, as usual, we fell asleep in the pews but bolted awake as the Easter Egg Hunt began outside. It was a mild sunny early spring day as we cheered the kids on. Suddenly the Werehare Easter Bunny showed up in his 6 foot tall humanoid furry white rabbit form to give us gifts as a reward for a fine fight against the frightening forces of darkness. Other than us nobody knew his true identity and merely assumed it was a guy dressed up in an ultra-realistic rabbit suit. One way to tell he’s the real deal is the fact that there’s always a group of baby chicks and bunnies following him around. You can also clearly see the sparkling reality in his large eyes that can range from blue to green in color.

The Bunny was far more jovial than usual as he kept giggling like a school girl. He gave everyone at Mystic Investigations an Easter gift basket. My basket exploded leaving confetti and silly string all over me. However, there was some sweet chocolaty goodness at the bottom of the basket. Luckily I wasn’t the person got chocolate cream and pink glitter spattered all over them! The Easter Bunny chuckled and said,”Sorry guys but it’s April Fools Day!” I asked where the April Fool was but he had no idea.

Later the enchanted Bunny invited us back to Easterville, his cloaked village in the Black Forest of Germany. We eagerly agreed since we assumed we might avoid the April Fool. The only way to get to his village instantly was to follow him through his global network of rabbit holes that are in actuality wormholes courtesy of Mother Earth Goddess Gaia. The Easter Bunny transformed to his normal small rabbit form and hopped in. His chicks and bunny helpers jumped in after him. Rebecca conjured up a spell to miniaturize her Mystic Sphere while inside so it would fit into the Easter Bunny’s rabbit holes. So some of us instantly took a trip to his village in the Black Forest of Germany. Nothing new for us here! Rebecca made a point of saying we could only be miniaturized a couple of times a year before it caused bodily damage. So we couldn’t just visit the bunny on a whim!

The village was a fun-filled community of medieval buildings splashed into a kaleidoscope of colors. At the center was a giant egg-shaped castle that was the Easter Bunny’s home and the Capitol Of Easter. The streets were glittering surfaces of varying bright colors that almost resembled linoleum flooring. Even the skies were mystical with pink fluffy clouds courtesy of a magical illusion. Bunnies of all colors, yellow chicks, and kids ran about cheering with glee as their parents looked on. Obviously, these were all people in the paranormal know like us. We enjoyed all manner of amusement rides located about the village including the egg roller coaster. An egg-shaped car rolled on tracks that winded in and around the entire village including underground. Eventually, we retired to Egg Castle for Easter dinner. Amazingly the Demi-Angel Santa Claus, his wife Holly, and their kids made an appearance to pay homage to their good friend Eggbert, the Bunnies real name. As darkness covered the happy village a spectacular fireworks show lit the sky with ecstatic Easter imagery. We then bid the Easter Bunny farewell before popping back through the bunny hole to our home in Woodland Springs, Colorado.

Some of us went to the office to deal with recent pressing paranormal perplexities while others headed home. What we all found was everywhere loaded with crazy bunnies hopping about while rotten eggs rained from the ceiling! The April Fool teleported to each location in his jester costume laughing like a loon while bellowing,”Happy April Fool’s Day! Believe it or not, this wasn’t as bad as what he did to us other years! Thankfully he didn’t touch our website. As usual, everything disappeared and went back to normal at the stroke of Midnight! Well except for when our resident vampire Drake Alexander was teleported buck naked into Times Square New York one second before the Witching Hour! Being transported places doesn’t reverse on April 2nd for some reason? He sped into a subway tunnel at super speed and hypnotized some guy to give him his clothing. Then Drake arrived back home the next day after he caught the first available flight. At least now we have another year before being pranked again! | Twitter |

Does Mystic Investigations Have An Auto-Destruct Sequence?

Auto Destruct SequenceAfter hearing about our totally awesome high tech office fortress many have asked if our headquarters has an Auto-Destruct Sequence like star ships in the Star Trek Franchise as seen in the video above.  The Star Trek Next Generation one at 3:05 in the video is the one most similair to ours. The Auto-Destruct is used in Star Trek to destroy the ship, and commit mass suicide rather then allow themselves, and their technology to fall into enemy hands.  It’s interesting we’re asked this since being informed years ago that we supposedly travel about the Milky Way Galaxy in the future in our own ship hundreds of years in the future. A beyond gifted Psychic told us this, and indicated each one of us would still be alive as the next millennium approached!  However we’re not sure if we fully believe this even though some of us are already confirmed Immortals like the vampire Drake Alexander.  Our own Psychic Julia Hathaway simply can’t see that far into the future.

Indeed Mystic Investigations Headquarters has an Auto-Destruct Mechanism although clearly since we’re on Earth we can escape elsewhere instead of offing ourselves. LOL!  The employment of various magics, secret tunnels, or even the roof Heliport allows for our quick escape if an overwhelming force attacks. Of course there’s always the chance of being surrounded, and trapped by dark mystical forces. In addition some of our more high tech vehicles with on board computers have the Destruct Mechanism.  Even our personal computers, and laptops have Micro Self-Destruct Mechanisms. It’s especially important for anyone in the real paranormal community to have such a thing if for no other reason than to prevent the exposure of the supernatural world to the mainstream media in violation of the Supernatural Secrecy Pact.  This is of course common in the top secret human community as well.  Most classified government, and private research facilities have auto-destruct mechanisms in place.

The Mystic Investigations Auto-Destruct Sequence can only be activated from our Central
Panic Room hidden in the sub-basement.  A small secret room off the Panic Room contains the Auto-Destruct Computer Console. Three people must authorize the destruction of our headquarters, and website as well. I, Xavier Remington President Of Mystic Investigations, Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander, and Vice-President Rebecca Abernathy.  If any one of us isn’t available then the next person in the chain of command uses their authorization code only if command authority has been previously ceded to them. For instance if I’m away on vacation or out of town on business Executive VP Drake Alexander is recognized as the Acting President by our amazing, yet not quite artificially intelligent, computer system that was created by my brother Michael Remington & bionic boy wonder Zack Powers. Some of it’s components are courtesy of future technology acquired by Michael’s travels through time. For security purposes we can not reveal the exact method of self-destruction employed.  We will however say it’s a combination of explosives, and metaphysical materials stabilized to make it impossible for any accidental detonation.

Activation of the Auto-Destruct begins when we each place our hand on the black console for palm print scanning which causes an eye scanner to rise up.  Once the retinal scan is complete for each person the computer vocally acknowledges the authenticity of our identities as follows:

Computer: “Identity Authenticated. Recognize President Remington, Xavier…..Identity Authenticated. Recognize Executive Vice-President Alexander, Drake…Identity Authenticated. Recognize Vice-President Abernathy, Rebecca.” I then begin the voice recognition command sequence as follows.  Although the codes mentioned here aren’t real for security purposes.  It is plausible some powerful magical entity could falsely duplicate our identities. That is why we don’t mention other authorization measures here as well.
Xavier Remington: “Initiate Auto-Destruct Sequence. Authorization RemingtonAlpha20B53$L”  Yeah I have to say “dollar sign”, or the symbol name out loud! However no need to differentiate between upper, and lower case letters unless manual code entry into the computer is required.
Computer: “Authorization Accepted! Alexander, Drake do you concur with the initiation of the Auto-Destruct Sequence?”
Drake Alexander: “I concur with the Auto-Destruct Order. Authorization AlexanderBeta66G21&V”
Computer: “Authorization Accepted! Abernathy, Rebecca do you concur with the initiation of the Auto-Destruct Sequence?”
Rebecca Abernathy: “I concur with the Auto-Destruct Order. Authorization AbernathyGamma93H04#K”
Computer: “All Authorizations Have Been Verified, And Accepted.  Desired Time Interval Until Destruction Required?”
Xavier Remington:”Set Auto-Destruct Sequence for 33 minutes. Activate Auto-Destruct Sequence Commander359DeltaUF52″  Any amount of time up to 24 hours, or as little as one minute can be set for Auto-Destruct.
Computer: “Auto-Destruct Interval Accepted! Auto-Destruct Is Now Activated!  Countdown Begins in 3…2…1.  Thirty-Three Minutes Until Auto-Destruct.” At that point dark crimson flashing lights, and an alarm goes off all over the building unless I enter a silent countdown order in advance.  Then it will only go off in the Auto-Destruct Chamber and Panic Room.

Condition Red AlertWe only had to use the Auto-Destruct on April 2nd, 2011 about a year after we moved into our new offices after previously being in the Woodland Springs Library Building.  We had just sustained an annoying yet harmless April 1st April Fool’s attack by the jovial jokester himself The April Fool.  This included some embarrassing pranks on us, and the temporary desecration of our website.  However we also got no the diabolical April Anti-Fool’s radar, and he struck us at high Noon while we were eating lunch after cleaning up The April Fool’s mess.  The Anti-Fool promptly used mystical powers beyond that of our own witch Rebecca Abernathy, and locked us in our facility. Despite it being daytime the view outside was of a dark forest of horrors that saw various zombies, and monsters pounding, and clawing at our bullet proof windows.  The dark diabolical jester set up a series of simulated paranormal pranks of a deadly sort.  There simply came a point where we realized that this could go on for eternity since we were trapped in his warped temporal bubble.  We would all surely have died eventually!

So the three of us managed to get to the panic room, and Rebecca employed just enough of a temporary magical shielding to block The Fool.  She cast a powerful spell that utilized the magic locking us in our facility.  Rebecca used The Anti-Fool’s own power to also trap him in here with us!  Then we activated the Auto-Destruct Mechanism setting it for one minute.  We made sure the alarms bellowed forth through out the facility as we watched The Anti-Fool finally show some fear on a hidden cam feed.  Over a loud speaker we told him to leave, and never return or he would die with us.  We figured out that The Anti-Fool had placed us in a bubble Universe out of sync with our own reality.  Should Mystic Investigations blow up then the bubble Universe would be destroyed taking the Anti-Fool along with it. Theoretically the destruction of his source of magic, which was his Scepter, would revert him to a normal human that would easily die in the blast if the destruction of the Universe didn’t blink him out of existence. Then his soul would have been damned to Hell!

As the countdown to annihilation got to twenty seconds he pleaded with us to end it!  Oddly enough as is the case with a great many entities with demonic roots, he has to tell the truth to an extent. In the Anti-Fool’s case ancient lore indicates he must tell the truth when it comes to promises made directly to someone in person.  Had that not been the limit we would have demanded his entire reign of April 2nd terror come to an end.  Naturally we could have just blown him up but I guess we took the selfish route!  After all we had countless employees with families who would miss them.  In addition one woman had her baby with her in our offices.  So we couldn’t bear to do that just to end the Anti-Fool’s miserable excuse of an existence!  Instead we made him promise to never bother Mystic Investigations ever again.  Unfortunately we couldn’t make him not promise to return to our Town Of Woodland Springs.  That would have had to take place at the Town Hall in the presence of the Mayor for that to work!

Condition Yellow AlertAt seven seconds, and counting I said,”Computer cancel the Auto-Destruct Sequence! Authorization XavierOmega02Z35&K!”  The Computer then replied,”Temporarily freezing the Auto-Destruct Sequence at two seconds pending further authorization.”  Drake, and Rebecca were then required to enter their cancellation codes before the computer finally said,”The Auto-Destruct Sequence has been cancelled.  Auto-Destruction Mechanism powering down, and entering stand-by mode.  No further action is required.  Mystic Investigations returning to previous Condition Yellow Alert.  Amber light then flashed silently as we exited the Panic Room to face the Anti-Fool.  He angrily exclaimed,”You pathetic fools think you won!  Nobody defeats The April Anti-Fool!  Our day of reckoning will manifest, and you will die by the mastery of my marvelous symphony of sinister…”  He was cut short when some unseen force manifested his promise that caused him to disappear with a “Noooooooooooooo!”.  Our facility returned to our sunny reality, and everything was restored to normal.  Unfortunately he merely disappeared from our presence, and wasn’t disabled for the rest of that April 2nd.  However we’ve had reports of him from all around the world April 2nd each year.  Thus far he’s been smart enough to stay away from Woodland Springs! 🙂

Condition Green All Clear

Related articles