Rebecca Abernathy

About Rebecca Abernathy

I'm the Vice-President, CFO (Chief Financial Officer), 10% Shareholder, and the Chief Practitioner Of Magic here at Mystic Investigations. I utilize my abilities as a Demi-Mermaid & White Witch to fight the forces of supernatural evil in a never ending battle to protect humanity, and innocent paranormal beings!

DMV Damnation

A Beautiful Witch At The DMV
DMV DamnationHey Rebecca Abernathy here! Yesterday I had the pleasure of taking a lovely trip to the DMV.  Even as a witch, and a demi-mermaid, I dread going down to the Department Of Motor Vehicles.  I take issue with having to pay a fee, and register with the government, in order to travel freely by my chosen mode of transportation.  That mode being my pretty pink petite Porsche.  Despite that there’s still a plethora of insane drivers infesting the roadways of our once great nation now bogged down by bombastic bureaucracies!  All that aside what I really can’t stand are the long lines, and of course the creeps.  Particularly the mouth breathers who stare at you in a deranged manner.  Basically a number of people that you’d normally be forced to sit with in an enclosed area for what seems like an unbearable length of time.  It’s certainly an issue for an attractive twenty something female such as myself.  You wouldn’t believe the perverts that think the DMV is some kind of pick up zone!

I reluctantly drove to the DMV to renew my drivers license, and decided I shouldn’t have to force my boyfriend Xavier, my family, or friends to come down with me to help deter any unwanted attention.  I knew it would take all my will power not to use my witchcraft or Mermaid powers upon some of the more relentless characters. Such as the grease ball who sits right next to me the minute I sit down after receiving my number from the front desk. The scuzzball was wearing a wife beater, gold necklace, and ridiculously large pinky ring. It wasn’t surprising that he spewed forth the standard stale pick up lines utilized time, and time again by many of the low life Lothario’s who lurk in the shadows stalking innocent women everywhere.  Instead of telling him where to shove his lewd advances I acted as if I was interested as I touched his hand.

In reality I was conducting an experiment to see if I could affect the water in a human body with my hydrokinetic abilities, aka water manipulation powers.  I was successful in moving water from the organs in his torso up into his face causing him to look extremely bloated as he began to feel ill from isolated dehydration.  Since he seemed quite vain I knew he’d really panic after seeing his huge head in my compact mirror.  He screamed,”Holy crap my fat face!”  He then felt seriously sick to his stomach, and ran to the bathroom. Everyone turned toward the restroom as sounds of massive barfing echoed forth throughout the DMV.  Yes that was not only for me but all my fellow sisters everywhere who have to put up with cheesy pervs like him!

Thankfully my number was called, and I looked into the eye test viewer.  I was in such a hurry to get through this idiocy that I didn’t hear the lady at the counter say read the first line of letters.  I read all of them to the very bottom.  She looked shocked, and said,”Oh my God that isn’t possible!  According to the computer you have 20/5 vision!  I thought I read somewhere that’s the measurement for Eagle eyesight!”  I then chuckled nervously, and said,”Ehhhh lucky guesses?  Maybe I should just read the first line?”  This time I purposely got 20/20 vision.  Then I had to present my birth certificate, and social security card to meet the new Federal Real ID standards.  Unlike my Mermaid mother I was born on US soil so I have those real documents.  My Mother Marina on the other hand had to have them forged by someone in the supernatural black market known as the Black Bazaar.  She certainly couldn’t show the government her official engraved birthstone from the undersea world of Atlantis.

Finally it was picture time.  Oh joy!  A chubby guy practically slobbering over me snapped my photo but he sure took his time telling me to pose in certain ways as he looked on with despicable glee!  One flash went off, and then a second one which was odd.  I asked why he shot another one, and he actually had the nerve to say,”Oh that one’s just for me sweetheart.  Oh yeah all for me tonight honey!”  I was beside myself, and nearly lost it ready to launch a barrage of magical energies upon the deviant.  Thankfully I glanced up around the large room to see multiple surveillance cams.  If my magic was caught on video there would be major supernatural consequences! Instead I decided to do another under the radar experiment.  Could my Faunapathic powers, best suited to aquatic animals, summon land dwelling insects?  While I had been sitting in the waiting area my apparent eagle vision had spotted a few ants here, and there.  Most likely scouts who I now focused on, and commanded to marshal their sugar loving armies forth upon the drooling pig standing in front of me eating a jelly donut.  Naturally he had a big purple stain on his white shirt which went well with his greasy comb over.

He told me I would be getting my driver’s license in the mail as a Real ID security measure.  I walked away slowly still telepathically contacting every ant I could imagine as my Mermaid ears heard the degenerate ask the lady at the counter,”Hey Marge can you give me that Rebecca chicks phone number, and address?” I couldn’t believe this guy was allowed to handle people’s personal data!  Despite my anger I smiled mischievously while nearing the exit because he began to scream like crazy,”Holy sh#$t! Antssssssss up my ass!”  Everyone in the place started laughing as he danced around like a looney toon due to literally having ants in his pants!  LOL! At that moment the restroom puker let loose another round of noisy nausea. It turned out going to the DMV can be super fun after all! Again this is for all you ladies out there who have to deal with being treated like a piece of meat every time you go out in public.  I can’t wait to come back to the DMV of damnation for some more perverted justice!

Terrifying Taco Tussle

Woodland Springs Taco BellHello fellow supernatural warriors I’m Rebecca Abernathy your friendly neighborhood Demi-Mermaid Witch!  It was the heart of the witching hour as hunger struck. I couldn’t sleep since my boyfriend Xavier was out on Luminary Lake with Drake, and Hunter catching Luminary Lake Trout, a glowing paranormal cousin of regular Lake Trout that only comes to the surface during the Witching, and Devil’s Hours. They glow all the colors of the rainbow, and are quite tasty. I felt like a taco and some nachos so I decided to make a run for the border at my local Taco Bell.  So I hop into Xavier’s Lamborghini, and blast down to the road to ring the bell of Mexican cuisine at it’s finest. As I placed my order the guy behind the counter looks terrified. So scared that his pants were wet. He kept averting his eyes to the right as I asked him where the rest of the employees were. He refused to reply so I hopped over the counter as he screamed,”Noooo Stop Lady!” I get in the back area, and see one guy, and a woman in Taco Bell garb tied up. A sinister 6’4″ tall guy wearing a black robe with Satanic symbols emerges, and says,”You will make a fine addition to my Dark Lords sacrifices” I then replied,”No you’ll make a fine addition to my Goddesses sacrifices!” He bellowed,”Witch!” as I rang forth the cry of “MYSTIC SPHERE!” My protective pink energy orb surrounded me while he exclaimed that I would now bear the brunt of his Dark Lords unholy powers. He quickly shaped a plasma ball of dark energy which appeared deep violet with swirling crimson shades. He launched it at me causing my supernatural shield to waver. Clearly he was an extremely powerful master of the dark arts who kept bombarding me with pernicious plasma balls.

I then implored,”Fulgora I call unto thee for the power of lethiferous lights to lay waste to this wicked Warlock!” At that moment the Goddess Fulgora heard my pleas, and bolts of azure electricity sprung forth from my fingers hitting the blasphemous bastard causing him to fly into boxes of taco shells. He wickedly wailed,”Your weak Goddess is no match for my dark Devil of destruction bitch!” His eyes glowed red, and crimson energy shot my Sphere cutting into it like a laser. At the same time my emitted lightening bolts were being stopped by an invisible shield that would glow green when hit with my power. He got up, and slowly walked toward me with his crimson eye beams as he formed a new plasma ball. I thought to myself,”Oh crap is this how it ends? A supernatural showdown at the local Taco Bell? Why couldn’t I just have made my own tacos at home?”

My Mystic Sphere began to dissipate, and my lightening stopped as I felt horribly weak despite my increase in powers due to the upcoming galactic alignment of the 2012 Winter Solstice. Suddenly I felt a jolt of massive energy which turned out to be power sent over a large distance by WhiteWolf, a top flight Werewitchpyre, and website user of Mystic Investigations who regularly sends us mystic energies to aid in our battles against the dark forces of evil. I reanimated my pink energy shield, and was able to make small spheres of energy in my hand. He threw a plasma ball but it bounced off the Mystic Sphere, and I launched a pink mini sphere at him. It engulfed him like bubble gum as I directed it to lift him in the air. He was trapped, and extremely angered calling me all manner of nasty expletives. I replied,”Yeah that’s right bastard! Witch trumps Warlock! Where’s your Dark Master now? Say have you ever been in outer space?” He stopped yelling, and gave me a look of terror because he apparently knew what was coming next. I screamed,”Hecate hear me! Launch this loser to lunar heights!” The Warlock blasted through the ceiling screaming like a baby, and I never saw him again. He’s probably lying dead on the surface of the Moon or he may have the power to produce air. Perhaps astronauts will find him someday. The guy behind the counter let me get my own tacos free of charge while he untied the other employees. As I left I advised them that they would end up in the loony bin if they told anyone what really happened.  I guess they never did because I haven’t been visited by the authorities.  It’s plausible they’ve seen this kind of thing before since we all live in a major supernatural hot spot.  Next time I will probably just make something in the safety of my own kitchen.  Still I do love the occasional Taco Bell washed down with a Mountain Dew Baja Blast.  Then again I love to eat seaweed out of my salt water aquarium as well.  The human, and mermaid in me are alway fighting over what they want for dinner. Yo Quiero Taco Bell!


Rebecca’s Retirement Robbery

I’m Rebecca Abernathy, Vice-President, and Chief Practitioner Of Magic of Mystic Investigations.  Not only am I a good witch but I’m also half-Mermaid.  As the galactic alignment of the 2012 Winter Solstice approaches in mere months supernatural beings, such as myself, are feeling the surge of power with us. Our very DNA is being supernaturally juiced up, and some of us hope the change is permanent!  I’ve always been above average in strength due to my Mermaid half but the other day I displayed the most awesome non-magical strength of my life! There was no witchcraft needed to take down a duo of petty punks down at The Woodland Springs Retirement Home.

My associate Elizabeth Weatherly, and I were visiting the nursing home on a free routine sweep for paranormal activity coupled with brightening the day of some senior citizens. It’s just one of the many pro-bono services we provide at Mystic Investigations in an effort to protect the community for the greater good of all humankind.  Retirement homes have so much death, and despair within their melancholy walls that its inevitable ghosts, or even poltergeists, would manifest. Also, nefarious Nosferatu are known to frequent such places as they prefer the taste of geriatric blood! There’s also the occasional zombie that slips in and just sort of hangs out without anyone noticing.

We were passing out flowers and colorful streamers for walkers and wheelchairs. There was also delicious denture and diabetic safe candy along with our business cards. That’s when we spotted these huge heavy set creeps lurking from room to room dressed in white as orderly’s. However, a nearby nurse said she never saw them before. Elizabeth went to alert security while I confronted them because I suddenly heard an old woman crying for help. The two suspicious characters were in her room trying to steal her grandmother’s rosary. I then yelled,”Listen up scum! You have only one option to leave here alive. Drop the rosary, the rest of your loot, and hit the road you bastards or else!” They both looked at me, and laughed since all they saw was a slender yet curvy 5′ 9″ woman who appeared to be no threat.

One of them grabbed my arm suddenly, and said,”Hey little lady lets you and me go into the bathroom together!” I then replied,”Hey you pile of slime lets send you through the window!” I punched him in the stomach causing him to double over groaning in pain. His buddy was actually snickering at him as I kicked the groaning fool and he flew several feet crashing through the window to my surprise. I had planned to employ a telekinetic spell to launch him out the window but there was no need.  I felt so strong that I totally forgot about using my magnificent power of witchcraft which I usually wield in such situations.  The tall thug stopped laughing and threw a fast punch at me. He clocked me right in the jaw but it didn’t feel that bad as he held his hand in pain with a look of agony on his ugly mug. I chuckled, and said,”You call that a punch punk?”  I then proceeded to violently bounce him all over the room breaking plaster on the ceiling, and walls. I eventually tossed him out the broken window as the old woman cheered me on declaring this was the most exciting thing that happened to her in 30 years. She was so excited she didn’t even realize she had risen from her wheelchair! The old woman cried tears of joy as she proudly declared,”I can walk again! It’s a miracle!” Clearly the power of mind over matter!

Elizabeth and several orderly’s along with a security guard were at the door to the room watching with shocked looks on their faces. Then I casually announced,”I’m on a new vitamin regime and she’s on it too!” I hopped out the window and saw the second guy I threw out was lying face down in a smashed Jack-O-Lantern out like a light. The first guy I took down began to get up from the green grass cluttered with colorful autumn leaves. I then beat the ever-loving hell out of him for ten seconds before throwing him up into a tree. There he rested on a big barren branch until police showed up to take the criminal creeps into custody.

The Woodland Springs police tried to arrest me for use of excessive force, assault, and criminal damage to property despite the fact I saved the day. The old woman kept screaming,”Shame on you! Shame!” at the police. Thankfully my friend Comanche County Sheriff Blake Maverick showed up and told them where to shove it. Blake is a friend to Mystic Investigations and knows all about the world of the supernatural unlike the unbelievers in the police department. They call us wackos, and explain anything out of the ordinary as teenagers hopped up on PCP!  So I ended up writing the retirement community a check for $10,000 in damages out of our petty cash account.  Just another business expense to write off in a corporate crime-fighting enterprise.  The nursing home staff were so amazed by what they witnessed, and were appreciative of Mystic Investigations visits of charity that they said any of us could come back again. Especially since the old folks know that something exciting usually happens when we’re around.  I know the guy enjoyed that time I frolicked in the hot springs out back and my bikini top fell off. These things happen! I’m always happy to liven up their sometimes gloomy lives any way I can.  There didn’t seem to be any paranormal activity at the retirement home that fateful day so we went back to the office. Yes, indeed it was a good day to be a Demi-Mermaid!