The Christmas Adventures Of Fraggle The Enchanted Elf

Santa Sends His Best Elf To Run Mystic Investigations

The executive staff at Mystic Investigations works hard all year running the office, conducting paranormal research projects, and battling the forces of supernatural evil in the field. So we really look forward to our longest and most cherished of vacations every year. That being our surreal stay at Santa Claus’s winter wonderland. During our tremendous time at Old Saint Nick’s North Pole City amid Christmas 2017, we were given the option to have an Executive Elf man our supernatural post as it were. We happily took that option even though the peaceful Christmas season brings us the least paranormal cases. Still, we wanted someone with a measure of paranormal power to be here just in case things went south. Fraggle The Elf was sent to us here in Woodland Springs, Colorado by Santa Claus who is a powerful Demi-Angel force for good on Earth.  I, Xavier Remington, made Fraggle temporary Mystic Investigations President with full authority to run the business as he saw fit.  All our personnel are not fully aware of the wondrous world of the supernatural so we’ve only told them we’re going on a business trip up north. They believe Fraggle is my vertically challenged cousin.

We’d never met Fraggle at the North Pole on past visits because most of his work lies in the outside world. When we first met the little fella, who was barely 2′ 10″, we thought it would be best for him to change out of his tiny green Elf costume before meeting our non-executive employees who would not be traveling to the North Pole. Thankfully Santa had the foresight to send an adorable little business suit with Fraggle. Otherwise, we would have had to take him to a tailor, or a toddler store. LOL!  In addition, Santa gave him an Enochian Angel magic ear glamouring spell to hide his pointy elfin ears.  However at any point, he could appear in his Elf uniform with his real ears, and simply claim it was a costume to celebrate Christmas.

When we first introduced him to everyone the reactions ranged from snickers to slight shock.  I angrily intervened, and said,”Fraggle is family and a serious businessman! I expect you to give him the full respect you’ve shown me over the years!  I also hope you will not discriminate against him due to his vertically challenged status. Everyone should be aware that I’ve given him the authority to reprimand and even fire insubordinate personnel! Fraggle you have the floor, sir!”  Everyone had serious looks on their faces until he spoke in a voice that almost sounded like he’d sucked air from a helium balloon! Naturally quite a few people started laughing again. I immediately cleared my throat loudly, and it died down. Elves do have comical voices from our perspective. One employee whispered,”He sounds like Alvin the Chipmunk!” I glared at them and they fell silent staring at the floor.  Fraggle then said,”I’m honored to hold the position of Mystic Investigations President and I look forward to getting to know each, and every one of you during my short stay here. Together we will fight the nefarious forces of darkness, and help those in need. This I vow in the holy name of Saint Nicholas!  Are there any questions?”  One of our Administrative Assistants responded,”Oh gosh aren’t you just the cutest little thing ever!  May I please give you a hug?”  Fraggle replied,”You sure may sweet miss!”  She picked him up and hugged him. There were some snickers again but I let it pass as the little fella let out gleeful giggles while in the beautiful woman’s arms. His face snuggled sweetly in her ample bosoms!

I showed the enchanted Elf around the office and offered to let him stay at the home of Senior Vice-President Rebecca Abernathy, and I. Our home is known as Remington Manor. However, he said he would make a cozy blanket nest under my desk where he would be working.  As the executive staff and I walked out the front of Mystic Investigations headquarters Fraggle held a mug of eggnog in one hand.  I can assure you it was the tiniest mug you’ve ever seen!  It had a photo of the real Santa Claus and Mrs.Claus on it.  I shook his hand goodbye with one of my fingers, and we all left for the airport.  As we were driving away I saw him hopping up several times trying to reach the door handle.  Splashes of eggnog were flying out of his mug, and then someone opened the door causing him to fall to the snowy ground spilling it all over his business suit.  I was thinking,”Oh my God please let Mystic Investigations exist when I get back!”

The Elf Suit Cleaning Fiasco

Unfortunately, Fraggle only had the one suit so he quickly ran to the restroom as a few employees stared at the Lilliputian scurrying about with eggnog splatters dripping down him.  Once in the supposed privacy of the restroom, he took the footstool out from under the sink. We put one in every bathroom and in other places as well so the elegant elf could reach things with dignity.  Fraggle climbed on the counter and filled a sink with warm water after capping the drain. He then took some Christmasy stuff out of his pockets before taking off his entire suit, shirt, and tie that he then plunged into the sink.  He was left wearing nothing but his bright red socks speckled with white snowflakes and dark green leather shoes since Elves don’t wear underwear.  One of the contents of his pockets was a small vile of water with a cross and Santa’s face on it.  It was, in fact, holy water blessed by Santa himself. Certainly, water blessed by a half-Angel Saint would be extremely powerful.  He dumped it in with the rest of the water, and recited a holy incantation,”By the power vested in me by Saint Nicholas I hereby bless this vessel of water, and everything in it pure as the wind driven snow.”  There was a brief flash of bright white light! When it fell dim the suit was miraculously clean without even a trace of eggnog in the water.

Fraggle had his suit hanging by the electric hand dryer while he still stood clothing free on the counter admiring his elfish form in the mirror. He pressed the button to the turn the machine on and then pranced and danced up and down the counter hopping over sinks while singing “Jingle Bells“. Every so often he would tap the auto off dryer to keep it going. He was having quite a grand time engulfed in the enchantment of the Christmas Spirit until he was interrupted. A female client walked in the unisex lobby restroom with no lock on it. Both she and the Elf froze in shock for a moment with eyes locked in disbelief. Suddenly she ran out screaming,”Oh my God there’s a naked munchkin in the bathroom!”  Fraggle was so startled that he leaped right into the ceiling puncturing a hole that caused plaster to rain about. All along he was bellowing,”Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Fortunately, Elves have superhuman abilities and he wasn’t hurt.

The client fled the building and our Receptionist cautiously crept into the restroom to see what was going on. She had seen Fraggle go in there and quietly said,”Ah Mr. Fraggle are you in here? Is everything okay sir?” Fraggle was hiding behind a toilet in one of the stalls trying to calm himself down after the unexpected scare. He remained silent after the Receptionist repeatedly called out to him. Then he finally muttered,”I’m peachy keen. I’ll be out in flash. Please put an Out Of Order sign on the door before you dash.” She did and Fraggle ended up taking a relaxing dip in the cool toilet while his suit finished drying. Thankfully Elves can’t catch diseases so he had nothing to fear from his toilet bowl diving. There’s also the fact that we have high tech toilets that steam clean themselves with a bleach solution. Minutes later he strolled out wearing his crisp clean suit with pride. Pride that fell short when he couldn’t reach the elevator button and then proceeded to crawl up the steps to my office on the second floor.

Fraggle Greets Santa Claus On His Christmas Deliveries

On Christmas Eve little Fraggle went to my home at Remington Manor to make sure all was well. Decked out in his green elf costume he lit the hearth and Christmas tree with great care before strolling about the house while saying a prayer. As Midnight approached he dove into the hearth without any hint of a burn! The enchanted elf scaled the chimney at super speed and stood on the slick icy roof without concern. There he awaited the arrival of Old Saint Nick. Sure enough, the sound of sleigh bells ringing caused him to jump up and down with glee. Unfortunately, he lost his footing and began to slide down the roof of the three-story mansion. As he reached the roof’s edge he landed right into Santa’s sleigh pulled by nine enchanted reindeer. They landed on my roof as Santa asked, “Merry Christmas my sweet little Elf! Is all going well?” Fraggle replied,”Yes Santa! The Mystic Investigations team will return to find their business in tip-top shape!” Santa responded,”Excellent! I knew I could count on you to make me proud Fraggle! I already gave Xavier and Rebecca their gifts at the North Pole but here’s one for you!”  The elated elf excitedly ripped open his gift as the two helper elves in the sleigh looked on with smiling faces.  It was a new bottle of holy water and a packet of Tide Pods. Santa then said,”Silly Elf holy water is for serious situations! And always find a place with a locked door before disrobing!” Fraggle nodded in agreement as everyone giggled. Santa Claus is the closest thing to a physical God on Earth as he really does see all! That is how he creates his Naughty And Nice List!

Fraggle bid Santa farewell as his sleigh flew to the next house. Back down the chimney, the elated elf went. He sat by the Christmas tree and warm fireplace for an hour before putting the flames out and leaving the manor. He headed back toward downtown and Mystic Investigations headquarters as it began to lightly snow. He ran across a homeless man scavenging through a dumpster. Fraggle tugged on his coat as the scruffy bearded middle-aged man looked down with surprise at the little Elf who said,”May the Spirit Of Christmas dwell in your heart and bring you luck in the New Year, my good sir!” He then handed the man a handful of pure gold coins engraved with the image of Saint Nicholas and the Capitol building at North Pole City. They were legal tender there and were derived from Leprechaun gold. The man was elated as tears of joy welled up in his eyes. He eagerly thanked the little fella and even picked him up to give him a hug. The tiny elf chuckled and then scurried off once he was put back on the ground. Behind him, his left his cute tiny footprints and a trail of lucky Elf Dust. It turns out that the coins were easily worth over $8000 but the luck imbued upon them was priceless. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway saw the mans future. Twelve years from now he becomes a millionaire business owner who heavily donates to help the homeless!

The Copy Machine Incident

The day after Christmas the copy machine began spitting out paper everywhere. Because of the holidays it was going to take time to get a repairman out. Fraggle told the employees he would get the job done. As one of Santa’s Elves, he was an expert at building and fixing all kinds of things. An hour later the entire copy machine was strewn across the floor in over 100 parts!  A guy from our IT department we recently hired came in and said,”What in the blue Hell!” Fraggle then covered his ears,”You said the H word!” Put 25 cents in the swear jar!” Yes, Fraggle put a swear jar in the lobby and had ordered no filthy language to be spoken. The IT guy laughed and said,”Hell isn’t a swear word pal! Man, you totally wrecked the copy machine, you little idiot!”  Fraggle stood up with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face,”Listen, buddy, I’m trying to figure out how this giant camera machine works. By the power of Frosty The Snowman, I’ll fix this thingamajig! Also, I regret to inform you that you’re fired!” The man angrily replied,”You can’t fire me, runt! Only his almighty Lordship Xavier Remington can! I’m going back to work!”

He started walking away cackling like a smart ass until Fraggle grabbed his leg and dragged him through the building at super speed right out the front door! The man was shocked as he rested on the snowy parking lot rather dizzy and disoriented. Fraggle then said,”This hurts me more than it hurts you, buddy! You don’t have the Spirit Of Christmas in your heart. I know when you’ve been naughty and when you’ve been nice. Let me just say you’ve been very naughty here and outside of work as well. What you do to those women you meet at the taverns is atrocious!”  The guy responded,”What the f**k! You been spying on me you little bastard!?!” Suddenly Fraggle’s face turned beet red as steam literally came out of his tiny ears that popped back to being pointed. He screamed,”Oh pooping peppermint barks I banish you from this property! Be gone you despicable Devil!” The man chuckled and said,”Hey screw you you little s**t!” Fraggle bending on one knee lifted the man up and firmly placed him upon his knee as best he could. He began spanking him while bellowing,”You naughty boy! Naughty! NAUGHTY!”  The man yelled,”What the hell are you doing!” He was helpless against the Elf’s super strength while Fraggle yelled,”Stop swearing or I’ll wash your mouth out with Santa soap!”

Soon a crowd of employees gathered behind him. Fraggle turned around and was mortified at the spectacle he created. He let the guy go and he immediately ran away to his car crying before speeding away. Fraggle then silently re-entered the building and kept a low profile the rest of the day. Thankfully he spent the night putting the copy machine back together and it was working perfectly the next morning. In fact, it miraculously created 3-D images when it doesn’t have that capability! Also for the record, I was already on the verge of firing that IT guy due to his performance and how he treated others with disdain.

Enchanted Elf vs Nasty Gnome

A few days later things got busy and a family called about a Gnome taking up residence in their basement. He refused to leave and kept trying to break through the door at the top of the steps. He loudly screeched he wanted to eat their kids! That is what Gnome’s do after all. Nobody else was available so Fraggle went to the house. He marched in with full Elf gear on as he confidently claimed all would be well. The family was worried the minute man would be eaten alive by the monstrous little Gnome in the basement.  Fraggle cautiously walked down the creaky steps into the dark basement that smelled of minty tobacco. Most Gnomes smoke a mystical mint….To Be Continued Before Christmas…Little Fraggle also dealt with a Werewolf on the New Year’s 2018 Supermoon along with a demon worshiping biker gang that stormed Mystic Investigations headquarters!

The Demonic Ice Cream Truck Terror

Ice Cream TruckIt was a hot sunny July Sunday as I sat by the window in my library reading up on the latest happenings in the paranormal world courtesy of Paranormal Investigators Monthly Magazine. A warm breeze flowed in on the verge of being hot so I contemplated turning on the central air. Suddenly child like whimsy entered my heart upon hearing the most quintessential sound of summer in the distance! The merry melodies of the neighborhood ice cream truck making it creamy rounds.  Naturally there was also the sound of kids screaming for ice scream. I peered out the front door as the music grew louder. Some kids ran past yelling,”Ask Mom for some money! The ice cream man is coming!” I could see the white truck gleaming in the sun down the road slowly making it’s way here. I set my mystical magazine down and walked out to partake of some creamy delights. As I strolled toward the street my girlfriend Rebecca came around from back of the house where she had been working on her glorious garden. She exclaimed,”Hey wait for me Xavier! I’m dying for some ice cream!” We walked down the cement sidewalk as children ran past full of joy and anticipation of their sweet selections. Soon the truck was upon us and the music stopped as everyone clamored around the big truck of treats.

I had ordered ice cream from a truck a few times this summer but this particular time the ice cream truck, and the man at the helm were completely unfamiliar to me. Someone very sinister looking but I learned a long time ago not to judge a book by it’s cover so I looked past his creepy appearance. I set my sights on a Creamsicle while Rebecca was hoping for a Dreamsicle. Luckily the ice cream man, whose name tag said Ernie, had both. As Rebecca, and I enjoyed our orange creamy goodness I observed Ernie’s interaction with the kids and something just didn’t seem right about him. It was a gut feeling but I had a hunch he harbored ill will toward the children despite his smile. There was just something not right about the look in his dark foreboding eyes and the tone of his seemingly disingenuous voice. The melodiousness of the white freezer on wheels roared up and the truck slowly rolled away down Enchantment Lane.

I was sound asleep sometime after Midnight when I was awakened by some faint whimsical tunes. I looked out the window and it was the ice cream truck inching along the roadway without it’s headlights on. Yet the music was playing at a lower volume than usual. The cab was dimly lit by an eerie green light and I could see what appeared to be Ernie in the Drivers seat staring out at houses. He stopped in front of one house that had kids and he walked out on to the front lawn. He held up what appeared to be an amulet of some type. It emitted a crimson light while he muttering some words I couldn’t hear. Suddenly to my shock a boy leaped out the second story window and Ernie caught him. Ernie then ran back to the truck and sped away. There wasn’t any time to think. I ran to the back of the bedroom and then sped toward the window breaking through it. Glass shattered around me as I fell two stories to the front lawn rolling the kinetic energy out of the fall. I then sprung to my feet and ran down the street after the ice cream truck. Rebecca woke up and screamed out the window,”What the hell is going on? Are you sleep walking again Xavier?  The insurance company isn’t going to pay for this again!” I yelled back,”The ice cream man just kidnapped little Billy Samuels! Call the police!”

Running at top speed I could just barely see the lights of the truck in the distance. Every so often it disappeared around a corner but I could still hear the music which now sounded very creepy to me. Unfortunately I had nothing but my silk pajamas on and no cell phone to call anyone with the trucks location. My legs were about to give out on me when all the sudden I felt a static electrical force behind me. I turned around to find Rebecca, a top flight witch, levitating in a clear pink bubble of energy known as her Mystic Sphere. She gleefully exclaimed,”Hop aboard and lets get this son of a bitch!” I entered the bubble and we floated away above the tree tops, homes, and eventually business buildings as we flew above the industrial park. The vehicle finally pulled into what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse as the witching hour was nearing a close.  Why do these creeps always have an abandoned warehouse?

Rebecca and I landed outside and the Mystic Sphere dispersed. Rebecca took out her cell phone and gave the police our location. It was in fact an abandoned ice cream factory. The door had a huge steel padlock on it so Rebecca pulled out a crystal from her Wicca pouch and recited an impromptu spell,”Let this enchanted rock unbind this impeding lock.” The lock came loose and we ran inside the dark warehouse. We could hear the ice cream truck music echoing through the large building but we kept stumbling over junk on the floor so Rebecca took out another crystal and exclaimed,”Fiat lux!” The clear crystal lit the way with white light and we quickly found the truck. In the room beyond we found the boy lying upon what appeared to be a Satanic altar. Ernie was holding up the amulet, which had a demonic figure engraved on it amid a pentagram. He was forcefully reciting some ancient language from a scroll. Clearly this sick bastard was making a demonic sacrifice. Billy appeared to be in some type of trance. Perhaps the ice cream wrapper next to him suggested the creamy treats may be tainted with a chemical or magic substance. Just as Ernie picked up a gold dagger and walked toward the altar I yelled,”Not so fast you sadistic scum!” He swung around shocked at our presence and thew the dagger at me!

I caught it and threw it back at him. It hit him in the gut but he pulled it out and began laughing maniacally,”It will take more than a little knife to stop me!” Rebecca then bellowed,”How about a little magic moron? Relevandae de Leir super inimicum tuum percutere!” Small bolts of electric energy surged forth from her hands electrifying the filthy fiend causing him to fall to the floor in agony. Ernie then quickly wiped the blood from his wound on the amulet, and tossed it on the altar. I immediately swiped Billy off the altar as Rebecca stood over the fallen servant of Satan. Suddenly there was a burst of hellishly hot wind along with unholy horrifying screams bellowing forth around us coming from seemingly nowhere. I quickly hid Billy behind some crates. Ernie was cackling as he yelled,”Yes now you bastards will pay for interrupting my tribute to my magnificent master!” A roaring red vortex opened up and a demonic lizard like creature with horns walked out. His glowing yellow eyes and monstrous growl were enough to scare the hell out of anyone! The green scaly beast with a peculiar crimson tint then uttered,”Who dares disturb my slave?” I immediately exclaimed,”I did you ugly reptile!” I roundhouse kicked him in the face but it had no effect on him. He picked me up by my neck and tossed me through the ice cream truck windshield into the front seat. Rebecca then yelled,”Relevandae de Leir super inimicum tuum percutere!” and shot her mini lightening bolts at the living demon. He briefly lost his balance but then swatted at the bolts causing them to deflect back at Rebecca. She flew into a wall as both Ernie and the demon cackled with a sinister glee. The demon then shouted,”You think invoking the name of pathetic little God like Leir would do anything to me? I’m a demon of Hell you fool!” In the distance police sirens could be heard. Ernie crawled over to the demon and said,”Master we must hurry before the humans get here!” The demon replied,”I’ll take them all out! Nobody will stand in my way of gaining a permanent hold in this plane of reality!” Ernie then countered,”But Master the police have cameras and communications that might lead to exposure of the supernatural. That will cause Angelic forces to intervene!” The demon then screamed,”Dam freaking Angels! Always on my ass! We were doing so good at collecting the innocent souls l needed until you came to this blasted town! I want that boy now! Once his soul is mine I can exist in the physical world forever and you will be granted the powers you so desire.”

The police had finally entered the factory yelling,”If anyone is in here come out with your hands up!” Ernie picked up Billy from behind the crate and brought him over to the demon who was still standing in front of the open vortex. He placed his hands over the boy and began speaking in an unknown ancient language. Both me and Rebecca had been knocked out cold but I finally woke up and sprung out of the ice cream truck. I pulled a bottle of holy water from my pocket and tossed it in the demons face. He screamed in pain as he held his eyes now literally releasing black smoke. Ernie ran away with the boy in a panic but Rebecca punched him in the face and grabbed the boy. I then pulled out a mini Bible and shoved it in the demons open mouth. He began choking on it as sinister dark smoke came billowing out. I then kicked him in the chest and he was pushed back into the vortex causing it to close. The police burst in at that moment and nabbed Ernie!

We gave our statements to the police conveniently leaving out the demon, and the vortex.  Ernie the demon loving idiot wasn’t so smart, and was quickly admitted to the psych ward! Rebecca, and I finally headed home at 3 AM. Despite the horror of the night we slept well knowing Ernie was in a straight jacked and little Billy was safely returned to his home.  We had dealt with all manner of supernatural terrors but this was the first time we were face to face with a real biological form demon!  Hopefully we never run across another one ever again!

?