Easter 2013 Battle Between The Easter Bunny And The Anti-Claus!
I’m Drake Alexander, Senior Vice-President Of Mystic Investigations, and 700 something vampire. We had our annual Mystic Investigations Easter Egg hunt on the grounds of our paranormal crime fighting offices. It was open to the public, and many kids, their parents, and little bunnies from a local farm were hopping about the festive Easter event. I hunted in the Mystical Forest for three days non-stop just to find a gnome so I could be in the sun courtesy of their protective blood! Duanna Sargon, my vampire mother, was there as well. All was well as children giggled with glee while parents snapped photos, and shot video to preserve the memories of the delightful day. Suddenly out of the blue a large anthropomorphic bipedal bunny ran out of the woods screaming for help in a comically high pitched voice. The children were laughing thinking it was entertainment but I could tell immediately it wasn’t a guy in a rabbit suit. My enhanced vision, and supernatural sense of smell told me otherwise. I told everyone it was real, and Xavier Remington, Mystic Investigations President, said,”OMG you don’t think it’s the…” I then said,”Oh yeah it has to be the Easter Bunny!” We’ve met Santa Claus who is friends with the worlds only known Werehare,or Werebunny, but we still couldn’t believe he was real despite sparse entries in the secret supernatural record. We did see a strange looking rabbit near Rebecca Abernathy, our resident Demi-Mermaid witch, when she died and was resurrected on Easter 2011. We suspected the Easter Bunny had a hand in that miracle. However you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen a rabbit humanoid running toward you. I’ve supposedly seen everything existing for over 7 centuries, and it even shocked me!
What was even more shocking was the hellish vision of the Anti-Claus running after him with a bloody hatchet as kids started screaming, and scattering.! He was hollering,”I’m going to slaughter you bunny man, and eat the very essence of Easter!” We found out later that the blood on the hatchet was from some sick Satanic sacrifice. The large bunny man, 7 feet tall with the ears, ran up to Rebecca, and changed into a small normal sized furry bunny form before hopping into her arms. I told her to get the poor little bastard the hell out of here! We couldn’t let the Dark Claus absorb the marvelous magic of Easter. Metaphysical energy accumulated by channeling the innocent magic of children all around the world celebrating Easter. Enchanted energies channeled through the Easter Bunny forming the Spirit Of Easter Rebecca screamed, and activated her active witch power,”Mystic Sphere!” She flew away with the bunny in her transparent pink energy orb high in the sky. Before I could make a move Ex-Navy Seal Hunter Jackson looked around quickly to make sure no innocents were in vicinity before pulling out his machine gun, and firing directly upon the Anti-Claus. Regrettably he just stood there maniacally laughing as the bullets bounced off him. Not surprising considering he was the most powerful Demi-Demon on Earth!
The kids were all hiding in the edge of the woods with their parents watching the surreal spectacle unfold. Telekinetic Psychic Julia Hathaway, and bionic boy wonder Zack Powers stood nearby ready to protect them. Duanna, and I tackled him as she screamed,”Die you sick bastard!” I was so enraged as well that I bit into him, and forgot that not only would I gain temporary Anti-Claus strength but also be under his spell as well. He whaled loudly, and finally pushed us off him sending us flying. He then looked at me with a sinister stare, and hypnotically ordered me to kill Duanna along with the entire Mystic Investigations team! I felt compelled to do so until Duanna grabbed me, and looked into my eyes saying,”I sired you my son! You do my bidding! Nobody else has power over you!” I felt her sire bond power over me but the Anti-Claus still tugged at my very soul. She then punched me in the face, and screamed,”I command you to kill the Anti-Claus, and not hurt the Mystic Investigations team!” Her hypnotic vampiress ability, and sire bond, won the brain washing battle. With eyes glowing red, fangs extended, and other worldly growling flowing forth I attacked the Dark Claus with a vengeance. It was a near equal fight since we both had demonic DNA coupled with his blood fueling me. We fought for a minute before the sinister Claus began to overwhelm me. Duanna then intervened, and got him in a head lock as she attempted to behead him the hard way! I then attempted to force my fingers into his chest to extricate his dark dead demonic heart. Suddenly I felt a stabbing pain through my chest as I saw a blade come out through me.
It was the Dark Drake, my evil doppelganger, and long time nemesis who is one of the Devil’s sons. He impaled me with the fabled Sword Of Dagon. Dark Drake then declared,”I found my Father a mate to sire the Dark Prince, and now the pathetic Drake will be the first to die along with everyone here!” As revealed some time ago the Dark Drake, with the aid of the Anti-Claus, was to find the perfect mother for the Anti-Christ. I fell dead as the Anti-Claus sneered, and snickered over me. He had freed himself from Duanna’s grip, and snapped her neck causing her to lie unconscious on the ground. I began bursting into flames as Dark Drake said,”So long brother!” Julia, and Zack ran up as Julia screamed,”Nooooooooooo Drake!” She used her telekinetic powers to toss both nefarious figures aside but the Anti-Claus instantly recovered, and used his own power to choke both her, and Zack Darth Vader Force Style as he held his hand out. While Dark Drake got up Xavier appeared with his mystical Sword Of Judgment to engage him in battle. Xavier had run back to his office to get the sword when things started heating up. Ghostbuster Rob Edmunds ran up, and shot the Dark Claus with his photonic disruption gun he uses on poltergeists. The evil Claus was momentarily stunned but recovered, and added Rob to his choking spree. I saw nothing but unholy violet flames around me as the holy sunlight began fading, and I knew it was time to meet my maker. Would I end up in Heaven, Hell, the Underworld, the fabled Purgatory, or perhaps simply blink out of existence?
Out of nowhere the Mystic Sphere shot from the Heavens like a messenger from God. I later learned it was at the request of the Easter Bunny who had a vision of my death, and that of several innocents in the vicinity. Rebecca blasted the Anti-Claus with a magical power burst as the little Easter Bunny transformed into his large anthropomorphic form. He landed on top of me causing the flames to immediately extinguish as he held his hands upon my heart causing a magical yellow glittering energy to bathe over me. He resurrected me, and I was whole again. At that point the Dark Drake had disarmed Xavier, and was about to behead him as the Anti-Claus blasted Rebecca into a tree trunk with his own deadly dark magics. At that point Duanna’s neck snapped back into position, and she sprung forth to tackle Dark Drake. The Easter Bunny, and I both wrestled the Anti-Claus to the ground as Rebecca recovered to join us. She told us to keep the calamitous Claus down while she recited a spell. Santa Claus had given her some of his blood for such a situation while we were at North Pole City this last Christmas. She drew a cross upon his forehead in Saint Nicholas blood, and her magical words caused him to scream in agony as she called upon the Great Claus, Mother Earth Goddess Gaia, and even the Demigod Jesus Christ to let the Earth literally absorb him. He began melting into the hallowed Earth while Dark Drake cast off Duanna, and rushed toward us with his deadly sword. Xavier then threw me his sword just in time to begin mortal combat with my dark doppelganger of doom.
The Anti-Claus disappeared into the Earth as a car drove up nearby playing the theme to TV’s Highlander. It was an odd coincidence as sparks flew between our swords. Even with the Anti-Claus blood within me the Dark Drake was a son of the Devil yet still within a body genetically identical to my own. It seemed I was losing until the Easter Bunny psychically sent me messages of hope to reinvigorate me but my sword was forced from my hand as I hit the ground. Rebecca shot magical energy at the Devil’s son but he deflected it with his hand, and she was hit with it knocking her out cold. Duanna came from behind but he sensed it, and quickly spun around chopping both her legs off as she cried in agony. While this was going on the Easter Bunny came to my side telling me to bite into his arm, and drink of his holy blood. I said it would harm me to drink such innocent magical holy blood but he said his body was actually pagan in origin while his spirit was that of a holy, yet cursed, saint. I partook of the essence of Easter surging through his blood, and a power force of good shot through me as I grabbed the sword to face Devilish Drake again. I knew in the end there could be only one Drake! The Dark One looked at the holy werehare, and said,”After I destroy Drake your next bunny bitch!”
We fought for what seemed like forever as we lunged metal against metal in a titanic battle of good versus evil. With the power of Easter behind me I eventually beat him down. I ended up chopping his hand off! He fell to his knees ready for the beheading he deserved for so many months now. I then said,”Any last words you wretched bastard!” He then started bellowing,”Unholy Father help me!” An apparition of the Devil surrounded in roaring flames instantly appeared in broad daylight, ”Your mission is done my sickening son. You have shamed me in your lowly handling of your Earthly form. Once you die here I will deal with you back in Hell.” Dark Drake then screamed like a baby declaring he didn’t want to go back yet. The Devil shook his head in disappointment before disappearing. I then swung the sword beheading the dastardly doppelganger who cried ”Nooooooooooooooooooo!”
Luckily the Easter Bunny saw what was about to happen, and he didn’t want the kids nearby to be traumatized so he created a mass delusion of a paradise countryside full of cute furry animals, and Easter eggs. Upon the beheading a mass of bright eerie red lights emanated from his body, and multi-colored lightening bolts shot everywhere. Most of them absorbed into me. It was my first Highlander moment since nothing like that ever happened before. Normally you kill a paranormal entity, and they either simply die with no fanfare, or they disappear into flames, ashes, sparkles, etc. I felt a surge of dark energy, and tried to fight it’s mental effects. I think holding Xavier’s mystical sword of the light prevented me from turning evil under the influence of such dark demonic power. When it was over I was exhausted, and slumped to the ground. I crawled over to Duanna to console her. Her legs had been cut off near the hip but they had already grown back to the knee since vampires regenerate lost limbs. Although she was turning red, and smoking as the Gnome blood had drained from her. The holy sun was beginning to extinguish her living dead life. I was too weak to lift her up but the Easter Bunny came over, and placed his furry paws upon her causing Duanna to be safe in the sun, and for her legs to grow back within seconds in an array of sparkling yellow, and pink lights.
The Easter Bunny went about healing everyone as the kids, and parents converged on us. The Easter Bunny then announced,”Let us thank the fine folks here at Mystic Investigations for a first class Easter special effects spectacular!” Everyone clapped, and cheered with glee at this most unusual Easter show. Xavier chimed in,”And let us thank..ah…Bob here for having such a cool Easter Bunny costume!” More cheering as the Easter Bunny took a bow, and winked at Xavier. The Easter Bunny frolicked with the kids, and hid his own magical eggs for them to find. The mystical Werehare also sent forth the energy of Easter, and deleted the video evidence, mostly shot on smart phones, of our supernatural battle so we wouldn’t all be in violation of the Supernatural Secrecy Pact. It turned out to be an Easter Sunday we would never forget! Unfortunately we are now facing a Halloween which may hold the physical manifestation of the Devil as he looks to father the Anti-Christ.
As the fun ended later that afternoon the Easter Bunny bid us farewell, and promised to visit his new friends at Mystic Investigations again soon. He thanked us for saving his life, and we reciprocated for saving us. The bunny left me with a special golden Easter egg which he said would come in handy very soon. Then the peaceful being of joy transmuted into a small brown bunny, and hopped away at light speed leaving a trail of pink glitter in his path. God bless the Easter Bunny, and we hope everyone on Earth had a happy Easter!