With Easter only 10 days away you should expect to see the little furry fella, know as the Easter Bunny, hopping about to and fro hiding Easter eggs and spreading good spring cheer. There are no official reports as to the appearance of the Easter Bunny. Although eye witness accounts seem to indicate that he looks like a normal sized rabbit which might have the ability to change color. He may appear white, or even differing shades of brown. He can move at super speed and can hop amazing heights. It’s said that up close his eyes look rather human in nature which would make sense since he was originally a human. This is why he’s intelligent and can speak like a normal adult except for the fact that he knows every language on Earth just like his Demi-Angel pal Santa Claus. In fact Christmas is the only day of the year he can transform back into a human thanks to the power of Christmas which is considered the sister holiday of Easter. It’s also rumored he can transform into a human size bi-pedal bunny as well.
Only on Christmas are the forces of good powerful enough to reverse the curse placed on Eggbert, The Easter Bunny’s human name. On Halloween, the most powerful day of evil, many centuries ago they say a powerful coven of witches channeled the power of the Anti-Claus, Santa’s evil twin Demi-Demon brother, and turned their nemesis Eggbert into a rabbit. They thought he’d hop away and eventually be eaten by wolves but Santa Claus stepped in and gave him the gift of immortality. He of course had the choice to die or cease being a bunny but he jumped at the chance to perform works of goodness on Earth for eternity. Various Angelic forces gave their blessing for him to take control of Easter and use it for good. Those forces could not interfere to restore his human form due to various paranormal pacts that have prevented all hell from breaking loose on Earth. Eggbert still hopes to be human for longer periods than one day. He likes being a magical bunny but he still has a human soul.
Like other holidays that are centered around children, Easter is about marshaling the forces of righteousness to continue the fight against evil. The magical innocence of kids is a powerful mystical force that can be channeled around the globe for good. That is what Easter is about and that’s why the Easter Bunny hides colorful eggs filled with chocolates, and other candy. Even sometimes gifts are left in his special eggs. A rare few contain magical gifts as well for those children in the supernatural community. The increased joy and happiness of children is a key component of benevolence on this planet and Easter counters the forces of evil that may have built up since Christmas. Just as Christmas targets the key magical temporal apex of the Winter Solstice so does Easter target the next magical apex of the Spring Equinox despite being a good month past it at times.
If you’re lucky enough to actually see the Easter Bunny in person then you will be blessed with good luck. Being of good character, decorating your home and hiding eggs about your yard filled with the finest chocolates, and treats, possible is one way to lure him to your home. To triple your chances of seeing him you must leave out special mystical candy carrots which grow in rare supernatural soils around the world. Unfortunately even if you can find a local supernatural shop, and they have some in stock, you should expect to pay $1000 or more per carrot. Fear not if you’re poor because the Easter Bunny will pay you a visit if you believe in your heart that he’s real, and you truly are a sweet soul.
We also warn you against capturing the Easter Bunny. If you do this then bad luck will fall upon you for all the rest of your days. It will also effect the balance between good and evil on Earth causing unthinkable catastrophes. In addition if you save him from being captured it’s said that he can give you three limited wishes. Legend states that if you die while saving him you will be resurrected and become an immortal.
Note: There is a neo-liberal (our term for fake liberals) movement in the USA to call the Easter Bunny the Spring Bunny due to the insane political correctness that has run rampant across the nation. The Bunny has been known as the Easter Bunny for centuries and will continue to be called that. Ignore the PC Spring Bunny fools. If a Spring Bunny ever materializes you can bet he’s actually some new dark Anti-Easter Bunny.