Demonic Vampire Groundhog Warning

Groundhog Day is upon us, and the sacred act of the chosen few groundhogs who predict the length of our winter are in grave danger.  Demonic vampire ground hogs from Hell rise to the surface of our planet on February 2nd looking to add to their numbers by taking down groundhog day heroes such as the immortal Punxsutawney Phil.  His Inner Circle, which is in fact a circle of wizards, work to protect him from the forces of evil.  Not only do the demonic vampire ground hogs want him, and his immortal brothers, but also those who dabble in the dark magics. Those with ties to the Groundhogs who think the dark side is their ticket to increased power. What they’ll find is their soul compromised, and sacrificed by a demonic vampirehog eating them alive!

These vampire groundhogs are mainly after the immortal ground hogs who walk the path of righteousness yet are ironically scared of their own shadow. The Vamphogs will tear anyone to shreds who stands in their path whether they be human, animal, or even supernatural in nature.  Don’t let their size fool you.  Think about the terrifying prospect of a rabid squirrel being let loose in your house! That’s nothing in comparison to these little blasphemous bastards! They’ll take down a large man with extreme bloody prejudice!  Also be aware that they can dwell in direct sunlight due to the strength of their demonic half.  All day, and night on Groundhog’s Day please be vigilant, and look where you’re walking. They’ll super speed up on you, and bite your feet, ankles, and calves with deadly force! Their sharp fangs diving into your flesh to remove every ounce of your precious blood!  They can also leap 20 feet in the air without warning so watch your head!  Unfortunately common vampire repellents are ineffective!  However some standard religious artifacts keep them at bay long enough for you to run away.  The silver cross necklace is always a good call in cases such as these!  Take care on this gory Ground Hogs Day!

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A Friday The 13th Warning Is In Effect!

Terror Of The 13th!2017 will bring us two Friday The 13th’s. One in January, and another in October just in time for Halloween. The fabled Friday The 13th spawns global Paraskevidekatriaphobia, aka the fear of Friday The 13th, along with Triskaidekaphobia, fear of the number 13 itself.  These fears foment into a sub-conscious spirit within the human collective consciousness causing increased bad luck, and dark metaphysical energies. Thankfully like many spontaneous spirits created by the human collective thought process, it’s not a conscious sentient entity.  However there are nefarious forces of darkness who would love to breath life into the sinister spirit thereby creating a dangerous God! Certainly a pure sapient manifestation of dark luck would be a frightening force to be reckoned with!  Unfortunately this massive manifestation of dark energy will be used by nefarious black magic masters to propel their poisonous agenda forth!  The dark luck energies will also produce metaphysical maelstroms substantially powering up ghosts, poltergeists, and demons.  Expect ever increasing displays of paranormal activity as Friday The 13th progresses.  However it’s expected that the Witching Hour through the Devil’s Hour on Friday morning will present the most dangerous activity! We can only hope that The Spirit Of Christmas is still strong enough to dissipate some of these alarming activities!

Dark Leprechauns Will Be Afoot
Clurichaun Of EvilClurichauns, aka Anti-Leprechauns, feed off the dark luck running rampant throughout the 13th! These monstrous Leprechauns of darkness feed off people’s insecurities as they cause mayhem wherever they can!  They will be on the look out for the weak willed down on their luck who will eagerly accept their dark deals. Deals of damnation that will find them in a world of lowly luck hurt later down the line.  Never make a deal with a Dark Leprechaun, or any being who claims to be a Leprechaun.  Leprechauns generally avoid humans so odds are it’s a Clurichaun! Also beware of these dark little Devils gaining control over a Wolf Moon Werewolf pack for the purposes of attacking you with glee!

Friday The 13th Demon Specter
Friday The 13thAnother cause for concern are the rumors swirling about that various powerful factions of evil are attempting to resurrect The Friday The 13th Demon Specter from the Underworld, aka physical Hell.  This specialty demon operated free of the Devil’s Hell regime, and fed off paraskevidekatriaphobia, the number 13 in general, and a variety of other frights & anxieties. He was banished there after Mystic Investigations very own witch Rebecca Abernathy lured him into the powerful hands of the Norse Gods Odin, Thor, and Frigga in February of 2015.  The Demon Specter is being held in the Norse Hell Dimension of the Underworld under the guard of Hel, daughter of the Norse God Loki, along with other Norse deities.  With the Demon now helpless, and at the mercy of Earthly Gods, he has lost his free terror agent status beholden to whoever releases him.  So naturally a plethora of dark magical practitioners are clamouring to free him, and use his powers for their own despicable ends!  If he should be freed then it’s open season on anyone in a fearful state!

Jason Voorhees
Jason 13thThe biggest news is that this is the second Friday The 13th since the resurrection of the deeply dangerous Jason Voorhees! a real metaphysical menace portrayed as fiction in the Friday The 13th movie franchise to deflect any truth of his reality from the public.  Jason was merely a dark spirit after having his physical form destroyed by the world famous supernatural warrior team known as The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s.  Then on November 13, 2015 The Jason Voorhees Cult managed to resurrect him back into this world!  Since last year’s Friday The 13th there have been sparse sightings of Jason across the continental United States.  This Friday The Thirteenth is essential for him to amp up his dark powers, and prepare for the coming Summer Camp season.  He does love sacrificing those crazy hormonal teens romping about woodland lakes on warm Summer nights!  It’s looking like the Voorhees Cult may attempt to organize some kind of party at a Summer Camp near a lake so Jason can swim in a smorgasbord of terrified teen blood!  This happened on May 13, 2016 but the government covered up the paranormal blood bath! We can only pray that some supernatural crime fighting organization gets there in time to stop it this time! Perhaps even us here at Mystic Investigations! The Ten Gallon Hat Metanatural’s are scattered across the country looking for Jason as we speak!

If you spot any strange activity from Midnight to 4 AM or so on the morning of Friday The 13th at an abandoned Summer Camp by a lake then contact your nearest paranormal investigations firm or powerful practitioner of magic. If you can’t locate anyone then go ahead, and dial 911. While on the phone with the Operator have the first words from your mouth be “PDA” as in the US Paranormal Defense Agency.  Since all phone calls are being monitored in real time by the NSA they will hear that, and immediately relay the recorded call to the top secret branch of the US Defense Agency that deals with supernatural threats. The 911 Operator will be puzzled that your call was dropped along with all your data wiped clean from their computer systems! Jason is on the US Government’s Most Wanted Supernatural Beings List. Hopefully they can at least do something to reduce the bloody carnage. Generally red tape, bloated bureaucracies, and misinformation plague the US PDA. However it’s better than the local authorities who are ill equipped to deal with such murderous metaphysical matters!

A New Friday The 13th Player For The Forces Of Good?
Despite all this threatening nefarious news there is a new force of good trying to reshape Friday The 13th into something positive! Certainly we have good witches out there attempting to call upon Gods & Goddesses of Friday, such as the Norse Goddess Frigga, for the purposes of battling all the dark luck.  Leprechauns are also being drawn into the Friday frey spreading good luck as best they can.  Certainly we recommend lucky charms, and positive thinking to aid in your survival of the 13th.  However a more jovial yet mischievous force, somewhat akin to The April Fool, made her debut on May 13, 2016.  Our investigations have revealed that she is a human born with a paranormal gene that absorbs bad luck.  She may have also been born at exactly Midnight on Friday The 13th thereby making her immune to many of the unlucky perils of the day.  Apparently she’s a stand-up comic who always enjoyed pranking people as a kid.  Now her mission is to marshal dark luck into something hilarious as she goes around embarrassing people with her pranks, and jokes. You can help out her quest to create a new Spirit Of Friday The 13th by perpetuating good natured pranks as well! If you fall prey to her, or someone else, then try to laugh about it to keep things positive rather than getting angry.  Don’t be the one who fuels a dark entities insatiable appetite for negative energy! She still hasn’t come up with an official name for herself since she is rather elusive, and hasn’t given any interviews. It’s not known if she will call herself the Friday Fool or The Friday The 13 Fool? Hopefully she can go about her business without being attacked by any evil entities!  It seems things went rather well during 2016’s only Friday The 13th. We also hope she doesn’t visit us since we’re already still embarrassed by The April Fool’s tomfoolery perpetrated upon us on April 1, 2016!

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Wayward Wolf Moon Werewolf Warning!

Pack Of Angry Rabid Werewolves On The Prowl!When it comes to Werewolves the Full Moon of January may be the most dangerous lunar light of the year! Plausibly second only to the Halloween Blood Moon. The metaphysical energies of this wayward Moon compel all Werewolves to draw together into vicious rabid packs. It even implores them to not only leave regular wolves alone but to welcome them into the new pack of malevolent monsters! A terrifying gang of animals hell bent on devouring just about every animal in sight. Particularly human beings! This unholy kinship is why the January Moon is almost exclusively known as the Wolf Moon. Normally Werewolves are thankfully loners. It’s rare to form organized packs. However paranormal packs are common among Native Americans. The first to make the Werewolf curse their own.  The few with the spiritual guidance to control their transformations, and remain at least somewhat self-aware while in the form of a hairy horror.

We seriously suggest you stay indoors during the next few nights when the Moon is at it’s brightest. If you must venture out be sure to steer clear of desolate rural areas, and wear bright reflective clothing. Even a flashlight can confuse them long enough for you to make an escape. If you make the smart decision to stay home you should adorn it with silver, and Wolfsbane since the Wolf Moon will cause a threefold urge to eat you! Also have silver implements, and holy water handy. Having blessed waters ready for action in a Super Soaker is probably the simplest thing anyone can do to protect themselves from the monstrous mayhem of the night!  Collect the wondrous waters down at your local church or bring a jug in for a Priest to bless. Holy artifacts in general will wield some level of repellent effect since Werewolves possess demonic DNA.  Stay safe, and pray to nature deities for protection throughout the duration of the Wolf Moon.

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The December Yule Super Moon Of Christmas Alert

Christmas Yule Moon MagicThe Yule Moon of December is the only Moon of the year that’s almost consistently claimed by the forces of light on Earth! A Full Moon whose metaphysical energies are dominated by the Spirit Of Christmas as directed by the Demi-Angel Santa Claus. Normally Moonlight has some level of unholy light filtered from the holy sunlight. However the Yule Moon is generally holy light. Yet not so holy it repels all manner of dark supernatural forces as the sun would. Instead it tends to have a positive peaceful effect on them. Thankfully this year the effect is even greater courtesy of the Supermoon.

December is the only month older Werewolves won’t transform into their ferocious furry forms. The younger ones who do transform will become white werewolves who are gentle as bunnies. Most vampires beyond fourth generation will lose their urge for blood while younger ones will become temporarily human for the period the Moon is at 100% of full. Certainly a treat for Vampire Slayers! Most zombie activity will be quelled during this time as well. In addition dark spirit activity will be at a minimum causing haunted houses to go quiet. In general a peaceful calm will be blanketed over most supernatural beings. However don’t let your guard down since there are still those with the quintessence of evil dwelling within their dark hearts.

Some interesting elements of enchantment with the Yule Moon include Snowmen coming to life when enough children believe in Frosty The Snowman. Frosty’s spirit is intertwined within the Christmas Spirit. On a somewhat related note Abominable Snowmen, aka Yeti, become docile creatures instead of the blood thirsty monsters of winter they usually are. Another unique enchantment of this holy Moon are the transformation of snow angels into holy spirits that will appear to flutter from the ground up into the skies. Again this can only happen if innocent children are making snow angels, and happen to be thinking about a deceased relative or friend.  When this occurs only kids seem to see the serene spirit.

The Holy Geminid Meteor Shower
The Yule Moon bathes the Geminid Meteor Shower in holy light thereby making it holy as well. These blessed shooting stars also the have the Spirit Of Christmas within them, and multiple meteors will have the potential to grant wishes! They may plausibly pass along mystical yuletide powers if their astral energy happens to touch your soul! If this happens you will suddenly instinctively know the location of North Pole City! Enjoy this magical time of year, and happy holidays!

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