{"id":181,"date":"2010-12-10T07:05:04","date_gmt":"2010-12-10T14:05:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mysticinvestigations.com\/blog\/?p=181"},"modified":"2024-12-15T21:37:39","modified_gmt":"2024-12-16T04:37:39","slug":"roadhouse-roughhousing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mysticinvestigations.com\/blog\/roadhouse-roughhousing\/","title":{"rendered":"Roadhouse Roughhousing"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

I was having a bit of insomnia so I decided to go out for a drive at 4:00 AM.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0could smell the aroma of breakfast in the air which led me\u00a0to the 24 Hour Lumberjack Roadhouse just off\u00a0Old Mill Road\u00a0on Forestview Lane.\u00a0I walked into the warm confines of the log cabin style establishment which exuded a pleasant aroma of pine lumber, fresh roasted coffee, and an assortment of breakfast foods cooking.\u00a0 I sat down at one of the wood picnic tables and read the menu.\u00a0 There was only a table with three lumberjacks, a fat man who most likely drove the Semi out front, and my neighbor Tiffany Sanders<\/a> who\u00a0was eating some blueberry waffles.\u00a0\u00a0 I walked over and said,”You couldn’t sleep either?” and she said,”Yeah my birds wouldn’t stop squawking.”\u00a0 We laughed and then she asked if I’d like to join her for breakfast.<\/p>\n

Tiffany of course lives next door to me and Rebecca.\u00a0 Some months ago we had saved her from being kidnapped by thugs<\/a> hired by her ex-husband.\u00a0 The buxom waitress Kelly Ann took my order and then Tiffany told me about a possible zombie rabbit she had seen in her backyard last night.\u00a0 I reassured her that even if it was a zombie rabbit, it would most likely go after other rabbits rather than humans.\u00a0 My order came and\u00a0I\u00a0heartily ate\u00a0a\u00a0stack of steaming hot flapjacks dripping with maple syrup and scoop of creamy butter on top. I also had a side order of hash browns, and a buttermilk biscuit with butter and strawberry jelly. I washed it all down with a tall cold glass of milk. We\u00a0 paid our bill and I left a big tip for Kelly.<\/p>\n

As\u00a0we were\u00a0leaving I heard\u00a0Kelly Ann\u00a0scream,”Stop that you bastard!” A big brute wearing a plaid shirt kept pinching her ass and was laughing as he grabbed her and said,”Oh you know you love it baby!” Two other guys wearing plaid shirts were laughing nearby. I assume they were lumberjacks who worked at the lumber mill nearby. I then walked over and said,”Hey puke why don’t you step your fat ass off and get a life!” He then got up in my face and said,”Make me you son of a bitch!” I then kicked him in the balls and knocked him in the face with my knee as he buckled over. He fell flat on his ass as his two buddies ran over and took swings at me. They missed and I roundhouse kicked both of them in the head simultaneously causing one to fall on the floor while the other one fell on top of a table causing it to crack. I then said,”Get the hell out of here! If I see you plaid wearing punks in here again I’m going to turn you all into paraplegics!” They then got up and scrambled for the door. I could hear them speeding away in a crappy pick up truck.<\/p>\n

Kelly thanked me for my chivalry and gave me a hug as Tiffany lamented that\u00a0she hadn’t had that much excitement since the kidnapping attempt.\u00a0 I gave Kelly $200 for any damages and we all said goodbye.\u00a0 I\u00a0drove away down Old Mill Road when suddenly a pick up truck kept flashing their brights behind me.\u00a0\u00a0 As I sped up they kept up with me.\u00a0 I could hear men screaming expletives out their window at me.\u00a0 I then knew it was the three lumberjacks.\u00a0 They had been waiting for me to leave to get revenge.\u00a0 Apparently I was too easy on them and hadn’t completely instilled the fear of God within their dark hearts devoid of any redeemable humanity.\u00a0 I then knew what I had to do as I sped off Old Mill Road in excess of 80 mph.<\/p>\n

The fools began honking their horn in concert with flashing their brights while still yelling as I led them into the heart of the Mystical Forest down Mystical Road.\u00a0 The paved road ended at a covered wood bridge and turned into a narrow crushed stone road called Alexander Parkway.\u00a0 That gave way to a dirt road\u00a0which ended at a cobblestone driveway of a brightly lit mansion.\u00a0 As I entered the driveway honking my own horn a gun shot blasted out my back window.\u00a0 I grabbed my own gun hidden in a secret compartment under the radio console and leaped from my car as I shot off a round at the front of the pick up blasting out their windshield.\u00a0 I then ran for the front door of the mansion as the men exited the vehicle.\u00a0 One carrying\u00a0 a shot gun which he fired at me while yelling,”Die you son of a bitch!”\u00a0 I hit the deck and landed in some bushes but the blast hit a man who exited the front door.<\/p>\n

It was a direct hit to the heart of the man but he didn’t fall down.\u00a0 In fact the shot gun blast barely made him move as he yelled,”You ruined my shirt you filthy fiend!”\u00a0 It was Drake Alexander<\/a>,\u00a0the 742 year old Scottish vampire.\u00a0The men looked shocked as Drake looked down at me on the ground.\u00a0 I then said,”Sorry to bring this mess to your doorstep Drake but these bastards really need to be taught a lesson they will never forget.”\u00a0 Drake nodded and smiled.\u00a0 Suddenly his eyes glowed yellow with rage as his fangs grew forth and he deeply let off an animal life growl.\u00a0 One of the men then said,”Oh shiotzu!”<\/p>\n

The man with the shot gun then began shooting at Drake frantically as he screamed,”Die! Die! Die!”\u00a0 Drake walked toward him in a menacing manner grabbing the gun from him and bending it into a pretzel shape.\u00a0 He then picked up the man with one hand and thew him up into a tree.\u00a0 The other two men ran away screaming like girls but Drake moved so fast that he was in front of them before they got past their pick-up.\u00a0 The other ran back and dove in the truck and started it.\u00a0 Drake pushed the man in front of him with such force that he flew 20 feet away and landed next to me.\u00a0 He was out cold and the truck was burning rubber yet it\u00a0 was going nowhere.\u00a0 Drake was holding the back of the truck with both his hands.\u00a0 You could tell it was taking a lot of effort as the man floored the accelerator with no results.<\/p>\n

I then ran over and pointed my gun into the drivers side window and he stopped.\u00a0 Drake then stuck his head into the window and snarled at the man causing him to\u00a0wet his pants.\u00a0 He\u00a0began begging\u00a0for his life as Drake said,”You’re pathetic.”\u00a0 We then rounded the men up and told\u00a0them to go home pack and leave Woodland Springs forever because they were no longer welcome here.\u00a0 They got the message loud and clear as they sped away.\u00a0 Drake and I laughed as we went inside and played a game of billards.\u00a0 He opened a bottle of\u00a0fine wine from 1836 and\u00a0told me tales of his friend President Andrew Jackson.\u00a0 Soon the sun was rising and I decided to head home.\u00a0 After such an eventful night I’m now ready to sleep.\u00a0 I don’t think I’ll go to work until noon.\u00a0 I’m the President of Mystic Investigations after all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was having a bit of insomnia so I decided to go out for a drive at 4:00 AM.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0could smell the aroma of breakfast in the air which led me\u00a0to the 24 Hour Lumberjack Roadhouse just off\u00a0Old Mill Road\u00a0on Forestview Lane.\u00a0I walked into the warm confines of the log cabin style establishment which exuded a … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5786,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[38,39,125],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-human-thugs","category-lumberjacks","category-tiffany-sanders"],"yoast_head":"\nRoadhouse Roughhousing - The Adventures Of Mystic Investigations<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mysticinvestigations.com\/blog\/roadhouse-roughhousing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Roadhouse Roughhousing - The Adventures Of Mystic Investigations\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was having a bit of insomnia so I decided to go out for a drive at 4:00 AM.\u00a0\u00a0I\u00a0could smell the aroma of breakfast in the air which led me\u00a0to the 24 Hour Lumberjack Roadhouse just off\u00a0Old Mill Road\u00a0on Forestview Lane.\u00a0I walked into the warm confines of the log cabin style establishment which exuded a ... 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