Xavier Remington 
According to top-flight psychics, mystics, and seers, the Unluckiest Person on Earth is the subject of an extremely horrifying story! Someone born into a world of nightmarish underworld slavery in a beyond-deformed state. This led to them being sold to a secret shadow subsidiary of an evil corporation. That clandestine corporation in turn used them for all manner of sinister scientific experiments. Some of which are paranormal in nature. They are currently in their early 20’s as they languish in a small metal cage that has been their home from virtually day one. It is thought at some point their sub-consciousness will finally reveal the Safe Word to escape their hellish life. This supernatural secret allows anyone to leave this life without actually dying. From there they will be released into the serene freedom of the afterlife.
The Unluckiest Person Alive!
Believe it or not, this person chose to endure this insanely unspeakable life in their Heavenly pre-birth life. This is why nobody is attempting to save them despite the psychic knowledge. The individual knew what they could bear and they wanted this unimaginably impossible experience to strengthen their soul. The purpose is to ascend to higher states of consciousness in the infinite dimensions above. One of the Universal Guarantees of the Omniverse God is that nobody has to endure more than they can bear in life. No matter how miserable and unfair you believe your life is there is someone who is always way worse off! God bless this magnificent bastard in their nightmarish plight bearing the worst life on Earth!
The Luckiest Person Alive!
The Luckiest Person on Earth was a male born on the night of the Saint Patrick’s Day Super Moon on March 17th, 1984. Interestingly enough, the second luckiest person on Earth was a female born on the March 17th, 1968 Supermoon. More or less her life is almost as full of fortune as the luckiest minus a few minor details. The family of the luckiest is quite wealthy and has a history of success going back many generations. This indicates the family is under a Charm or the opposite of a Curse. The Charm’s origin is unknown but no doubt it comes from powerful magical practitioners or righteous supernatural beings. On the way to being born at the hospital, his parents came across an injured Leprechaun who they sheltered and protected. The little Irish fellow blessed their child with the complete luck of the Irish on top of the family charm that already existed! The baby was born with 100% perfect DNA to the point of being considered Superhuman. He is also the one in a billion who secretly win the genetic lottery and are Immortal!
If that wasn’t enough this lucky son of a bitch also has a phenomenal IQ pushing into the 200 range! He grew up with the most wonderful childhood possible in this world! Full of joy and fun every day! His parents constantly encouraged him that anything is possible as they supported every interest he had to the fullest. He had such a deep belief in Santa Claus that he was directly invited to North Pole City despite not being an official part of the paranormal community. From that point, he gained complete knowledge of the secret supernatural world. By sheer coincidence or luck, he avoided every hardship imaginable. Not one hurt feeling whatsoever! Never once did he cry even as a baby because he magically avoided even seeing any hint of hell on this violent planet. Everyone he knows in his family has yet to die. His Great-Grandma is currently pushing 110! Will his luck combined with the family charm keep everyone he loves alive forever?
He’s charismatic and handsome making many friends along with a cavalcade of female admirers. Psychics have told him he will meet his perfect Soulmate at age 44. His connections and intelligence have caused him to create his own immense wealth independent of his parents. Besides Santa Claus, he continually comes across good supernatural beings while avoiding the evil ones! It’s not uncommon for him to frolic with fairies, nymphs, elves, leprechauns, unicorns, and more! In his rose-colored eyes, the world is a paradise. Especially when he purposely avoids paying too much attention to the negative news stories. He seems to leave that to his charitable foundation that sends piles of cash to the needy. He still holds a fair level of child-like innocence that makes the world appear magical. This innocence has at times let him see the Mother Earth’s Paradise Plane that exists all around us!
Through deep meditation and sheer will, he has begun manifesting superpowers stemming from his perfect DNA. It’s only a matter of time before he reaches God-level status. From that point, he will ascend to higher planes of existence without ever dying. Even if he is starting to realize this world is less than perfect he is forbidden to interfere on a large scale under The Supernatural Secrecy Pact! It’s thought the voice of the Omniverse God traverses his mind with wisdom informing him of this fact. Plausibly someday he could become an adopted Son of the Holy Lord himself! Maybe he already is!
Yes indeed if you think your life is going super great then there’s always someone doing exponentially better. LOL! [Twitter] [Facebook]
As crazy as this May sound. I consider the unluckiest person in the world, to be really lucky. That’s the kind of life I want to be living, and I don’t mean through a parallel version of me, but “this” me in this Universe.