The Valentines Plague Doctor

I, Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington, led a paranormal team to investigate the Adirondack Abomination in upstate New York. Ultimately we were unable to capture the creature but we did collect a lot of interesting data. The rest of the team, led by Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander, headed to New York City on Valentines Day 2018. They came across the Plague Doctor, Typhoid Mary, and some of his legion of Oath Breakers who are all apart of the greater Plague Doctor Cult! We had originally got wind of something big going down there for the Valentines season but the final intelligence only came to us at the last second! These sick plague loving puppies employed an armada of street walkers to purposely spread new strains of STD’s among the unsuspecting populace. Strains specially created by the Plague Doctor himself. Naturally, these women of the night were charging fees far below that of the average prostitute in order to lure weak-willed men, and even women, into their wanton web of despicable diseases!

Our resident demi-mermaid witch Rebecca Abernathy, telekinetic psychic Julia Hathaway, and demi-zombie Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie posed as prospective street walkers. Rebecca had everyone, including herself, disguised with a magical Glamour spell to alter their appearances. Otherwise, odds are good they would be recognized as members of Mystic Investigations since we are an international supernatural crime-fighting firm! We had learned about a recruitment station in an abandoned wharf side warehouse that would be taking place at Midnight. I swear this sinister stuff always goes down in abandoned warehouses between the Witching Hour and dawn! There our ladies came across the deceptively lovely Typhoid Mary. An asymptomatic carrier of a plethora of diseases including her infamous Typhoid. This meant she could spread disease yet not display any symptoms herself. She wore a surgical mask and kept her distance from everyone as she wished not to infect the participants with various diseases. Thankfully, Rebecca could not catch anything courtesy of her mermaid side. Ashley was half zombie and therefore half dead so it was not a worry for her. On the other hand, Julia was only human so she had to tread carefully.

Ultimately, everyone was selected on the condition they get it on with the Plague Doctor, also known as Dr. Darius Maximilian and Dr. Darius Death. He’s an asymptomatic carrier of every disease known and not known to humankind! Some say he even infected himself with the zombie virus yet remain unaffected! He is the ultimate Patient Zero of everything! This denizen of diseased darkness also has supernatural Disease Manipulation abilities. He can actually decide what disease he will give someone and doesn’t have to always wear his infamous bird’s beak mask. He certainly had it off for what he called “Ritualistic Entry Into His Cult”. That being sex with all the women in the room to spread his sickening STD strains so that they may, in turn, give them to the general populace as a Valentines Day gift. Naturally, he promises magical countermeasures to ensure they don’t suffer the symptoms. However, eventually they do and he could care less if they die once they’ve served their usefulness! He considers the average person a so-called “Useful Idiot”.

Rebecca wanted to put a stop to this so she stripped naked to get the Doctors attention! Indeed he wanted her to be first. LOL! Being a Mermaid-Human Hybrid she was the hottest chick in the room with or without a Glamoured facade. The Doctor made a beeline for her while wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with black crows on them. It would have been a joke if it wasn’t a very real dangerous situation. Rebecca embraced him and then screamed,”Mystic Sphere!” This activated a pink translucent astral energy sphere around her and the Doctor. As she yelled,”movere deinceps!” they shot through the concrete wall sending chunks of stone everywhere!  Typhoid Mary yelled,”Noooooo! Darius!” She ran after him while motioning to some minions near the exits to follow her. The prospective women just stood there with shocked looks on their faces. Ashley and Julia bellowed for the ladies to leave as they were in grave danger. Indeed they ran for the doors. Ashley tapped into her zombie side while Julia summoned up her telekinetic powers to deal with the Plague Doctors minions!

Meanwhile, near the water’s edge Rebecca purposely crashed the Plague Doctor into a huge metal bollard meant for tying up a giant freighter. Her bubble burst and she flew into the ice cold bay. He was dazed as he got to his knees. At that moment our very own Drake Alexander, vampire extraordinaire, bit into his neck with a bellowing roar. His enraged eyes glowing crimson over this despicable servant of darkness. Drake had hoped to weaken him and even acquire his paranormal powers temporarily through his blood. Something vampires can do with most supernatural beings. However, upon ingesting his beyond vile tasting blood laden with toxic disease he knew it was a mistake! Drake fell to the ground literally sick to his stomach as the brownish red sludge the Plague menace calls blood oozed down his chin.

The Doctor Of Death rose forth holding Drake’s neck and lifting him into the air with super strength! All the while cackling like a wacko! He glared at Drake saying,”Oh filthy vampire did you really think you were a match for me!? I’ve survived countless centuries and gone up against far greater than you! Still, this is fortuitous as I have a wonderful new disease brewing in me you might like a taste of. A virus I’m hoping will kill every one of you vexing vampire vermin! You have the honor of being my first test subject. Since you drank my blood the virus is in you as we speak. Unfortunately, the viral strain is stubbornly dormant so I need to give it a little kick to let loose its living hell upon your blood sucking DNA!” He grabbed the weakened Drake and pulled his head downward while displaying a sinister smile. The Plague Doctor’s eyes glowed a toxic brown hue as he was about to literally plant the kiss of death upon Drake.

Thankfully, a now clothed and De-Glamoured Rebecca fired forth a volley of mini Mystic Spheres or metaphysical energy balls. The Doctor cried out in pain and dropped Drake to the ground. The Plague Doctor then fell to the ground himself while screaming in agony as Rebecca began shooting lightning from her hands courtesy of her relationship with quite a few Lightning Goddesses. Rebecca’s eyes glowed green with the magic of witchcraft but began turning yellow as red illumination born of anger mixed in. She not only knew of the evil suffering this man had spread through the centuries but also sensed it within him as well. It was time for him to die in order to save countless future lives! She called upon all her magics and let the dark doctor have all of it with extreme prejudice! It seemed the living paranormal plague was about to expire when Typhoid Mary tackled Rebecca into the dark chilling waters of the wharf!

Back inside the warehouse, Ashley’s eyes turned zombie gray just short of silver as she attempted not to lose herself in mindless madness! She bit into some of the thugs with a low guttural sound vibrating forth. Julia telekinetically tossed crates and other large objects at the rest. One pulled out a gun and fired but she changed the route of the bullet to hit the wall instead of her! Julia had taken out her punks and had to pull Ashley off the last one as she began eating him alive! Ashley pushed her away with eyes now a reflective silver as flesh and blood dripped down her pale white chin. She growled as Julia reached her mind with empathic abilities to calm her down. Ashley snapped out of it and was human again! The dynamic duo ran outside to see where everyone else went.

Rebecca was quite drained due to all the power she mustered up and was having quite a time tussling with Typhoid Mary in the frigid water. Mary herself had enhanced strength like the Plague Doctor. This courtesy of the Gods that they worship. That being two of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse. Pestilence and Death! Rebecca was more agile in the water being half mermaid and eventually tapped into her hydrokinetic powers to shoot Mary back onto the dock in a torrent of water. Rebecca wriggled out of the water like an excited dolphin minus the tail. Her eyes illuminated sapphire with the heritage of Atlantis behind her. Ashley and Julia ran up stopping the Doctor from crawling away. Rebecca punched Mary in the jaw knocking her out cold! Drake rested against a bollard extremely ill from the poisonous blood. The weakened Plague menace sneered and angrily declared,”You have no idea who you’re dealing with! The wrath of Pestilence and Death will be brought down on you like a plague of rapid diseased locusts!”  Everyone shrugged and Rebecca smiled saying,”Sounds like fun plague boy!”

Rebecca wanted to kill the whole lot of Plague Cultist scum. Heck, quite a few of the minions were dead by Ashley’s zombified bite and Julia’s launching of heavy crates upside heads! Drake ordered them to take the Plague Doctor and Typhoid Mary into custody so we could turn them over to the great Sorcerer Ian McTavish. He owns a super maximum paranormal prison in addition to running his Magic School in Scotland. Rebecca reluctantly took out magically spelled shackles and placed them on the disgusting duo. Suddenly the already cloudy skies grew ominously thick with black fog swirling down onto the dock. Thunderous lightning crackled across the skies! The Plague Doctor snickered in triumph,”Ah yes fools I feel the presence of Death! Your time is up!” Indeed a skeletal specter wearing a black hooded robe and holding a large sharp scythe appeared! It was the ultimate Grim Reaper Death himself!

Death swung his scythe at Rebecca but Drake sprung forth and took the blow to his chest. It caused a gaping wound but didn’t kill him since he’s a vampire and technically dead. Rebecca shot Death with an enchanted energy volley but he absorbed it while letting loose a laugh so loud it caused immense pain in everyone’s ears and shattered all the windows in the warehouse. His spectral form became more solidified as he took complete physical form. Rebecca tried again but her magic was no match for this literal personification of death for the entire Omniverse! Nothing short of Omnimagic would possibly work against this terrifying titan! The Plague Doctor begged,”My deliciously dark Lord please accept everyone here except my dear Mary as sacrifices to you and your honorable comrade in arms Pestilence!” Death responded,”Yes my son I accept these sacrifices!” The Grimmest Of Reapers waved his hand and the shackles disintegrated from his and Mary’s wrists. They both sprung up re-energized and smirking in smug glee!

Death’s eyes amazingly glowed black! He then exclaimed,”And now you all shall die! The vampire and the zombie will be excised leaving only their humanity for my scythe of death to take! You will live within my dark void for all eternity!” He swung his implement of terror wildly but a thick thunderous beam of orange flames knocked his scythe from his hand. Everyone was shocked to see it was the Devil himself with his young son the Anti-Christ in tow. The boy appeared to be about 7 years old even though his birth in April 2015 would only make him 3. Death was a bit surprised but quickly recovered as his sharp implement flew back to his hand. He then angrily yelled,”Satan you really think you’re a match for me?” The Devil replied,”Perhaps not but with my son, my Archdemons, and the King Of Hell we might stand a chance!” The Super Sorcerer Dimitri Diablo stepped from a flaming portal with several Arch-Demons following him. It seems the war for power in Hell was over and Diablo entered into a truce with the Devil! Diablo’s magic was so amazing that he was able to oust the Devil from power even being only human! Both had their own demonic factions and Diablo accepted remaining King so as long as he accepted the Devil as Hell’s Emperor. The Devil would be busy with Armageddon War plans while Diablo managed Hell itself with the gift of additional Archdemon abilities.

Death inquired,”Why do you care what happens to these puny physical beings?” The Devil replied,”They’re destined to be major players in the apocalypse and I’m a stickler for prophecy!” Diablo added,”You’re also forbidden by God from being on Earth until your own prophesied Armageddon battles. I’d leave before Archangels get wind of your presence here!” Death laughed and replied,”Oh yes you boys love playing by the rules! As for you Diablo I will be reaping you very soon! Until we meet on the battlegrounds of the end times!” Death vanished into a black fog with the Doctor and Mary in his grip! After they were gone everyone stared in awkward silence.  Drake muttered,”I guess we should thank you…” The Devil interrupted,”Don’t think I haven’t forgotten your role in trapping me on Earth during the First Battle Of Armageddon! It may have turned out for the best in the end…” He turned to smile at his new partner Diablo who was now no longer the eternal loner. “…but I never forget a wrong against me! Mystic Investigations will ultimately die a horrendous death on my battlefield of brimstone and blood! Then I will drag your souls to Hell for all eternity!”

Drake, Rebecca, Julia, and Ashley looked on in silent shock as the skies abruptly cleared and rays of white light streamed down on everyone. The Devil then yelled,”Oh crap back to sweet Hell everyone!” The devilish gang re-entered the portal of Hell and disappeared. At that moment the white light vanished as well but not before healing Drake’s wound along with the sickness caused by the Plague Doctor’s nasty blood! Truly it was simultaneously the most terrifying and then the most peaceful experience ever! Rebecca said,”Darn I thought we were going to see some angels!” Drake replied,”Ah someday Rebecca! Someday! Let’s call the police to collect the thugs left alive in the warehouse. I’m sure the criminal scum have warrants for their arrests.” They all stopped at an all-night diner to eat before flying away in the Mysticopter hidden nearby. They picked the rest of our team up in the Adirondack Mountains and home to Woodland Springs, Colorado we flew!

Final Footnote: Drake Alexander has always been a free spirit who cares not for the Transylvanian vampire royals. However, he extended an olive branch and told them that The Plague Doctor may have a virus that kills vampires. Now all vampires have standing orders to kill Doctor Death on sight if they can! [Twitter]

The Labor Day Time Traveler

LakesideOur paranormal investigations team had It’s annual Labor Day Picnic at Luminary Lake. All was well until a crazed looking man in his early 20’s, named Chad Addams, ran up to our group of tables. I nearly choked on my hot dog as he yelled,”Are you the Mystic Investigations folks?” He claimed he had time traveled from the year 1970 via a one way time machine he invented. Apparently he was smart enough to check a phone book for paranormal investigators as anyone else would brand him a loon! Our phone message told him we were at the park by the lake celebrating Labor Day.

Chad had purposely set his time machine for 40 years into the future to see the wonders he had dreamed of.  His device was off by 6 years but he was still deeply disappointed. The internet, and little smart gadgets were somewhat “groovy”, as he put it, but in general the future didn’t look very futuristic! He was especially puzzled by the clunky looking cars, and the amazing number of pick-up trucks. Especially with the depleted number of farms. We explained to him that the farm truck craze was an odd effect of low self-esteem in our society. Bigger vehicles make many feel tough in a time when they feel helpless in the face of our broken society. He had expected to see sleek sports cars everywhere as most visions of the future have. He was also disappointed by the lack of progress after the Moon landings, and thought we would have Moon colonies along with the first person already being on Mars by now.  We pointed out that the space race eventually petered out, and NASA was seriously underfunded.  Although most likely a new space race would flare up with China who has future plans to conquer the Moon!

Our Psychic Julia Hathaway confirmed he was a time traveler from the past.  All courtesy of a crude device intended for his final college physics project.  A device that didn’t travel with him, and propelled him forward into time.  He had optimistically assumed mainstream time travel would exist by now so he could return to the past!  We searched the internet for a scientist bearing his name but found none. We searched further though the wizardry of wi-fi to discover he had been reported missing in 1970, and later declared dead by his family in 1972.  As an only child he was devastated to find out his parents had died in the early 2000’s!  Clearly he had never returned home. We informed him that we could probably return him to 1970 with the help of our witch Rebecca Abernathy, and her coven. Of course he would end up in a near identical parallel Universe just as he had arrived from into ours.  All time travel including everyone’s daily jaunt one minute at a time into the future moves us five dimensionally to near identical realties. The Universe’s way to prevent perplexing paradoxes.

Unfortunately with Halloween just around the corner the coven couldn’t compromise their paranormal power reserves in the battle against evil.  Time travel uses a mega load of metaphysical energy!  The best we could do is January of 2017 but there was also the option of taking him to Santa Claus’s North Pole City.  A place top flight supernatural warriors such as ourselves go to unwind each Christmas.  Surely Santa, a Demi-Angel, could send him home.  As long as Chad knew he could go home he was fine with exploring our time for a matter of months. He joined us on our Labor Day picnic, and noted how the food tasted different from his time. Especially the sweets. We mentioned the artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, GMO’s, and other additives poisoning our food supply. He was shocked the average citizen didn’t seem to care just so as long as they could keep their weight down. Yet he couldn’t believe how many overweight people there were as well! He even noted that the air smelled different. I said it was probably the government’s top secret geoengineering chemtrail projects. He just shook his head in disbelief, and said,”Man Nixon would never pull this type crap!”  We all laughed, and told him about Tricky Dick’s downfall. Not to mention Gerald Ford’s fall down various steps across our great nation!

I let him watch Back To The Future Part 2 On Netflix, and said I was disappointed as well in 2016!  Chad was certainly impressed by the amazing special effects of movies. We were all having fun when two men wearing black suits approached us, and grabbed Chad as one forcibly stated,”He’s coming with us!” Our team immediately grabbed them, and I said,”I don’t think so pal!” They presented their ID’s as US Paranormal Defense Agents but Julia knew they were a fraud.  We dragged them into the woods away from prying eyes, and Drake Alexander, our hypnotic vampire, finally convinced them to tell the truth! They admitted they were time cops from the 25th century, and had detected a temporal incursion.  They were well aware of my time traveling brother Michael Remington, currently lost in time, who they consider a temporal offender. I then said,”You know we’ve told you people before that time travel sends everyone to parallel Universes so this temporal enforcement crap is useless!” The agent replied,”Sir we have no scientific evidence of that! Until that day we must assume the timeline has been compromised, and act accordingly! We apologize for any inconvenience but this man must come with us!” I answered,”Well no matter what he’s not coming with you!”  The agent demanded,”It’s imperative that he comes with us Sir! If not us then others will follow until the mission is complete! ”

They planned to take him to the 25th century since his knowledge of time travel in the past was unacceptable. Even erasing his memory wasn’t insurance enough since he could re-discover time travel. After discussing things further, along with Julia reading their minds, we believed that they would allow Chad to live a normal life in the future. Although initially under a period of probationary surveillance. Chad was intrigued, and wanted to see video of what the future was like. The agents reluctantly produced a small clear paper thin device that displayed video images of the 25th century.  Certainly no archaic farm trucks there! Gleaming high tech cities with flying vehicles flowing into outer space at will! He decided he wanted to go after the agents said he could eventually be a time cop if he wanted.  Chad knew he could then secretly visit his parents someday under the guise of a mission, and reassure them he was well.

The agents, and Chad stepped away from us. One agent hit a pad on his wrist, and they teleported in time within a dazzlingly display of glittering energy!  We were about to walk back to our tables when Chad teleported back wearing a black suit.  He smiled saying,”I can only stay for a minute! I’ve been in the 25th century for 15 years, and became a time cop! It’s beyond groovy! I’m going to see my parents now! Thanks for your help!” He then disappeared just as quickly as he appeared.  As we walked away happy things had turned out for the best I asked Julia,”Is it just me or did those agents seem extremely polite to me in particular?” They almost treated me as if I was some authority figure they knew. Julia just smiled, and said,”Oh it’s hard to say what the future holds Xavier!”

Our Other Labor Day Stories

The Kook And Zombie Attack!

Kook PatrolIt was about 2:15 PM Friday afternoon at Mystic Investigations headquarters as we went about our supernatural business. Everyone was looking forward to the fun filled weekend! Except those of us who choose to sacrifice our personal time to patrol the community, and rid it of any metaphysical menaces. Most of our executives were out on paranormal investigations including our most powerful team members that included a Demi-Mermaid Witch, a telekinetic psychic, a human form werewolf, and an Ex-Navy Seal. Our vampire Executive VP was working from home. All was quiet, the way I like it, when all the sudden a crazy chubby guy bursts into our sunny lobby. He was sweating profusely even though he was wearing a rather thin Batman t-shirt, and plaid shorts.  The weirdo was on his cell phone screaming about not wanting to be committed to the funny farm.  Our receptionist Barb Gerber was frozen in fear as he came flying at her with a wild look in his deranged eyes. He bellowed,”Somebody help me! They’re after me! I don’t want to go to the looney bin!”  He was so loud that most of us working upstairs heard the commotion.  As President of Mystic Investigations I immediately sprung into action, and bolted from my office to the 2nd floor balcony looking down into the lobby. The rest of the employees upstairs came running up behind me.

The kook was now frantically grabbing at Barb who pushed the panic alarm that proceeded to wail throughout our entire facility complete with flashing red light.  This also triggered sensitive areas to automatically be locked down. He whined loudly,”They’re going to put me in a straight jacket in the cuckoo house!  For the love of God please help me!” I don’t want to go to the rubber room!” He then screamed into the phone,”F*ck you bastards! I’ll die before I go to your hell hole!” He launched the phone at the wall, and it smashed into 1000 pieces as other employees on the first floor cautiously peered from two entrances into the lobby. I had seen enough of this insanity, and leaped over the balcony landing on my feet in the lobby as I have extensive training in Ninjutsu acrobatics!  I grabbed the bastards arm, and spun him around to give the old school Liam Neeson “Taken” style throat chop.  The chubby fool fell to the floor holding his throat now sobbing, and coughing profusely. I then calmly announced,”Okay folks everyone back to work! Nothing to see here! Everything is okay!”

Doctor Ashley Abercrombie, our Demi-Zombie Cryptozoologist, emerged from her basement laboratory after hearing the alarm.  She asked if everything was okay, and I pointed to the man lying on the floor still crying, and gagging.  I then said,”Yeah this nut burger needs a sedative or something!” I chuckled a bit as I spoke to the guy,”Hey pal just shake it off. It’s not that bad!” I exclaimed to Ashley,”I think he’s just over exaggerating! It was just a light tap to the throat area.”  She examined his neck, and was about to take a syringe from her lab jacket when four muscular men in white came in.  They looked like orderly’s from a mental institution.  The approached me, and said,”Ah there’s the bastard! He got away from us!” as they pointed to the wacko. They all smirked a bit, and flashed a paper while saying,”We got commitment orders for this guy. Looks like you saved us the trouble of sedating him.”  We all laughed lightly as Ashley stated,”I was just actually about to administer a sedative.”  The man in white asked,”Are you a Doctor?” Ashley stated she was licensed to practice medicine in Colorado so they allowed her to give the man a much needed sedative. He quickly calmed down, and was only lightly sobbing, and coughing every so often now. The man in white then said,”Okay we’ll take this loon off your hands. Do you need any statement for the police?” I replied,”Nah it’s not even worth the trouble to call them. Just give this poor bastard the help he so desperately needs” The man answered,”Oh we will Sir! Thanks for containing this menace to society!”  I responded,”Ah don’t mention it. The day was kind of boring until this happened.”

Two of the men grabbed the now calm mental patient by each arm as he shuffled barely able to walk under the influence of the sedative.  Ashley suddenly questioned them as they neared the front door, “Are you taking him to the Shadowbrook Institute?”  The man in white turned around smiling,”Yeah Miss! We’ll take good care of him there! Thanks for your help!” Ashley then forceful declared,”That’s odd since Shadowbrook closed three years ago!” I then yelled,”Hey wait a minute! Let me see those commitment papers again!”  All the men dashed for the door but I whipped out my remote security control to lock it.  Now trapped within they all turned around no longer smiling as one said,”Damn you just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong!”  The chubby guy turned around crying while silently pleading,”Please help me.”

The head thug in white pulled out a handgun and fired point blank at me!  Ashley leaped in front of me taking the slug like a trooper.  Naturally she’s half zombie, and can’t be killed by a simple bullet. Just as she fell to the floor I speedily front hand sprung toward the gun totting bastard, and kicked the gun from his hand as I took on all four of the hefty men in white.  The chubby guy fell to the floor like a helpless slug while Ashley appeared dead. Soon she would self-resurrect as per the power of her unique stable zombie DNA.  A number of employees had fled the building upon hearing the alarm, and the rest who remained were just office workers with no fighting skill or supernatural field experience so I was on my own.  Barb the receptionist quickly dialed the police as I battled the rather large men utilizing not only my Ninjutsu skills but also my extensive Kung Fu skills. Humans can never learn enough martial arts when facing paranormal beings with superpowers on a weekly basis!

The other men attempted to pull out their guns but my lightning quick blows disarmed them with the guns kicked under furniture, and behind large potted plants in the warm sun drenched lobby.  Finally three of the men were on the ground attempting to recover from precision punches, and kicks but one snuck up behind me!  The bastard put me in a chokehold as he sarcastically whispered in my ear,”Don’t fight it jackass! Don’t fight it!” Another thug got up, and began belting me in the face, and stomach while laughing maniacally. Some of the employees attempted to help me but they were immediately swatted away by the other two who staggered up. Ashley sprung up from the floor right behind the man who had me in the chokehold. She bit a huge chunk of flesh out of his neck despite fighting the zombie urge to eat human flesh her entire life.  Blood spurted everywhere as the man screamed in terror now infected with the zombie virus!  I was nearly passed out and collapsed to the floor. The other three men just stood scared with looks of sheer horror on their faces.  Ashley’s eyes turned an ominous inhuman gray, almost silver, color that reflected the sunlight in an other worldly manner. She stood at the foot of the now fallen man in white, and blood stained clothing.  He gripped his neck making a gurgling sound as he coughed up blood.  Ashley menacingly walked slowly toward the terrified men, and one said,”She’s just a little crazy bitch! We can take her!”

One of the employees barfed at the sight of the bloody carnage as Ashley attacked the rest of the men in a zombie induced rampage. Her gutteral growling sent chills up everyone’s spines! Virtually everyone including Barb, the Receptionist, fled the building out the back screaming at the sight of a live horror movie taking place before their very eyes! The entire lobby was literally sprayed with nauseating blood to the point that the windows were now filtering sunlight in with a crimson tint!  The distinctive metallic scent of blood wafted through the air like a slaughterhouse! Ashley seriously lost control for the first time in her life.  Plausibly a combination of being shot, the danger & adrenaline rush of the situation, and a complete denial of her cannibalistic hunger!  I got to my feet, and ordered Ashley to stop but it was too late. All four men were dead, and she was about to go after the poor chubby guy lying in the corner! I yelled,”Ashley snap out of this zombie crap!” as I slapped her hard in the face! She growled, and lunged at me! I was shocked as she was always the most calm, and logical member of our supernatural crime fighting team. I had no wish to acquire the zombie virus so I fled the lobby, and used my remote to close the steel emergency containment doors trapping her within.  I had mere seconds before she reset her sights on the helpless chubby guy. I quickly entered a secret doorway behind the bookshelf leading to an extensive set of hidden corridors in our facility. I came out a secret door behind her, and pulled the chubster in with me.  She spun around, and ran toward us but the door was safely locked. I could hear her growling, and clawing at it like a wild maniac!

I immediately ordered the complete evacuation of the facility while calling the executives back to headquarters.  Unfortunately the Woodland Springs Police arrived just then, and I had no idea how I was going to explain my zombie situation along with a lobby full of slaughtered men! I called my friend Sheriff Blake Maverick who knew about the real world of the supernatural, and thankfully he declared jurisdiction over the police ordering them to leave. Our Senior Vice-President, and Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was the first to arrive flying down from the sky in her Mystic Sphere energy bubble.  She landed discretely in the back of our facility within the woods.  She came running up through the shocked employees milling around out back unsure what to do next. Once inside I apprised Rebecca of the situation, and she immediately mixed up a potion of Stinking Nightshade, and Purple Passion. Both are known zombie repellants that should theoretically return Ashley to her right mind. In essence repelling her zombie half so her human half could take control again.  From the balcony above Rebecca launched a large balloon filled with the stuff down to the lobby below as Ashley looked up at us snarling at us while sending shivers throughout our body with her dead cold eyes! The balloon burst near her, and the entire area smelled like hell itself!

Ashley passed out for a minute or so before awakening now alarmingly aware at what she’d done. She started crying,”Oh my God what have I done?”  I lifted the security doors, and we entered the blood stained lobby. I reassured Ashley these men were evil murderers, and it was self-defense.  Rebecca took her home to watch over her the next few days after this unfortunate zombie episode. I also sent everyone home for the day, and told them this was just a drill. Nothing had actually happened. It was all a special effects act to see how they’d react to a horrifying incident. Most of them seemed to buy it as they usually did.  Especially when the Sheriff reassured them my story was true.  I kept the chubby guy sedated in our secret panic room until we were ready to deal with him, and figure out what was going on here.

zombieaccidentFirstly we had to clean up mess in the lobby. I called in our team of Supernatural Crime Scene Cleaning Specialists to dispose of the zombie virus infected corpses, and wipe down the bloody lobby. A complete metaphysical deodorization to eradicate the wretched stink of the zombie repellent potion! Their efficient work returned things to normal by the end of the business day. Meanwhile in the employee lounge I sighed as I crossed out the 3 on the laminated safety poster, and wrote 0.  “0 Days Without A Lost Time Accident. The Previous Record Was 7 Days!” Ah yes the hazards of working at a top flight supernatural investigative crime fighting firm!

Our executive team fed the chubby guy, and gave him a fresh set of clothes. He informed us that his name was Fred Jacobson. I remorsefully apologized to Fred for throat chopping him.  A now calm, and rational Fred said he understood it had to be done. We quickly ran a background check, and interviewed him along with searching the white van the four thugs had pulled up in. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway also read Fred’s mind as well. Once our Executive VP the Vampire Drake Alexander arrived the final piece of the puzzle came together as he detected a very distinctive aroma in Fred’s blood. What we discovered was a sinister plot to harvest Fred’s unique blood since it seems that this nutty overweight guy was in fact unknowingly an Immortal.  The type of human Immortal born by evolutionary fluke every so often as is the case with the most famous of his kind. The actor Keanu Reeves who we personally know. It seems Fred’s blood test at the local blood bank set off secret spyware in the computer system which then sent an automated message to a powerful vampire in Colorado Springs. Vampires relish in certain supernatural bloods. Especially human Immortals!  The four thugs were the associates of the notoriously murderous Vampire Cortez!

Continued In Part 2: The Vampire Cortez!