The Christmas Adventures Of Fraggle The Enchanted Elf

Santa Sends His Best Elf To Run Mystic Investigations

The executive staff at Mystic Investigations works hard all year running the office, conducting paranormal research projects, and battling the forces of supernatural evil in the field. So we really look forward to our longest and most cherished of vacations every year. That being our surreal stay at Santa Claus’s winter wonderland. During our tremendous time at Old Saint Nick’s North Pole City amid Christmas 2017, we were given the option to have an Executive Elf man our supernatural post as it were. We happily took that option even though the peaceful Christmas season brings us the least paranormal cases. Still, we wanted someone with a measure of paranormal power to be here just in case things went south. Fraggle The Elf was sent to us here in Woodland Springs, Colorado by Santa Claus who is a powerful Demi-Angel force for good on Earth.  I, Xavier Remington, made Fraggle temporary Mystic Investigations President with full authority to run the business as he saw fit.  All our personnel are not fully aware of the wondrous world of the supernatural so we’ve only told them we’re going on a business trip up north. They believe Fraggle is my vertically challenged cousin.

We’d never met Fraggle at the North Pole on past visits because most of his work lies in the outside world. When we first met the little fella, who was barely 2′ 10″, we thought it would be best for him to change out of his tiny green Elf costume before meeting our non-executive employees who would not be traveling to the North Pole. Thankfully Santa had the foresight to send an adorable little business suit with Fraggle. Otherwise, we would have had to take him to a tailor, or a toddler store. LOL!  In addition, Santa gave him an Enochian Angel magic ear glamouring spell to hide his pointy elfin ears.  However at any point, he could appear in his Elf uniform with his real ears, and simply claim it was a costume to celebrate Christmas.

When we first introduced him to everyone the reactions ranged from snickers to slight shock.  I angrily intervened, and said,”Fraggle is family and a serious businessman! I expect you to give him the full respect you’ve shown me over the years!  I also hope you will not discriminate against him due to his vertically challenged status. Everyone should be aware that I’ve given him the authority to reprimand and even fire insubordinate personnel! Fraggle you have the floor, sir!”  Everyone had serious looks on their faces until he spoke in a voice that almost sounded like he’d sucked air from a helium balloon! Naturally quite a few people started laughing again. I immediately cleared my throat loudly, and it died down. Elves do have comical voices from our perspective. One employee whispered,”He sounds like Alvin the Chipmunk!” I glared at them and they fell silent staring at the floor.  Fraggle then said,”I’m honored to hold the position of Mystic Investigations President and I look forward to getting to know each, and every one of you during my short stay here. Together we will fight the nefarious forces of darkness, and help those in need. This I vow in the holy name of Saint Nicholas!  Are there any questions?”  One of our Administrative Assistants responded,”Oh gosh aren’t you just the cutest little thing ever!  May I please give you a hug?”  Fraggle replied,”You sure may sweet miss!”  She picked him up and hugged him. There were some snickers again but I let it pass as the little fella let out gleeful giggles while in the beautiful woman’s arms. His face snuggled sweetly in her ample bosoms!

I showed the enchanted Elf around the office and offered to let him stay at the home of Senior Vice-President Rebecca Abernathy, and I. Our home is known as Remington Manor. However, he said he would make a cozy blanket nest under my desk where he would be working.  As the executive staff and I walked out the front of Mystic Investigations headquarters Fraggle held a mug of eggnog in one hand.  I can assure you it was the tiniest mug you’ve ever seen!  It had a photo of the real Santa Claus and Mrs.Claus on it.  I shook his hand goodbye with one of my fingers, and we all left for the airport.  As we were driving away I saw him hopping up several times trying to reach the door handle.  Splashes of eggnog were flying out of his mug, and then someone opened the door causing him to fall to the snowy ground spilling it all over his business suit.  I was thinking,”Oh my God please let Mystic Investigations exist when I get back!”

The Elf Suit Cleaning Fiasco

Unfortunately, Fraggle only had the one suit so he quickly ran to the restroom as a few employees stared at the Lilliputian scurrying about with eggnog splatters dripping down him.  Once in the supposed privacy of the restroom, he took the footstool out from under the sink. We put one in every bathroom and in other places as well so the elegant elf could reach things with dignity.  Fraggle climbed on the counter and filled a sink with warm water after capping the drain. He then took some Christmasy stuff out of his pockets before taking off his entire suit, shirt, and tie that he then plunged into the sink.  He was left wearing nothing but his bright red socks speckled with white snowflakes and dark green leather shoes since Elves don’t wear underwear.  One of the contents of his pockets was a small vile of water with a cross and Santa’s face on it.  It was, in fact, holy water blessed by Santa himself. Certainly, water blessed by a half-Angel Saint would be extremely powerful.  He dumped it in with the rest of the water, and recited a holy incantation,”By the power vested in me by Saint Nicholas I hereby bless this vessel of water, and everything in it pure as the wind driven snow.”  There was a brief flash of bright white light! When it fell dim the suit was miraculously clean without even a trace of eggnog in the water.

Fraggle had his suit hanging by the electric hand dryer while he still stood clothing free on the counter admiring his elfish form in the mirror. He pressed the button to the turn the machine on and then pranced and danced up and down the counter hopping over sinks while singing “Jingle Bells“. Every so often he would tap the auto off dryer to keep it going. He was having quite a grand time engulfed in the enchantment of the Christmas Spirit until he was interrupted. A female client walked in the unisex lobby restroom with no lock on it. Both she and the Elf froze in shock for a moment with eyes locked in disbelief. Suddenly she ran out screaming,”Oh my God there’s a naked munchkin in the bathroom!”  Fraggle was so startled that he leaped right into the ceiling puncturing a hole that caused plaster to rain about. All along he was bellowing,”Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Fortunately, Elves have superhuman abilities and he wasn’t hurt.

The client fled the building and our Receptionist cautiously crept into the restroom to see what was going on. She had seen Fraggle go in there and quietly said,”Ah Mr. Fraggle are you in here? Is everything okay sir?” Fraggle was hiding behind a toilet in one of the stalls trying to calm himself down after the unexpected scare. He remained silent after the Receptionist repeatedly called out to him. Then he finally muttered,”I’m peachy keen. I’ll be out in flash. Please put an Out Of Order sign on the door before you dash.” She did and Fraggle ended up taking a relaxing dip in the cool toilet while his suit finished drying. Thankfully Elves can’t catch diseases so he had nothing to fear from his toilet bowl diving. There’s also the fact that we have high tech toilets that steam clean themselves with a bleach solution. Minutes later he strolled out wearing his crisp clean suit with pride. Pride that fell short when he couldn’t reach the elevator button and then proceeded to crawl up the steps to my office on the second floor.

Fraggle Greets Santa Claus On His Christmas Deliveries

On Christmas Eve little Fraggle went to my home at Remington Manor to make sure all was well. Decked out in his green elf costume he lit the hearth and Christmas tree with great care before strolling about the house while saying a prayer. As Midnight approached he dove into the hearth without any hint of a burn! The enchanted elf scaled the chimney at super speed and stood on the slick icy roof without concern. There he awaited the arrival of Old Saint Nick. Sure enough, the sound of sleigh bells ringing caused him to jump up and down with glee. Unfortunately, he lost his footing and began to slide down the roof of the three-story mansion. As he reached the roof’s edge he landed right into Santa’s sleigh pulled by nine enchanted reindeer. They landed on my roof as Santa asked, “Merry Christmas my sweet little Elf! Is all going well?” Fraggle replied,”Yes Santa! The Mystic Investigations team will return to find their business in tip-top shape!” Santa responded,”Excellent! I knew I could count on you to make me proud Fraggle! I already gave Xavier and Rebecca their gifts at the North Pole but here’s one for you!”  The elated elf excitedly ripped open his gift as the two helper elves in the sleigh looked on with smiling faces.  It was a new bottle of holy water and a packet of Tide Pods. Santa then said,”Silly Elf holy water is for serious situations! And always find a place with a locked door before disrobing!” Fraggle nodded in agreement as everyone giggled. Santa Claus is the closest thing to a physical God on Earth as he really does see all! That is how he creates his Naughty And Nice List!

Fraggle bid Santa farewell as his sleigh flew to the next house. Back down the chimney, the elated elf went. He sat by the Christmas tree and warm fireplace for an hour before putting the flames out and leaving the manor. He headed back toward downtown and Mystic Investigations headquarters as it began to lightly snow. He ran across a homeless man scavenging through a dumpster. Fraggle tugged on his coat as the scruffy bearded middle-aged man looked down with surprise at the little Elf who said,”May the Spirit Of Christmas dwell in your heart and bring you luck in the New Year, my good sir!” He then handed the man a handful of pure gold coins engraved with the image of Saint Nicholas and the Capitol building at North Pole City. They were legal tender there and were derived from Leprechaun gold. The man was elated as tears of joy welled up in his eyes. He eagerly thanked the little fella and even picked him up to give him a hug. The tiny elf chuckled and then scurried off once he was put back on the ground. Behind him, his left his cute tiny footprints and a trail of lucky Elf Dust. It turns out that the coins were easily worth over $8000 but the luck imbued upon them was priceless. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway saw the mans future. Twelve years from now he becomes a millionaire business owner who heavily donates to help the homeless!

The Copy Machine Incident

The day after Christmas the copy machine began spitting out paper everywhere. Because of the holidays it was going to take time to get a repairman out. Fraggle told the employees he would get the job done. As one of Santa’s Elves, he was an expert at building and fixing all kinds of things. An hour later the entire copy machine was strewn across the floor in over 100 parts!  A guy from our IT department we recently hired came in and said,”What in the blue Hell!” Fraggle then covered his ears,”You said the H word!” Put 25 cents in the swear jar!” Yes, Fraggle put a swear jar in the lobby and had ordered no filthy language to be spoken. The IT guy laughed and said,”Hell isn’t a swear word pal! Man, you totally wrecked the copy machine, you little idiot!”  Fraggle stood up with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face,”Listen, buddy, I’m trying to figure out how this giant camera machine works. By the power of Frosty The Snowman, I’ll fix this thingamajig! Also, I regret to inform you that you’re fired!” The man angrily replied,”You can’t fire me, runt! Only his almighty Lordship Xavier Remington can! I’m going back to work!”

He started walking away cackling like a smart ass until Fraggle grabbed his leg and dragged him through the building at super speed right out the front door! The man was shocked as he rested on the snowy parking lot rather dizzy and disoriented. Fraggle then said,”This hurts me more than it hurts you, buddy! You don’t have the Spirit Of Christmas in your heart. I know when you’ve been naughty and when you’ve been nice. Let me just say you’ve been very naughty here and outside of work as well. What you do to those women you meet at the taverns is atrocious!”  The guy responded,”What the f**k! You been spying on me you little bastard!?!” Suddenly Fraggle’s face turned beet red as steam literally came out of his tiny ears that popped back to being pointed. He screamed,”Oh pooping peppermint barks I banish you from this property! Be gone you despicable Devil!” The man chuckled and said,”Hey screw you you little s**t!” Fraggle bending on one knee lifted the man up and firmly placed him upon his knee as best he could. He began spanking him while bellowing,”You naughty boy! Naughty! NAUGHTY!”  The man yelled,”What the hell are you doing!” He was helpless against the Elf’s super strength while Fraggle yelled,”Stop swearing or I’ll wash your mouth out with Santa soap!”

Soon a crowd of employees gathered behind him. Fraggle turned around and was mortified at the spectacle he created. He let the guy go and he immediately ran away to his car crying before speeding away. Fraggle then silently re-entered the building and kept a low profile the rest of the day. Thankfully he spent the night putting the copy machine back together and it was working perfectly the next morning. In fact, it miraculously created 3-D images when it doesn’t have that capability! Also for the record, I was already on the verge of firing that IT guy due to his performance and how he treated others with disdain.

Enchanted Elf vs Nasty Gnome

A few days later things got busy and a family called about a Gnome taking up residence in their basement. He refused to leave and kept trying to break through the door at the top of the steps. He loudly screeched he wanted to eat their kids! That is what Gnome’s do after all. Nobody else was available so Fraggle went to the house. He marched in with full Elf gear on as he confidently claimed all would be well. The family was worried the minute man would be eaten alive by the monstrous little Gnome in the basement.  Fraggle cautiously walked down the creaky steps into the dark basement that smelled of minty tobacco. Most Gnomes smoke a mystical mint….To Be Continued Before Halloween…Little Fraggle also dealt with a Werewolf on the New Year’s 2018 Supermoon along with a demon worshiping biker gang that stormed Mystic Investigations headquarters!

DMV Damnation

A Beautiful Witch At The DMV
DMV DamnationHey Rebecca Abernathy here! Yesterday I had the pleasure of taking a lovely trip to the DMV.  Even as a witch, and a demi-mermaid, I dread going down to the Department Of Motor Vehicles.  I take issue with having to pay a fee, and register with the government, in order to travel freely by my chosen mode of transportation.  That mode being my pretty pink petite Porsche.  Despite that there’s still a plethora of insane drivers infesting the roadways of our once great nation now bogged down by bombastic bureaucracies!  All that aside what I really can’t stand are the long lines, and of course the creeps.  Particularly the mouth breathers who stare at you in a deranged manner.  Basically a number of people that you’d normally be forced to sit with in an enclosed area for what seems like an unbearable length of time.  It’s certainly an issue for an attractive twenty something female such as myself.  You wouldn’t believe the perverts that think the DMV is some kind of pick up zone!

I reluctantly drove to the DMV to renew my drivers license, and decided I shouldn’t have to force my boyfriend Xavier, my family, or friends to come down with me to help deter any unwanted attention.  I knew it would take all my will power not to use my witchcraft or Mermaid powers upon some of the more relentless characters. Such as the grease ball who sits right next to me the minute I sit down after receiving my number from the front desk. The scuzzball was wearing a wife beater, gold necklace, and ridiculously large pinky ring. It wasn’t surprising that he spewed forth the standard stale pick up lines utilized time, and time again by many of the low life Lothario’s who lurk in the shadows stalking innocent women everywhere.  Instead of telling him where to shove his lewd advances I acted as if I was interested as I touched his hand.

In reality I was conducting an experiment to see if I could affect the water in a human body with my hydrokinetic abilities, aka water manipulation powers.  I was successful in moving water from the organs in his torso up into his face causing him to look extremely bloated as he began to feel ill from isolated dehydration.  Since he seemed quite vain I knew he’d really panic after seeing his huge head in my compact mirror.  He screamed,”Holy crap my fat face!”  He then felt seriously sick to his stomach, and ran to the bathroom. Everyone turned toward the restroom as sounds of massive barfing echoed forth throughout the DMV.  Yes that was not only for me but all my fellow sisters everywhere who have to put up with cheesy pervs like him!

Thankfully my number was called, and I looked into the eye test viewer.  I was in such a hurry to get through this idiocy that I didn’t hear the lady at the counter say read the first line of letters.  I read all of them to the very bottom.  She looked shocked, and said,”Oh my God that isn’t possible!  According to the computer you have 20/5 vision!  I thought I read somewhere that’s the measurement for Eagle eyesight!”  I then chuckled nervously, and said,”Ehhhh lucky guesses?  Maybe I should just read the first line?”  This time I purposely got 20/20 vision.  Then I had to present my birth certificate, and social security card to meet the new Federal Real ID standards.  Unlike my Mermaid mother I was born on US soil so I have those real documents.  My Mother Marina on the other hand had to have them forged by someone in the supernatural black market known as the Black Bazaar.  She certainly couldn’t show the government her official engraved birthstone from the undersea world of Atlantis.

Finally it was picture time.  Oh joy!  A chubby guy practically slobbering over me snapped my photo but he sure took his time telling me to pose in certain ways as he looked on with despicable glee!  One flash went off, and then a second one which was odd.  I asked why he shot another one, and he actually had the nerve to say,”Oh that one’s just for me sweetheart.  Oh yeah all for me tonight honey!”  I was beside myself, and nearly lost it ready to launch a barrage of magical energies upon the deviant.  Thankfully I glanced up around the large room to see multiple surveillance cams.  If my magic was caught on video there would be major supernatural consequences! Instead I decided to do another under the radar experiment.  Could my Faunapathic powers, best suited to aquatic animals, summon land dwelling insects?  While I had been sitting in the waiting area my apparent eagle vision had spotted a few ants here, and there.  Most likely scouts who I now focused on, and commanded to marshal their sugar loving armies forth upon the drooling pig standing in front of me eating a jelly donut.  Naturally he had a big purple stain on his white shirt which went well with his greasy comb over.

He told me I would be getting my driver’s license in the mail as a Real ID security measure.  I walked away slowly still telepathically contacting every ant I could imagine as my Mermaid ears heard the degenerate ask the lady at the counter,”Hey Marge can you give me that Rebecca chicks phone number, and address?” I couldn’t believe this guy was allowed to handle people’s personal data!  Despite my anger I smiled mischievously while nearing the exit because he began to scream like crazy,”Holy sh#$t! Antssssssss up my ass!”  Everyone in the place started laughing as he danced around like a looney toon due to literally having ants in his pants!  LOL! At that moment the restroom puker let loose another round of noisy nausea. It turned out going to the DMV can be super fun after all! Again this is for all you ladies out there who have to deal with being treated like a piece of meat every time you go out in public.  I can’t wait to come back to the DMV of damnation for some more perverted justice!